If you and your dh had to live apart for a time how would you prepare?

[Slartibartfast]

How would you prepare for a short-term family separation due logistics of a job move?

 

He is being transferred and there are some house issues. (we can get rid of the house we are just waiting to try and get rid of it before taking a hit on the guaranteed buy-out)

Edited August 18, 2011 by Sis

[AvasMom]

We've done this a lot with deployments and then dh was a geographical bachelor for 3 years (home most weekends). Honestly, we really didn't do much to prepare. I would probably ensure that any home repairs are caught up with, HVAC has been recently services, you should have AAA, etc. Basically cover your bases for what you would do in situation where you rely on your dh just in case things happen while he is gone. How long are we talking about? If he will be gone for more than a week or so at a time I would get Skype too.

[KungFuPanda]

I'd make sure our phone plan had unlimited texting and that our computers were set up for Skype :D

[Slartibartfast]

I'd make sure our phone plan had unlimited texting and that our computers were set up for Skype :D

 

Yeah I am all over skype cause I game. Dh is getting a webcam.

[Parrothead]

When dh had to set up household by himself for 10 months I sent him on his way with what I could spare and reveled in having the whole bed to myself.

[Mrs.MacGyver]

We've done this a lot with deployments and then dh was a geographical bachelor for 3 years (home most weekends). Honestly, we really didn't do much to prepare. I would probably ensure that any home repairs are caught up with, HVAC has been recently services, you should have AAA, etc. Basically cover your bases for what you would do in situation where you rely on your dh just in case things happen while he is gone. How long are we talking about? If he will be gone for more than a week or so at a time I would get Skype too.

 

:iagree:

 

Plus, we have a list of plumbers, mechanics, etc. in which Dh feels confident, a Power of Attorney if you might need it, a plan in place in case you get sick or have to go to the hospital for some reason, and good expectations about how often you will chat/talk.

[regentrude]

I would not do much to prepare. The only thing I can think of: when the kids were little, it was important to have some local emergency contacts who could step in in a pinch - friends, neighbors, to help out in case of illness.

 

We have done 8 years of long distance marriage, with distances between 50 and 1000 miles, and a few months of overseas separation. With today's technology like Skype it would be even easier. Good luck. Will you see each other on weekends?

[Impish]

Booze.

[UnsinkableKristen]

Skype or FaceTime on our iPhones. That's what we do now when he has to go on business trips. It makes the distance seem less harsh.

 

Also, I second the recommendation for Booze :)

[RainbowSprinkles]

How would you prepare for a short-term family separation due logistics of a job move?

 

He is being transferred and there are some house issues. (we can get rid of the house we are just waiting to try and get rid of it before taking a hit on the guaranteed buy-out)

 

 

My dh is in the army and we had long-term separation (deployments) and short -term separations (schools, etc...) and plenty of them.

 

For short-term, and I'm thinking 3-6 months, I would just try my best to communicate with each other daily. In a few of ours it wasn't always possible, but in your situation daily communication should not be a problem.

 

I would also make sure I have an emergency contact in case something happened to me and I needed someone to look after my dc. I don't know how old your oldest dc is, but I would teach her/him how to call 911 and get help in case such a need should arise (which it most likely wouldn't).

 

If you divide up financial stuff between the two of you, I would make sure you are both on the same page and know what is expected from each of you.

 

Those are the three big things. Anything else can most likely be dealt with as it arises.

 

Good luck!

[Sebastian (a lady)]

How would you prepare for a short-term family separation due logistics of a job move?

 

He is being transferred and there are some house issues. (we can get rid of the house we are just waiting to try and get rid of it before taking a hit on the guaranteed buy-out)

 

Set up online bill paying. Make a list of everything that has to be paid. Then decide which of you will be making the payments (so you neither overpay nor miss payments).

 

Get powers of attorney for each other so that if one of you needs to do paperwork with the house or cars, you can.

[In The Great White North]

Prepare what?

 

What with email, cell phones, etc. it's fairly easy to keep all family members in touch (unless he's going to the back of beyond.) Skype/camera phones are especially important if you have littles. (I had a friend who went to the field for 6 weeks and when he got back, his toddler didn't know him.)

 

Dh routinely goes on business trips, which of course is when appliances and plumbing breaks, but really it's not as bad as some people make out.

[Mrs Mungo]

1. Make an excel spreadsheet of very single thing you pay-bills, lessons for kids, gas for each of you, etc. Decide who is taking what and how much money you will each need. Make a column that contains your name or his name so that you both have it in writing. Do you already have separate spending accounts?

 

2. Skype.

 

3. You are selling the house while he is not there and is moving ahead? Is the house ready to sell or are you working on it? Our house was 95% ready when my dh deployed and we got orders, but I still had to declutter, caulk some areas outside and do some touch up painting. I put a *bunch* of stuff in storage, that helped a lot when it came to showing the house.

 

4. You will need a POA. You might also need a special POA if you might be signing some house papers on your own.

 

What will you do I the house doesn't sell in a certain amount of time? How log can you afford to live separately? *I* would need a specific plan or timeline or the stress would drive me crazy.

[Slartibartfast]

I would not do much to prepare. The only thing I can think of: when the kids were little, it was important to have some local emergency contacts who could step in in a pinch - friends, neighbors, to help out in case of illness.

 

We have done 8 years of long distance marriage, with distances between 50 and 1000 miles, and a few months of overseas separation. With today's technology like Skype it would be even easier. Good luck. Will you see each other on weekends?

 

 

We will not be seeing each other on the weekends. We can't afford a lot of flights. We will probably see each other every three months or so...hopefully.

[Slartibartfast]

1. Make an excel spreadsheet of very single thing you pay-bills, lessons for kids, gas for each of you, etc. Decide who is taking what and how much money you will each need. Make a column that contains your name or his name so that you both have it in writing. Do you already have separate spending accounts?

 

2. Skype.

 

3. You are selling the house while he is not there and is moving ahead? Is the house ready to sell or are you working on it? Our house was 95% ready when my dh deployed and we got orders, but I still had to declutter, caulk some areas outside and do some touch up painting. I put a *bunch* of stuff in storage, that helped a lot when it came to showing the house.

 

4. You will need a POA. You might also need a special POA if you might be signing some house papers on your own.

 

What will you do I the house doesn't sell in a certain amount of time? How log can you afford to live separately? *I* would need a specific plan or timeline or the stress would drive me crazy.

 

If we were able to sell our house Dh might be able come back though if that was necessary. We have a storage unit and clutter in it. We will be putting more clutter in it.

 

We have done a lot of the work already, there is some left, we will have to make a very detailed list.

 

We have separate spending accounts already. It made it easier for me.

 

I have skype and he is getting a webcam/mic

 

We haven't set a limit yet, we figured we would try to make it one year, tops

[Pamela H in Texas]

Download Skype onto computers.

 

Start a diet so when you see him 4½ months later, you're 43 pounds less (btw, if that is not your particular issue of choice, you can work to gain weight, make your hair healthier, get your feet in better condition, or whatever).

 

There were other things like deciding how much money would go for his living expenses vs ours. And I sold everything we owned (minus a 1/3 fill medium size storage room==we got that one because if we got our stuff out within 6 months, it was cheaper than the small one).

 

One thing I want to say about communication because we saw A LOT of families with this issue. You both think you'll talk several times per day before he leaves out. It is normal to think that. Between phones and skype, how can you be wrong? Seriously? The amount of stress being separated makes you tired. You are both working your normal roles as well as picking up part of the roles (if not all of them) of the other person. That is hard. Moving, job changes, etc are all stressful and tiring anyway and the way you lean on one another is different. Then weird things come up (we were offered an unborn baby for adoption, for example. We also bought a car which took some finagling.). Things come up. The call will not happen every single day without fail. Other times, the phone/skype call will seem like a big flop. It doesn't mean anything about your marriage or either one of you when these things happen.

[nd293]

When dh travels, I find the issue of schedules a little challenging - he works long hours, and often eats at a mess that closes relatively early. He is ready to make phone calls about the time I am putting kids to bed, which is obviously disruptive. I also generally prefer text messages to calls - I want to communicate what is happening in real time, without having to lock myself in the bathroom so I can be heard. And when I am having a really bad day of single-parenting, I don't want to chat to the person who is the "reason" behind my bad day (and such illogical thoughts are best left unverbalised), so we don't commit to every day phone calls. We are actually happy with phone calls a couple of times a week, although the kids chat to him more often. It is worth figuring out communication issues early, and discussing them.