DianeW88 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Ok, wedding etiquette experts (and previous to this, I thought I was one, now I'm :confused:), here's a fun one for you. Original scenario: My BIL (husband's brother) and his fiancee were getting married in Sept. with a ceremony and reception to follow (his second marriage, her first...in case that has any bearing on the etiquette issues). Pretty straight forward. Yesterday, we receive an email saying that the ceremony will no longer take place on the date they planned, but they are still going ahead with the reception on that date as scheduled (it hasn't changed, still a simple reception of appetizers and desserts). They will then be leaving for their "honeymoon" in Hawaii, during which they will most likely be married privately. Um....:blink: So, here are my questions: Does this...whatever the heck we are now invited to, and it's not a wedding reception if there's no wedding, right? A bon voyage party, maybe? Does this require a gift from their wedding registry or something equal to what we might give as a wedding gift? For all we know, they're just going on a nice vacation to Hawaii...we'll never know if they actually went through with any kind of wedding, since they want to keep that "private". Does this change the dress code of the...er...function? We were going to wear our Sunday best to a wedding, but my dh is now insisting this shindig definitely does not call for a suitcoat and tie, although he will wear a dress shirt and dress pants. :lol: I'm just :001_huh: about the whole thing. Hive??? Your opinions??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Can you call them and find out what's going on? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 For me it wouldn't change anything about what I wear, what gift I bring, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in CA Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I'd treat it just as I would have if the circumstances had not been changed, unless you have reason to suspect that they are actually not planning to marry at all. Same party, just happening before the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I have just never heard of a couple having a wedding reception just in case they decide to get married while they are on vacation.:confused: Your husband should call and figure out what is going on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 We've seen a lot of wedding etiquette questions here, but that's a new one! Personally, I'd have to call someone for more info. Is it possible they've called off the wedding but don't want to lose all the deposit money, so they are having a party anyway? Just really odd. A gift for a wedding is usually something that will either commemorate the special day, or be functional for their newly formed homestead. If they are not getting married, what's the point? Do they live together? Would you gift to a couple that is cohabitating, and just throwing a party? A curious situation.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Lee Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 There is probably an embarrassing reason why the ceremony is not taking place. They may be having problems getting someone to officiate, or getting the paperwork done. Is there any chance that BIL's divorce is not yet final? I would ask what is going on. I'd plan to wear the same thing I already had picked out and I'm not sure what I'd do about a gift. I have very mixed feelings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Engagement party? I would treat it the same. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Can I throw a party and just let y'all know where I am registered? I could use a few new things. :lol: Just wondering, do you have to travel for this? Did other family members possibly plan a trip around this event? If so, seems like they'd need a better explanation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Huh. I think it's time for your dh to call his brother and say, "Duuude, what's going on? You okay there?"... My first assumption was, "One or the other of them has cold feet and doesn't want to go through with the wedding -- but isn't ready to break up either." But as others have pointed out, there are other possibilities. Still, I would be as befuddled as you are and I doubt you're the only guests who are confused as to what this means. "Most likely" going to have a private wedding?!? I mean, if they'd said, "We'll be getting married in a private ceremony on Maui on the 24th, but still want the opportunity to celebrate here at home with family and friends" that would be one thing (though more standard to have the party *after* the wedding). The ambiguity of it all though. That's just bizarre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Your dh can ask his brother, in private, whether he will be getting married or not. If answer is "no", then just attend the party if you like, but do nothing in the way of a gift. If the answer is "definitely yes", then choose between taking a gift to the party, as if it were a mixed-gender "shower", OR wait until the couple return home, married, and give a wedding gift at that time. If the answer is "maybe", then wait until they return home, and determine the status at that time. Could be anything. Divorce "wrinkle" for the BIL. Last-minute disagreement between BIL and fiancee regarding religious/non-religious ceremony. Unpleasant interference from her parents/sibling(s) which is more easily avoided if they have this somewhat suggestive of a "public elopement." Again, could be anything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Engagement party? I would treat it the same. I guess this is the best light to see it in. In that case, a great bottle of wine and pair of wine glasses would be a great gift. Can I throw a party and just let y'all know where I am registered? I could use a few new things. :lol: This is how it is coming across, and that is not a good thing. Just wondering, do you have to travel for this? Did other family members possibly plan a trip around this event? If so, seems like they'd need a better explanation. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 A few more facts to help clear up any questions. BIL's divorce has been final for several years. No problems there. They are traveling HERE to have the wedding..er..not have the wedding (where both families are). They live in another state. They have been living together for two years. We received the regular wedding invitation two weeks ago. To a regular wedding. They are rather odd people to begin with. Extraordinarily private. I'm not sure my husband could get any information out of his brother even if he asked. They tend to skirt around direct questions and don't like to offer any explanations as to their lives. Which is fine, unless you pull something like this that leaves folks shaking their heads and not knowing what's going on. I do suspect that they may not, in fact, actually be getting married. I know my BIL is "not that into it" (his words) and my soon to be SIL is definitely pushing....and pushing hard for the wedding. Let's just say we don't have high hopes for this union in the long run. We were leaning toward buying something in the less expensive range from their registry...much as you would a gift for a house warming or something like that. I'm honestly worried that we'll get an invitation for the "real" wedding in a few more months and have to go through this all over again. And, it's not like they're young kids...they're 39 and 45...mature enough not to play silly games. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chai Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Don't most people send their gifts anyway? I would attend the reception and send a gift to their home later. Since they live out-of-town, that is a better option for them. Then you may find out more at the reception or after the trip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 We were leaning toward buying something in the less expensive range from their registry...much as you would a gift for a house warming or something like that. I'm honestly worried that we'll get an invitation for the "real" wedding in a few more months and have to go through this all over again. And, it's not like they're young kids...they're 39 and 45...mature enough not to play silly games. Your plan sounds sensible to me. What a weird situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 OK, their ages lead me to believe the wedding is not going to happen. Just a gut instinct. Go to the party and bring a bottle of wine. Wear what you'd wear to a nice restaurant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Hm. I believe the rule is that you have a *year* from the wedding to send your gift. I think I would wait until I was sure a wedding had happened and *then* send something from the registry. ;) Until then, perhaps a card that says, "Enjoy your trip". ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom in High Heels Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I'd go to the party and send a gift AFTER they actually get married (if they do). I wouldn't bring a gift to the party, unless it's maybe a bottle of wine. Beyond that, nope, no gift. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Go planning on a party. Dress appropriately for the venue and have a good time. When they get back from their vacation if they are married, send them a gift if you are so inclined. But technically gifts are not "required" for a wedding announcement. Which is what you'll be receiving whether via card, email or word of mouth. Wedding gifts are given by those who have received a wedding invitation. If the wedding is cancelled, the gifts are generally returned to the giver. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liza Lee Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 We were leaning toward buying something in the less expensive range from their registry...much as you would a gift for a house warming or something like that. I'm honestly worried that we'll get an invitation for the "real" wedding in a few more months and have to go through this all over again. Often, when a couple is living together and the relationship is in trouble, they will decide to get married to make things better. It rarely works and usually drags out the break-up another couple of years. I suspect that's what is going on here, but your BIL is balking at making it legal. I would give them something that can be used up, like a restaurant gift certificate they can use on the vacation or bottle of wine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Leav97 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Hawaiian shirts for everyone. Get them a couple of really nice beach towels or send them a present afterwards if they really get married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Merry Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 sending a gift after they actually get married if they do. As for clothes, I think your dh has the right idea of wearing nice pants and shirt. Maybe think of the party as a bon voyage party? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Don't most people send their gifts anyway? I would attend the reception and send a gift to their home later. Since they live out-of-town, that is a better option for them. Then you may find out more at the reception or after the trip. Yes, given the additional info, I'd send something after they return, IF they actually wed. But it wouldn't surprise me if in the next two weeks you get another email letting you know they whole thing has been called off. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 the only "cost" of that is that I would be spending money on a gift/nicer clothes. The possible benefits of that are good will, kindness, family peace. It seems to me that if you say, "Well, how do I know you are really getting married?" and give a gift off the "B list" you might save a little money. But the potential for hurting someone and looking cheap/bossy/nosey is higher. Safer bet to me is to show up with a big smile, a nice gift, and a tolerant attitude. I might feel differently about this if it were not a direct family member. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sparkle Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 :lurk5: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Well, I'm going to go differently from most and say that I would treat it exactly the same as if it were the wedding. I would dress up, I would congratulate them on their relationship, I would wish them much happiness, I would buy them a beautiful, family-level wedding present off of their registry, and I would act as if everything was normal. This is because they must be pretty embarrassed about the change, and I would want to help them smooth things over, at least for this event. I figure that helping family be peaceful and comfortable is one of the best things I can do for them, and also I want to support relationships and commitments in a gracious manner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evergreen State Sue Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 If they live out of state, then maybe they still wanted to have some sort of gathering so they could meet with family and friends and visit. I think it is awkward to give gifts (household gifts) to couples who have been living together and have obviously set up their household together already. Maybe they should have a money tree to help with the "honeymoon" expenses instead. Because they do live out of state, if I was to give a gift, I would mail it to their home so they don't have to deal with gifts while traveling. I do like the Hawaiian beach towels idea with maybe some coconut smelling sunscreen or lotion. You could give that to them at the party if they were leaving for Hawaii right afterwards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Is there inclination that they now want a beachside wedding? Perhaps they are putting it off for that reason, but maybe not. It sounds more like avoidance and someone (probably SIL) is trying to save face. I would not send a gift until I knew actual wedding had taken place. On a side note we started our 8th year of homeschooling, and to celebrate I'm registered at Amazon, just in case you want to lavish gifts of celebration in our direction. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxanne23 Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 (edited) . Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 the only "cost" of that is that I would be spending money on a gift/nicer clothes. The possible benefits of that are good will, kindness, family peace. It seems to me that if you say, "Well, how do I know you are really getting married?" and give a gift off the "B list" you might save a little money. But the potential for hurting someone and looking cheap/bossy/nosey is higher. Safer bet to me is to show up with a big smile, a nice gift, and a tolerant attitude. I might feel differently about this if it were not a direct family member. I would agree, *if* they had said, "we're having a destination wedding and would love to celebrate with everyone before we leave," then that would be one thing. To say, "we might get married while we're in Hawaii?" I would worry that I'd have to pony up another wedding present in the future. Hmm...I've heard of destination weddings where the ceremony was at some far off location and there was a reception the weekend AFTER at home for family and friends unable to attend. For that, I would treat it as a semi-dressy affair and bring a wedding gift. But a party before a "likely" wedding? Odd. :lurk5: I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 My first instinct was that something went wrong with the location the wedding was being held and they will not be able to have it there. (Perhaps they thought they had reserved one date but actually had another. Maybe the ceiling fell in and they won't be able to be there.) I would get them whatever gift I was going to get. Your dh might be right about not needing a tie depending on where the reception is being held. He needs to consult with brother on that one. (I don't dress my dh.;)) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 I would have dh tell BIL that is is too old for this nonsense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted August 19, 2011 Author Share Posted August 19, 2011 Thanks for everyone's advice. It is a bit odd, isn't it? My dh has put in a call to his brother, but it hasn't been returned yet (not unusual). I do know that there are no problems with the venue (and the "reception" is still being held there) or any type of technical difficulty (license issues, that sort of thing) with the wedding, so I'm just puzzled. I'm thinking they are putting the actual wedding off, but still would like to collect the gifts, which just sits wrong with me. :glare: I'm also thinking that to just have a spur of the moment wedding in another state where you do not reside might also present problems. How quickly could they get a license in Hawaii? That's another reason I'm a bit unsure about this whole thing. I sort of feel like I'm being played. I also feel a bit "cheated" since their dog/child was going to be a "bridesmaid". :lol: I really wanted to see that. :smilielol5: However, doggie is going on the "honeymoon" with them. They can't bear to leave her alone. In fact, she's never been left alone. SIL quit her job to stay home with the dog. :blink: Just to give you an idea of how they think. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 This may be a knee-jerk reaction (and I could change my mind after reading the responses), but I say the gift gets downgraded from 'wedding' to 'housewarming.' When they actually get married, they can receive registry gifts. This sounds like they changed their minds about getting married, but not about staying together, and it was too late to get a refund on the reception and honeymoon. Rather than lose the money, they're throwing the party and taking the trip. That's my guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 Hm. I believe the rule is that you have a *year* from the wedding to send your gift. I think I would wait until I was sure a wedding had happened and *then* send something from the registry. ;) Until then, perhaps a card that says, "Enjoy your trip". ;) This too, I forgot to add this earlier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KungFuPanda Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 SIL quit her job to stay home with the dog. :blink: Just to give you an idea of how they think. :D :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted August 19, 2011 Share Posted August 19, 2011 (edited) I'm just puzzled. I'm thinking they are putting the actual wedding off, but still would like to collect the gifts, which just sits wrong with me. That's how it sounds to me. Like I said, I'd be worried there would be an actual wedding down the road and I'd have to give another gift. How quickly could they get a license in Hawaii? That's another reason I'm a bit unsure about this whole thing. Hawaii is used for destination weddings a lot. Wedding packages often include things like taking care of the license. However, doggie is going on the "honeymoon" with them. They can't bear to leave her alone. In fact, she's never been left alone. SIL quit her job to stay home with the dog. :blink: Just to give you an idea of how they think. :DTo *Hawaii*? Have they done their homework with that? Hawaii is a rabies-free state. For that reason, they have very specific rules about shipping in pets. It was a *big* rigamarole to ship our dog to Hawaii when we moved there. With vet visits, health certificates, shots, blood tests, Hawaii state fees, airline costs, etc? It probably cost around $600 to ship the dog. http://hawaii.gov/hdoa/ai/aqs/aqsbrochure.pdf 1. The dog must have had 2 rabies shots in its lifetime. 2. They must have been administered more than 30 days apart. 3. The most recent vaccine was done a. not more than the booster interval recommended *and* b. not less than 90 days before arrival in Hawaii 4. You have to get health certificate within the 30 days before you fly 5. The pet has to be microchipped 6. You have to get the OIE-FAVN blood test less than 120 days before you arrive in Hawaii, you must ship it by courier with a cold pack. I think it was around $100 and the turnaround time was about 4 weeks. You have to submit all paperwork 10 days before you arrive in Hawaii and pay a $165 fee if you manage everything perfectly and they can be released directly at the airport. Do they know that? Edited August 19, 2011 by Mrs Mungo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Well, I think proper wedding manners say you shouldn't bring a gift to the reception, so just mail one when they get married. Weird. To each his own, tho. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted August 20, 2011 Author Share Posted August 20, 2011 That's how it sounds to me. Like I said, I'd be worried there would be an actual wedding down the road and I'd have to give another gift. Hawaii is used for destination weddings a lot. Wedding packages often include things like taking care of the license. To *Hawaii*? Have they done their homework with that? Hawaii is a rabies-free state. For that reason, they have very specific rules about shipping in pets. It was a *big* rigamarole to ship our dog to Hawaii when we moved there. With vet visits, health certificates, shots, blood tests, Hawaii state fees, airline costs, etc? It probably cost around $600 to ship the dog. http://hawaii.gov/hdoa/ai/aqs/aqsbrochure.pdf 1. The dog must have had 2 rabies shots in its lifetime. 2. They must have been administered more than 30 days apart. 3. The most recent vaccine was done a. not more than the booster interval recommended *and* b. not less than 90 days before arrival in Hawaii 4. You have to get health certificate within the 30 days before you fly 5. The pet has to be microchipped 6. You have to get the OIE-FAVN blood test less than 120 days before you arrive in Hawaii, you must ship it by courier with a cold pack. I think it was around $100 and the turnaround time was about 4 weeks. You have to submit all paperwork 10 days before you arrive in Hawaii and pay a $165 fee if you manage everything perfectly and they can be released directly at the airport. Do they know that? I have no idea. But this is not a regular dog...it's their child. :glare: I would love to see their faces when they get to the airport and try to bring their precious baby on board. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 I have no idea. But this is not a regular dog...it's their child. :glare: I would love to see their faces when they get to the airport and try to bring their precious baby on board. :lol: Oh please, you'll have to update us on that one! Please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 I can think of a dozen reasons (some not so good, some less evil, lol), but my first thought was license issues. I mean, does anyone want to come out and say "Look, we didn't realize we needed to apply by X date"? Or worse, "There's a glitch with the divorce paperwork"? I wouldn't! I have *definitely* heard stories about people who thought they were divorced... until they tried to get remarried! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 (edited) I have just never heard of a couple having a wedding reception just in case they decide to get married while they are on vacation.:confused: Your husband should call and figure out what is going on. :lol: It's a preemptive maneuver. Perhaps they are hoping for cash gifts for the trip? Honestly, though, I would not change anything and get whatever wedding present you had in mind. This is so short notice that it's more upsetting to change it all. As far as dress code, since it's your dh's brother, let dh decide. If BIL is offended, dh can deal with it. Edited August 20, 2011 by Liz CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Well, I think proper wedding manners say you shouldn't bring a gift to the reception, so just mail one when they get married. Actually, proper manners say that you should send the gift ahead of the wedding, to the bride's home. Not that I have ever done this, but that's the totally proper thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nd293 Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 There could be personal reasons that make them want to avoid a public ceremony. When I got married I did not want my father walking me down any aisle, nor did I want to have to navigate "bridal tables" and who sits where (divorced and remarried parents), so we did a very simple ceremony in a restaurant courtyard, followed by a buffet brunch. I would treat it as a wedding, assuming they have said that they will be getting married while on honeymoon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 (edited) I would go to the party but not bring a gift. If they announce later on that they have actually married, I would send a gift then. If you bring a small gift now and they get married after all, it might appear that you just gave a cheap gift. But if you send one later, thats fine. Especially since they would have to travel home with any gifts. I would bring wine to a housewarming party, but that would be in their house, not a different city. I would never bring wine to a wedding or even a formal engagement party. I also subscribe to the one year rule, and in fact for a whole year after my wedding I was waiting for the good gifts from dh's family to start rolling in, but alas nothing. :) Edited August 20, 2011 by RanchGirl Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 I find it very baffling & have no idea. Weird. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Well, I'm going to go differently from most and say that I would treat it exactly the same as if it were the wedding. I would dress up, I would congratulate them on their relationship, I would wish them much happiness, I would buy them a beautiful, family-level wedding present off of their registry, and I would act as if everything was normal. This is because they must be pretty embarrassed about the change, and I would want to help them smooth things over, at least for this event. I figure that helping family be peaceful and comfortable is one of the best things I can do for them, and also I want to support relationships and commitments in a gracious manner. :iagree:this. they need all the love they can get, however it all turns out in the end. i think this approach shows the greatest love. (which is how i decide things i'm uncertain about.) fwiw, ann ps. i emigrated to the states on a fiancee visa, which meant we had three months to get married once i crossed the border. we planned our wedding for six weeks later. a few weeks after i arrived, i got really, really sick.... and so we got married in the backyard, very quickly, so i could have health care by the monday. we told everyone, they still came to the planned "wedding", we had a "covenanting" instead, everyone treated it like it was a "real" wedding, with a few jokes tossed in along the way, and it was lovely. i was so very grateful that no one took offense at coming to a "wedding" when the couple was already married. and glad that i had a wedding, too :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Actually, proper manners say that you should send the gift ahead of the wedding, to the bride's home. Not that I have ever done this, but that's the totally proper thing. Ah--you are correct! Of course, proper manners also say they should send the gifts back if they don't get married...:D Hope it all works out. Maybe they just had the party set up, but decided it would be lovely to get married in Hawaii, and went from there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parker Martin Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Since you don't know whether or not they're getting married, I would say that a wedding gift is inappropriate. I'd go to the party, have a good time, and then send them a great gift when/if they married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted August 20, 2011 Share Posted August 20, 2011 Ah--you are correct!Of course, proper manners also say they should send the gifts back if they don't get married...:D Hope it all works out. Maybe they just had the party set up, but decided it would be lovely to get married in Hawaii, and went from there. Correct! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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