Jump to content

Menu

Recommended Posts

I see people asking *frequently* about how to have their children self-school these days, and many home schoolers still seem to place a high value on that. ... While I think learning to work independently and be self-motivated is important, I don't think that leaving a child alone with a pile of books to sink or swim is the way to go about that. And we all need mentors when we're working to learn something new. We may be able to find resources that give us most of the information, but it's vital to have someone we can discuss with, ask questions, be inspired by...

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

Funnily enough, one of the reasons we are homeschooling at the moment is because of a teacher DS12 had four years ago. He used to come home spouting the utmost nonsense, like "Did you know that a lemon has more energy than a nuclear power station?". When asked whether that was really what his teacher had said, he replied "Oh no, she just sent us to the library to find out about energy", an 8 year old :001_huh:. It seems she did this a lot, as well as having her "favourites" running around doing a lot of her various administrative tasks. When it came time for DS10 to go into her class we pulled both him and DS6 out of school. DS10 loves homeschooling, but may be angry with me in future because I'm insisting on him going back to school in just over a year's time. I'm also a bit of an "Angry Homeschool Mom", or at least "Sometimes Resentful Homeschool Mom" :tongue_smilie:.

 

Cassy

Link to post
Share on other sites
I think there's a big difference between grown kids thinking "I didn't like it at the time, but I know my parents did their best for me and they did give me a good education" and "My parents sacrificed me to their philosophy without thinking about my welfare at all."

 

From the responses you've gotten here and from what you've said, I hope your daughter will be the first kind! :001_smile:

 

:iagree:

 

Tracy, that is a very hard thing. I agree, in your case I wouldn't send her either. What I would probably tell her is that while I don't feel that the public school is a good environment for her now AT ALL, if she shows herself to be trustworthy and mature for the next two years and doesn't make my life a living he!! being a whiny brat about not going to the public school, when she was getting ready for 9th grade, we'd consider sending her to the private high school (assuming we'd be able to afford it). Then I would try my best to work on our relationship while holding her to the guidelines I'd laid down. Would that work at all? I know she wants to go now, but I agree with you--I would not send her into that environment either.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think everyone has regrets about *SOMETHING* about the way his/her parents raised him/her. I have always wished that my parents had gone along with the suggested grade skip when I moved from private to public school in 3rd grade. For a long time I was resentful of it, but since I became a parent myself, I've gained a lot more sympathy for them. Nobody has a crystal ball that allows a priori knowledge of what the correct decision will be. You just have to go by the information you have at the time.

Link to post
Share on other sites
:iagree: It does not sound like you have a whole lot of choice in the matter. In that case I would prob try to sweeten the pot somewhat- anything she is particularly passionate about that she could devote time to study? Or even get half days to pursue that interest? Let her pick some curriculum? Promise to set up times for her to hang out with friends that have gone to school?

 

Once she talks to the kids who have to go to that school and hears how horrible it is, she will prob thank you...well. Maybe she will not thank you out loud :lol: but she will prob think it!

 

Yes, we don't have much choice in the matter. I've been including her in what she would like to study this year. Letting her look at different subjects such as sciene and history and see what she would be interested in. I get a half baked attitude about it but maybe she'll think differently as time goes on here. The weird part is that she had no choice but to use what the school gave her. I just don't get it.

I'm sure once she hears from her friends how its going for them over there she'll maybe thank me on the inside. At least I hope.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I'll be honest and say that my own home education left me needing remedial courses for 1-2 semesters in college. It would have been easy for me to be upset about being so far behind when I started college.

 

I've been chatting with an experienced mom who has graduated six kids: three from home without diplomas, one from home with a diploma (accountable to a distance school), and two from brick and mortar high school. They *all* needed remedial courses, first year in college.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it is easy for hs kids to think the public or private school grass is greener. That whatever they think is lacking can be magically cured if only they went to a brick and mortar school.

 

There are a lot of angry public or private schooled adults out there and their parents don't seem to feel a need to beat themselves up over it. (Dh and I for example. Sure aren't seeing our parents feel bad about it.)

 

For that matter, MOST of those same adults still send their kids to public or private schools even though they hated the experience themselves. (I've even heard parents say it's important so the kids learn how to cope with it like they did!:001_huh:)

 

Idk what my kids will do. I'm sure some of them have a strong dislike for many things we do. Some of them might change their mind as they have their own children and some might not.

 

I hope they home school and do it well.

 

I hope overall, they feel I did a decent job.

 

This goes double for the kids I have to drag kicking and screaming into learning!:tongue_smilie:

Link to post
Share on other sites
I disagree that it was because of the time. I see people asking *frequently* about how to have their children self-school these days, and many home schoolers still seem to place a high value on that. ... While I think learning to work independently and be self-motivated is important, I don't think that leaving a child alone with a pile of books to sink or swim is the way to go about that. And we all need mentors when we're working to learn something new. We may be able to find resources that give us most of the information, but it's vital to have someone we can discuss with, ask questions, be inspired by...

 

And yes, there were fewer materials out there specifically for home schoolers 20-30 years ago (when I was a home schooled kiddo myself), but I don't think that makes a difference if the family is just abandoning the child to do work on his or her own. Even access to computers, etc, can't make up for not having an interested, supportive parent or teacher around from time to time.

 

:iagree:

 

If my parents had forced me into homeschooling, and with the I've had to do it (all on my own), I'd be upset with them. But, I felt it was a good move, they allowed it, and while I do get frustrated at times, and at times it is with them for not stepping in, they didn't force me and I do see the benefits. If I enjoyed PS though and was forced into HS, I would not be happy doing it this way and wouldn't try.

 

Sometimes I have dreams about re-enrolling in PS for my Senior Year and in those moments after waking where I'm not sure if was a dream or not, I desperately hope it was a dream until I realize it was. My sister OTOH, she would have *hated* homeschooling. She was and still is a social butterfly to the extreme (why she didn't finish high school), and she would have put no effort whatsoever into homeschooling and fought my parents every step of the way.

Edited by BeatleMania
Link to post
Share on other sites
I've always read how happy families that homeschool are, and the happy stories where children grow up being great, thanking their moms and dads for homeschooling them.

But what I'm curious about is , are there people out there that are mad because their parents homeschooled them and not let them go to brick and mortar school?

 

I'm not sure why but I thought of that today and just wondered if that has ever happened.

I have met people where they said they were homeschooled and then when they were high schoolers wanted to go to high school and their parents let them and they felt it wasn't the wisest decision on their part.

But has anyone heard of the opposite?

 

I've met quite a few adults that were homeschooled and enjoyed the experience.

 

I've also met several that hated it and would never do it with their own children. Those kids seemed to resent missing out on the social stuff, even though their parents made the effort. One man in particular is really bitter about missing out on sports, prom and just the high school stuff.

 

I don't think it's always about isolation, etc. I think that you can be very socially active and still feel bitter about missing out on a "typical" high school experience. That makes sense to me.

Edited by YLVD
Link to post
Share on other sites
My niece wishes that she had not been homeschooled for elementary (she went to ps for junior and senior high). She says it was very isolating. I had to remind her that it wasn't homeschool that was isolating - it was the fact that at that time her parents were "Back to nature" hippies who lived way out in the wilderness. Sometimes people blame homeschooling when it was a combination of choices made by the parents.

 

:iagree:

Link to post
Share on other sites

My cousins were homeschooled and they didn't appear to like it, however now half of them are homeschooling. I have 4 kids: 2 definitely want their kids hsed, 1 wants me to do it (not gonna happen), and the other doesn't care. He says it is up to his wife. So no one here is complaining about our current system. :)

Link to post
Share on other sites
I think it is easy for hs kids to think the public or private school grass is greener. That whatever they think is lacking can be magically cured if only they went to a brick and mortar school.

 

There are a lot of angry public or private schooled adults out there and their parents don't seem to feel a need to beat themselves up over it. (Dh and I for example. Sure aren't seeing our parents feel bad about it.)

 

For that matter, MOST of those same adults still send their kids to public or private schools even though they hated the experience themselves. (I've even heard parents say it's important so the kids learn how to cope with it like they did!:001_huh:)

 

Idk what my kids will do. I'm sure some of them have a strong dislike for many things we do. Some of them might change their mind as they have their own children and some might not.

 

I hope they home school and do it well.

 

I hope overall, they feel I did a decent job.

 

This goes double for the kids I have to drag kicking and screaming into learning!:tongue_smilie:

:iagree: Every word of this! I had a HORRIBLE PS experience. I begged my mother to hs me. I'm sure it wouldn't have cured everything, but honestly every person I know has complaints about how they were raised in some regards and everyone thinks their education was terrible. Of course I don't have any homeschooled adult friends, too.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I think everyone has regrets about *SOMETHING* about the way his/her parents raised him/her. I have always wished that my parents had gone along with the suggested grade skip when I moved from private to public school in 3rd grade. For a long time I was resentful of it, but since I became a parent myself, I've gained a lot more sympathy for them. Nobody has a crystal ball that allows a priori knowledge of what the correct decision will be. You just have to go by the information you have at the time.

 

 

:iagree: See, I just wish my mom had cared enough to homeschool me. And I also wish my parents hadn't let me go to ps in 5th grade, as it really disrupted my time at the private school I attended 3/4 and 6/7.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I am pretty sure my ds would have been one of those angry homeschoolers. We moved when he was 12 and dd was 10. My ds is the most outgoing person I know. Yet he had a really hard time getting to know and make connections with the homeschooling kids in our new area. He lives to socialize and asked to go back to school in 8th grade. When he began school and even to this day he calls to tell me about the people he met in class, what the professor said, the interactions, how happy he is to be in school...He lives for social interaction and for him learning is a very social event.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I am pretty sure my ds would have been one of those angry homeschoolers. We moved when he was 12 and dd was 10. My ds is the most outgoing person I know. Yet he had a really hard time getting to know and make connections with the homeschooling kids in our new area. He lives to socialize and asked to go back to school in 8th grade. When he began school and even to this day he calls to tell me about the people he met in class, what the professor said, the interactions, how happy he is to be in school...He lives for social interaction and for him learning is a very social event.

 

Good on you for recognizing it. Your son sounds just like my sister. For extroverts and extreme extroverts, homeschooling can not be a pleasant experience for them. My sister would have been beyond miserable homeschooled, no matter how many activities she was in.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I've met a couple recent (<5 years) graduates and one teen who have expressed a negative opinion about homeschooling. For two of them (brothers), they said they would have liked it better if they'd had more social outlets--homeschool co-ops, etc. Knowing their family, I know they had plenty of social opportunities, I think they are just very social people. They started ps in jr high & high school respectively.

 

The other one started ps as a sophomore and said that he really struggled to adjust academically, mainly that test-taking was difficult for him. He also mentioned the crowd of kids he hung out with being a factor. Halfway through the year he got in with a new group of friends and his grades improved.

 

But I also know many adults who were homeschooled and are committed to homeschooling their kids...as well as many adults who weren't homeschooled but want to homeschool.

 

Yes, we don't have much choice in the matter. I've been including her in what she would like to study this year. Letting her look at different subjects such as sciene and history and see what she would be interested in. I get a half baked attitude about it but maybe she'll think differently as time goes on here. The weird part is that she had no choice but to use what the school gave her. I just don't get it.

I'm sure once she hears from her friends how its going for them over there she'll maybe thank me on the inside. At least I hope.

 

Maybe her tone will change once she realizes she can sleep in until 9 and still be done with her schoolwork before her friends get home and start on their homework. :001_smile:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I find it interesting that....the issue of isolation or not enough socialisation is the one most people are presenting as the reason people are resentful of their homeschooling experience (whether they were socialised a lot and were just extroverts, or were really isolated for religious or demographic reasons, or simply neglect.)

 

I have had this discussion before with local homeschoolers and....I think the homeschooling community in general is rather defensive and perhaps in some denial about the S word. (socialisation).

We know there are plenty of bad things to say about school socialisation.

We know many homeschooled kids are just fine with regular but not daily social outlets.

 

But...there ARE kids (such as mine) who needed a fair amount of socialisation to feel happy. Daily. More than apparently many other kids are content with. I think I would have liked it, if I was homeschooled, if I had had much less socialisation than my kids needed- but I am a natural introvert, they are extroverts.

 

I found many homeschoolers unwilling to discuss the issue at all, yet in our real life social groups many, many kids were very hungry for more frequent social contact and LIVED for our various activities.

Link to post
Share on other sites
But...there ARE kids (such as mine) who needed a fair amount of socialisation to feel happy. Daily. More than apparently many other kids are content with.

 

:iagree:

 

 

DS12 has always needed lots of social interaction, even as a toddler. I'm an introvert and when he was small, added to the inevitable stressors of having very small children, I found his need for social outlets quite a strain. However, if he didn't get such outlets his behaviour was so terrible that it was worth getting him out. He's the only one of my children who hasn't been homeschooled at all, wouldn't even consider it. He's had some rough times at school with bullying and nastiness, but would never see homeschooling as a solution, even though I would homeschool him if he wanted. In fact, sometimes when he's being obnoxioius I joke that he must be picking up such behaviour at school and should therefore be homeschooled - he gets his act together very quickly then :lol:.

 

His three brothers, however, love homeschooling, and DS10 really hates the idea of going back to school. The social aspect really doesn't bother him at all, although he does get out every day except Tuesday to some activity or other (soccer, badminton, tennis, swimming, music, church).

 

Cassy

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think the problem on the socialization front is when you have parents that do not recognize the needs of their children, especially when they themselves are extreme one way or the other. I have a friend who is an extreme introvert, I do wonder how that will play out with their kids who don't all seem to be the same way. My kids are more extroverted than I am and it is a challenge to get them out there as much as they need/want without overwhelming me too much.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know if I would categorize myself as an angry homeschooler, but I will say it was a terrible experience for me. I begged my parents to homeschool for eight grade (all my friends were homeschooled). I don't know what I was thinking ;) My mom and I had a terrible relationship. I used Abeka video school and it was AWFUL. I begged to go back to school for ninth but family situation left us living part of the year in a different state so I wound up having to homeschool ninth grade as well. My mom helped not one bit. I was completely on my own, got pretty much no education those two years. I have been private schooled my whole life up to that point and never had to try for great grades, went back to private school in tenth (after basically skipping 2 years of school), and had to work my tail off to catch up (taking geometry and Alg 2 after really NOT taking alg 1, etc). I survived, made good grades went on to college and got a graduate degree, so honestly I don't think I was greatly "harmed" but I have always wondered how different my academic experience would have been had I not wasted those years. Also, the emotional and verbal abuse I suffered with my mother those years. . . some kids are lucky to go to school for 8 hours a day ;)

Obviously, I am not angry against homeschooling, we love it! But, I am not my mother . . . I do still cringe when I hear people say they use Abeka video school though . . . I have flashbacks to the day I made paper clothes for my history teacher and taped them onto my tv knowing he would never step out of them bc he didn't move. I was right . . . :lol: I used to leave the tapes running and go out to the trampoline... great experience :glare:

 

My homeschool looks very different! :tongue_smilie:

Link to post
Share on other sites
. I have flashbacks to the day I made paper clothes for my history teacher and taped them onto my tv knowing he would never step out of them bc he didn't move. I was right . . . :lol: I used to leave the tapes running and go out to the trampoline... great experience :glare:

 

My homeschool looks very different! :tongue_smilie:

 

Oh my word- paper clothes-hilarious!

Link to post
Share on other sites

We have three boys and started homeschooling them all the same year when they were starting 9th, 7th, and 5th grades.

 

My oldest is in college now and still appreciates having been homeschooled for high school. He felt very well-prepared for college, esp compared to some of his peers.

 

Middle was asked if he wanted to go back to ps this past year (his junior year) and said, "ABSOLUTELY NOT" in less than 5 seconds after the question. He has top stats and is looking at nice colleges to apply to this fall. A couple colleges have already offered him free tuition based solely on his stats.

 

Youngest liked homeschooling 5th and 6th, but by 7th he was unhappy. We kept at it through 8th with him and by then he was suicidal. We let him go back to ps for 9th, and even though he agrees with us that the academics are really sub par and the vast, vast majority of the kids there aren't into learning, he's happy and well-adjusted. I'd rather have an undereducated alive kid than an well educated dead (or wishing he were dead) one.

 

Different strokes for different folks. We're still learning to train up each child in the way THEY should go - (not necessarily the way we wish they would go).

 

I highly suspect the older two will be open to homeschooling their own kids when the time comes. I highly doubt the youngest will.

 

All three of mine have seen "both sides" and come up with different internal conclusions. To each their own.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I do still cringe when I hear people say they use Abeka video school though . . . I have flashbacks to the day I made paper clothes for my history teacher and taped them onto my tv knowing he would never step out of them bc he didn't move. I was right . . . :lol:

 

:lol::lol:

Link to post
Share on other sites

But the particulars are that she started homeschooling in middle school, and was left alone a lot, and was not (I gather) a particularly self-directed person. She felt very isolated and lonely and believes her preparation for college and life were lacking.

 

For me the take-home message of hers and other stories like it is that just like any other aspect of childrearing, the same approach doesn't work for every child. Listening and observing a child's real needs and feelings matters more than the details. IOW, did the woman I spoke of "need" to go to school, or did she need for her parents to hear her and help her? I think the latter, but she may never be able to see it that way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes-it is so much about the individual. I feared my eldest would miss out on those rites of passage, and he couldn't have cared less. My rising ninth grader, starting school, is a different animal : ) He LOVES that stuff and I'm sure would miss it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

But...there ARE kids (such as mine) who needed a fair amount of socialisation to feel happy. Daily. More than apparently many other kids are content with. I think I would have liked it, if I was homeschooled, if I had had much less socialisation than my kids needed- but I am a natural introvert, they are extroverts.

 

I found many homeschoolers unwilling to discuss the issue at all, yet in our real life social groups many, many kids were very hungry for more frequent social contact and LIVED for our various activities.

IMO part of my job as a homeschooling mom is to make sure that my kids get to see their friends a lot. I put more effort into it than I probably would otherwise, since they aren't seeing friends during the school day. I think that's part of the deal if you choose to homeschool.
Link to post
Share on other sites

I think some of it is a matter of perspective. Two children from the same family can internalize the same situation very differently. The ability to move beyond the mistakes of your parents is very important. Some people may be angry because their parents *didn't* homeschool them or give them some other educational opportunity.

 

It seems counter-productive to me to be "angry" at your parents for things they did. Yes, my parents made *massive* mistakes in my childhood - multiple marriages and/or live-in partners, lack of supervision or care, encouraging/allowing drinking and drugs, etc. (I once pointed out that to them that if they allowed/encouraged my children to do the things they let me do I would have had them arrested!) However, the choices and attitudes I have in adulthood are completely in my control. If someone has issues in their past that doesn't allow them to move on, I really, really recommend therapy.

 

I have one in particular who wants the socialization of school, but as of yet we haven't found a good alternative for him. The local high school is *not* a good place, especially for a vocationally-focused student. If even the honors track is full of trouble, you know you have a problem!;) We'll keep looking, though, to see what we can come up with that can meet his needs with the least trouble as possible.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

But...there ARE kids (such as mine) who needed a fair amount of socialisation to feel happy. Daily. More than apparently many other kids are content with. I think I would have liked it, if I was homeschooled, if I had had much less socialisation than my kids needed- but I am a natural introvert, they are extroverts.

 

Our dd14 is one of these kids - and her being such is one of the reasons that we're considering letting her attend one of the local high schools this September. (She's going into grade ten) …She NEEDS the social contact with others and it just doesn't exist here for homeschoolers - the local group is mostly younger kids now.. there's no "co-op" or such, it's just a group that gets together for park days now and then, mom's support stuff… and we can't afford to enrol her in a lot of extracurricular activities -- through the high school, she can join choir, basketball, floor hockey, drama club, cheerleading, dance team, photography club, etc etc.. plus they have work-oriented stuff like welding, culinary, cosmetology, and so on.

 

 

Me, on the other hand… I'd have been perfectly happy as a kid if my folks had yanked me out of school and just dropped me off at the library every day. I was very shy, didn't make friends easily (still am and still don't), and lived to read. The "do it yourself" homeschool method that a few people ragged on earlier would have been ideal for me. Give me books and go away. :laugh:

Link to post
Share on other sites

I will say that while I appreciate that some homeschooled kids might be frustrated at not being able to see their friends often enough, I don't think that means that homeschooling was a bad thing for them. IMO, spending time with friends is not a reason to compromise a child's education, so if homeschooling is the best educational option, they may have to live with limited access to friends.

 

That said, a very social homeschooled kid can still have many social opportunities. Blah blah blah, I know it's all been said, I just wanted to repeat it since my example was a couple young men who wish they'd spent more time with friends.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It seems counter-productive to me to be "angry" at your parents for things they did.

 

I totally agree. I wish with all my heart that my parents had not put me in boarding school when I was 11. My parents actually wish that they had not put all of us kids in boarding school. There were some very bad things for our family at this particular school. But - I'm not angry at them. They made what they thought at the time was the only decision open to them. There were many terrible things in that experience but there were also good things too. I long ago realized that I could learn from the experience or I could use it as an excuse to remain a victim in my mind. I can also focus on the negative things in the experience (not just acknowledging them but wallowing in them) or I can consciously choose to remember that there were positives.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

That said, a very social homeschooled kid can still have many social opportunities.

 

That depends on many things - where you live, what kind of activities are available, how much you can afford to pay for activities (or what kind of free things are around)… etc etc. It doesn't always work out for everyone.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I totally agree. I wish with all my heart that my parents had not put me in boarding school when I was 11. My parents actually wish that they had not put all of us kids in boarding school. There were some very bad things for our family at this particular school. But - I'm not angry at them. They made what they thought at the time was the only decision open to them. There were many terrible things in that experience but there were also good things too. I long ago realized that I could learn from the experience or I could use it as an excuse to remain a victim in my mind. I can also focus on the negative things in the experience (not just acknowledging them but wallowing in them) or I can consciously choose to remember that there were positives.

 

Don't get me wrong, I don't think it is easy for everyone to just get over their childhood problems. My parents made some horrible decisions on a regular basis that were not done in my best interests - they actually made decisions for themselves that didn't take my needs into consideration at all (or were even really bad for me!) I am not angry at them, but I won't say that it doesn't still affect me today. I also realize that I haven't been a perfect parent and some of my decisions have negatively affected different children of mine.

 

That depends on many things - where you live, what kind of activities are available, how much you can afford to pay for activities (or what kind of free things are around)… etc etc. It doesn't always work out for everyone.

 

This is very, very true. When we were in FL we did co-op which doesn't have tuition, but we did have to pay fees for each class. With having so many dc, the fees were unaffordable. In addition, the gas to get to activities can also be cost prohibitive. Even Scouts, which we do, costs quite a bit (dues, registration fees, camps, uniforms, etc.) I don't think that social opportunities alone is a good reason to send a child to school, but it can factor in. And some people have the money but no opportunties!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Three of my kids are grown and it's a mixed bag of opinions.

 

#1 son does not seem to resent being homeschooled but wishes I had been more on top of things. It was the babymaking years and we also had some family trauma/drama during his high school years and I really did drop the ball an awful lot. He was/is a funny charming young man and could play me for a fool with the greatest of ease and so he got away with a lot. I failed him academically but he was not isolated at all, in fact he was such a social butterfly that we used to call him Mr. Style/No Substance because he charmed his way into everything that all the other kids had to actually work for. He went to college on a large scholarship, but lost it after one semester because all those classes kept cutting into his social time. He had a lot of fun.:glare: But he did grow up eventually and is now a successful man. I don't know if he would want his kids homeschooled (if he is ever a father) or not, but he used to advise me a lot on how to do a better job with his younger sibs. (He did this respectfully, by the way, I don't mean to imply he was bossing me around or criticizing me!)

 

#1 daughter could not complete her education at home because our personalities were incompatible. That's a nice way of saying it was a war zone. So she did attend school for her last 3 years. She was a very angry, resentful girl and said she would never put her kids through homeschooling and that she would never have six kids and that her children would always have fashionable clothes. Fast forward a few years (she is now 23) and her goals are 1) Finish her degree in special education, 2) Find Mr. Right 3) Work a few years in her field 4) Start making babies and stay home to raise them and homeschool them. :lol: She does still plan to dress them fashionably however, but I'm cool with that.

 

#2 Daughter liked homeschooling all the way through. In some ways she was isolated because she prefered it. She wanted her couple of good girlfriends, a stack of books and a never ending supply of Earl Gray tea bags. That's all she really needed. Middle school and high school would have made her miserable. We worried that she would find college too socially daunting, but she thrives at college because everyone is not trapped into that artificial social world. It's just grownups, taking classes and interacting with those whom they want to interact with. Obviously, for some kids college is just an extension of the high school drama, but she does not hang out with that crowd so the drama is not part of her reality.

 

One day after some class; psychology or sociology or something, she called me and left me this very long voicemail. The week before I had been explaining that I was taking her younger sister to a special Girl Scout event that focused on girls in STEM careers because this daughter was born a math-head in a family of people who would prefer that math not exist and I wanted her to see that her love of math is good and is to be cultivated. My college girl thought it was a little silly that anyone has to have an event to tell girls that it's okay to be math smart because every fool knows that being smart is what all people should strive for. Well, in this class there was a discussion about the social pressures against girls who are math and science oriented. Sarah was stunned. She had never considered that girls would feel like they should be careful not to appear too smart, and yet here were all these women in this college honors class talking about walking that fine line all through school So in her voicemail she thanked me for providing a safe place for her to learn and for always encouraging her to pursue anything, for never even letting her be exposed to the idea that girls do not need to fulfill their full potential in whatever field they are gifted in. And she told me she thought it was awesome that I was hauling her sister to math events and buying Danica McKellar books (even though we hate the titles) so she could see that being mathy is not the opposite of hip and cool. And she thanked me for raising her to believe that all the cool girls liked political science and government because now that she is too old to care, she knows that no, that is not considered cool after all. I saved that voicemail and listened to it over and over again until that particular cell phone finally died and I lost the recording.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I failed him academically but he was not isolated at all, in fact he was such a social butterfly that we used to call him Mr. Style/No Substance because he charmed his way into everything that all the other kids had to actually work for. He went to college on a large scholarship,

 

See, these are the statements that never make sense to me. Perhaps you failed to academically challenge him to his capabilities (as could happen in any setting), but a large scholarship to college does not sound like academic failure on anyone's part. Full stop.

Link to post
Share on other sites
See, these are the statements that never make sense to me. Perhaps you failed to academically challenge him to his capabilities (as could happen in any setting), but a large scholarship to college does not sound like academic failure on anyone's part. Full stop.

 

He tested well, but he was not prepared for college. Within a week in math class he called me to tell me that he was so lost. He did not have his foreign language requirement and so he had to make up that deficit from the start, but at a university level. It was a mess. If he'd had dual enrollment, if I'd been more on top of things......it was just a big mess.

 

But he still loves me. And what's more he even likes me.:)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes, dh's bff is one of them. He and his two step-siblings were homeschooled in the 80s. They were homeschooled for middle-school at least but I don't exactly know the years. Bff says that they were homeschooled with what ever his mom scrounged up. The had one math program....if it didn't work for you...too bad, that is what they had. The program was one that was teacher heavy and textbook light. The mom didn't teach it. The kids had to figure it out from the book. If the kids didn't get the work, they were forced to sit at the table until they did it. The mom would read the material to the kids, but she couldn't explain it to them. (I don't think she understood it) It was a strict home with a small farm. Chores were more than just loading the dishwasher, they were long and hard. They were at church A LOT but that was awkward because his parents were committing adultery together for years, and then when they left their original spouses, they officially came together as a family.....everyone in the church knew so there was a lot of animosity.

 

 

This hsing mom and I are casual friends. She sought custody of her grandkids, won custody (not bffs kids) and was homeschooling them in the 90s. She has told me that part of her reasons for homeschooling was because she didn't want to have to drive the kids to the bus stop. It was too long of a walk, off of their personal property, to the main road to catch a bus. :confused: She was homeschooling her grand kids in the 90s with the same text books from the 80s. I was at her house one time and her gd was at the table, 7pm with a book in front of her, because she didn't get her math done. You could tell by the girls body language that progress was not going to happen. She was tired and confused. I saw then why dh's bff hated hsing so much.

 

The bio-parents of the grandchildren (the first generation of hsers in the family) fought the homeschooling. Assessment tests were required and due to the horrible performance the children were mandated to attend public school. There they flourished and everyone was much happier. :001_smile:

 

I like the hsing mom, but I do not agree with how she hs'd.

 

When we told him we were going to hs, he cringed but supported us. After seeing how we hs'd he was a strong advocate for 'our style of hsing' not his step-mother's methods.

Link to post
Share on other sites

 

Me, on the other hand… I'd have been perfectly happy as a kid if my folks had yanked me out of school and just dropped me off at the library every day. I was very shy, didn't make friends easily (still am and still don't), and lived to read. The "do it yourself" homeschool method that a few people ragged on earlier would have been ideal for me. Give me books and go away. :laugh:

 

 

In my 10th grade year, I "missed" a lot of school and spent a lot of time at the library instead. I was... not your average 10th grader I guess.

Link to post
Share on other sites
He tested well, but he was not prepared for college. Within a week in math class he called me to tell me that he was so lost. He did not have his foreign language requirement and so he had to make up that deficit from the start, but at a university level. It was a mess. If he'd had dual enrollment, if I'd been more on top of things......it was just a big mess.

 

But he still loves me. And what's more he even likes me.:)

 

Do realize that we have many students at our local public school (where I work) who also go off to college and feel woefully unprepared. Many of them return home the first semester. Others struggle, but eventually figure out how to study. Some of these are our top kids who have had all the "top" classes our school offers and gotten As in them. A good number of them test into remedial classes in college.

 

Your son's experience isn't necessarily due to homeschooling.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know a group of sisters who were homeschooled for part of their school career and they are all negative towards it. They used on of the big Christian publishers (I don't know which one though). They are all super smart and I don't think they feel they were academically disadvantaged by it, but they do feel socially different from their peers. They did attend a co-op and the younger of the middle girls told me specifically that although they did attend this co-op she still felt that it didn't prepare her for the world at large because it was still quite isolating. They didn't meet people who were different from them.

 

They are all adamant that they won't homeschool any of their children.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I read through a good partvof this thread...and you know what??

 

Some kids are going to be pissed off no matter what you do or don't do for them. Whether you home schooled, or public schooled, or private schooled...they will find a reason to feel shorted. It is just part of the deal of being a parent sometimes. We all do what we think is best for our kids and our families at the time. It isn't easy.

 

Some kids just need any excuse to blame their parents for what they deem unfair. I have done it to my parents...and my kids have done it to me. I don't let that drive my decisions for my family. When the kids complain, I listen, and then I make my decision based on what is best for us atbthe time and to the best of my ability.

 

Faithe

Link to post
Share on other sites
Do realize that we have many students at our local public school (where I work) who also go off to college and feel woefully unprepared. Many of them return home the first semester. Others struggle, but eventually figure out how to study. Some of these are our top kids who have had all the "top" classes our school offers and gotten As in them. A good number of them test into remedial classes in college.

 

Your son's experience isn't necessarily due to homeschooling.

 

True, but he's the only one I needed to concern myself with!:) I feel it's important to take responsibility. After all I am more than happy to take the credit for Miss Sarah the University Scholar with the 3 out of 4 semesters a 4.0! With that comes owning up to where i could have done a better job with her big brother.

Link to post
Share on other sites
I read through a good partvof this thread...and you know what??

 

Some kids are going to be pissed off no matter what you do or don't do for them.

 

 

 

Some kids just need any excuse to blame their parents for what they deem unfair.

Faithe

 

 

Word. True dat.

Link to post
Share on other sites

One day after some class; psychology or sociology or something, she called me and left me this very long voicemail. The week before I had been explaining that I was taking her younger sister to a special Girl Scout event that focused on girls in STEM careers because this daughter was born a math-head in a family of people who would prefer that math not exist and I wanted her to see that her love of math is good and is to be cultivated. My college girl thought it was a little silly that anyone has to have an event to tell girls that it's okay to be math smart because every fool knows that being smart is what all people should strive for. Well, in this class there was a discussion about the social pressures against girls who are math and science oriented. Sarah was stunned. She had never considered that girls would feel like they should be careful not to appear too smart, and yet here were all these women in this college honors class talking about walking that fine line all through school So in her voicemail she thanked me for providing a safe place for her to learn and for always encouraging her to pursue anything, for never even letting her be exposed to the idea that girls do not need to fulfill their full potential in whatever field they are gifted in. And she told me she thought it was awesome that I was hauling her sister to math events and buying Danica McKellar books (even though we hate the titles) so she could see that being mathy is not the opposite of hip and cool. And she thanked me for raising her to believe that all the cool girls liked political science and government because now that she is too old to care, she knows that no, that is not considered cool after all. I saved that voicemail and listened to it over and over again until that particular cell phone finally died and I lost the recording.

LOVE this!! Thank you for sharing!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...