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Susan Wise Bauer

Answering questions about Writing With Skill

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$32.95 + $28.95 = $61.90

 

If you pre-order before Dec. 1, you will receive 10% off and free shipping which brings the total to $55.71.

 

Does free shipping and 10% off apply if you only purchase one of the books? Or do you need to purchase both to qualify?

 

Is there a link to PHP order page? I only saw the e-book version when I was on their website so didn't know where to order the book version.

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Tia,

 

While it would be ideal for students to have done two or more years of persuasive writing before entering college, I can tell you from experience that most of them haven't, and don't....and that your daughter will be as well-prepared as 90% of her class, and better-prepared than 60%.

 

If you want to boost her percentage :) here's what I would suggest.

 

In eleventh grade, have her start working through the Oxford Guide to Writing once per week in addition to WWS.

 

In twelfth grade, have her work on the Oxford Guide to Writing 3x per week. If you want her EXTRAORDINARILY well prepared, add in THEY SAY, I SAY: THE MOVES THAT MATTER IN ACADEMIC WRITING, which is one of the clearest and most useful guides I've found to the peculiarities of university-level composition. (I'll be adding it into future editions of TWTM.)

 

SWB

 

SWB recommended this book above. There is a new edition coming out in November so if you're looking to buy this one, you might wait. http://www.amazon.com/They-Say-Academic-Writing-Readings/dp/0393912752/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1320834814&sr=8-1

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A friend of mine looked over my printed sample of WWS and wants to buy the PDF for her 6th grader (just turned 11). She wants to dive right in, but I wasn't sure what advice to offer since her dd hasn't done much writing. She says her dd isn't used to writing regularly and has only done single paragraphs, aside from her journal, but kept on about her dd being "old enough" for the challenge.

 

Should I have her try the WWE placement tests first, or because her dd is "old enough", should she just jump into WWS?

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NOt SWB obviously but ..... In the beginning of WWS, SWB says that if DC is having trouble with several of the narrations at the beginning of WWS, then DC should do some work in WWE. Your friend could always try WWS and then drop down if needed. Or, since it's free, she can download the WWE placement test from peacehillpress and see where her DD places. She may only need a few months of WWE to learn the system of narration and dictation to be ready for WWS.

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NOt SWB obviously but ..... In the beginning of WWS, SWB says that if DC is having trouble with several of the narrations at the beginning of WWS, then DC should do some work in WWE. Your friend could always try WWS and then drop down if needed. Or, since it's free, she can download the WWE placement test from peacehillpress and see where her DD places. She may only need a few months of WWE to learn the system of narration and dictation to be ready for WWS.

 

Oh, well, I'm glad I asked. I would have thought a whole level or two of WWE would be needed in that case. She's dead set on buying the PDF, so this will be helpful. Thank you!

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This may be in the thread but what is the publication schedule for the print copies of Writing with Skill future volumes? Dec/January still? Or will the next print volume be ready before school year starts - 2012/2013?

 

I was just wondering if the schedule has moved up with ALL on hold. I vastly prefer print copies, though I'm very thankful for our pdf :).

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I THINK that both of these questions are asking for a scope and sequence. If not, let me know. :-)

 

I'm adding here a link to a PDF of the topics that I intend to cover in Levels 1-4. In addition, the series will cover outlining (up to 3 levels) and rewriting of sentences to improve style, as in the current WWS1; each level also asks the student to research and write independently on self-chosen topics. (This is at the end of WWS1, which I know you don't have yet--the full PDF is having the final changes made to it. I'll keep you posted on availability.)

 

I'm sure you'll have questions about the link, so post away.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/Topoi-expanded.pdf

 

Is this not available anymore? I clicked on the link, and nothing happened.

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I know you all have discussed this already...I can't find it. Where is the sheet that has all the time and sequence words on it? I KNOW I already gave these to my dc but they are saying I didn't. Thanks

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I know you all have discussed this already...I can't find it. Where is the sheet that has all the time and sequence words on it? I KNOW I already gave these to my dc but they are saying I didn't. Thanks

 

in the sample, it's in the student book. week 4 day 4.

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in the sample, it's in the student book. week 4 day 4.

 

Oh good grief! How could I not have found that.:glare: Well, considering that it is part of the student workbook, now I KNOW my dc had to have had this sheet. Time for a lesson on keeping your papers together IN your notebook. Thank you!

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No problem. We're late starting our school year, so my son just did that lesson today. Then, because we're using a block schedule, he started the next lesson today, too, and asked for that list. He figured it must be something else because the directions referred to an appendix. Maybe your children will recognize it when they see it. :)

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Guest

Anyone know when the print version will be available to order? I tried the pdf sample, but it is not a format that works for my guys or me. I NEED it! :)

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Anyone know when the print version will be available to order? I tried the pdf sample, but it is not a format that works for my guys or me. I NEED it! :)

 

 

I am also looking for the printed version. I don't like to print out a whole book. :001_smile:

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I got a copy of my invoice today in my email so I'm hoping they get mailed soon. It said they were being mailed ups ground, not media mail as I feared.

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A got a phone call a couple of days ago and she said 10 days, but I got an invoice via email today and it states shipped on 12/9 (though it looks like a Quickbooks invoice, so shipped could just mean the day the invoice was printed). My credit card was billed on 12/12, so it must be coming soon. :)

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I ordered mine through Amazon and they said it will not be shipped till February. We will be done with the download before the book gets here. :(

Probably will work on whatever he is struggling with.

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:hurray:My WWS arrived via UPS yesterday!

 

I live in NC so shipping from VA isn't too far. These are thick, heavy books -7lbs.

 

I can't wait to start using these after the Holidays! Good-bye PDF's.

 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 2012 :party:

 

Joy and Peace,

Annette

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I ordered mine through Amazon and they said it will not be shipped till February. We will be done with the download before the book gets here. :(

Probably will work on whatever he is struggling with.

 

I just got an email from Amazon. Delivery is expected between Dec. 28 and Jan. 4. Wow!

 

I'm glad I didn't print out any more from the free sample than what I need for this week.

 

ETA: I just have to say this is the most painless writing program we have ever used, even easier than WWE. Dd11 is retaining so much and making progress in the precise skill areas I felt she needed. The entire WWS process from reading SWB's instructions to doing the work is showing to be formative in the way I anticipated. What a joy to have my good writer finally enjoy writing! So very thankful. Hugs and kisses all around.

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For those of you who have done lots of weeks of WWS (we've done just 6), are there a lot of pages the student is supposed to write on? For example, they underline and highlight one day in each of weeks 4-6. Is there a lot of that? I'm still waffling about PDF or workbook (I need to use it with 5 children).

Thanks for any insights.

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I have the student pdf loaded on both their laptops and we work through it that way. I also bought the teacher's guide pdf and loaded both it and the student pages on mine. On the larger writing assignment days I have printed out the information for them, but for the most part this has worked beautifully for us.

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Thanks, SaDonna. That's how we've been using the sample, and it's been OK, but not perfect for us.

 

I should have said I'm not using it with 5 at once! I just want to be able to use it with all 5 of mine eventually so won't be writing in the book itself! And using the PDF on the laptop is fine with my son, because he likes to get more computer time, but he can't find anything in the book and really needs a hardcopy. So, I'd be printing the whole PDF and getting a comb or spiral binding (more expensive than buying the hardcopy in the first place). It would be worth it to me to print the PDf if we're going to have to write on lots of pages. If it's just a few, I can copy them from the book and not violate copyright or have too much inconvenience.

 

Anyone else have an idea of how many pages need to be printed? Or SaDonna, how far have you gone through the book, and is it one page or less per week that you print?

 

Thank you!

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Occasionally it's just one page a week, but this past week I printed the entire assignment for Week 15, Day 4 so they could mark up the resources to work on their narratives. As far as being able to find WWS each day, my dc just minimize the pdf so that when they pop it back up it's on the next days assignment. They generally have to scroll through the material for the outline & summarizing days, but it's working fine for us. I knew I couldn't print it all, but they have grown accustom to working with their computer this year as I also have them view their MM assignments on the laptops and complete the work on lined paper. There are sections of that I have to print, but it's minimal compared to printing the entire thing.

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For some reason, I hadn't thought to have this on my daughter's computer. Thanks! I had been printing out each week for her to read. Most of the assignments so far (we are ending week 11), seem to be written on her own paper.

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SWB on WWS

 

Thanks for posting this link. It's very helpful.

 

SWB has just convinced me to get the teacher's guide after all. I need that brain! Now I just have to decide if I'm more likely to use it if it's in PDF or book form. In the future, perhaps we'll have the choice to download that brain right into our heads. ;)

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Will future levels of WWS or Writing With Style include teaching proofreading symbols? Or was it hoped that proofreading symbols would be taught in ALL (I was recently told that some editing skills were taught in FLL4?)? Are they important to learn and use?

 

These questions are A.K.A. "Can I eliminate the proofreading-symbols-lessons when I eliminate the writing lessons from R&S grammar 9/10, for the sake of just doing the grammar lessons/review? Or should I include them?"

 

I'm planning for Grade 9 and hoping to combine R&S 9/10 (Books 1 and 2) into one school year. If proofreading symbols are important to learn, and they won't appear in future WWS/WWS and if they aren't in the WTM-rec'd. rhetoric books, I will keep those lessons along with the grammar lessons. (then again, I can't imagine you, SWB, leaving something important out of your future books, lol!)

 

Thanks for any help!

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(you can disregard my previous post about proofreading symbols)

 

"We had no idea what you were getting at in this lesson" is always helpful too.:001_smile:

 

Can you please help us with something? We are trying to figure out Week 23, Day 3.

 

What I think the Instructor Manual is telling me (at the beginning of Day 3) is that the final product (after step 3?) should be an essay of literary criticism, with two parts: a brief summary of the story and three paragraphs discussing the prot./ant./conflict. (please correct me if I'm misunderstanding the goal)

 

What I'm not sure of is how you go from Steps 1 and 2 to Step 3 to create that final product.

 

Step 3 of the student book tells the student to take the first sentence or two from the narrative paragraph, and make it/them the first line of the first paragraph of the final product (to tell who the main characters are). But, we are never told how to proceed from there.

 

Are we supposed to copy the rest of the narrative paragraph into the final essay? Leave it out? The Instructor Manual samples for step 3 seem to go right from the first "who" sentence(s) into the analysis, leaving out the rest of the previously written narration. Is the student to go right into the analysis in the first paragraph? ETA: I just read this on p. 307 of the Instructor Manual: "...in literary criticism, a brief overview of the story is given in two or three sentences...and the bulk of the composition is taken up with critical analysis." OK, now I understand this concept. But I still don't see how the student will understand this and practically apply it. I could assume so from the samples, but it seems some instructions to the student are missing.

 

Also, the beginning of the whole lesson states that the essay will have a brief summary of the story and three paragraphs discussing the prot./ant./conflict. Three paragraphs? ETA: I just discovered that the student book says "three," while the Instructor book says "two or three." Step 2 only tells the student to write two analytic paragraphs. We are not seeing how the final essay will have three (or is it four paragraphs - brief summary PLUS three discussion paragraphs).

 

Help! It seems that several instructions are missing from step 3, on how to put it all together; or else ds and I are just not understanding something that is assumed to be understood. For past essays in WWS, ds has been able to assemble the final products from the instructions. I could muddle something together, but I don't want to guess, as I am not experienced at this. What am I missing?

 

Thanks for any help. :)

 

ETA: x-referencing a thread I started about this, so you can see others' thoughts: http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=350768

 

ETA: for all my edits above, I am still lost about Step 3 in this assignment. I feel so dense; I'm sorry!

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Hey we are doing that day right now.:D

 

I just assumed that the narrative summary is the first paragraph and the analysis follows.

 

The teachers guide says 2-3 paragraphs and the student guide says 3 (and then I suppose 2 we aren't up to step 3 yet). I am assuming this was just an editing mistake (not sure if they ultimately wanted 2 or 3 or if either would be ok).

 

We aren't done yet but I figured I'd pop in and say hi and see if any other advice follows.

 

ETA: My son is just about completing step one and I realize that I must have been mistaken as what he has produced is far too long and cumbersome to be an opening paragraph for an essay (though it is a pretty good narrative summary). Just starting step 2...

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Hey we are doing that day right now.:D

 

Let me know how you make out!

 

I just assumed that the narrative summary is the first paragraph and the analysis follows.

 

That's what ds assumed from the student book and I from the Instructor book, but those samples after step 3 are showing me something different...

 

The teachers guide says 2-3 paragraphs and the student guide says 3 (and then I suppose 2 we aren't up to step 3 yet). I am assuming this was just an editing mistake (not sure if they ultimately wanted 2 or 3 or if either would be ok).

 

Aha, I hadn't noticed that! Fixed my post about that part.

 

We aren't done yet but I figured I'd pop in and say hi and see if any other advice follows.

 

ETA: My son is just about completing step one and I realize that I must have been mistaken as what he has produced is far too long and cumbersome to be an opening paragraph for an essay (though it is a pretty good narrative summary). Just starting step 2...

 

But he did follow the instructions for step one! That's why I'm so confused about step three. Read the first sentence in "how to help the student with step three" - your son has done step 1 correctly (read the first sentence under step one to confirm this). The purpose of writing out a full narrative summary was to show the difference between a summary and an analysis. But that step three, help! The samples don't show the narrative, and yet I don't know how to tell my son to go from step two to step three.

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Well my son takes an eternity to write, so this assignment will most certainly take 2 days. I doubt we'll get to step 3 till tomorrow. But I did go back an look at the teachers guide. I think that all you want from the narrative summary is one sentence which will set the scene for the final essay. And the rest will be analysis. But of course we haven't actually done it yet and I often change my mind about things after we dived in. Best of luck. :001_smile:

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We just completed that one yesterday and I was also confused by the assignment and how to actually go about constructing the analysis. I decided that we would take our summary and then 'interject' the analysis among it??

 

When on day 2 we were presented with the questions about protagonist, antagonist and conflict, I had assumed that we would be adding those three already constructed paragraphs to a short summary that we would do the following day. Then when we got to Day 3, it didn't appear that way at all ... so then I just decided to interject the analysis as we talked about it into the summary that we had already typed.

 

So... for day 2 THINK is any of that really used in the day 3 WRITE section .. or was that just for thinking.. lol. And yes, further explanation about Day 3 would be helpful for sure!

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We just completed that one yesterday and I was also confused by the assignment and how to actually go about constructing the analysis. ...

 

I'm glad I wasn't the only one who was confused. I really thought I was missing something so obvious to everyone else. I hate that foggy feeling!!:lol:

 

When on day 2 we were presented with the questions about protagonist, antagonist and conflict, I had assumed that we would be adding those three already constructed paragraphs to a short summary that we would do the following day. Then when we got to Day 3, it didn't appear that way at all ... so then I just decided to interject the analysis as we talked about it into the summary that we had already typed.

 

So... for day 2 THINK is any of that really used in the day 3 WRITE section .. or was that just for thinking.. lol.

 

Oh, I can help you with this one! :lol: Yes, Day two was used for thinking/analyzing; but yes, that thinking *is* used in Day three Step two. The last two sentences just before Day two Step one (the thinking/discussing day) say, "At the end of each dialogue, you'll write a brief observation on the lines. These observations will help you construct your brief essay tomorrow." Day two Steps two-four is sort of taking notes (writing down the observations, but not writing paragraphs as you apparently did) from the discussion. Day three Step two is writing two (not three, as you did) paragraphs from those notes.

 

But Day three Step three is where I got lost.

 

Are you getting a nice logical brain workout right about now? I am. :lol:

 

And yes, further explanation about Day 3 would be helpful for sure!

 

:bigear: :) Hoping SWB will show up and help us edit our student books and Instructor guides...

 

p.s. SWB, my son enjoyed eating his cookie(s) on Day one. :D

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We're not there yet, but I just read through the week in the student and teacher book.

 

What I get is that your write your narrative summary. The first sentence or two should introduce the story as noted on page 319. It's necessary in the final essay as a framework/ summary for the analysis.

 

The analysis part doesn't actually summarize the story. The analysis tell us the who, what, why, in the first paragraph, the how in the second paragraph. This is not the final essay.

 

Then you pull the first two sentences (or so) of the summary to combine with the analysis. That way the essay makes sense to someone who is not familiar with the story.

 

I've noticed that issue in ds's writing before WWS. He'll give me an analysis of something without a summary reference. It's feels incomplete without a quick summary of the topic.

 

Does that help?

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Then you pull the first two sentences (or so) of the summary to combine with the analysis.

 

All of what you wrote sounds reasonable, but the lesson instructions aren't that specific - or else I am completely missing something. So my son isn't 100% sure of how to complete this assignment, and neither am I. We were left with several questions about what is expected, whereas up til now WWS has been great at explaining everything. I'm sure it's just a glitch in the book or a major misunderstanding on our part - I just need to know what that is.

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Colleen,

 

Sorry you found the lesson frustrating!

 

Elegantlion is right in her reading of the instructions. The final essay isn't supposed to contain the full narrative summary because there would be so much repetition between the summary and the analysis--when you write the analysis about Nag, Nagina, and their wants, you end up explaining the action of the story. Putting in the full narrative summary would involve a lot of saying the same thing twice.

 

When you look at the examples of the narrations in Step One, you'll see that what the analysis is missing is just the first part of the narration--the part that says who Rikki-tikki-tavi is and how he got to BE in the bungalow. In the examples of the finished opening given in Step Three, you'll see that each one starts out with the first sentence of one of those narrations.

 

I'm trying to figure out how this could be clearer, but I'm not quite sure--the instructions *do* say to take the sentences because they have information that isn't in the summary. Maybe I should say, "Your essay should begin by telling us who Rikki-tikki-tavi is and how he got to be in the bungalow"?

 

SWB

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I'm trying to figure out how this could be clearer, but I'm not quite sure--the instructions *do* say to take the sentences because they have information that isn't in the summary. Maybe I should say, "Your essay should begin by telling us who Rikki-tikki-tavi is and how he got to be in the bungalow"?

 

I don't think that line is the issue. That line of instruction is so precise: "Take that sentence and make it the first line of your first paragraph." The ten-year-old nods along, clearly understanding how that sentence "sets the scene".

 

Then he turns the page and reads, "When you are finished . . . "

 

Aaack! How does he finish? Now, if I understand correctly, it's actually quite straightforward. He just "finishes" the essay with the analysis, right? So essentially, he is merely appending that first summary sentence to the analysis from Step 2.

 

But I think many students may not intuitively see that it's that simple. Perhaps an instruction such as, "You essay is now mostly finished. The large part of it will be the paragraphs you wrote in Step 2. But it's missing something . . ."

 

The number of paragraphs is a confusing too. The finished essay should be two paragraphs, right? The opening line implies four paragraphs.

 

ETA: Perhaps instead of saying, "Take that sentence and make it the first line of your first paragraph," the instruction could read, "Take that sentence and add it to the beginning of your first paragraph from Step 2."

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Colleen,

 

Sorry you found the lesson frustrating!

 

Aw, not frustrating; we're just unclear about Step three. I love WWS!

 

Elegantlion is right in her reading of the instructions. The final essay isn't supposed to contain the full narrative summary because there would be so much repetition between the summary and the analysis--when you write the analysis about Nag, Nagina, and their wants, you end up explaining the action of the story. Putting in the full narrative summary would involve a lot of saying the same thing twice.

 

When you look at the examples of the narrations in Step One, you'll see that what the analysis is missing is just the first part of the narration--the part that says who Rikki-tikki-tavi is and how he got to BE in the bungalow. In the examples of the finished opening given in Step Three, you'll see that each one starts out with the first sentence of one of those narrations.

 

I'm trying to figure out how this could be clearer...

 

Then he turns the page and reads, "When you are finished . . . "

 

Aaack! How does he finish? Now, if I understand correctly, it's actually quite straightforward. He just "finishes" the essay with the analysis, right? So essentially, he is merely appending that first summary sentence to the analysis from Step 2.

 

But I think many students may not intuitively see that it's that simple.

 

Yes! My son didn't "intuit" this or any of what I bolded in Susan's quote. He followed the instruction to "Take that sentence..." Then, because:

 

- the student is never told what instructors are told on p. 307 of the IG "...in literary criticism, a brief overview of the story is given in two or three sentences...and the bulk of the composition is taken up with critical analysis,"

- the student doesn't look at the Step three sample beginnings unless necessary *after* he finishes Step three,

- Step three says to "assemble the essay",

- there was no other instruction after "Take that sentence...",

 

he added in the rest of his narrative essay. Then he added in the two analysis paragraphs. With the lack of any further guidance, he thought "assemble" meant "add the rest of your narrative to the beginning sentences and then add your two analysis paragraphs."

 

Then he shortened his analysis paragraphs, precisely because he didn't know why he was to repeat what he'd already written, lol.

 

And I didn't know, either, until I posted here and started talking with other posters about it and then I found the blurb in the IG on p. 307. But I still thought that Step three was missing an instruction that would make it all fall into place for the student AND the instructor (esp. ones like me who have never learned how to write lit. criticisms except for what we have played around with using the WTM instructions and SWB's lit. lecture).

 

ETA: Perhaps instead of saying, "Take that sentence and make it the first line of your first paragraph," the instruction could read, "Take that sentence and add it to the beginning of your first paragraph from Step 2."

 

Perfect!!!!! If Susan confirms that your understanding (which I bolded in your previous quote) is correct, then your suggestion here makes Step three a lot clearer for us. This is the *how* of the instructions to "assemble" and "When you are finished..." It's the missing piece. It makes the whole lesson come together for us who have never done lit. criticism before (teacher :( and student).

 

Also, if she confirms all this, then this entire lesson makes SO MUCH more sense to me about how lit. criticism is done - it's simpler than I thought! Can I say again how much I love your instructional books, SWB.

 

The number of paragraphs is a confusing too. The finished essay should be two paragraphs, right? The opening line implies four paragraphs.

 

Yes, this also added to our confusion. The student book says three paragraphs, yet the IG says two or three paragraphs. Susan, did you mean two paragraphs? If so, in the final essay, was the first paragraph to be made up of the narrative sentence plus first analysis paragraph from Step two? And was the second paragraph to be the second analysis paragraph from Step two?

 

 

 

 

After thinking this all out, I'm thinking I should probably read each week's lessons very closely before my kids do them, so I have a better understanding in case other glitches come up. But, Susan, remember your WWS promo video? I have come to rely on your brain and your instructions, and so have my kids! :D It's nice to have WWE/WWS to rely on...so my tired brain can focus elsewhere on things such as whether or not we should continue Latin into a Latin reading program, or just how much time to schedule for ds to finish Algebra I, or trying to track down that elusive solution key, or which science sequence we should embark on for high school and how that will affect things later or how I'm going to get out to Wal-Mart to stock up on the cheese that is on sale right now or if my husband will have time in his daily travels to stop at the produce store because we are totally out of fruit that my kids keep inhaling because they are adolescents or....

 

I love WWS, and I appreciate your trying to help us out here.

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ETA: Perhaps instead of saying, "Take that sentence and make it the first line of your first paragraph," the instruction could read, "Take that sentence and add it to the beginning of your first paragraph from Step 2."

 

 

Yes! That would solve the problem. OK, I will make that change in the next printing and in the PDFs available now.

 

As far as the line implying that there are four paragraphs, I can see how you might get that impression. The "brief summary of the story" is really meant to refer to the single sentence (or two) that you add onto Paragraph 1--it isn't a separate paragraph. And I put "two or three" because some students answer the questions at enough length to want an extra paragraph. But probably in this first volume I should stick with being VERY precise and definite about how many paragraphs the final product should include. I'll alter that line as well.

 

SWB

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Yes! That would solve the problem. OK, I will make that change in the next printing and in the PDFs available now.

 

Thank you for clarifying this. I feel better knowing my son (and daughter in a couple of weeks) knows how to complete the intent of this lesson.

 

But probably in this first volume I should stick with being VERY precise and definite about how many paragraphs the final product should include.

 

I think you can still give the flexibility you wanted to give. The student book just needs to be edited at the beginning of Day three to say "...two or three paragraphs..." to match the IG. And then something like this in Step three (expanding on Cosmos' idea) would have brought the whole context of the assignment together for us:

 

"Take that sentence and add it to the beginning of your first paragraph from Step two. Use both of your analysis paragraphs from Step two to complete your essay. If you wish, you can expand your final essay to three analytic paragraphs by making one paragraph about the protagonist, one about the antagonist, and one about the conflict." (or whatever other ideas you suspected the student might experiment with to expand it)

 

ETA: Actually, I'm not so sure my suggestion in red is a good idea - after working with my son today, I realized that your intent in Step three might have been to produce a first paragraph that introduces the protagonist AND antagonist, PLUS analyzes their motives. All in the same introductory paragraph.

 

Thank you so much for helping me!

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Lesson 23 again... My son is really struggling in adding narrative to his analysis. His analysis didn't contain much narrative (not like the examples in the book). His focus in the second paragraph was on the similarities of Rikki and Nag (both have something to protect both are fighters with similar tactics, both are smart etc.).

 

The problem is the first paragraph doesn't match with the second and just tagging on a narrative introduction makes it look like a bad collage. Is there a way to fix this, should I bother?

 

The idea that Nag and Rikki are similar is just dropped in the second paragraph out of the blue. His writing (at this point) resembles a picasso. It is all pasted together. I think he might do better with a traditional essay format but I really don't know what I am doing so I have to ask (in the small voice of piglet) "help, help"

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