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A poll of sorts for those of you who also have a kid in private or public school


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For those of you who homeschool some but also have a child in public or private high school how involved are you in their schoolwork?

 

A-know about every project, assignment and grade and will do anything (even do the homework for them) for them to get a good grade.

 

B-Know what classes they are taking, know what grades they are currently getting and are well informed about what assignments they are doing but the actual classwork is up to them (but you are completely willing to help out without doing their work for them-i.e. explain a concept they don't understand or quiz them for a test).

 

C-For the most part don't know what classes they are taking or grades they are getting but will help out if you know that they are struggling.

 

D-Have no clue what classes they have and don't have any idea what grades they are getting until the report card comes. You feel that school is 100% their business and won't help out at all.

 

I would say that I am a B. I have a few friends that are an A but most of the people I know are a C with a few D's. What is interesting is that I also know people who are mostly a D until they find out that their child is going to fail and then they suddenly become an A.

 

Growing up my parents were C's but I think times are different now. With computers I can know my dd's current grades in every class at the click of a mouse.

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I am a "B" by your definition.

 

Last Fall, when I enrolled ds in ps, I was more of an "A". Much of that was due to the fact that I enrolled him 6 weeks into 9th grade, and it was his first time ever in school. *I* was adjusting as much as he was. I didn't do his homework for him, although I did do some typing for him, and helped him research a science project that he had just a short time to complete since he started late.

 

Now that we've settled in, I ask him everyday if he has homework, and I want to know what it is, and I regularly ask him how his classes are going. I don't need to help him much. Sometimes I'll help him edit his English papers, but will make it a learning opportunity for him.

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by your choices I'm a B. I would never do my kids homework. However, I am actively involved, I am at the school volunteering several times a week. It is odd to homeschool one and send another to public school, but it works for us. I'm very active in both my children's lives, but their school work is their job, not mine. I actually resent the parents at the school who do their kids science projects or whatever totally for them, I think putting a grade above an education is a huge mistake. Personally I will assist/give advice to my daughter for school projects, but I won't do her actual work for her.

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My kids have assignments in their co-op classes and I would say that I am a B. I will help my kids, but I wouldn't do it for them. For example, they had to make a state history travel brochure and shoe-box float. I took them to the dollar store and helped them design them and gave them ideas. I also helped them put them together, but I wouldn't say I did them for them. But, knowing me, if my kids were in school, I would be very involved in their assignments and grades.

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Interesting replies so far. The reason that I was curious is that a few of my friends who are C's or even D's think that I'm involved too much in my dd's life and that is why she is having trouble making this decision about english class or that she tends to be unsure of herself. What I find interesting is that one person I know was usually a D but suddenly became very involved in her child's eduction (doing their work) when it became apparent that the child might not graduate.

 

I started homeschooling for many reasons but one of them was so that I could be involved in the education of my children and I'm not stopping that just because they aren't schooling at home anymore.

 

I also think it is a gradual process. I definitely held my dd's hand more last year as a freshman. It was a big adjustment for her. I never did her work for her but many nights I stayed up late with her offering her support even if it meant that I kept myself awake by reading a book while she finished her math homework. Sometimes she just needed to talk through her assignments or when she was overloaded with work it helped if we planned things out together.

 

This year she has needed a lot less hand holding and I assume that it will be even less next year. I also think that by being aware of her grades and assignments that is shows her that it is important and how much I care.

 

I'm amazed by how many parents I meet that have no idea what classes their children are taking and don't know their grades until they get the report card.

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Well, my oldest is only in 6th grade and we are only former homeschoolers, but with those disclaimers, I'll answer anyway.

 

I would say I am a B tending towards C. (Based on past threads you've posted, I would say that you are B tending towards A. Not saying you would do your child's work, but you do seem to have more input into the work.)

 

We talk about his assignments in general terms. I offer advice but don't force him to accept it. I remind but don't nag. I am not unwilling to let him fail at an assignment.

 

But some of this is his personality. He wants to own his work.

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I don't fit into any of your categories. I am definitely not a B but nor am I a C. I ask my 10th grader (first time ever in school this semester) what his homework is (as in which subjects, not details). I have him bring me the completed work (not to read or grade, but b/c he has to prove he has done it to earn priviledges.....it is a trust issue with him).

 

If he needed help, I would explain a concept in a separate example than applied to his homework. No, i would not help him complete his assignments.

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I have 4 right now in public school and 3 at home. My oldest two are both in highschool; and one is graduating on Saturday. For those two I am a "C", I am not for sure what classes they are taking or grades, but I am willing to help when needed.

 

For the one in middle school and the one in grade school I am a "B". I am much more involved because I need to be. I help my ds/10 with homework, but I don't do it for him. This is their last week of school and I am so glad.

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Interesting replies so far. The reason that I was curious is that a few of my friends who are C's or even D's think that I'm involved too much in my dd's life and that is why she is having trouble making this decision about english class or that she tends to be unsure of herself. What I find interesting is that one person I know was usually a D but suddenly became very involved in her child's eduction (doing their work) when it became apparent that the child might not graduate.

 

I also think it is a gradual process. I definitely held my dd's hand more last year as a freshman. It was a big adjustment for her. I never did her work for her but many nights I stayed up late with her offering her support even if it meant that I kept myself awake by reading a book while she finished her math homework. Sometimes she just needed to talk through her assignments or when she was overloaded with work it helped if we planned things out together.

 

This year she has needed a lot less hand holding and I assume that it will be even less next year. I also think that by being aware of her grades and assignments that is shows her that it is important and how much I care.

 

I'm amazed by how many parents I meet that have no idea what classes their children are taking and don't know their grades until they get the report card.

 

I have been able to me more "hands-off" as 9th grade has progressed. I do spend a lot of time reminding (nagging ;) ) ds of his goals and the rewards of a good gpa. I feel that is my job, as teenage boys with "hormonal brain" sometimes lose their focus, lol.

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I guess I would choose B. I would say that my parents were a D.

 

"B-Know what classes they are taking, know what grades they are currently getting" - this I definitely know.

 

"...and are well informed about what assignments they are doing" - but this I don't always know because the teachers still aren't completely posting everything online as that's a new toy for them this year and my son doesn't always tell me, even though I do ask....

 

"...but the actual classwork is up to them (but you are completely willing to help out without doing their work for them-i.e. explain a concept they don't understand or quiz them for a test)." - and this I also agree with....

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B. But Ds16 isn't doing the work. We are letting him suffer the consequences of bad grades--no driving if he doesn't pass Driver's Ed (and if we can't get the good grades discount, he has to do the insurance himself), no sports if he doesn't have at least a B- average, and no complaining if he can't get into college. He lowers his expectations instead of rising to meet high ones.

There's just too much conflict in the house if we get in his face about grades--he's fully capable, but not willing. Sigh. It's so good to have him home now, but I'm constantly having to give him up to the Lord.

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I'm a B.

 

I think that too many parents are C's and Ds...C+ or B's really help support the students.

 

Far Far too often I see parents who put their children in PS and then step back--taking ZERO responsiblity for their child's education--and blaming the schools when there are troubles.

 

Parents are/should be responsible for their children's education--no matter where their children school. PS and private schools (co-ops...) are just TOOLS for education. Parents still must parent.

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I have two kids in public school, a 7th grader and a 1st grader. Between DH and I, I think we pretty much know how they are doing in school. I don't know EVERY assignment for the 7th grader. I know most of what is going on. I did have problems finding the 1st grader's classroom this morning when I went in for the authors' tea, though. So maybe that puts me towards a D? I have been there before, but I went back to work this year and have let DH take over a lot of the school events for this child. I am involved in their schools and their lives, but I am trying hard to take a more hands-off approach, especially with the 7th grader. I let him deal with his teachers for the most part.

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B-Know what classes they are taking, know what grades they are currently getting and are well informed about what assignments they are doing but the actual classwork is up to them (but you are completely willing to help out without doing their work for them-i.e. explain a concept they don't understand or quiz them for a test).

 

 

 

I'm a B-minus. I know what classes she's taking, what grades she's getting. But her assignments? Not unless she tells me. I don't do or help with work. If she lived at home I might help with quizzing or explanations if I could. Her work is not my job,though.

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I would choose B, and add that I am not much concerned with the letter grades my son gets in the two PS classes he takes.

We talk about his assignments, projects and test, and I know he is doing his best.

Recently he was struggling with a specific concept in his geometry class. He took the initiative to make an appointment with his teacher to review the material and find where he was having a problem.

It was a great day when we realized that he is taking control of his own education.

Still, I am very much aware of everything he is doing in all of his classes, at home and away.

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B-Know what classes they are taking, know what grades they are currently getting and are well informed about what assignments they are doing but the actual classwork is up to them (but you are completely willing to help out without doing their work for them-i.e. explain a concept they don't understand or quiz them for a test).

 

Of your choices, this one is closest to me. I know what classes my daughter is taking and I know about some of her assignments, not all of them. The only time I help her is if she asks which is very rare. Basically, she'll ask me to edit papers sometimes before she turns them in. Her grades are her responsibility, even if she starts failing. I would never become an 'A' parent as you call them. I've heard that type referred to as helicopter parents, and my dd15's dad and stepmom are like that. That type of help wasn't beneficial to my daughter at all and in fact harmed her more than helped her. She's become a much better student since moving in with me and becoming more independent.

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kiddo we're discussing. Some kiddos can handle things more independently . . .

 

Me (when kid is sitting in front of the TV): Where's your homework?

Kid 3: I already did it. It's in my binder in my bookbag.

 

I have no idea what he does unless he wants me to drill him before a test. He's always made all A's, so I know he can take care of it on his own.

 

Another scenario . . .

 

Me (when kid is sitting in front of the TV): Where's your homework?

Kid 1: Umm, I don't know.

Me: Do you HAVE homework?

Kid 1: I don't know.

Me: Why don't you go get your assignment book so we can see . . . (looks at assignment book with nothing written down) . . . You don't have ANY homework?

Kid 1: I think we're having a math test tomorrow.

Me: I think you need to study.

Kid 1 comes back from room: I didn't bring my math book.

So I spend 30-60 min making up math problems. Sigh.

 

Looking over the progress reports is a real treat for this one.

 

Me: I thought you had an A in English. It says 67! What are these Zeros doing with the A's on your tests?

Kid 1: I didn't finish my library book in time to take an Accelerated Reader test. I had to turn the book back in.

Me: Ugh.

 

I have 2 kiddos with special needs, so, while I'm supportive, I trust their special ed teachers (who are WONDERFUL this year, BTW) to help them keep up with what they need. I don't always know what their grades are before the reports, but I know their teachers are keeping them on track and helping them to maximize their efforts.

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I was a big fat C, and let me tell you I wasn't happy about it. But as the school were not remotely interested in communicating with me, and didn't even let me know that DS was very behind until he was incredibly, extremely behind and had done very little of what was required of him all year....well I pulled him out.

So now I don't have a kid at school.

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I just realized that my post may have looked like I was trying to criticize people. I really wasn't trying to do that but just get a general idea about the role that you play in your child's education for those of you who homeschool and have a child in a public/private high school. I didn't mean to imply that if you weren't completely involved in their education that you weren't a good parent. For some families I think choice C works out fine. I just wanted to see if I was in the norm. A few people in my circles have made me doubt that but now when I really look at my views and also a few of the other posts I realize that I am fine.

 

To clarify I don't mean for it to sound like I'm in control of all of my dd's work. Her school has a website where you can check grades, lesson plans and homework for every day. I will check this pretty often. On the other hand on a day to day basis I often don't actually see the work that my dd is doing. I take for granted that she will have homework in certain classes and that she will come to me if she doesn't understand a math concept, etc. and can't figure it out on her own. Often if she has a problem she will just approach the teacher about it. It is her responsibility. I am aware of longer term projects that she has going on or if she has papers due but again she gets the work done without me pestering her. For the most part this year she has figured the planning aspect without input from me with the exception of a few weekends where she had a tremendous amount of work (I'm talking 10 hour days) of homework and needed my input to talk it through to figure out how she could complete it. For awhile she was also overwhelmed with life (doctor's appointments, medical tests etc.) and it seemed that she needed some moral support and a little more help from me.

 

I also like to look online late in the day to see what assignments she might have due for a particular night or for an upcoming weekend so that I know what to expect as far as family plans. For instance if my dh wants to do something as a family one evening or over the weekend sometimes I will tell him ahead of time that it looks like my dd's homework schedule is going to too full (i.e. she has to write a paper over the weekend).

 

I started this whole thread because recently I was criticized by a few

people I know. A general discussion came up about school. I was

talking about the schedule of the upcoming year for our highschoolers.

 

One teen is a year older than my dd so I wanted to know if he had a particular class yet and what my dd should expect. They had no clue what classes their son already had or was taking the next year. In the past they have also indicated that they had no idea how much homework their son had because they've never talked to their son about it. Then they went on to criticize me saying that I was too involved in my dd's education. Ironically their child ended up failing a class and has to repeat it. This kid is smart but I think he let things slide and his parents had no clue until it was too late.

 

I know that teens need to learn to take responsibility for their grades/actions but I still feel that his parents should have had some idea that he wasn't doing any of his homework and was failing the class. The other person who criticized me has a son in his early 20's. During high school he never did his homework and got low grades. He is actually very bright and did well on his SAT. The parents were more concerned about his social life and that he was very "popular". His grades were so low that he couldn't get into a 4 year college. He went to a community college but preferred to party instead of study and failed that too. I think it is sad that they didn't expect more out of him when he was 15. I think things would have turned out differently.

 

I guess I should follow the advice that I give to my dd to try to have more self confidence. These people have always questioned my choice to homeschool and now they criticize how I parent. I should realize that everyone has to do what they think is right for their child.

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Interesting replies so far. The reason that I was curious is that a few of my friends who are C's or even D's think that I'm involved too much in my dd's life and that is why she is having trouble making this decision about english class or that she tends to be unsure of herself. What I find interesting is that one person I know was usually a D but suddenly became very involved in her child's eduction (doing their work) when it became apparent that the child might not graduate.

 

I started homeschooling for many reasons but one of them was so that I could be involved in the education of my children and I'm not stopping that just because they aren't schooling at home anymore.

 

I also think it is a gradual process. I definitely held my dd's hand more last year as a freshman. It was a big adjustment for her. I never did her work for her but many nights I stayed up late with her offering her support even if it meant that I kept myself awake by reading a book while she finished her math homework. Sometimes she just needed to talk through her assignments or when she was overloaded with work it helped if we planned things out together.

 

This year she has needed a lot less hand holding and I assume that it will be even less next year. I also think that by being aware of her grades and assignments that is shows her that it is important and how much I care.

 

I'm amazed by how many parents I meet that have no idea what classes their children are taking and don't know their grades until they get the report card.

 

I'm also amazed that so many parents really have no idea what they're kids are studying in school. I only know two parents that are really keeping up with what their kids are learning in detail.

 

I wouldn't worry what your friends think. I see now how easy it is to just not keep up - it's hard to keep up when they're not homeschooled! They're coming from a different perspective than you are, after homeschooling. It's probably very weird to them.

 

Personality also comes into play. If your dd is doing well with you helping her schedule things and make decisions, then why worry if it's working? I assume you are gradually trying to hand the reins over to her, but some parents are just more involved than others all the way through. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe talking through decisions with you helps her make them.

 

I do have to say that I've seen big differences in how I approach my 10th grade dd's school experience than you have. There are some big differences, though:

 

  • My dd went for the 1st time for 10th, not 9th like yours did, so she was older when she started ps

  • Personalities - My dd is fiercely independent, emphasis on the 'fierce'

  • My general parenting style is rather relaxed, anyway - for example, I let them burn things when learning how to cook. I don't like to do a whole lot of hand-holding, or give a lot of guidance. They've always thrived on slight neglect :tongue_smilie:, but that has more to do with my personality than the school issue

I really haven't been nearly as involved as I'd planned to be. She just doesn't need it, but if she did....well, I'd do it to a certain extent. I wouldn't do things like remind her to do homework or work on a project, even if she was failing. I'd let her fail. I might cut out phone and tv, but I'd want the responsibility of her grades on her shoulders, not mine.

 

I don't know what her assignments are each day, or each week, for example. I see her doing work sometimes, but sometimes she does it in her room. Either way, it's her worry to schedule and get accomplished. We do make sure she has all the materials/books she needs, and I would be thrilled to help her study, she just doesn't ask. I think she's had her fill of me doing school with her, as that's all she's ever known. :) I was always just as hands-off in regards to her co-op classes and homework when she was homeschooled.

 

When I enrolled her, I had almost 100% choice in her classes (she agreed, but she was trying to be agreeable at that point - she really wanted to go), and we have had plenty of talks about her choices for 11th and 12th grade. I was amazed that she chose exactly what I recommended for next year - she didn't have to, as they let the kids themselves do that with the guidance counselor (no parent meetings called for that! the nerve of them!). I've also had the stipulation that if she was going to ps, she had to do the highest level of classes available - AP for subject areas that she's very strong in (History, English, Art), Honors for everything else. Although I did tell her I didn't think she needed to worry about Honors Chemistry next year - scinece is really not her strong suit, and she'll have some pretty hefty work in her other classes.

 

As far as the involvement from me, that has varied, depending on each class. One thing I wouldn't do that she tried to get me to do is to run interference with a teacher for her. She was trying to get special treatment, IMO, and she needed to know that just wasn't going to happen. While I may not agree with each teacher's methods and choices 100%, I'm not about to go tell them how to teach. Silly girl!

 

One thing that happened at the beginning of the year is that she got bumped up to a higher French class a few weeks into the year. That necessitated a change in her Biology class, and she hated the new Biology teacher. She wanted me to go down there and have it switched back, because she was getting nowhere with them. I did call the guidance counselor, but they wouldn't switch her back because it wouldn't coordinate with French - so, she had to live with it. I wasn't about to go down there in person and demand it, just because she didn't like the teacher.

 

Another incident happened when she was trying to get out of running for a final test in gym class. They had to run for 10 minutes. Well, she runs everyday after school, her doctor has cleared her for running, and I knew good and well there was no problem! She just didn't want to do it, and she kept saying it made her back hurt (this one had surgery for her scoliosis in the summer of '06 - you may remember me posting about that), so I took her for another check-up, and the dr. wouldn't excuse her from it. She had to run for the test. I found the whole thing suspicious anyway, because like I said, she runs on her own. I don't know why she didn't want to do the test.

 

In both of those situations, I feel like I interfered too much, and that level of input wasn't even necessary. She did figure out early on that I wasn't going to go down there and cause a ruckus just because she didn't like this or that.

 

We do talk about her classes, as far as what she's studying, projects she's working on, etc., and she always is happy to share that. I keep up pretty well with what she's doing in Biology and English/Lit. I'm doing Biology at home w/dd13, so we can talk about that, and I've tried to read most of her assigned literature. She'll let me read her writing, and she's always happy to share what she's doing in Art class.

 

I haven't really kept up with Geometry (a little, not much), Gym/Health, or French.

 

We have the online grading thing, but I don't check it. They get grades every six weeks.

 

One other difference that may be at play here is that my dd really wanted, begged to go to ps, so she knows she's got to do well. If not, I'll just bring her home and send her to the cc, and she knows that. If I'm not mistaken, didn't your dh really want your dd to go, so she's pretty much there for the duration?

 

Also, this whole scenario would be completely different with another child, say dd#2. I really would still be against my needing to oversee and monitor her work, but oh, that girl doesn't do deadlines well! It would be one big ball of stress! I'm so glad she's not going. :D

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I just wanted to see if I was in the norm.

 

Norm compared to always-ps parents, or norm compared to homeschooling parents?

 

To clarify I don't mean for it to sound like I'm in control of all of my dd's work. Her school has a website where you can check grades, lesson plans and homework for every day. I will check this pretty often. For awhile she was also overwhelmed with life (doctor's appointments, medical tests etc.) and it seemed that she needed some moral support and a little more help from me.

 

Again, the checking is more than I do, but I don't see that as necessarily a bad thing. And it sounds like you've been very supportive. That can't hurt.

 

They had no clue what classes their son already had or was taking the next year.

 

How can that be? I really don't understand how they could just not know what classes their kid is taking, but I see it all the time, with parents of all ages. Weird.

 

I know that teens need to learn to take responsibility for their grades/actions but I still feel that his parents should have had some idea that he wasn't doing any of his homework and was failing the class.

 

Really - didn't they see his report cards? It doesn't take the whole year to see if your child is doing well or not.

 

I started this whole thread because recently I was criticized by a few

people I know. Then they went on to criticize me saying that I was too involved in my dd's education.

 

These people have always questioned my choice to homeschool and now they criticize how I parent. I should realize that everyone has to do what they think is right for their child.

 

I think you're fine. Who cares what they say! Their track record isn't exactly the greatest. For them to say ugly things like this to you, they've probably got a little jealousy thing going on.

 

And really, if you had to err on one side, it would be better to be on the more involved one, wouldn't it? And 'too involved'? All we hear is how parents need to be more involved. I don't think you can ever really be 'too involved' in your child's education.

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