Feeling used. And angry (vent)

[kchara]

I just need to vent, and I can't do it on FB, b/c it would cause massive drama. :glare:

 

A little backstory: We had a very, VERY small church where we used to live. The church started a church school, which pretty much alienated us when we made it abundantly clear that our children wouldn't be attending. Well, long story short, the treasurer was caught stealing a massive amount of money from the school. She seemed very repentant, and when the church pretty much abandoned her after her very public apologies, we felt that wasn't right, and tried to stand by the family. We were the ONLY people in town who would even speak to them. It bit us on the rear. Repeatedly. Obviously, these people are scam artists. We kept up some sort of relationship, b/c our kids were friends, and we knew we would be moving away soon anyway.

 

After we moved, we went up and had to get some of our stuff out of storage. DD had just gotten a new doll for Christmas, and wanted to show it to her friends. It ended up being left. That was in February. :glare: I called, I emailed, I texted, I FB messaged, offering to pay postage, do whatever it took to get the doll back. I was completely ignored.

 

DH had to go up this week and get more of our storage stuff. He had to camp out at their ever-lovin' door to get the stinkin' doll back! This lady had posted all over FB that she had a "gift" for our DD. Um, if it's OUR doll, it's not a gift! You're just returning what was ALREADY OURS! Keeping it would've been STEALING. Ugh. I was irritated, but let it go.

 

DH gets home tonight and gives DD her doll, which she's SO excited for. She was literally bouncing off the walls all day waiting for it. Get it in the light and these people had let their kids paint the finger and toenails red, they'd lost the socks and shoes, someone had CHEWED on one of the thumbs, and something sharp was taken to the other thumb, b/c there's a gash in it!!

 

It's an $80 doll!!! DD is collecting these!!!

 

Then, come to find out, they had gone over to our old house (which we still own, and are using for storage) and taken our grill and lawnmower. That's in addition to the other stuff of ours I had loaned to them and they still have (including a complete set of Hooked on Phonics and Hooked on Math that I could REALLY use right now, my 100 EZ Lessons book, and a few other things).

 

I am so ticked, and I feel SO taken advantage of. I'm hoping to be able to at least get the nail polish off the doll. She's darker skinned, Native American looking, and I'm afraid that using nail polish will discolor her, but I don't know what else to do.

 

I just keep reminding myself, what goes around comes around. :glare:

[Slartibartfast]

I would call the doll company before removing any sort of paint or polish.

 

And I would call the police.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Call the police. They broke into your house and stole your belongings.

[clarkacademy]

I am so sorry for you and your daughter right now. I am dealing with the behaviors of others causing harm right now myself! I hope your little girl feels better soon. Very sad when their friends hurt them.

[Mosaicmind]

I would call the doll company before removing any sort of paint or polish.

 

And I would call the police.

 

 

I second calling the police. What they did is a crime and they need to be punished.

[Caitilin]

So sorry, that really stinks.:grouphug: And, yes, please do call the police--stealing is stealing

 

But about the doll, Jujusky from here on the WTM has a great blog post about how she was able to repair some American girl dolls. You might check it out and see if anything is helpful for rescuing your poor dd's doll. :grouphug: again.

[kchara]

Unfortunately, they didn't break in. The lawnmower and the grill were outside, next to the house, being stored there. They just took them. Which is still stealing. We have to go back up there to finish getting everything in a couple of weeks, so we can turn the house over, and I'm giving them until then to give everything back. If I call the police, she goes back to jail. She's already on probation for the theft from the church. She just got released a couple of months ago. I'd hate to put her kids back through that.

 

I don't understand destroying a child's property, especially something as obviously loved as this was. DD had JUST gotten it, 2 days before we went up there. It was a gift from my mom, who she adores, but isn't stable, and doesn't give gifts on time, or at all lately. It was a big deal.

 

I'll check out the blog post, thank you!

[Mosaicmind]

Unfortunately, they didn't break in. The lawnmower and the grill were outside, next to the house, being stored there. They just took them. Which is still stealing. We have to go back up there to finish getting everything in a couple of weeks, so we can turn the house over, and I'm giving them until then to give everything back. If I call the police, she goes back to jail. She's already on probation for the theft from the church. She just got released a couple of months ago. I'd hate to put her kids back through that.

 

I don't understand destroying a child's property, especially something as obviously loved as this was. DD had JUST gotten it, 2 days before we went up there. It was a gift from my mom, who she adores, but isn't stable, and doesn't give gifts on time, or at all lately. It was a big deal.

 

I'll check out the blog post, thank you!

 

I get you not wanting to put her kids through anymore heartache but what if you let this slide and she does something much worse later and her kids end up with no mom ever again? Plus, what kind of example is she being to her kids? Maybe they need to be protected from her, who knows. I am only speculating.

 

I guess if she feels that she can get away with it then she might be led to feel that she could get away with something "bigger". You would actually be doing her kids a favor if you do something about this now because heaven forbid she would feel she could rob a bank or something like that and then might end up in prison for a very long time where her kids would never have a mom. Just something to really pray about.

[swellmomma]

Call the police. They broke into your house and stole your belongings.

 

:iagree:

[meggie]

Are you kidding me? Do not own this woman's guilt. Do the right thing and call the police. You have no responsibility for what the woman's kids go through. You have a responsibility to show your own what is right and wrong and how to handle these situations. Because what you're showing them right now is that it's ok for someone to walk all over them if they "promise" to change. If this woman gave a d*mn about what happened to her kids she wouldn't be a CRIMINAL!

[RanchGirl]

Unfriend her on Facebook and call the police immediately. This is not a friend and not a good mother. Consider yourself lucky if you escape this "friendship" with no additional losses.

[kolamum]

You know, if you do call the police you might be helping her children. You'll be showing them that taking what doesn't belong to you, ruining what's accidentally left behind, etc. is wrong and won't be tolerated.

 

Another option might be to have your dh show up in person. Demand the items back, and ask for partial, if not all, the money for the doll. If they say no, say you have 24 hours or we will be making a call to the police. Set up a tent on their lawn if it takes that.

 

What if in your effort to protect her children you're hurting your own? I think it's amazingly kind that even in the midst of your anger you can think clearly about her little ones, but I worry for you what will happen before you get all your things moved out.

[Parker Martin]

If these people don't suffer consequences, they will continue with their lives of habitual crime, and they will raise their children to be petty thieves. They took advantage of your good nature before, and they are continuing to do it now. I would call the police.

[lmrich]

I think the children are learning from their mother that stealing is acceptable. You are kind to think about how the children will suffer in the short term, however, please think of how they will suffer in the long run, learning from a mother who is a criminal.

[southcarolinamom]

You know, if you do call the police you might be helping her children. You'll be showing them that taking what doesn't belong to you, ruining what's accidentally left behind, etc. is wrong and won't be tolerated.

 

Another option might be to have your dh show up in person. Demand the items back, and ask for partial, if not all, the money for the doll. If they say no, say you have 24 hours or we will be making a call to the police. Set up a tent on their lawn if it takes that.

 

What if in your effort to protect her children you're hurting your own? I think it's amazingly kind that even in the midst of your anger you can think clearly about her little ones, but I worry for you what will happen before you get all your things moved out.

 

This is an excellent idea. Give them the chance to "make things right" and return your items first. You have shown plenty of mercy and grace to this family. We don't want to see you taken advantage of any longer! Keep us posted on what happens. :grouphug: I'm sorry about the doll. Sigh.

[radiobrain]

Some people just "don't get" some things. Seriously.

 

I bet that she didn't see taking your stuff as stealing, she found a way to justify it in her mind. I really believe there are people who are missing that basic understanding, and it isn't so much that they are malicious, just clueless. I also think she didn't even think about that doll at all. She probably has the sort of thinking going on like this "It must not really be important if it was left behind".

 

I say this... ask that she return everything, everything, of yours that she has by such and such a date. Write a list of everything and give it to her. She might not even realize she has all that stuff of yours. Tell her that you will be coming by on whatever date and time and expect to pick up everything. If there are any issues, you will contact police, but that you would rather not. I would give her that small consideration, but only because you want to be done with this family, right?

 

I was first thinking that they should return your grill & lawnmower to your property, but this way, they still have possession if you do have to call the police, and they are not trespassing a second time (with your permission).

[Lisa in Jax]

One thing: If you report the thefts, *you* are not putting her kids though anything. *Her* choices and actions caused the problems. If she is prosecuted because of those actions, it is because of *her* behavior, not your reporting of the actions.

 

As another poster said, don't own her guilt.

 

Lisa

[Jennifer3141]

One more vote for calling the police. She hasn't changed from her first mistake - which was a whopper!!!

[gardenmom5]

I the treasurer was caught stealing a massive amount of money from the school.

Then, come to find out, they had gone over to our old house (which we still own, and are using for storage) and taken our grill and lawnmower.

 

so, did the church school call the cops about the massive EMBEZZELMENT? (becasue that's what it was) or are they "forgiving - but disowning" her so she can move on and victimize unsuspecting others?

Did you call the cops about the thefts? (not returning things you've loaned them is jerky behavior, but legal. Have you given a date by which you want the items returned? taking things from your house without your knowledge or permission is theft.)

Edited August 11, 2011 by gardenmom5

[gardenmom5]

One thing: If you report the thefts, *you* are not putting her kids though anything. *Her* choices and actions caused the problems. If she is prosecuted because of those actions, it is because of *her* behavior, not your reporting of the actions.

 

As another poster said, don't own her guilt.

 

Lisa

You'll be doing her kids a favor in learning that kind of behavior isn't to be tolerated. she's teaching them stealing is okay and they are likely to grow up just like her unless she is bluntly held accountable.

 

“Evil flourishes when good men do nothing.”

~British statesman Edmund Burke

Edited August 11, 2011 by gardenmom5

[LittleIzumi]

Unfortunately, they didn't break in. The lawnmower and the grill were outside, next to the house, being stored there. They just took them. Which is still stealing. We have to go back up there to finish getting everything in a couple of weeks, so we can turn the house over, and I'm giving them until then to give everything back. If I call the police, she goes back to jail. She's already on probation for the theft from the church. She just got released a couple of months ago. I'd hate to put her kids back through that.

 

I don't understand destroying a child's property, especially something as obviously loved as this was. DD had JUST gotten it, 2 days before we went up there. It was a gift from my mom, who she adores, but isn't stable, and doesn't give gifts on time, or at all lately. It was a big deal.

 

I'll check out the blog post, thank you!

 

Call the police, PLEASE. You are not the one who chose this path. SHE chose to do these things and to steal and embezzle, knowing full well that they were against the law. She continued to do so when she was not jailed after the church embezzlement. Her children are seeing a model of theft, embezzlement, lying, etc. This woman needs a wake-up call, and her family needs an example of right. I really believe you should call the police. I wish the former church would call the police, too, after the embezzlement.

 

Are you kidding me? Do not own this woman's guilt. Do the right thing and call the police. You have no responsibility for what the woman's kids go through. You have a responsibility to show your own what is right and wrong and how to handle these situations. Because what you're showing them right now is that it's ok for someone to walk all over them if they "promise" to change. If this woman gave a d*mn about what happened to her kids she wouldn't be a CRIMINAL!

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

:grouphug::grouphug: That stinks about the doll and your stuff, but there IS something you can do about it. Call the doll manufacturer about the doll, and call the cops about the rest. Prevent it from happening to anyone else. :grouphug:

[TXMary2]

IF they went on to property you still own then they robbed you. I wouldn't hesitate to call the police.

[Guest submarines]

Call the police. ... ... Prevent it from happening to anyone else. :grouphug:

 

:iagree:

[Sparkle]

What a horrible person. I'd call the police. I'd also go and demand my stuff back immediately. That is just unconscionable to do the things she's done. :grouphug:

[4wildberrys]

I just need to vent, and I can't do it on FB, b/c it would cause massive drama. :glare:

 

A little backstory: We had a very, VERY small church where we used to live. The church started a church school, which pretty much alienated us when we made it abundantly clear that our children wouldn't be attending. Well, long story short, the treasurer was caught stealing a massive amount of money from the school. She seemed very repentant, and when the church pretty much abandoned her after her very public apologies, we felt that wasn't right, and tried to stand by the family. We were the ONLY people in town who would even speak to them. It bit us on the rear. Repeatedly. Obviously, these people are scam artists. We kept up some sort of relationship, b/c our kids were friends, and we knew we would be moving away soon anyway.

 

After we moved, we went up and had to get some of our stuff out of storage. DD had just gotten a new doll for Christmas, and wanted to show it to her friends. It ended up being left. That was in February. :glare: I called, I emailed, I texted, I FB messaged, offering to pay postage, do whatever it took to get the doll back. I was completely ignored.

 

DH had to go up this week and get more of our storage stuff. He had to camp out at their ever-lovin' door to get the stinkin' doll back! This lady had posted all over FB that she had a "gift" for our DD. Um, if it's OUR doll, it's not a gift! You're just returning what was ALREADY OURS! Keeping it would've been STEALING. Ugh. I was irritated, but let it go.

 

DH gets home tonight and gives DD her doll, which she's SO excited for. She was literally bouncing off the walls all day waiting for it. Get it in the light and these people had let their kids paint the finger and toenails red, they'd lost the socks and shoes, someone had CHEWED on one of the thumbs, and something sharp was taken to the other thumb, b/c there's a gash in it!!

 

It's an $80 doll!!! DD is collecting these!!!

 

Then, come to find out, they had gone over to our old house (which we still own, and are using for storage) and taken our grill and lawnmower. That's in addition to the other stuff of ours I had loaned to them and they still have (including a complete set of Hooked on Phonics and Hooked on Math that I could REALLY use right now, my 100 EZ Lessons book, and a few other things).

 

I am so ticked, and I feel SO taken advantage of. I'm hoping to be able to at least get the nail polish off the doll. She's darker skinned, Native American looking, and I'm afraid that using nail polish will discolor her, but I don't know what else to do.

 

I just keep reminding myself, what goes around comes around. :glare:

 

Wow----it sounds like you just left our small town and church! If you're talking about an American Girl doll---just call the company and they will fix it for you. The other stuff? My advice if you want to move on in life mentally now that you are physically away? Let it GO! Forget about the stuff. Get the rest of your belongings and just let the rest go. Like you said 'What goes around comes around." It may not be easy to let things take care of themselves in this way, but it sure relieves the pressure of you having to get revenge, call the police, get hurt even further by these awful people.

[ereks mom]

I just need to vent, and I can't do it on FB, b/c it would cause massive drama. :glare:

 

A little backstory: We had a very, VERY small church where we used to live. The church started a church school, which pretty much alienated us when we made it abundantly clear that our children wouldn't be attending. Well, long story short, the treasurer was caught stealing a massive amount of money from the school. She seemed very repentant, and when the church pretty much abandoned her after her very public apologies, we felt that wasn't right, and tried to stand by the family. We were the ONLY people in town who would even speak to them. It bit us on the rear. Repeatedly. Obviously, these people are scam artists. We kept up some sort of relationship, b/c our kids were friends, and we knew we would be moving away soon anyway.

 

After we moved, we went up and had to get some of our stuff out of storage.

 

Where was your stuff stored?

 

DD had just gotten a new doll for Christmas, and wanted to show it to her friends. It ended up being left.

 

Left where? And why, since it was so important to your dd?

 

That was in February. :glare: I called, I emailed, I texted, I FB messaged, offering to pay postage, do whatever it took to get the doll back. I was completely ignored.

 

Who did you try to contact? Who ignored you?

 

DH had to go up this week and get more of our storage stuff. He had to camp out at their ever-lovin' door to get the stinkin' doll back!

 

This lady had posted all over FB that she had a "gift" for our DD. Um, if it's OUR doll, it's not a gift! You're just returning what was ALREADY OURS! Keeping it would've been STEALING. Ugh. I was irritated, but let it go.

 

DH gets home tonight and gives DD her doll, which she's SO excited for. She was literally bouncing off the walls all day waiting for it. Get it in the light and these people had let their kids paint the finger and toenails red, they'd lost the socks and shoes, someone had CHEWED on one of the thumbs, and something sharp was taken to the other thumb, b/c there's a gash in it!!

 

It's an $80 doll!!! DD is collecting these!!!

 

Then, come to find out, they had gone over to our old house (which we still own, and are using for storage) and taken our grill and lawnmower. That's in addition to the other stuff of ours I had loaned to them and they still have (including a complete set of Hooked on Phonics and Hooked on Math that I could REALLY use right now, my 100 EZ Lessons book, and a few other things).

 

Who has done all these things? The family that everyone ostracized except you--the treasurer's family?

 

I am so ticked, and I feel SO taken advantage of. I'm hoping to be able to at least get the nail polish off the doll. She's darker skinned, Native American looking, and I'm afraid that using nail polish will discolor her, but I don't know what else to do.

 

I just keep reminding myself, what goes around comes around. :glare:

 

I'm really sorry this has happened to you and your family, but I'm afraid I'm not following the story very well. :confused:

[Sushi's Mom]

So sorry this is happening to you. I would call the police about the grill and mower.

 

If you are really against calling the police, you don't have to let this lady know that. Send her an email (so you have proof you contacted her) with a list of the items she stole (mower & grill), as well as the things she borrowed, along with the cost of replacing the doll. Say in the email that if she does not return these items, and pay for the doll by the end of the week, you will be calling the police. Maybe you can scare her into giving you back your stuff.

 

Then call her to tell her you sent an email and she needs to read it ASAP or you will be calling the police.

 

Good luck!

[Garga]

There are your options:

 

#1. Let everything that they took go. They get to keep it, scott free. You just walk away having learned a nasty lesson.

 

#2. Give them a list of everything of yours that they took and demand it back by x date, or you'll call the cops. Then follow through with your threats.

 

#3. Call the cops now.

 

#4. Give them a list of everything of yours that they took and demand it back by x date and then keep banging on the door on x date. Take what you can (if they open the door) and then let the rest go.

 

 

Yup--you were taken advantage of. You were generous and kind-hearted and you did the right thing. They didn't. Most of us don't have to experience anything like that. :grouphug: to you for being sweet and good, and having it come to this.

[kchara]

so, did the church school call the cops about the massive EMBEZZELMENT? (becasue that's what it was) or are they "forgiving - but disowning" her so she can move on and victimize unsuspecting others?

Did you call the cops about the thefts? (not returning things you've loaned them is jerky behavior, but legal. Have you given a date by which you want the items returned? taking things from your house without your knowledge or permission is theft.)

 

I'm not sure how to multi-quote, so I'll try to respond to everyone. :)

 

First, yes, the church had her charged. She got 6 months. She got out in May. Come to find out, it was her second embezzlement offense. We found that out much, much later. :glare: Jail time obviously doesn't phase this woman.

 

What we decided to do is go on with life with the doll. I'm going to contact a doll hospital about the thumbs (one was melted, not chewed, when I inspected it more fully), and DD will have to pay for that out of her money, since she left the doll in the first place.

 

For the other things, DH and I are getting a list together tonight of the things they have. We're going to send it to them, letting them know we'll be back up there in 2 weeks to pick everything up. If it's not returned, we'll be taking them to small claims court.

 

ereks mom: Our stuff was in our trailer. We own a trailer up there (a different state), and we had to move in a hurry, once DH found a new job. So we left quite a bit of stuff just up there in the trailer, since we already owned it. We've been going back and getting stuff out as we can.

 

I contacted the people who had the doll, this family we tried to be friends with and support. Yes, this is the treasurer's family, the one everyone ostracized.

 

My DD forgot the doll because it was late, after 11:00 pm when we left, and she was 9. I should've made sure she had it, but I didn't think to. We were just trying to get out of town at that moment.