As a homeschooler (who is home a lot), wouldd you like having your DH work at home?

[Halcyon]

Or would this be too much "closeness"? We have this option right now (to move into a larger home, with an area for DH to work--he's self-employed). Would be a big upgrade in terms of house for us, because DH wouldn't be paying for a separate office.

 

Part of me thinks it's a great idea because the house is fantastic and large. Part of me thinks

 

1. it might be hard for DH to get work done when kids are around all the time.

2. it might be hard for the kids to get work done when DH is around all the time ;)

3. having some time apart from each other is healthy for OUR relationship. (he would still have a very small space out of the home, but it's not clear how long that space will be his. But it could be a place he can go to get away if he needs to).

 

Thoughts?

[Mama2Many4]

Personally I would LOVE it if DH could work from home. But that's me. You have to decide what's right for you.

[HiddenJewel]

It would be hard for us unless dh was in a totally separate area. And I get along with dh fabulously so it has nothing to do with that. It just breaks the school flow too much.

[dangermom]

You would need a house with a room that your husband can go into, shut the door, and be AT WORK with no interruptions (which would mess up his day and your routine). But then he gets to be there for lunch! I think it would be doable and great, you just have to train everyone that Dad is not accessible during work hours.

 

If we had the space in our house, I'd love it--but we don't so it has never worked well for us.

[Halcyon]

It would be hard for us unless dh was in a totally separate area. And I get along with dh fabulously so it has nothing to do with that. It just breaks the school flow too much.

 

 

This is part of my concern. My kids see dad as "fun time" and they'd have to learn that even though he's there...he's not really there LOL. It IS a big home, so there would be enough space for DH to hide somewhere ;)

[Halcyon]

You would need a house with a room that your husband can go into, shut the door, and be AT WORK with no interruptions (which would mess up his day and your routine). But then he gets to be there for lunch! I think it would be doable and great, you just have to train everyone that Dad is not accessible during work hours.

 

If we had the space in our house, I'd love it--but we don't so it has never worked well for us.

 

 

Yes, this is key. And DH needs to learn it too! (he likes to 'take breaks' when the kids are around just a little too much!) Much to think about.

[Anita in NC]

No. DH has tried to work from home in the past. The kids distract him, are too noisy, interrupt him, too many people here are eating bandwidth, he's too easily distracted, etc...

 

For us, it works better for him to go to the office.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

NO, NO, NO!

I love my husband and enjoy when he has a day off of work. However, I run my household much differently during the week then in the evenings and weekends. the only way I would even consider it is if he works in another building on the property like a portable.

 

One year he had built up over 5 weeks of leave and decided to use it all at once, we almost killed each other. Now he takes his 5+ weeks off and spreads it over months with a week here and there or every Tuesdays and Thursdays off. Our understanding...I don't invade his work place and he does not invade mine.

[Murphy101]

It took some adjusting, but I really loved and miss when my dh worked from home.

[Mosaicmind]

NOPE!!! Dh is much more strict than I am and expects things done a certain way. I enjoy the freedom during the day to do school the way I want and run our day a little less structured. He has been home all week this week and I have been in the basement all week with the kids because he worked upstairs at the table where we usually are. It was a pain.

[Koerarmoca]

it would never work for us. My dh would be too tempted to play video games and play with the kids. He works 3rd shift so he is home for 95% of our waking hours even if he is sleeping if it hits the fan I know I can wake him for help. I love our current set up.

[angela in ohio]

:eek: :scared: :ohmy:

 

No way. I would pretend to love it and be happy, but it would make me crazy. We are ten days into dh's vacation, and I miss my space and my routine.

 

I love my dh, and we spend almost every minute when he isn't at work together. But that would be too much. I like the "daddy goes to work, daddy comes home" routine.

[happyWImom]

NO, DON'T DO IT!!!!!:eek::eek:

 

Can you tell my dh works from home?:lol: Anyway, I think it really depends on both of your personalities, and how your dh works-and where his office is, and if he stays in it.

 

My dh works from home, but our house isnt' huge, and he rarely stays in his office. We do have a schoolroom, and sometimes we use it, and sometimes we don't. This is a problem, because dh seems to forget that we are actually schooling, and he will wander in, gaze out the window, dee, dee, dee. Dc, of course, stop what they are doing, watch dad.... You get the picture. Or, if he's wandering around & goes outside, the dc of course want to go too, want to know what he's doing,etc....

 

And, there is conflict with us, because he isn't usually very busy (he's got a great job), so I feel like he should contribute to fixing/helping with meals, clean-up & things. And sometimes he's willing to, and other times, he seems to forget that I'm actually working, too-homeschooling-while he plays games on his phone or checks his email.

 

I could go on and on. For us, I would kill to have him have an office to go to, because there is way too much togetherness.

 

But, it does work for some people. The biggest thing would be to set your boundries, and make sure that he isn't a distraction for you guys, and vice versa. Talk everything out before you do it. And, again, I think it depends on personality. Dh & I are both very strong personalities, both like to be in charge, and we tend to clash. If he's gone, I'm in charge of the kids during the day, but when we're both home, it can be a problem, because we both have our way of doing things.

 

On the plus side (yes, there is one!:D), it is nice that he can come to a lot of hsing things with us, he's here if we decide to go on a spur of the moment nature walk, field trip, whatever. Also, it is nice when he gets the lunch ready, so I can continue teaching. It does have some good moments.

 

Good luck.:001_smile:

[elise1mds]

My DH is 'home-based,' which means if he doesn't have a project going on, he's home. Sometimes he's out of the house for weeks at a time, and sometimes he's home for weeks. We don't have a big house, so he doesn't have a separate room in which to work. (We don't have a school room, either.) He can choose to work either at the desk in the laundry room, which doesn't work if I'm doing laundry, or in the master bedroom and shut the door. Wherever he lands, if the kids are being noisy, he can hear them... and if he's on the phone, so can the folks on the other end of the line. All in all, though, it isn't too bad for us. I think it's more frustrating for him than for the kids and I because we continue our routine whether he's home or not. The kids don't usually bother him because they know that when he's behind a computer screen, he's not going to respond positively to being pestered. He knew what he was getting into when he took this job, so he usually doesn't gripe, but I know that he'd love to move into a bigger house with an office. Then again, I'd like a school room, too!

[Night Elf]

DH has worked from home for several years. Only in the past 6 months or so has his team been rotating to have one person at the desk in the office. If they don't use the desk, it gets taken away. His day at the office is Friday. I miss him when he's not here. I love him being home.

 

ETA: I'm giggling at some of the responses. My DH works on the sofa, right in the middle of everything. It's not a big deal now that the kids are teens but it still worked when they were younger. I like him being here to help with school stuff. He and our son have had some fabulous discussions during certain subjects. He isn't distracted by the tv and if someone isn't watching it, he has it on the 50s music channel.

Edited July 11, 2011 by Night Elf

[kewb]

I hate when my dh works from home. Just his presence in the house interferes with the routine. Sound travels through my house so the constant walking on eggshells when he is on the phone is a nightmare. Plus, there is the inevitable call downs from the ivory tower "Where is? Can you? When is?" Then he walks through the school room and starts asking questions, distracts the kids, and then when I point out that we are in the middle of school he does apologize but will occasionally throw me the "Isn't this why we homeschool/ For the flexibility and so the kids can see me when I am available? " He drives me batty. It is a miracle I have not done serious injury to him yet.

 

For us, it is preferable that he go to his office.

[Carrie12345]

Nope. My husband works from home now and then, and he stays upstairs while we're downstairs. But the kids still know he's here. Everyone has something to "ask Daddy" every few minutes, or they get too loud, or he comes down and distracts everyone from school work... Blech!

[Renthead Mommy]

NO, NO, NO!!!

 

It totally throws off our schedule. We're 'too noisy' for him. He's wondering through our space, which throws off what we are doing (aka kid would rather focus on dad than math. Shocking I know.) Plus too many "Hey you want to go to lunch, movie, bx?" or else he says "I'm running to..." and then I suddenly realize i need xyz from there and have to explain the what's, where's and why of what I need. In the end it would be easier to just go do it myself.

 

Granted he's not working. He's home burning leave on those days. But when he was in residency, he couldn't study, because we were too noisy.

[Hedgehog]

I am not sure that it would work for us.

 

He finds the kids distracting

We don't have anywhere he can work undisturbed as our house is very small and open plan

The internet is slower

No travel to work means no unavoidable exercise

 

but

 

He loved that he had no travel time

The kids loved that they saw more of him

 

For me -

 

For some reason I couldn't deal with the fact that he was at home but unavailable to help out

His presence seems to make it much more difficult for me to get anything done :confused: so I was frustrated

I actually like having some space from him

 

but

 

It was helpful to be able to take just the little ones out and leave the olders at home with dh, who could be trusted to do whatever I asked them to do in my absence, with the advantage of not being distracted by their younger siblings.

 

 

Overall, I'd really rather he went OUT to work. I just wish that he didn't work so far from home - he has a 1hr45min commute. :( It seems that it's either all or nothing.

[MinivanMom]

NO! We are in a very small house right now and it would be a huge distraction for everyone.

 

If we had an office where he could close the door and have some separate space then . . . maybe.

[MeaganS]

No.

[athena1277]

NO, NO, NO!

I love my husband and enjoy when he has a day off of work. However, I run my household much differently during the week then in the evenings and weekends. the only way I would even consider it is if he works in another building on the property like a portable.

 

 

 

:iagree:This. I have a totally different routine when dh is home vs when he is working. The two do not mesh well together.

[myfunnybunch]

My dh works at home. I wouldn't have it any other way (given a choice).

 

He's there when I need a break or need to vent. I'm there when he needs a break or needs to vent. I can send a proud kid out to recite his memory poem to Dad. No commute, so dh helps clean up after breakfast and he's home in time to make dinner. He's able to set his hours, so he can run errands in the middle of the day. He eats leftovers for lunch instead of eating out. We get to spend a lot of time together as a family.

 

He does have a separate office space, and the kids have learned that when Dad is on the phone, he *cannot* be interrupted.

 

The one thing we both needed to work through was the idea that being home does not equal being available. I've learned to leave him alone unless I *really* need something. He's learned that if I am teaching a lesson I am not available to chat.

 

The only other drawback has been balancing the demands of his job. Sometimes I have to remind him that just because the office is so easy to get to, he doesn't need to work every evening. On the plus side, on the evenings that he does *need* to work, the office is right there so he doesn't have to drive to work and back.

 

Part of the reason homeschooling and working at home works for us is that we're all together, but with our own routines and spaces.

 

Cat

Edited July 11, 2011 by myfunnybunch

[dangermom]

You would need a house with a room that your husband can go into, shut the door, and be AT WORK with no interruptions (which would mess up his day and your routine). But then he gets to be there for lunch! I think it would be doable and great, you just have to train everyone that Dad is not accessible during work hours.

 

 

Quoting myself! :D

 

My dream home has an upstairs office in the master bedroom that is down a little hall. THAT would work for us. We have friends who did it that way; the husband was down a little hall and shut away. But just having him hanging around--that would never work...

[hsmamainva]

My dh works at home. I wouldn't have it any other way (given a choice).

 

He's there when I need a break or need to vent. I'm there when he needs a break or needs to vent. I can send a proud kid out to recite his memory poem to Dad. No commute, so dh helps clean up after breakfast and he's home in time to make dinner. He's able to set his hours, so he can run errands in the middle of the day. He eats leftovers for lunch instead of eating out. We get to spend a lot of time together as a family.

 

He does have a separate office space, and the kids have learned that when Dad is on the phone, he *cannot* be interrupted.

 

The one thing we both needed to work through was the idea that being home does not equal being available. I've learned to leave him alone unless I *really* need something. He's learned that if I am teaching a lesson I am not available to chat.

 

The only other drawback has been balancing the demands of his job. Sometimes I have to remind him that just because the office is so easy to get to, he doesn't need to work every evening. On the plus side, on the evenings that he does *need* to work, the office is right there so he doesn't have to drive there and back.

 

Part of the reason homeschooling and working at home works for us is that we're all together, but with our own routines and spaces.

 

Cat

 

I agree with all of this!!

 

My hubby has worked from home for the last 10 years. He has a separate office in the house and they know that, when Dad's working, he's working and don't interrupt him!

 

It took some getting used to at first, for everyone, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

[UnsinkableKristen]

Well, I'll be the dissenter here. I absolutely LOVE having my husband work from home. I would hate it if he ever had to go back to working in an office!! I love getting to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together. As well as snack times :D .

 

He does have his own office here, so that helps. And he has a very strict work ethic, so from 8 - 5 he is in his office working, not diddling around where we are. He takes a break mid-morning and one mid-afternoon, but other than that it's really no big deal. He is careful not to interrupt while we are working and if the kids get distracted when he comes in to where we are, he just says "Get back to work, kids, we'll talk at lunch." End of story.

 

I love that he gets to see what we are really doing all day, that he can pause for a break to see a science experiment, or that he can come in if I need some help with something. While we don't do those things often, I enjoy knowing it's an option.

 

And for us, it really isn't too much time together. However, our personal marriage dynamic is one where we've never needed much space and have always preferred to be together most of the time. This fits us perfectly :)

[sewingmama]

One year he had built up over 5 weeks of leave and decided to use it all at once, we almost killed each other.

 

My DH is a public school teacher so he gets tons of holidays every year -and I am soooo glad when he goes back. I would love to school my kids year round but I have to follow the public school year because when my DH is home we get nothing done - he interupts way too much and always wants to go here or do this. We school at the kitchen table and DH is in the kitchen every 20 minutes making a snack and the kids get distracted wanting to eat as well:glare:

 

No I would not want my DH to work at home -we would kill each other. I need plenty of space to do my own thing and since he doesn't help out with anything he really gets under my feet.

 

Plus the house is always a wreck when he is home - he is worse about picking up after himself then the kids are and it makes me bonkers.

[AppleGreen]

It works for us. My dh is (usually) not distracting, but it does take discipline for me to not get distracted and try to have a conversation with him when he comes in for something. He is good at getting out the door and out to work. Our school room is away from the back door, so we will often hear him come in and out, but not see him. He's good on keeping on the DL.

 

He will often put dishes in the DW when he makes a snack and I am teaching. I love the rare time we are down several children and can go grab lunch. He will occasionally drop a kid or we'll let the big boy stay home if I have to run an errand b/c dad is here. He owns the company, so nobody is expecting him to check in with them, well other than his clients. If he doesn't do the work, the work doesn't get done and we don't get paid, so he has incentive to stay on top of things and keeping moving forward.

 

More than anything, I love the relationship it has fostered w/ my children and their dad. They really know him, interact with him and have him as a part of their daily lives, so for us it works. :)

[Farrar]

My dh works nights so he's home during the day and he also sometimes (like every Sunday) works from home. He does not have a separate work space. Our house is pretty modest (not a huge suburban mcmansion but also not a cramped galley kitchen sort of place).

 

It's fine. I like it because he doesn't have to commute. He doesn't have trouble working with distractions and he'll kick us out if he needs space. He doesn't always like it because there's some extra stress if things go wrong because it's hard to fix from home, but mostly it's good for him too. I honestly wish he could work from home all the time.

[Plaid Dad]

My dw has worked at home since before our dd was born, and I love our home-centered lifestyle. I wouldn't have it any other way.

[nono]

My dh and I were both home-based since before children. Our schoolroom is directly across the hall from his office. It has been a lifestyle for us for over 10 years! I think we'd have a very hard time if he moved to a fixed office space and fixed hours. We've worked together through 3 homes, and have always found a way to make it work. A big house just gives you more options to get it right.

[lmrich]

Loved it! He worked upstairs in an alcove of our bedroom. It was great for me to be able to run a quick errand and leave the kids at home. DH is very focused on work and never was distracted even when I had the Spanish class move to my house with 8 kids. Set boundaries, and you can make it work.

[texasmama]

My husband currently works at home, but this may be changing soon. He has officed at home running a small business for the past four years. It has at times been a challenge to keep the kids quiet while he is on phone calls and such. He offices upstairs while we school/live downstairs, but the three little kids can still get very loud. The very worst is when I go to take a shower and come in with a towel wrapped around me and dripping hair to dh getting onto the kids because they were too loud/fighting/etc. I want to move to Australia by myself on those days. Otherwise, it really works fine, and there are some advantages. I can run an errand or two, and he is there to supervise the kids (or some of them).

[justamouse]

there would have to be rules. like:

 

you come into MY office and take something, I go into YOUR office and play with papers. I will shuffle them indiscriminately, you've been forewarned.

 

Just because I'm home and you're home doesn't mean I will be your waitress or short order cook.

 

teA requires a 1 hour lead time.

[BakersDozen]

My dh worked from home for 3 weeks. I begged him to go back to work. ;) He couldn't focus, I knew he was there and could ask him to "just hold the baby for a minute", etc. It was not good. And I needed the space/time away from him (said with much love, of course).

[PentecostalMom]

You would need a house with a room that your husband can go into, shut the door, and be AT WORK with no interruptions (which would mess up his day and your routine). But then he gets to be there for lunch! I think it would be doable and great, you just have to train everyone that Dad is not accessible during work hours.

 

 

BTDT, and this is what we had to do. When dad was in his "office" you left him alone!

[texasmama]

there would have to be rules. like:

 

you come into MY office and take something, I go into YOUR office and play with papers. I will shuffle them indiscriminately, you've been forewarned.

 

Just because I'm home and you're home doesn't mean I will be your waitress or short order cook.

 

teA requires a 1 hour lead time.

 

:iagree::lol:

[musicmommy]

My dh works from home most of the time. He does go out to meet with clients a few times a week, but he's usually home for at least 3 days. Honestly, I wouldn't trade it. I absolutely love having him here with us. Then again, I also work from home as a music teacher. The boys know that there are times when we really do need them to be quieter. We have a great backyard for them to play in, a trampoline to wear them out and dh can go into a room with the door closed when he needs to make important phone calls.

 

Dh is a financial consultant and the majority of his work is done by 2:00(when the market closes) or in the evening with some phone calls to clients. This is a great incentive for the boys as they know if they finish their work, they can play with dad. He'll also take them out for a bike ride, play basketball, etc...

 

At first, it was a bit difficult, but now that we're used to it, we love it!

[happypamama]

My DH has been gone 11 hours a day for work for most of the past several years. I would seriously love if he was able to work at home (and hope he'll someday be able to do that, at least some of the time). We'd manage. It would work in our house fairly well, I think, maybe with a few adjustments. We have a two-room suite sort of thing that is our bedroom and our office/sewing room. A few adjustments (bringing a sewing machine and printer downstairs, probably, and using somewhere downstairs for folding laundry and napping toddlers) would make it work pretty well so that we weren't needing to come in here very often.

 

DH does have his own little "man cave" areas elsewhere in the house, and we're also fairly flexible -- there's a computer downstairs, there are comfy reading spots all over the place, etc., so we would not have to feel like we were all on top of each other all the time. The children would adjust; it would probably be hard for a few days, because they'd want to see Daddy all the time, but we'd all learn to respect and not distract each other. And the benefits would be great.

[Karen in CO]

:lol:

 

 

Seriously?

 

Well, I homeschool and work from home full-time. My hubby works from home most of the time.

 

I'm really happy we both have offices with doors.

 

However, it is terrific to let daddy take the kids to play outside in the afternoon so that I can sit in a corner and get some air. He does interrupt school, sometimes. I sometimes resent that he is home and isn't "helping" as much as I think he might. Sometimes we're too noisy for him. Sometimes I'm really happy when he goes to his "real" office and gets outta my hair. But overall, it is really good to have him here.

[catz]

My DH works at home *sometimes*. I have a love/hate with it. It does tend to be distracting back and forth - sometimes he's distracting us from school or the kid's are up making noise while he's on a conference call. I think if he were home consistently like on certain days or all the time, we'd grow to love it. I could see we'd need to have certain rules set up. Like anything else, probably takes some time to get used to.

[keptwoman]

It took some adjusting, but I really loved and miss when my dh worked from home.

:iagree:

 

DH worked for a company where they had one small office used for meetings and other than that, everyone telecommuted. He had his own office and it was out of bounds for the kids when the doors were closed, the kids totally respected that. Then he could pop out for a chat and coffee. He didn't disturb homeschooling and it was nice to have him there. We really missed him when he changed companies!

[Mom22ns]

My DH has worked from home for 18 years now. We haven't been homeschooling that whole time, but I've been a stay at home mom since #2 was born. We LOVE it! All of us. There are some keys that we have found make it work.

 

1. Have a place he works. DH has an office in our walkout basement (2 windows which he loves).

 

2. When DH is at work, no one may disturb him. Once he closes that office door, we call, text or iChat him, we don't just bardge in. Emergencies are exceptions (like when the dog dropped a live squirrel at my feet or carried in 100 yellow jackets that had swarmed her).

 

3. Have some method of knowing when you are disturbing your DH or when it is ok to make more noise. DH constantly updates his chat status. If we are bothering him, he'll send me a quick message (I always have a laptop nearby). If, he is in a meeting or on the phone and needs quiet, that is in his status and we know to be careful. If not, we know a little noise is ok.

 

4. Headphones and phone headsets make a big difference! The right phone headset can make background noise far less of an issue and music in earphones can drown out noisy kids :D

 

We love having DH nearby. When he passes through to the bathroom or to get food, tea, water, etc. the kids rush to him to tell him what they are doing, what they have learned or how they did on a test. When dinner is ready I yell "dinner" and he "comes home" in less than 5 minutes, NO commute! We have so much more time together because he works at home. We don't have time together WHILE he works at home though and that is the key.

[kitten18]

No. DH has tried to work from home in the past. The kids distract him, are too noisy, interrupt him, too many people here are eating bandwidth, he's too easily distracted, etc...

 

For us, it works better for him to go to the office.

:iagree:

[annandatje]

Overall we thoroughly enjoyed having husband work out of home. However, there were some stressful times, especially at the beginning, but they had nothing to do with homeschooling.

[chepyl]

My husband has his own business, he does not work away from home everyday. I love it that he gets to be home and spend so much time with the kids! He helps with the toddler while I school with ds!

[Harriet Vane]

My personal experience with this is limited, but I do also have two friends who have faced this question.

 

--For me personally: Dh's former job allowed for him to work at home at times. I kept the kids downstairs and we carried on as if he were not around. When he emerged for a break he was respectful of our work. That said, if the kids could easily take a break with dh, I was happy for them all to goof off together for ten minutes. Our limited experience was a good one.

 

--I have a friend whose dh has a marketing business and is quite successful. They bought a home large enough to accommodate his office. One of the bedrooms is actually two rooms with a door between--the second room is accessed only by going through the first one. My friend's dh has a desk in one room, and a couch and chairs in the other room. This way he both works and has meetings in the two rooms. When the door is closed, the kids stay away. My friend homeschools four children downstairs. They have part-time employees with the business as well--they work in a separate room in the finished basement. They like having the employees down there because the employees are not driven crazy by either the child noise or the dh's constant phone noise and meeting noise.

 

--I have a different friend whose dh does video editing. He tried working at home and it drove them all crazy. (At the time that they tried this there were five kids--there are eight now!) This friend's dh ended up renting a room from his mother for his business. Her home is ten minutes from his home, and working there is quiet and much cheaper than renting office space. They found this arrangement worked so well that his brother now also rents a room from their mother for his own business.

 

Bottom line: It can work well and save money on office rental IF all parties can agree on issues like noise, breaks, and so forth. The answer really will be determined by careful and scrupulously honest scrutiny into your personalities and habits.

[Peela]

DH always worked from home and it was hard while homeschooling. I had to really put my foot down about interferences and set some boundaries- with him. And yes, it would be nice to have more space from each other at times- but like you our house is large and we make it work. It took work to make it work, but we did it. We have our own separate spaces in our home.

 

However, I will say that the lifestyle part of it is FANTASTIC and I wouldn't wish on him that he go off to work for 8 hours a day at all. We have so much flexibility and freedom. With him, he has clients at home so doesn't have to discipline himself to make the time to work in his office. But overall it works well and I would recommend it.

[merry gardens]

I liked reading the replies from those of you whose husbands did this long enough to develop a routine. My husband seldom works from home, but when he does, it disrupts our usual routines. We all have to be quiet, and we can't get much done. Maybe if it happened reguarly, we all learn to adjust and enjoy it.

[MamaSheep]

We're currently re-adjusting to having Dad (who is also self-employed) back at home again after having him work away in an office for a year or so. There are things I like and things I don't like about it. Since it's the way things need to be right now, I'm choosing to focus on the positives and although I acknowledge the negatives I try not to give them too much time to play in my brain because I know I could make myself miserable over it.

 

When ds was younger and more chaotic and intense I LOVED that dh worked from home. It gave me the freedom to just leave for a while at pretty much any time of day or night and just. be. away. Awaaaaaaay. It probably saved my son's life on more than one occasion. But that partly has to do with the nature of his work and his willingness to be flexible with work hours in order to preserve my sanity. And my willingness to not take advantage of him too much in that regard. Sometimes it was enough to just know that I COULD walk away for a little while. And sometimes I could park the kids in front of a video and dh could keep working while keeping an ear out for trouble.

 

Even though the kids are older now I still like being able to go shopping without having to worry about who is babysitting whom, or whether dd has permission to play at her friend's while I'm gone, or whatever.

 

The kids are pretty good about not interrupting Dad while he's working unless it's really important, but they've kind of grown up that way. Dad isn't quite so good about respecting our school time. The man is allergic to schedules, and in fact TELLING him that there's a schedule is almost a sure-fire way to produce an overwhelming urge in him to drop everything and do something spontaneous. It's something we've discussed more than once in the past, and for a while there he was doing pretty good about staying in his space during work hours and leaving us alone, but he seems to have forgotten that skill over the past year and I am having to retrain him. And he is having to get used to the fact that there is a possibility of loud giggles or bloodcurdling screams in the background if he's on the phone. We do better if he warns us first, and it's his own fault if he didn't close the office door (which he rarely does), but I've told him I don't mind if he works at home so long as he understands that he is WORKING in a HOME, we are not LIVING in an OFFICE. I refuse to engage in office behavior all day in my own home. I just do.

 

I love that he's here for lunch and will sometimes sneak past school (which does have its independent moments nowadays--yay!) and up to the laundry room for sneak-attack kisses while I'm matching socks, or whatever.

 

But yes, it is taking some adjusting again. And there are still times I feel like screaming because he's just THERE all the stinkin time. How can I miss him if he never, ever, ever goes away....? But then I feel the same way about the kids. And I do sometimes daydream about a life in which my husband goes off to work and my kids go off to school and I am left to my own devices in the resulting peace and quiet for hours and hours on end. At times like that I try to remind myself how lonely I was during the years after college and before marriage when I lived by myself. Generally I decide I prefer being smothered by love over that vast, echoing ache. But I do like me some break time, and I don't mind admitting it. Which is why we have an agreement that Wednesdays after supper it's Mom's night off. Dad is in charge, and if I'm at home, which I'm often not, nobody is allowed to talk to me or touch me or otherwise acknowledge that I exist (unless I'm watching a chick flick, in which case you may not use the excuse that I'm not here to plop down and switch channels, thank you very much). It's lovely. :) and I find that it's much more necessary during times that Dad is working from home. I just need to detach sometimes.

 

But yeah, there are goods and bads about it, and agreements that need to be reached about space and time and accessibility, but it can be a good thing.