DH was stumped...

[RahRah]

Yesterday DH had his first encounter with the "what about socialization" question....and said he was really not sure what to say, what does that even mean?

 

He was at lunch and his colleagues were all moaning and groaning about their kids' school stuff...

 

One about how they were going to miss the first three days of school due to a vacation that they have scheduled and had scheduled before the new calendar was released and now the school is pissy they'll be out three days to start the year - this after last year getting a letter from the school that the kids had missed more than 10-days and any additional days, they'd be considered truant!

 

Another chimed in about how they almost had truant kids the year before too, even though the kids were doing well, with good grades, it was difficult to take vacations due to their work schedules being what they are (getting coverage), so it happened that the kids missed ten days because a few were sick days on top of the days out to go away....couldn't see why that was a big deal if the kids were doing well.

 

So the conversation went round and round, almost everyone piping in at some point and one of them said to DH he'll get it now that our DS is going to be in school too (all their kids are older). DH said, well it isn't something we've had to worry about since we're HSing DS - we take time off when we want when I can get some coverage scheduled.

 

He realized all eyes were just on him....silence....then one of his colleagues asked how we homeschool? So DH explained that I do it mostly, choose the curriculum, do most of the lessons with DS and that he's doing really well and enjoys learning.

 

Then, you know what's coming......"but what about his socialization, aren't you concerned about that?"

 

DH said he didn't know what to say....so he started rattling off the activities DS does....and after lunch realized he had no idea what the person even meant by socialization.

 

I've only encountered the question twice and I said to DH that what I usually do is simply ask what they mean because the socialization question is often a knee-jerk question because they've heard socialization is important and that somehow HSer's aren't socialized - when you ask them what they mean, most can't tell you because even they don't know.

 

So I thought I'd share that and see what others respond with so I can share that with DH if he encounters the question again, because even I'm not sure what the heck that really means myself.

[MeaganS]

I've not really encountered this yet, but my plan is to ask the person what they mean by socialization. You know, have them to define the term. Then to ask them if they ever knew someone who went to public school who was "unsocialized", and then to point out that it has little to do with homeschool and more to do with the fact that some people are weird and others are not.

[jamijoy]

 

I've only encountered the question twice and I said to DH that what I usually do is simply ask what they mean because the socialization question is often a knee-jerk question because they've heard socialization is important and that somehow HSer's aren't socialized - when you ask them what they mean, most can't tell you because even they don't know.

 

This is such a great suggestion for what to say. It works for many questions that people ask to try to put down your choices by making you defend them.

[ma23peas]

I have different responses..all meant with good intentions...first to inform, and try never to let it 'ruffle' my feathers...

 

Short response: "Not even a concern." (Truthfully, it is not anymore!)

 

Limited Time response: "To be honest, when we first started homeschooling in kindergarten I was concerned about it, but through the years I have found that God provides the outlets they need to build the kind of character traits we value. "

 

Longer time response: "Think about it, when you consider notable historical figures...Washington, Jefferson, Einstein, Franklin...none of those had the type of education that has become traditional in our lifetime...did their lack of a brick school building detract from their accomplishments? I think it's a decision any family has to make, but there are elements of socialization in the traditional setting that I think are harmful....for our family, homeschooling works and with all the opportunities available (dance, rowing, scouts, etc.) we find that socialization is not a factor."

[aggieamy]

Slightly different but I liked my DH's response when he was talking about homeschooling at work and someone mentioned that homeschool kids turn out strange. I'll paraphrase but his response was basically "Didn't you know any weird kids in public school? It's not the school that makes kid's weird it's the parents. Weird parents make weird kids." Appearantly nobody could argue with that. Later when he was relating the story to me he mentioned that we'll probably have weird kids. :001_smile:

[RahRah]

Slightly different but I liked my DH's response when he was talking about homeschooling at work and someone mentioned that homeschool kids turn out strange. I'll paraphrase but his response was basically "Didn't you know any weird kids in public school? It's not the school that makes kid's weird it's the parents. Weird parents make weird kids." Appearantly nobody could argue with that. Later when he was relating the story to me he mentioned that we'll probably have weird kids. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

 

LOL - last night when we were talking about it, DH asked me if I worried that our kids will be weird...I said, what, we're not weird - I mean, hello, we're homeschooling, that's not the norm!

 

I certainly don't want our kids to be the oddballs who don't fit in anywhere, but I also don't see that as potentially a problem long-term - DS (almost 7) already is very outgoing and is, I think, really well grounded, comfortable in his own skin; basically has no worries about interacting with a wide range of ages, from younger than him to old folks and is totally, it seems, immune to peer pressure about lots of things....to me that's important long-term, ya know?

[Jan in SC]

My dh told someone our schedule for socialization:

 

Monday- make fun of the clothes they chose to wear

Tuesday- have them eat a ten minute lunch in silence, while we chat loudly about them

Wednesday- corner them in the bathroom and tell them they are stupid

Thursday- make fun of them if they talk to a girl or are nice in general

Friday- tell them we are having an awesome party over the weekend, to which they are not invited

[Legomom]

I just say that socialization is part of the reason that we homeschool. We can get more academics done in a shorter time and that leaves more time and energy for the extracurricular stuff like sports, music, church group and we also participate in a co-op. It is a relatively short answer but informative and polite.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dh told someone our schedule for socialization:

 

Monday- make fun of the clothes they chose to wear

Tuesday- have them eat a ten minute lunch in silence, while we chat loudly about them

Wednesday- corner them in the bathroom and tell them they are stupid

Thursday- make fun of them if they talk to a girl or are nice in general

Friday- tell them we are having an awesome party over the weekend, to which they are not invited

 

What - no swirlies or stealing their lunch money? Your socialization schedule is not rigorous enough!:lol:

[Anne]

We always said that we wanted our children to learn social skills from people who had some, not from a herd of unsocialized children....

 

:D

 

Anne

[redsquirrel]

Sometimes I just say, "Oh, I am not worried about that."

 

Other times I throw it back to them. I ask them what they mean. I never stop being amazed at how many people don't know what the word socialization means. What they mean is socializing. I point that out, "oh, you mean socializing, that is different from socialization, and we've got that covered. They spend lots of time every week having fun with their friends, just like any other kid."

 

When you consider that I am almost always with my kids, and this question usually gets asked in the middle of kid chaos at a park or lessons or a birthday party it really doesn't make much sense, does it? I mean, look at them, they are right there in the thick of things. Surely the questioner can see with their own eyes that I do let them out of the basement on occasion.

[Jan in SC]

What - no swirlies or stealing their lunch money? Your socialization schedule is not rigorous enough!:lol:

 

We will add those in during middle school! :D

[GoVanGogh]

DH has had a few co-workers ask about socialization over the years.

DH generally makes a joke about us being "too socialized" and always out having fun while he is slaving away at work. He then rattles off whatever we have going on that week. He says it has always worked at getting his point across that we are not locked up at home all day, every day.

[Cassy]

My DH took the boys to a local tennis tournament recently and was sat with one of my friends and her mother-in-law, a retired teacher from a private school. My friend is very impressed with my homeschooling, and very supportive, but when she started talking to DH about it her MIL just shook her head and told DH that she'd be very worried about the socialisation aspect of homeschooling herself.

 

Now DH doesn't really get much involved in homeschooling, and doesn't know that much, but he's the sort of person who can talk very well about things he doesn't really know much about. "Ah, yes, the 'S' word" he laughed, "Yes, everyone worries about that, but you know they socialise well at all these outside activities, and they socialise brilliantly together, the older ones teaching the younger ones. C (DS10) is even teaching L (DS4) Latin, you know". "Latin? :blink:" was the reply. It shut her up immediately. I later had to explain to my friend that while DS10 does learn Latin, DS4 doesn't :001_smile:.

 

That's my DH, bless him.

 

Cassy

[Mom22ns]

I usually reply with something like, "Yeah, that is another big advantage!". My oldest is autistic spectrum. He was in public school until he was 10. After I started homeschooling, I had people I barely knew at church coming up to ask what we had changed because ds's social skills were improving so radically! I had one woman ask if we were sorry we hadn't started homeschooling sooner just for the improved social skills :D

 

If they need explanation of my response, I'm happy to explain that my kids participate in many positive social interactions with friends now. They are involved in sports, music and church. They no longer deal with bullying, foul language, s*xually explicit conversations, etc. DH and I are now their primary social role models and that has worked out beautifully. We are trying to raise socially competent adults after all, not socially typical teens - ugh!

[newlifemom]

What - no swirlies or stealing their lunch money? Your socialization schedule is not rigorous enough!:lol:

 

:iagree: I mean this is a classical home school forum. Where did all the rigor go? I'm gonna start a new social group. Draconian Socializers or Tiger Mom Socializers Unite!

 

 

 

:D

[Tiberia]

My dh told someone our schedule for socialization:

 

Monday- make fun of the clothes they chose to wear

Tuesday- have them eat a ten minute lunch in silence, while we chat loudly about them

Wednesday- corner them in the bathroom and tell them they are stupid

Thursday- make fun of them if they talk to a girl or are nice in general

Friday- tell them we are having an awesome party over the weekend, to which they are not invited

 

This is great! I'll have to add it to my to-do list!

 

I usually ask the person how socialization went for them in public school. That usually answers their own question for them. Then I tell them about how my kids are social.

[lovelaughs_times_three]

Limited Time response: "To be honest, when we first started homeschooling in kindergarten I was concerned about it, but through the years I have found that God provides the outlets they need to build the kind of character traits we value. "

 

Ooooo! I love this one! It quietly and subtly changes the socialization debate, and brings into sharper clarity what is most important concerning the social development of our children!

 

Thanks for sharing, ma23peas!

[lovelaughs_times_three]

Slightly different but I liked my DH's response when he was talking about homeschooling at work and someone mentioned that homeschool kids turn out strange. I'll paraphrase but his response was basically "Didn't you know any weird kids in public school? It's not the school that makes kid's weird it's the parents. Weird parents make weird kids." Appearantly nobody could argue with that. Later when he was relating the story to me he mentioned that we'll probably have weird kids. :001_smile:

 

:lol: Love this one, too!!! Go, Hive, Go!

[lovelaughs_times_three]

My dh told someone our schedule for socialization:

 

Monday- make fun of the clothes they chose to wear

Tuesday- have them eat a ten minute lunch in silence, while we chat loudly about them

Wednesday- corner them in the bathroom and tell them they are stupid

Thursday- make fun of them if they talk to a girl or are nice in general

Friday- tell them we are having an awesome party over the weekend, to which they are not invited

 

With all the clever comments, maybe we should be letting our husbands answer more of these questions for us! lol! :D

[DawnM]

We had a little of the opposite problem at DH's work. The secretary was going on about how her 13 year old son is leaving his used condoms in his pants pocket and how he is getting low grades, etc......

 

One of DH's work buddies said loudly, "I am beginning to see the value in Jim homeschooling his children!" :lol:

[Mommy22alyns]

Then, you know what's coming......"but what about his socialization, aren't you concerned about that?"

 

 

 

"Yes, we're concerned about his socialization. That's why we're homeschooling." :tongue_smilie:

[Desert Rat]

Ha! Jean, I remember that from the old boards and that's exactly my response:

Dh comes home for lunch, corners them in the bathroom, shakes 'em down for their lunch money then gives them swirlies.

I'm usually met with stunned and shocked silence. Worth every minute.

[I.Dup.]

My dh told someone our schedule for socialization:

 

Monday- make fun of the clothes they chose to wear

Tuesday- have them eat a ten minute lunch in silence, while we chat loudly about them

Wednesday- corner them in the bathroom and tell them they are stupid

Thursday- make fun of them if they talk to a girl or are nice in general

Friday- tell them we are having an awesome party over the weekend, to which they are not invited

 

Perfect. :D

 

I say something along the lines of "yeah, because being in a concrete box with a bunch of kids the same exact age is really healthy and realistic socialization!"....haven't needed to use it yet, but this issue just makes me crazy.

[I.Dup.]

"Yes, we're concerned about his socialization. That's why we're homeschooling." :tongue_smilie:

 

:iagree:

[Pretty in Pink]

We like to respond to socialization comments with one or more of the following:

 

"Actually, we find that our dc have more opportunities to hang out with friends and participate in community events because we are not bound by a traditional school schedule."

 

"Our dc enjoy participating in a variety of activities and have plenty of friends!"

 

"Going to a traditional school doesn't mean that a child will be popular or have many friends. Our children may be HSed, but they still have plenty of friends."

 

"Our kids play quite well with other children."

 

All said with a sincere smile. I have found that most people are referring to time with same-aged peers when they use the word socialization. I do think that is part of socialization, having one or several friends one's own age (or more, depending on the personality of the child) that one can share their thoughts and feelings with and just hang out with. I think that this aspect of socialization becomes particularly more important as a child enters the preteen and adolescent years. I don't think four year olds necessarily *need* to form meaningful relationships with other four year olds, particularly when they have siblings at home to interact with daily. I do think it is important for twelve year olds to have regular interactions with same-aged peers, and to begin to form deeper, perhaps more private friendships.

 

Another (equally) important aspect of socialization is the ability to experience and navigate meaningful and appropriate social interactions within one's community. These types of interactions begin at a very young age.

[wormbuy]

I have different responses..all meant with good intentions...first to inform, and try never to let it 'ruffle' my feathers...

 

Short response: "Not even a concern." (Truthfully, it is not anymore!)

 

Limited Time response: "To be honest, when we first started homeschooling in kindergarten I was concerned about it, but through the years I have found that God provides the outlets they need to build the kind of character traits we value. "

 

Longer time response: "Think about it, when you consider notable historical figures...Washington, Jefferson, Einstein, Franklin...none of those had the type of education that has become traditional in our lifetime...did their lack of a brick school building detract from their accomplishments? I think it's a decision any family has to make, but there are elements of socialization in the traditional setting that I think are harmful....for our family, homeschooling works and with all the opportunities available (dance, rowing, scouts, etc.) we find that socialization is not a factor."

 

Thank you for the limited response, it is such a great reminder, just what I needed to hear today!

[Maus]

My MIL took all the "girls" in the family to a ballet and then lunch not long ago, and over lunch someone said something about socialization. I responded, "Most people really mean 'socializing' when they say that, and usually you get in trouble if you do that during school."

 

That really cracked up our 16 year old niece, who found that to really true.:D

[AndyJoy]

What - no swirlies or stealing their lunch money? Your socialization schedule is not rigorous enough!:lol:

 

:iagree:And don't forget shoving them in a locker! http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=239779

[Tarreymere]

DH tells his co-workers (including Children's Services caseworkers) that one of the most important reasons we chose to homeschool is that we intend to raise thoughtful, mature adults rather than 'cool' teenagers.

 

The crazy thing is that he has been told (by human services professionals, no less) that when our kids are adults they will be 'naive' because they didn't get a chance to experiment with drugs, alcohol, or sex while in school........apparently this is the 'new' rationale for public schooling in our area. Betcha a lot of parents don't know THAT. :001_huh:

 

Wonder if the NEA will use that rationale for insisting on mandatory public education.......wouldn't put it past them.

 

Can you just see the billboard "Don't let your kids be naive, insist on public education. We'll make sure they get socialized! Not only will we make sure your kids know what music is popular, how to dance, how to swear, and even what to wear, we can help with so much more!

Want to make sure your son knows how to drink responsibly? We'll make sure he has all the chances he needs to figure out how to maintain that fine line between comfortably buzzed and totally trashed. Want to make sure your daughter knows all the popular recreational prescription drugs and has personal experience with the effects? We'll make sure she does! Want to make sure your children get a chance to develop proficiency in sexual techniques with a variety of partners? Trust public education and the NEA. We are here to help!"

[Impish]

We had a little of the opposite problem at DH's work. The secretary was going on about how her 13 year old son is leaving his used condoms in his pants pocket and how he is getting low grades, etc......

 

One of DH's work buddies said loudly, "I am beginning to see the value in Jim homeschooling his children!" :lol:

:lol:

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

DH tells his co-workers (including Children's Services caseworkers) that one of the most important reasons we chose to homeschool is that we intend to raise thoughtful, mature adults rather than 'cool' teenagers.

 

The crazy thing is that he has been told (by human services professionals, no less) that when our kids are adults they will be 'naive' because they didn't get a chance to experiment with drugs, alcohol, or sex while in school........apparently this is the 'new' rationale for public schooling in our area. Betcha a lot of parents don't know THAT. :001_huh:

 

:scared::svengo:

 

 

Wonder if the NEA will use that rationale for insisting on mandatory public education.......wouldn't put it past them.

 

Can you just see the billboard "Don't let your kids be naive, insist on public education. We'll make sure they get socialized! Not only will we make sure your kids know what music is popular, how to dance, how to swear, and even what to wear, we can help with so much more!

Want to make sure your son knows how to drink responsibly? We'll make sure he has all the chances he needs to figure out how to maintain that fine line between comfortably buzzed and totally trashed. Want to make sure your daughter knows all the popular recreational prescription drugs and has personal experience with the effects? We'll make sure she does! Want to make sure your children get a chance to develop proficiency in sexual techniques with a variety of partners? Trust public education and the NEA. We are here to help!"

 

:smilielol5: