Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 he apparently forgets to be kind to his friends. My 12 yo hasn't been feeling well today, and he recently told me that he's very nervous about seeing his friend, D., at baseball practice tonight and it's making him feel poorly. He said he wasn't very nice to D. last night. After some conversation he finally admitted that he wasn't just Not Nice, he was downright mean. :( Apparently he said some negative things about D's baseball skills and another friend later told him that D. was crying when he left. We talked for a while longer and resolved that the first thing he will do when he gets to practice tonight is find D. and offer him a sincere apology and promise to never speak to him that way again. I feel so bad for my son's friend. I wonder if there is something else I should do. Call the parents and apologize? If D. was your child, what would you like me to do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 At 12 - let your son do just as you planned. If the parents are there you could clue them in on what your son is doing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 he apparently forgets to be kind to his friends. My 12 yo hasn't been feeling well today, and he recently told me that he's very nervous about seeing his friend, D., at baseball practice tonight and it's making him feel poorly. He said he wasn't very nice to D. last night. After some conversation he finally admitted that he wasn't just Not Nice, he was downright mean. :( Apparently he said some negative things about D's baseball skills and another friend later told him that D. was crying when he left. We talked for a while longer and resolved that the first thing he will do when he gets to practice tonight is find D. and offer him a sincere apology and promise to never speak to him that way again. I feel so bad for my son's friend. I wonder if there is something else I should do. Call the parents and apologize? If D. was your child, what would you like me to do? I think the bolded is appropriate and enough. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 At 12 - let your son do just as you planned. If the parents are there you could clue them in on what your son is doing. My husband will be there, as he coaches the team. I'll ask him to let D's parents know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 I think the bolded is appropriate and enough. :grouphug: Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 The only other thing I might do is have him call the child before practice. If he was crying when he left he might try to get out of practice tonight, that's what I would have done as a kid. It would do D's confidence some good to know he could walk into practice knowing your son was sorry. And I'd make him make the phone call. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 The only other thing I might do is have him call the child before practice. If he was crying when he left he might try to get out of practice tonight, that's what I would have done as a kid. It would do D's confidence some good to know he could walk into practice knowing your son was sorry. And I'd make him make the phone call. That's a good point. I hadn't thought that he might not want to be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I had my 10yo write a letter to a friend after discovering a horribly mean - telling her nobody likes her, playing on every insecurity the girls has - email she had sent. I honestly was so horrified by the viciousness... Our circumstances are different, though, in that they do not see each other regularly. I used to tolerate her mother (really pushy, mean, judgmental) until she turned her eye to me, so the girls really don't have in-person time. The letter was the best solution. In your son's case, I think a heartfelt apology is entirely appropriate. And, really, more difficult than a letter, I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 I honestly was so horrified by the viciousness... I am really surprised that he could be so mean. It's a difficult thing to see in our own children, isn't it? In your son's case, I think a heartfelt apology is entirely appropriate. And, really, more difficult than a letter, I think. I do hope so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 I am really surprised that he could be so mean. It's a difficult thing to see in our own children, isn't it? The silver lining is that he felt horrible about it and is willing to make amends. That's a very good thing :grouphug:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 The silver lining is that he felt horrible about it and is willing to make amends. That's a very good thing :grouphug:. That is a good thing. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted July 19, 2011 Share Posted July 19, 2011 My son did something similar recently. I was so disappointed. Ugh. He was sincerely sorry, and offered a sincere apology. I let him know it might take some time for the friend to trust him again. By now, it has blown over, although I'm sure his friend has not forgotten. I think most kids really blow it now and then. We can count ourselves lucky that those chose to share their mistakes with us, and that they were really sorry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 19, 2011 Author Share Posted July 19, 2011 I think most kids really blow it now and then. We can count ourselves lucky that those chose to share their mistakes with us, and that they were really sorry. I just spoke with my husband and he said something similar. He added that the important thing now is to make it right. So, we're off to baseball practice to do just that. Thank you, ladies! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crissy Posted July 20, 2011 Author Share Posted July 20, 2011 Update. Hunter offered his apology to D. yesterday evening. D. stopped him and said, "It's okay. It was my fault. I shouldn't have splashed all that water on you." (:confused: I wasn't aware of a water issue) Hunter did the right thing and told his friend that indeed, it was his own fault. Being splashed with water was no excuse for the way he spoke to D. My husband spoke to the parents and they were completely unaware that anything had happened. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 Update. Hunter offered his apology to D. yesterday evening. D. stopped him and said, "It's okay. It was my fault. I shouldn't have splashed all that water on you." (:confused: I wasn't aware of a water issue) Hunter did the right thing and told his friend that indeed, it was his own fault. Being splashed with water was no excuse for the way he spoke to D. My husband spoke to the parents and they were completely unaware that anything had happened. That is awesome. Usually when we get only one side of the story, it's the side that makes the teller look good and the friend look bad. For example, your son could have come home complaining about being splashed, without mentioning his own mean response. I think it speaks volumes about your parenting and your son's character that he was torn up about the wrong he did, rather than about the wrong that was done to him. Way to go, Mom! Beth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 That is awesome. Usually when we get only one side of the story, it's the side that makes the teller look good and the friend look bad. For example, your son could have come home complaining about being splashed, without mentioning his own mean response. I think it speaks volumes about your parenting and your son's character that he was torn up about the wrong he did, rather than about the wrong that was done to him. Way to go, Mom! Beth :iagree::iagree::iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 :D It's great to post about a positive outcome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 That is awesome. Usually when we get only one side of the story, it's the side that makes the teller look good and the friend look bad. For example, your son could have come home complaining about being splashed, without mentioning his own mean response. I think it speaks volumes about your parenting and your son's character that he was torn up about the wrong he did, rather than about the wrong that was done to him. Way to go, Mom! Beth :iagree: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Margo out of lurking Posted July 20, 2011 Share Posted July 20, 2011 If D. was your child, what would you like me to do? It might be nice to get a heads up, to know that your ds would be apologizing tonight. As a parent, I might be feeling really angry and hurt, and this could go a long way toward easing *my* mind about tonight. It would also be nice to receive a direct apology from you, one parent to another, just a confirmation that you are aware of what your ds said, that you feel horrible about it, and are sorry my ds was hurt. I would feel even stronger about all of this if we (you and I, the moms) were friends, as opposed to just another teammate's mom). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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