Would you allow her to go?

[Pepper Potts]

It would be a family event with extended family as well. Sweet-pea has never been away from us for more than 2 nights before and I tend to lean towards helicopter parenting at times. She has never been to the beach and has been wanting to go for a long time. She has the potential for some homesickness issues however.

 

What would you do?

 

No for me. Too many red flags. I think you're intuition is correctly nagging you. I'd trust it. Your concerns are very rational.

 

Other opportunities for separation and growth will present themselves - and ideally they'll involve baby-steps, not from zero to sixty.

 

I'd politely turn down the invitation and then try really hard to plan some sort of mini-trip perhaps a 3-day trip to grandma's???

[MariannNOVA]

NO

 

No.

 

2. Extended family. I just don't like the idea of a dd being around men I don't know.

 

:iagree:

 

Also, I am fairly uncomfortable having my kids in water without me there (although granted, my oldest is only 5 and not a strong swimmer), especially if there will be lots of people with the potential for distraction and "I thought you were watching her."

 

We have a strict policy that our children are never around unrelated men without our presence. I had friends in college that were abused in a variety of situations. We never bend on this policy.

 

 

 

No - for the above reasons --

 

I only read page one of the answers.

[Pink Fairy]

Nope. Not in a million years.

 

1. Ocean

2. Too long

3. Parenting

4. Extended Family

[Stacy in NJ]

unusually independent, than possibly yes.

[Joker]

No, because of the ocean. I live in FL and I watch my kids like a hawk when we're at the beach. They can get too far out before they know it. I wouldn't trust friends while on a family vacation to watch my child closely enough.

[Sasharowan]

I live on in a beach town. Swimming is only allowed in front of the lifeguard stands. We have several drownings each summer but all happen after hours when no lifeguards or on duty. Would adults be watching when the kids are in the ocean or would they be solely counting on the lifequards. Better yet, would adults be also going in the ocean with the kids? Regarding the lifejacket, I don't think I have ever seen anyone wearing a lifejacket in the ocean, maybe they are not allowed? Is your dd a strong swimmer? Make sure and tell her to never be in the ocean alone. Around here, lifeguards are strict about no-one going in if there are rip tides. I would probably let her go if you are comfortable with all of the above concerning the ocean.

We also live near the beach. My younger boys bring life jackets to the beach and wear them. Ds10 is getting to the point where is getting comfortable with his swim skills that he goes in without his, but ds5 wears his unless he is going knee deep or less. This is their choice, they are not told to wear them. Dd and ds10 had seizures when they were younger and that coupled with their lack of swimming skills led to a habit of wearing them, but at this point they have been seizure free for a few years and it is strictly their comfort level that leads to the life jackets. No one has ever said anything to us about it. A lot depends on how rough the waters are too. My kids are all intimidated by the rougher waters even after growing up at the beach.

[SonshineLearner]

Does she want to? I would if my daughter wanted to, and we talked through any issues that could arise with the parents... (not allowing the girls to walk along downtown... or whatever you might not like...)

[angela in ohio]

No, for many of the reasons already mentioned. But mostly because I just don't get the trend of having to invite a friend to go along on a family vacation. It kind of defeats the whole purpose of a family vacation.:confused:

 

:iagree:

[happi duck]

no

[Twilight Woods]

My daughter went to AZ for 6 weeks when she was 5 to visit her NaNa. It was a lont 6 weeks for me but not for her she LOVED it.

 

I would say yes in this situation as well. I would send a Swim Lifevest with her with the explicit directions that she wear it while at the beach. :)

 

I think this would be a GREAT opportunity for her!

[pie]

no!

[Ester Maria]

Do not underestimate your intuition - if you feel something is wrong with this picture, do not send her away.

 

On the other hand, if she is unusually independent, has a way to be in touch with you and you trust the family, I see no problem at all. When my kids were roughly that age they had already had some experience with stays without us with family and friends, even extended stays abroad without us, so we would be quite comfortable in your situation. However, if YOU are not comfortable, do not push it - better safe than sorry, there will be more opportunities.

[Trish]

If you send her, be sure to send her with a health insurance card! The girl next door broke her arm in our driveway this weekend. (age 10) The kids were doing running races, and the garage wall was the "finish line." (This is what I mean about judgment at that age).

[bettyandbob]

I would have sent my dd when she was 10.

 

You clarified the one thing I was concerned about "extended family". At first I envisioned lost of random adults and some adults showing up with unmarried partners or other endless possibilities I didn't want to go into detail about at 10--I covered most stuff by 10, but my dd wasn't confronted with looking at something closely for a week. I also envisioned sets of parents taking turns being "on" and therefore the friends you know wouldn't be in charge the whole time and you wouldn't know anything about the other parents.

 

Now, you need to consider why it might have worked for my dd at 10.

 

1. dd is an excellent swimmer (swimming at 3, swam club 5-8, still does summer swim team).

2. dd started going to sleep away camp at 8 (girl scouts at 8 and then church camp at 9 and 10 for a week at a time).

3. dd has 2 siblings with disabilities, she loves her brothers, but being away gives her a chance to be a regular kid her age that sometimes she doesn't get at home. dd is 13 now, I just picked her up from a week at camp--she had a great time and was excited to see her little brother again (older brother is away).

[GinaPagnato]

Nope.

 

Too long.

Too far.

Too many people you don't know.

Too much ocean!

 

I grew up living at the beach, so I'm very familiar with what can happen in a split second if some adult isn't watching their kid at EVERY MOMENT.

 

Just too risky.

[Soror]

If I was comfortable with the family I think yes. Trying to envision my best friend and I would be ok with that at that age. My oldest is almost 7 and also the mature type as well.

[bzymom]

That is a long way from home for a little one who is not used to being away. I think you will have to consider what your plan will be if it is not working out and d/d wants to come home.

 

As far as the rest, we have always spent a lot of time at the beach and my kids are very good swimmers. But I am a crazy person about the ocean and supervision. The currents & riptides are unpredictable, and I would need to know with certainty that an adult would be in the water, watching my child at all times. Is this a family that spends a lot of time at the beach? Are the parents strong swimmers? Do you trust that their judgment would keep the kids out of the water when a lifeguard is not present?

[Pippen]

I just wanted to mention that from ages 5-11 I spent a month with my grandparents and aunt and uncle who lived several states away. I never saw them any other time of year. I always had some homesickness (not the severe anxiety kind), but I was always really glad I went.

 

Also wanted to mention that I probably wouldn't factor little sister missing big sister in too much.

Edited July 3, 2011 by Pippen

[Parrothead]

Thanks for everyone's input. By saying that they make different parenting choices, it is really not a concern about safety or big red flags, just that they are more on the lenient side. I don't think time with them would endanger her or anything. The Mom in question was a bridesmaid in our wedding and her now 17 year old daughter, who is also going along, was our flower girl. We do know this family very well.

 

I had not considered the ocean thing and will definitely give that more thought. As for the extended family, I think much of the only other males there will be children. Honestly, that doesn't concern me overly much because I do not doubt that she would be adequately supervised.

 

She is away at her Nana's tonight but we will discuss it with her tomorrow. I think we are currently leaning towards letting her go although I may send a life jacket with her. There is no way we could easily go pick her up if she gets overwhelmingly homesick as we are in Ohio and they are going to North Carolina. She has been wanting to go away for a week of sleep away camp though and I would feel better letting her get that first experience away with people I know rather than strangers.

 

You have given me much to think about. Thanks.

Given all this, yes, I'd let her go as long as she understands that she will have to stay the entire time.

[Mom-ninja.]

No.

[Splash]

I want to go. I love the beach and miss living close enough to go whenever I want. 9 days is pretty long but I'd probably say yes.

[melissel]

I would not. I'd worry over the ocean, extended family etc., but I'd still let her go, IF the trip was shorter and the destination closer to home. But for such a long trip, I wouldn't be comfortable not having a way to get to her relatively quickly in the event that she's very homesick or something does happen.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I would probably say no too because of the "extended family" that you would have never bet.....that would be the big issue here and 9 days is a long time for a little one.....maybe if it were for a shorter amount of time I would feel better about it...good luck with whatever you decide.....tough choices....:grouphug:

[ChandlerMom]

NO. For all the reasons listed, but at a family event with strangers, the people you trust your child with will be distracted -- dd WILL fall thru the cracks, she WILL be unsupervised at times, which in an unfamiliar place with inherent dangers (ocean, strangers)...just not worth it.

 

And what happens 2 days in when she gets really homesick -- will you be able to drive out and pick her up? I couldn't live with myself if something, anything, DID happen, so no.

 

If you DO decide to let her go, you probably need to write up a legal permission document and have it notarized, to allow them to authorize medical care if needed, plus a copy of her insurance card.

[Teachin'Mine]

Since it's too far for you to go get her if she wants out, I would not let her go. JMO Maybe you could go for a weekend to a beach closer to home - obviously probably not the ocean, but the big lake beaches are great too.

 

If she goes, I hope she has a great time. :)

[specialmama]

Thanks for everyone's input. By saying that they make different parenting choices, it is really not a concern about safety or big red flags, just that they are more on the lenient side. I don't think time with them would endanger her or anything. The Mom in question was a bridesmaid in our wedding and her now 17 year old daughter, who is also going along, was our flower girl. We do know this family very well.

 

I had not considered the ocean thing and will definitely give that more thought. As for the extended family, I think much of the only other males there will be children. Honestly, that doesn't concern me overly much because I do not doubt that she would be adequately supervised.

 

She is away at her Nana's tonight but we will discuss it with her tomorrow. I think we are currently leaning towards letting her go although I may send a life jacket with her. There is no way we could easily go pick her up if she gets overwhelmingly homesick as we are in Ohio and they are going to North Carolina. She has been wanting to go away for a week of sleep away camp though and I would feel better letting her get that first experience away with people I know rather than strangers.

 

You have given me much to think about. Thanks.

 

I'd let her go. I'd want to clarify water safety/supervision with her and the other parents, and I'd want my dd to have a cell phone to phone me every day. Other than that, I'd hand her some small jars, a sketch book, a magnifying glass and a disposable camera. I'd want her to make lasting memories of all the nature she encounters.

[Farrar]

So many nos... So I thought I'd chime in with another yes. If she wants to go, given what you said, sure. Nine days is long, but nine years old is a big kid. I used to do trips like that in the summer with friends and cousins at that age and I'm glad I did.

[Alicia64]

I wouldn't. It sounds like fun but the things that would give me pause would be:

1. Different parenting choices (this would depend on WHAT different choices; if they allow bikinis and I don't -- whatever. But if they allow rated R movies, and I don't, and I didn't have confidence my standards would be respected -- deal breaker).

2. Extended family. I just don't like the idea of a dd being around men I don't know.

3. Ocean. I used to live near the beach and I have a very healthy respect for the ocean. You have to watch your kids CONSTANTLY, even the kids who can swim well. Undertow and riptides are unpredictable. I wouldn't take on the responsibility of watching someone else's kid at the beach, and I wouldn't give it to someone else.

 

I am actually NOT a helicopter parent, but I would say no to this. Not that YOU should -- you may have total peace about letting her go and that's great -- but you asked what we would do. I'd say no.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Wow, Janie Grace is a brain. She hit it all right on the head.

 

As a proud helicopter parent, I wouldn't allow this trip. I'll just add: I was sent away for a week at the same age to a camp and homesickness isn't a little thing. I. was. miserable. Even though I was busy and "happy" during the day (ie. distracted) the feeling of wanting my family never entirely evaporated. And, then at night, I remember the feeling came on strong and I'd quietly cry myself to sleep.

 

Also, I have to underline what Janie is saying about the ocean. Most people truly don't get how powerful it is. I was once caught in a riptide and my mom wasn't watching. I was a strong swimmer -- I got back in of course. But I've never forgotten that experience. And I was about 9 when it happened.

 

Most parents think that the ocean is somewhat similar to a pool and just don't realize the problems that can happen.

 

I didn't even think that extended family can bring in who-knows-what kind of guy.

 

Overall, I just think nine days is too long, but even one or two days would still be a problem with extended family and the ocean.

 

Alley

[stephanier.1765]

Absolutely!

[Alicia64]

I didn't realize that she'd be driving with the family from Ohio to . . . what. . . the Outer Banks in North Carolina?

 

That's almost 600 miles.

 

For us, that would be a hugely long car trip that my kids aren't used to doing. We're actually doing something similar in Oct. but that's w/ dh and me.

 

When they get grumpy -- they'll have me passing out their favorite snacks. Or putting on their audio books or whatever.

 

So many hours in the car without mom or dad just sounds hard for a nine year old.

 

Alley

[deacongirl]

I live on in a beach town. Swimming is only allowed in front of the lifeguard stands. We have several drownings each summer but all happen after hours when no lifeguards or on duty. Would adults be watching when the kids are in the ocean or would they be solely counting on the lifequards. Better yet, would adults be also going in the ocean with the kids? Regarding the lifejacket, I don't think I have ever seen anyone wearing a lifejacket in the ocean, maybe they are not allowed? Is your dd a strong swimmer? Make sure and tell her to never be in the ocean alone. Around here, lifeguards are strict about no-one going in if there are rip tides. I would probably let her go if you are comfortable with all of the above concerning the ocean.

 

I would only let her go if there are life guards on the beach and I would insist that they only go in the water immediately in front of the life guards. Depending on what beach in NC there can be very strong rip tides. I would explain to her what a rip tide is, (I am sure you can find video on youtube) and I would explain what to do if you get caught in one. (We live at the beach on the Atlantic and our guards are very busy during the summer).

 

I think it could be a great experience for her and provided there are guards at the beach they go to I would let her go.

[kalanamak]

But mostly because I just don't get the trend of having to invite a friend to go along on a family vacation. It kind of defeats the whole purpose of a family vacation.:confused:

 

My son would LOVE to have a pal along for a vacation.

I was years and years younger than my sibs, and would have loved to have someone under the age of 15 along, especially since, we as a family did very, very few "little kid things", as there was only one of me, and 5 of them. I also think my brothers would have done less of "pick on little sister" if I'd had a pal.

 

And you don't "have" to. You choose to.

[roxanne23]

.

Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23

[Pretty in Pink]

I probably would let her go if she wants to, given the dynamics of the relationship between your family and the other family.

[Guest momk2000]

No.

[GardenTenders/Kim]

My gut says NO. But some mentioned that maybe if your family could go for a few days during the time to do it, and this I heartily agree with.

[akmommy]

Honestly, that doesn't concern me overly much because I do not doubt that she would be adequately supervised.

 

It sounds like you are close with this family and trust them to keep your DD safe. I would allow it as long as I felt my DD could handle being away that long and she understands that you will not be able to just come get her if she gets homesick. I would also spend a little time educating her about the unique dangers of the ocean and if possible send a cell phone with her so she can call home when she feels the need to hear you voice. Go get her a cheap pre-pay phone just for the trip if need be.

[1GirlTwinBoys]

I would not allow it.:)