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Just need to talk out loud . . .

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I have been signed on for some time and hesitate to post as I don't post about personal matters, but I am so completely overwhelmed.


My heart is breaking for my one and only sibling who is going through a HORRIBLE divorce. This sibling went through an awful time with our parents divorce and shielded me as much as possible from the ugliness of it all. My sibling was deeply scared by it and said they would never marry.


Then, in my siblings late thirties they met someone with a child from a previous marriage. They married and had three children of their own. They were married just short of twenty years. Their divorce was just finalized and my sibling is just crushed trying to make sense of why it happened and worrying about the consequences of their ex's behaviour on their childen.


My sibling has completely withdrawn, refuses to confide in anyone about what they are going through. Each time I try they begin to open up, then say they don't want to go there. Today my sibling said they won't do anything stupid, but life is over, the childrens' lives have been scared, everything they have worked for is gone (including finances, ex drained bank accounts including, the kids!)


So, my question to those of you who have gone through divorce, how did love ones help you get past the pain, hurt, and anger of divorce? Perhaps this is retorical as I'm sure some will say you can't. I just can't sit back and listen to the pain in their voice and hear them say they have to go because they can't hold back the tears.




*I used they/their to protect their identity.

Edited by Dina in Oklahoma
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:grouphug: Of course, it's impossible to say how it will all turn out because there are so many variables, including how she ends up dealing with this once she's ready to do so. But, she may find out with time that her life actually isn't over. I don't say this flippantly, but as someone who has had some pretty devastating and life altering things happen to me and with time and a lot of tears has come to find meaning and happiness again.

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I know you want to help but if your sibling doesn't want to talk about it then I am not sure what you can do other than let him/her know you are available. My bro divorced and did not want to share. We respected his privacy. The best thing my family did for him his accept his new wife. Sorry for your sib's pain.

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Your sibling's children aren't your sibling. Meaning, each person will process things differently. Your sibling will have the ability to make the divorce go differently for his/her children than it did for him/her.


It's not going to be the same, unless he/she wants it to be an exact re-do of your parents' situation.


Maybe you can find a way to reinforce this notion over time.




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