How worried should I be?

[TXMary2]

I have posted a couple of times here about a situation with my oldest son and a girl he used to date. The girl is obsessed with him. Right after the break up it was daily calls, texts and voice mails with various craziness ranging from crying and begging to making threats.

 

We approached the police and they said all we can do is document the calls, texts and voice mails -that if it persisted we could make a case for "phone harassment."

 

We blocked all the numbers she was calling from so that really slowed her down. Then it was eerily quiet. Part of me actually believed we were rid of her. Then my son's truck was vandalized - keyed and broken into - his clothing and shoes were stolen from the truck. We have no *proof* it was her, but we just know. It happened in the apartment parking lot of another girl that he has been seeing. The stalker girl knows about this girl and the building she lives in so we are 99.9% certain she spotted his truck and did the damage.

 

DS reported it to the police and told them about her. They took the report and took her name. Since then she has shown up at his work several times, which admittedly is a restaurant so I suppose she could say she was eating there with friends. However, everyone at his work is on alert about this girl and several of the girls there have been threatened by stalker girl for *talking* to my son - their co-worker! Until she does something sketchy in the restaurant the manager (ds's boss) doesn't want to throw her out. Basically, they keep an eye on her.

 

Well now, last week when ds was at the skate park with friends, a stranger (another young man) approached him and asked to speak with him privately. My son refused to leave his group of friends to the young man sat down with them at the table and proceeds to question him about HIS harassing his "girlfriend" who is the stalker girl. My son set him straight right away, along with a chorus from his friends. The young man admitted that they aren't the first people to tell him this girl is crazy. My son told him to run and run fast.

 

Later the girl shows up at the park and actually approaches him face to face for the first time in months. She was screaming at him and threatening to have him thrown in jail (as if!) and he just kept telling her to get away from him and get out of the park. Other people started telling her to get out so she finally left. It has been quiet since last week.

 

I don't know if I have seen one too many Lifetime movies, but I am really worried that this crazy person is going to harm my son or get some other lovestruck naive guy to hurt my son. I have NO WAY of protecting him except prayer and trusting God. My son is 20 and like a lot of young men isn't scared and thinks his friends will have his back. I have asked him to make sure he isn't ANYWHERE alone and he promises me he will be with people.

 

I can't stand that we cannot get an order of protection. We have asked but because she hasn't hurt him already there is nothing we can do. The initial incident back in May where she did assault him is on file with a County Sheriff department, but they suggested we not press charges because she filed a report against my son and they would have to press charges on him too. FTR he did not assualt her, he only was pushing her off of him. She didn't have a mark on her, but ds did. But because she says he assualted her they have to believe her. It is so messed up!

 

I can't believe there are laws on Cyberbullying - but we have no recourse for this situation!:glare:

[Impish]

Find out exactly what constitutes stalking in your area.

[CarenM]

That is creepy. I have no suggestions since she is not able to have an order against her. A friend of mine just went through something similar with her son and eventually she just found someone else and left him alone.

 

If he continues to ignore her eventually she will get the hint. I would believe chances are her bark is worse than her bite and wouldn't think she would hurt him, physically , in any way.

[AuntieM]

His friends should all be trained to immediately and without delay call the police if they see this girl or anyone appearing malicious approaching your son. If they can get the police on the scene to witness her behavior, perhaps something can be done. It was good of him to not step away for a private conversation, that was clear thinking on his part and I am glad to hear his friends backed him up on that.

 

I hear your frustration. How awful for your young man. That insane girl and those in her path have a very rough road ahead if she thinks this is the right way to live (can you say "Casey Anthony"?). I am so sorry your family has to deal with this. It is indeed frightening.

Edited August 15, 2011 by AuntieM

[DusksAngel]

His friends should all be trained to immediately and without delay call the police if they see this girl or anyone appearing malicious approaching your son. If they can get the police on the scene to witness her behavior, perhaps something can be done. It was good of him to not step away for a private conversation, that was clear thinking on his part and I am glad to hear his friends backed him up on that.

 

I hear you frustration. How awful for your young man. That insane girl and those in her path have a very rough road ahead if she thinks this is the right way to live (can you say "Casey Anthony"?). I am so sorry your family has to deal with this. It is indeed frightening.

:iagree: And he needs to ALWAYS have someone with him. If for no other reason than the "he assaulted me" problem.:glare:

[TXMary2]

His friends should all be trained to immediately and without delay call the police if they see this girl or anyone appearing malicious approaching your son. If they can get the police on the scene to witness her behavior, perhaps something can be done. It was good of him to not step away for a private conversation, that was clear thinking on his part and I am glad to hear his friends backed him up on that.

 

I hear your frustration. How awful for your young man. That insane girl and those in her path have a very rough road ahead if she thinks this is the right way to live (can you say "Casey Anthony"?). I am so sorry your family has to deal with this. It is indeed frightening.

 

That is a good idea. Thank you.

[LucyStoner]

Frankly, I would see a judge about a protection order before being so sure that he can not get a protection order. I have heard the police many times say nothing can be done and giving totally erroneous legal advice to victims of stalking and harassment but then when the victim went to court to file the order the judges had a totally different interpretation of the law. Personally, I had to get a restraining order against my brother and SIL about 4 years ago and the judge granted it when one of the police officers had told me I could not even ask them, who did not live with us or pay rent, to leave my house.

 

I agree that he can not be alone in public for fear of false accusations and also potential violence.

Edited August 15, 2011 by kijipt

[TXMary2]

Frankly, I would see a judge about a protection order before being so sure that he can not get a protection order. I have heard the police many times say nothing can be done and giving totally erroneous legal advice to victims of stalking and harassment but then when the victim went to court to file the order the judges had a totally different interpretation of the law. Personally, I had to get a restraining order against my brother and SIL about 4 years ago and the judge granted it when one of the police officers had told me I could not even ask them, who did not live with us or pay rent, to leave my house.

 

I agree that he can not be alone in public for fear of false accusations and also potential violence.

 

Thanks, I will check in to this possibility.

[Unicorn.]

I agree w/ kijipt. And is there any way he can move for a while. Maybe go live w/ relatives for 6 months or a year?

[QueenCat]

Thanks, I will check in to this possibility.

 

In your shoes, I'd get a lawyer to get me in front of the judge if they police won't help you. ASAP. To me, the girl sounds like a raving lunatic. One whom I would seriously worry about. And I agree with the poster who said not to let your son go anywhere alone for the time being. As horrible as it is, she could either accuse him of something or do something.

[ChristusG]

Not to scare you, but I would be afraid too. This girl sounds mentally ill in some way. I'd be talking to anyone that I possibly can in order to see what I can do.

[arghmatey]

I think I advised you to consult with an attorney.

 

I don't think you have watched too many Lifetime movies. This young lady left your son for dead in the middle of a lake where people regularly drown. She is trash and not above killing him or having someone else do it.

[Night Elf]

Have him carry a recorder around everywhere he goes. If she shows up, he should turn it on and let her know in front of other people that the camera is rolling and recording both video and sound. And yay for him for not going off with that stranger alone. He should be careful to never be alone anywhere. That's sad to have to live like that, but better safe then sorry. I find it interesting that the guy showed up to talk with him and admitted that other people said she was crazy too. I wonder what his next move will be.

 

The police can't issue a restraining order until she actually harms him? How scary is that? What do they say in the event things turn out ugly for citizens in that situation? Oops, our bad?

[Pamela H in Texas]

I would make sure ds reports EVERY single issue, including her going to the same park or whatever. Hopefully, no one is dumb enough to take this to hurting him; but false allegations and such would be an issue also. Maybe I too have watched too much Lifetime in the past.

[Denisemomof4]

HOW AWFUL!!!!! This is just horrible for all of you! I'm so sorry! I wish I could tell you something helpful, but unfortunately I've been in a desperate situation with a mentally ill person once. I had LAWYERS (another story) calling me to tell me they're really worried for me!!! Yet the police said I couldn't do anything because this person never hurt me. I couldn't even file a restraining order!

 

I think it's totally crazy. By the time you DO get help, something has to take place.

 

I'm assuming there were no video cameras that caught her in the act. Awful. I'm really sorry.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:This will catch up to her eventually unless she changes. Unti then....:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

I think I advised you to consult with an attorney.

 

I don't think you have watched too many Lifetime movies. This young lady left your son for dead in the middle of a lake where people regularly drown. She is trash and not above killing him or having someone else do it.

 

WHAT??!!!WHAT??!!! What happened? I *know* I missed this.

 

If this is true, is there any relative he could go move in with?:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Pink Fairy]

I think I advised you to consult with an attorney.

 

I don't think you have watched too many Lifetime movies. This young lady left your son for dead in the middle of a lake where people regularly drown. She is trash and not above killing him or having someone else do it.

 

:eek: I remember reading about this--she's a nutjob. I think you'd be crazy not to be worried. :grouphug:

[TXMary2]

We did call a couple of attorneys but we were told by both that until "something" happens there is nothing we can do except be cautious. Yes, this is the same crazy witch that left my son in the middle of Lake Travis.

 

My son does have a video recorder on his phone, I am going to tell him to use it if she approaches him again.

 

We are keeping records of everything she has done and we are on record with our calls to the police.

 

We don't have any relatives nearby that he could go stay with, that she doesn't know. He is safest at home. I don't think she would approach him at our house - she knows we have guns in our home.

 

Even though I don't wish her on anyone, I am hoping she finds someone else and loses interest, but it has been 3 months and we are still hearing from her.

[twoforjoy]

My son is 20 and like a lot of young men isn't scared and thinks his friends will have his back. I have asked him to make sure he isn't ANYWHERE alone and he promises me he will be with people.

 

I can't stand that we cannot get an order of protection. We have asked but because she hasn't hurt him already there is nothing we can do. The initial incident back in May where she did assault him is on file with a County Sheriff department, but they suggested we not press charges because she filed a report against my son and they would have to press charges on him too. FTR he did not assualt her, he only was pushing her off of him. She didn't have a mark on her, but ds did. But because she says he assualted her they have to believe her. It is so messed up!

 

How old is the girl? If she's under 18, I'd be VERY concerned, legally.

[Jennifer3141]

Mary, DH had some problems with a whacko from work. He applied for a PPO at our local court house. He didn't actually need the police involved at all (unfortunately, he didn't know that).

 

I think your son should apply for a PPO, which would at least give him a chance to get his side of things read by a judge.

 

They may not grant him the first request but you have to hope that they would a second, third, etc. with more and mroe evidence against this nutjob.

 

Get a PPO so that when she does violate it, your family can do something about it. :grouphug:

 

I do think our society takes violence against men too lightly. I'm sorry for you and your son!!

[Nakia]

This might sound dumb, but do her parents know how she is acting? I would be horrified if one of my daughters was behaving that way and would do my best to put a stop to it.

 

How scary!

[Word Nerd]

Very creepy, and it's stupid they won't do anything to prevent something bad from happening.

[learningmama]

:grouphug: I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this. What a rough situation. My prayers go out to you. I know how obsessive kids can be (I was one of them) and it's no fun.

[TXMary2]

This might sound dumb, but do her parents know how she is acting? I would be horrified if one of my daughters was behaving that way and would do my best to put a stop to it.

 

How scary!

 

She is two years older than my son and does not live at home. I have tried finding out who her parents are but haven't had any luck. I do think they need to know what she is doing.

[gardenmom5]

I believe your son when he say's he was defending himself - but the sherif is right that the laws/system are set up that all men are evil and women are victims. (even if the man is a black-n-blue bloody pulp and she is immactulately coiffed and garbed with nary a mark on her - she's the victim and he's the abuser.)

I would try contacting a men's rights group - they may have helpful suggestions far more than the police.

Edited August 16, 2011 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

If he continues to ignore her eventually she will get the hint. I would believe chances are her bark is worse than her bite and wouldn't think she would hurt him, physically , in any way.

 

stalkers are not mentally stable by definition.

 

she's broken into his car, damaged it, and stolen things from it at his current girlfriend's apartment. She's repeatedly followed him to work, putting his employment in jeopardy. the fact is - many of these stalkers who "can't have a restraining order against them" because "they haven't done anything illegal" go striaght for the coup de grace.

 

I would consider her potentially very dangerous. Especially if she continues to be ignored.

 

I would also consider the current girlfriend to be in danger.

[gardenmom5]

 

I agree that he can not be alone in public for fear of false accusations and also potential violence.

:iagree:

[Nakia]

She is two years older than my son and does not live at home. I have tried finding out who her parents are but haven't had any luck. I do think they need to know what she is doing.

 

Oh goodness. I wish I had some advice. What a mess. Hoping you get her out of your son's life soon!

[Harriet Vane]

stalkers are not mentally stable by definition.

 

she's broken into his car, damaged it, and stolen things from it at his current girlfriend's apartment. She's repeatedly followed him to work, putting his employment in jeopardy. the fact is - many of these stalkers who "can't have a restraining order against them" because "they haven't done anything illegal" go striaght for the coup de grace.

 

I would consider her potentially very dangerous. Especially if she continues to be ignored.

 

I would also consider the current girlfriend to be in danger.

 

:iagree:

[Liza Lee]

She is two years older than my son and does not live at home. I have tried finding out who her parents are but haven't had any luck. I do think they need to know what she is doing.

 

They are probably just as crazy as she is. I wouldn't waste my time trying to get in touch with them any more.

[Berta]

We are in the (never ending) process of moving 600 miles because of a similar situation. My (adopted) daughter watched her mother die of a drug overdose. Her mothers boyfriend was there at the time and my daughter told this fact to the police. They never had enough to arrest him for anything, but they did question him and we found out through friends of her mothers that he has it in for my daughter. She was only 7 at the time! I called the police and we were told the there is nothing we can do unless there is a viable threat we can prove, or physical harm.

 

So we are in the process of moving to a place that has no connection to us, nothing on paper that pinpoints this is where we live. It's a shame that we have had to go to such extreme measures, but I do not trust a drug addict with a grudge.

[mcconnellboys]

I hope that every single co-worker harrassed by her called the police and made a report. If there are enough reports filed, they will surely have to do something....

[aggie96]

 

We approached the police and they said all we can do is document the calls, texts and voice mails -that if it persisted we could make a case for "phone harassment."

 

 

 

 

I will run this past one of my very close friends/neighbour that is also a PD officer in a far north Dallas city to see what he suggests. I won't talk to him until late tonight so I will have to get back to you tomorrow (Wednesday). I am going to forward your OP. HTH

Edited August 16, 2011 by aggie96

[OnTheBrink]

Frankly, I would see a judge about a protection order before being so sure that he can not get a protection order. I have heard the police many times say nothing can be done and giving totally erroneous legal advice to victims of stalking and harassment but then when the victim went to court to file the order the judges had a totally different interpretation of the law. Personally, I had to get a restraining order against my brother and SIL about 4 years ago and the judge granted it when one of the police officers had told me I could not even ask them, who did not live with us or pay rent, to leave my house.

 

I agree that he can not be alone in public for fear of false accusations and also potential violence.

 

In your shoes, I'd get a lawyer to get me in front of the judge if they police won't help you. ASAP. To me, the girl sounds like a raving lunatic. One whom I would seriously worry about. And I agree with the poster who said not to let your son go anywhere alone for the time being. As horrible as it is, she could either accuse him of something or do something.

 

:iagree:

 

You do have recourse; you've just been asking the wrong people for it! :grouphug:

 

See an attorney. According to my attorney, you only need a threat of violence to get a restraining order, due to the current Homeland Security laws. Don't keep asking the police; they aren't lawyers and can not offer you legal advice. You need an attorney to go with you before a judge and get this girl restrained. She sounds dangerous. This might cost a little, (the lawyer's time and the fees for filing for the order) but it's worth protecting your son from this psychodoodle.

[Audrey]

Have him carry a recorder around everywhere he goes. If she shows up, he should turn it on and let her know in front of other people that the camera is rolling and recording both video and sound. And yay for him for not going off with that stranger alone. He should be careful to never be alone anywhere. That's sad to have to live like that, but better safe then sorry. I find it interesting that the guy showed up to talk with him and admitted that other people said she was crazy too. I wonder what his next move will be.

 

The police can't issue a restraining order until she actually harms him? How scary is that? What do they say in the event things turn out ugly for citizens in that situation? Oops, our bad?

 

 

The police don't issue restraining orders. Only a judge can do that. The police can, however, be called to enforce a restraining order that has been issued by a judge.

 

OP, I think the advice to consult a lawyer and request a restraining order is the best advice here. The police are not the judge. You need a judge's order.

 

Then, once you get one, let your son's friends know, and the moment this girl violates the terms of the order, have them call 911 immediately and request enforcement.