Why can't it be like "Back in My Day"

[kahlanne]

I was just wondering how different is the schedule in your current life compared to when you were younger? For those that are running here, there and everywhere, is it really better? Do you think the kids really benefit that much more for doing it all and not having down time?

 

Really, I am just wanting you to side with me. :lol: Dh and I disagree about how much our kids need to do. We have 6 kids ages 15, 11, 9, 5, 2, and 3 months. Our 15 yr old daughter plays highschool soccer and tournament soccer. She practices highschool after school (public) and her tournament practices Mon/Tues/ Wed., 2 hrs each, with games on Sat./Sun. Tournament soccer practice is an hour away. Ds, 11, plays football and soccer with the middle school which practices after school daily until 6:00. My dd, 9, does judo Mon /Wed. and tournament soccer Tues/Fri and games on Sat./Sun. Then our 5 yr old daughter plays soccer and practices Thurs. with Sat games. Dh thinks we should put her in dance as well. Uggh. I always feel so stressed and rushed. Yesterday one daughter had judo from 5:30-6:30, son had football from 5:30-8:00, and other daughter soccer from 5-7 but we had to leave at 4 to get her there and didn't get home until 8. Since the public school kids let out at 2:30-3:00, we arrived home with only enough time for a snack and change of clothes before rushing out the door. At 8:00 we started supper and ate around 9:00. Dd and ds had to be in bed by 9:30 because they leave for school at 6:30. Thankfully they didn't have homework. Many times last year we would not eat until ten and homework was rushed. (Kids made straight A's.) The weekends are a blur with so many games and church on Sunday mornings. I think it needs to scale back but dh thinks as long as it is manageable we should keep at it. The kids love the sports they play but wish there was more time as well. DD chose not to play soccer this past summer for the first time since she started tournament soccer. Dh was very disappointed and tried to talk her into it. He did talk her into two weekly camps during the summer though. DS didn't play baseball as usual so that helped to. Dh tried to press him into playing something but failed. I loved the "down" time of only having two nights a week taken for judo and the three nights the week of the soccer camp. Plus, I hate the expense of sports. DD5 costs $110/yr soccer but dance would be $650. DD9 judo is $70/mo (more for tournaments which are sporadic )and soccer is $700/yr. DD15 is $1200/two seasons. (Summer is extra)and $50/yr highschool soccer. DS is $100/yr middle school football and $50/yr soccer. This is without buying cleats, balls, gear, shoes, etc or factoring in the cost of driving to practices, games, etc nor the costs of game day snacks,drinks,etc for other kids while watching. It adds up too quickly. Dh says as long as we can pay it then what is the problem. Personally, I had rather spend the money on traveling,etc. The kids have asked why we can't go to Disney or more expensive vacations. (We go to the beach yearly but our aunt rents out her beachhouse to us cheaply.) What do you think? Excessive?

 

When dh was young, he played school basketball, baseball, and football. I always wanted to play softball but my mom didn't have the time or money to invest until I was older at which time I decided against playing. I made the highschool basketball team but quickly decided it was not for me and quit. I primarily spent my extra time working with my family on the farm and in the fields, reading, and playing with my cousin and brother. When I was older I "hung" with friends. I didn't have lots of free time but what I did was just mine to do what I wanted. I loved that I could decide to ride my horse one afternoon and the next read a book or play in the woods.

 

Anyway, do you do things differently than you were raised?

 

 

Edited:

Oh, did I mention that we live in a state away from all family so getting kids to sports is a big juggling act for the two of us. Not only that but dh coaches DD5 and DD9 soccer team and wants to sign up to be the middle school boy's soccer coach.

Edited August 9, 2011 by kahlanne

[LibraryLover]

I think little kids need lots and lots of down time. I think teens need more ways to feel productive and use their gifts. Older kids also do benefit from certain 'experiences' more than very small children. I wouldn't but an $80+ ticket to the theater for a 3 year old, but I would for a 12+ year old, fi.

 

I always say to hold off on too much running around when the kids are little, as someday an older child will have a passion. (And those passions are usually costly! Save your money when they are little! lol)

 

I couldn't take music or dance or art etc away from my kids. They need teachers, mentors, performance and gallery opportunities so they can grow and be challenged and have their hard word enjoyed and appreciated. I think everyone needs to feel they can do something well. I think people do need to contribute their gifts.

 

I have days where one has an art class, one has paino, one has dance and the dancer also has violin. ;) It's not the activites so much as there being multiple children. I try to streamline as much as possible, but it's not always easy. Teachers and classes are available when they are available. Luckily as hsers, we can have calm days. It's not until late afternoon we have to start driving.

 

That said, we love the lulls in our schedule and enjoy them *very much*. There should always be time to relax and do nothing much, no matter your age.

Edited August 9, 2011 by LibraryLover

[abbeyej]

It's funny, when we were visiting my parents a few weeks ago, going through some old boxes of books, we found Mom's calendar from the year I was 14. I had a younger brother and a baby sister... It was INSANE. :D Multiple sports, ballet, theater, church, orthodontist appts, school activities, and on and on and on. ;) I thought *my* kids were busy, lol, but it's nothing like Mom's calendar was that year. :) And I've got to say, I *loved* it as a kid. And I really don't regret any of the activities I was involved in.

 

That said, my kids are "busy", but I just don't think I could handle doing *quite* as much as my mom was doing. :) My head might explode. :)

 

So, I guess I'm saying, "Yes, I understand where your husband is coming from" AND "Yes, I get where you're coming from". :) I don't think either of you is *wrong*. It sounds like your kids love most of what they're doing. But it's tough when there's so little family time, when you're dragging little ones around, when you can't have dinner until late (and surely the kids in school will have homework to do at some point?!)... And yes, the expense piles up.

 

I do find that I can get dinner on the table more quickly on our late nights (4 days a week for us) if I have a *plan* and can do all of the prep (and maybe some of the cooking) in the morning while I'm overseeing school work. That way, when we walk in the door, there's a salad in the fridge, ready to be dressed, and whatever else we're having for dinner just needs to be pulled out of the oven or heated up, or just seared off for a minute. If I've planned well, I can usually have a complete dinner on the table within 10-15 minutes of walking in the door. If I have anything less than a *stellar* plan ;), it takes me 45minutes+... Maybe there are some little things in terms of planning that could streamline some of the daily aspects of your chaos? :)

[kahlanne]

Thanks for both your responses

 

Abbeyej, I really like that you were one of the "overscheduled" kids and gave me your pov. I never want my kids to look back and think they had more down time. Maybe I am the one that needs the down time. Some days I feel so ancient at 37. :confused: My mom used to nap every Sunday afternoon. She would turn on Mutual of Omaha wildlife show or Justin Wilson's cooking (un-yawns..LOL) for my brother and me so that she could "rest her eyes." Maybe I need to do the same....if I could fit it in.

[kahlanne]

"I always say to hold off on too much running around when the kids are little, as someday an older child will have a passion." LibraryLover

 

 

My problem is that we stretched out the having of the kids. There is no holding off on too much running around when kids are little because we have older ones as well. Of course by the time our littles are their age, they will have to be patient because ma and pa will not be as sprite as they were back in the day. :lol:

Edited August 9, 2011 by kahlanne
quoting librarylover

[tmulcahy]

Man I thought this thread was going to be about parachute pants or something like that:lol:

[stripe]

Honestly my mom didn't have time for activities for kids so I try extra hard to do things for my kids. That includes just playing outdoors, not group sports.

[LibraryLover]

"I always say to hold off on too much running around when the kids are little, as someday an older child will have a passion." LibraryLover

 

 

My problem is that we stretched out the having of the kids. There is no holding off on too much running around when kids are little because we have older ones as well. Of course by the time our littles are their age, they will have to be patient because ma and pa will not be as sprite as they were back in the day. :lol:

 

 

LOL So did I, although I have two fewer and not such a span. My oldest is 22 and my youngest is 12. I was complaining the other day that I am sick of driving. My oldest paused and said, "Well, you have been doing this for 20 years." I had to think about that...and he was right. We started going to a Waldorf mother/child group when he was 2.

 

Of course, I didn't mention the LLL meetings or the baby massage classes I went to when he was born. So, 22 years of activities. lol I was a new mom in a new town. That stuff was for me. lol

 

You need an iPad, a Kindle, and a big basket of of distractions for the littles. lol Have fun. and try to streamline and delegate with dh as much as possible. When my dh is working at home, he is able to do some dropping off if it's not too far.

[abbeyej]

...My mom used to nap every Sunday afternoon. ... Maybe I need to do the same....if I could fit it in.

You have to take care of yourself too. I've only got two kids, and it gets overwhelming. Add two more school-aged ones, a baby, and a toddler?!?! YOU NEED A NAP! :D Write it on the calendar if you must. ;)

 

Down time is necessary for all of us. But activities and busyness are fun too. Just not if they're killing mom! Or robbing you of all family time.

 

I do agree with LL that teens pursuing passions are a bigger priority than elementary students trying all sorts of things. That's not to say there isn't value in young ones studying music or ballet or martial arts or getting to be on a soccer team, etc. But I would do more bending over backwards to make older kids feel like part of something bigger, as if they have a real purpose and something to pursue. (Yes, lol, Today was brought to you by the letter P.)

[kahlanne]

Man I thought this thread was going to be about parachute pants or something like that:lol:

 

 

Funny....I don't think I want to see them come back.

[ktgrok]

I'm exhausted form reading your post. I'd limit them to one sport or activity at a time. So if there are different seasons, fine, but only one thing at a time. More than that and they don't learn how to have down time, how to relax. There is no NEED for more than that. One sport at a time gives all the benefits your dh could ever want, but without the stress.

[joannqn]

I wasn't given the opportunity to experience extra-curricular activities when I was young. I asked for a piano and a piano teacher when I was five. I envied my classmates in girl scouts. I did try out for volleyball before my freshman year, but we moved before the first game of the season. I was also in track and field for a season in high school but injured my knee mid-season. I did some activities with JROTC, and I went to high school, but I was always responsible for finding my own way there. If I had a track meet or JROTC activity before my dad got home from work, it was my responsibility to find a babysitter for my brother since it was my job to babysit (without pay) from the time school was out until my dad got home at about 7pm.

 

That said, I don't want that for my kids. I want them to enjoy their childhood and have opportunities I didn't have, but I keep it within reason. I won't spend a lot of time or money on something they aren't interested in or passionate about. We work our family's schedule around DS9's taekwondo because he is passionate about it and has lifelong goals for it. DD11 doesn't have that kind of interest in anything but does go to youth group. DS4 and DD2 aren't old enough yet. Last year, we had two regular activities: swimming for the older three on Wednesday afternoons and taekwondo four days per week for DS9. That's it.

 

I've had crazy schedules in the past and I wouldn't do it again.

[tmulcahy]

Funny....I don't think I want to see them come back.

 

No, I don't either;)

 

As far as life and kids and going and going and going is concerned we often say we are doing too much. The whole house gets stressed when we try to fit too much in. I have met people who won't give a thing up no matter how stretched they are. When we see that things are a bit crazy we scale back for a while. We often struggle to find the balance here. I think most families do.

 

When I was younger I played softball for a couple of seasons and that was it. My mom was not into providing many extras. I didn't think I was missing out though.

[mo2]

Man I thought this thread was going to be about parachute pants or something like that:lol:

 

:lol:

 

You have to take care of yourself too. I've only got two kids, and it gets overwhelming. Add two more school-aged ones, a baby, and a toddler?!?! YOU NEED A NAP! :D Write it on the calendar if you must. ;)

 

:iagree: Is there any way you can schedule a "quiet time" in the afternoon just before the older one(s) gets home from school? When the baby goes down for a nap, pop in the Letter Factory DVD for the toddler and take a rest. Don't do the dishes or the laundry, REST. (And yes, I am advocating the use of TV to help you reclaim your sanity. )

 

Also, crockpot meals. :)

[alpidarkomama]

We just do a choir class that a friend volunteer teaches for our community, and a music class that I volunteer teach for our community. So all is in walking distance. :) Everything else we do or sign up for are one-shot things. We like keeping it simple!!! So we're definitely a "back in my day" kind of family.... :)

[QueenCat]

For us, the extracurriculars were part of the compromise to homeschool. Dh was agreeable to homeschooling if I ensured the boys were around other people, not including store clerks and such from errand running, at least 4 out 5 of the weekdays.

[alpidarkomama]

Between our two classes (see above), visiting with friends, a very social Saturday/sabbath/shabbos every week, and just being out and about, my kids are just happy with how things are, and very sociable too. Comfortable either way actually - able to amuse themselves on their own when they're by themselves or just with siblings, and also able to reach out and make new friends easily. Each kid has a few close playmates, lots of acquaintances, and special relationships with other adults in our lives (savta/grandma lives down the street, our adopted grandparents live in the same city, and our religious community has many people that are special to us too). We're all so happy with a simple life that is full of many, many rich experiences. We only use the car 2-3 weekdays per week, but that's partly because the members of our religious community all live in the same neighborhood so all of our friends are right here. Anyway... it really works well for us!

[katilac]

I don't think it's so much that your kids do a lot, as that you have a lot of kids! Anything times 6 is gonna be challenging, right? :D

 

Seriously, if I read correctly, no kid has more than two activities, correct? I don't think that's excessive, in and of itself, but you have to consider whether the time and money are warring with other things you want to do. Two activities per kid is not a lot. Two activities times six kids is quite a lot! And six kids is what you have, so you have to look at from that perspective, considering it on a family basis rather than kid-by-kid.

 

It sounds like dh is the most enthusiastic about it all, lol. Is he willing to discuss and negotiate? For example, if the kids WANT to do just one activity each for a year so you can go to Disneyworld, is that an option? Or possibly the oldest (or those past a certain age) do two, b/c the extras may be more important at the high school level. It sounds like they might have a definite interest in exploring options like increased travel.

 

My kids do pricier things that I did (like music lessons and camps), but I always had "activities," particularly in high school. I think that's often an age of great energy and outside exploration, and I'd try to feed that as much as possible AT THAT AGE. At younger ages, this is somewhat less important, and the down time is MORE important, so I plan accordingly. I'll be the first to say that this is much easier to do when you have only two kids, who are close in age! But any simplifying and paring down is helpful.

imo, it's not a question of "excessive" cost if you can afford it but more "is this where we want to use the money?"

[angela in ohio]

I don't think it's so much that your kids do a lot, as that you have a lot of kids! Anything times 6 is gonna be challenging, right? :D

 

:iagree:

 

And I was a busy kiddo in school. My brother played travel soccer and baseball, and I was in music, band, orchestra, speech contests, math leagues, computer classes, school newspaper, and on and on. I also loved it.