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s/o on mother-in-laws. Do you actually like your MIL?


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The mother-in-law thread is disheartening to read; so many have issues with their MIL....which is so sad. I know this must be common...because I know that MIL's seem to usually be depicted as someone you don't get along with. I feel the opposite. I wonder if I just lucked out??

 

I've known my MIL & FIL for about 27 years. They really are like family, even though we now live thousands of miles away. I married dh 4 months after I turned 18. We didn't have our first child until 6 years later, at which time we had moved away. For those first 5 or so years, we lived in the same town as the in-laws.

 

My MIL welcomed me to come over any time I wanted. She owned her own B&B at the time and I remember how fun it was for her to show me the cute things she'd find to decorate the rooms. They also owned a pizza restaurant and wouldn't dream of having me pay for my lunch whenever I came in...even if I was there alone without dh.

 

My MIL patiently tried teaching me, several times, how to sew. But...I always seemed to fail at it and couldn't barely remember how to thread the machine. She would sew for me if I needed anything mended or altered. We would find clothes at garage sales or thrift stores and she would fix them so they fit me (I was very petite). She seemed to always be on the lookout for anything that I might like or enjoy....such as a pretty piece of jewelry, not even new or expensive...especially small bracelets (because I had such tiny wrists). She still buys me a small bracelet if she finds one (but doesn't really know that my wrists aren't quite that small anymore....but it's the thought that counts).

 

She would sew curtains for any new place dh and I would move into. She would help furnish any kitchen items that I didn't have. She taught me how to make homemade soup. She taught me how to bake. She taught me how to iron and how to dye fabric. She and FIL have never been anything but kind and loving to me, never once critical or unkind....even when I was this skinny geeky little girl with crooked teeth and glasses that was marrying their 22 year old son.

 

Even though we are far apart since our children have been born....they still regularly call, send gifts for no special reason (just because they saw something and thought of dh, the kids, or me), and visit 2 times a year. They have always supported any choice we have made regarding homeschooling.

 

I really do value them and I am happy that I have them in my life. They would willingly give the shirt off their back for us if they needed to. My MIL many times has told me how happy & lucky they are that I am their daughter-in-law. I honestly think they like me more than their own son. I do know that they are kinder and more generous to me than my own mother. I hope that when I am a MIL that I won't be a dreaded MIL, but that I will be like my own MIL.

 

I'm wondering if anyone else here actually likes their in-laws or if this is a rare thing.

Edited by ~AprilMay~
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my MIL has always been nasty to me. She will always be angry that I stole her son away. She had him at 40 when her dd's were about to fly the coop. Because she was so difficult, when they turned 18, they both moved out of state. One to Japan!

 

I kept trying with mil for years and years. I invited her to holidays. We visited. I'd constantly overlook her mean comments. Then after being married for 17 years she told me that dh could have a girlfriend and it would be ok with all he does for me. She's never been to our house again and I've only seen her once. She's in a nursing home now.

 

One can only take so much. 17 years of abuse was long enough for me. If you add dating, it was 19 years of abuse. It's not only me, though. MIL gets along with N O B O D Y.

 

So yes, you ARE lucky. :001_smile:

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my MIL has always been nasty to me. She will always be angry that I stole her son away. She had him at 40 when her dd's were about to fly the coop. Because she was so difficult, when they turned 18, they both moved out of state. One to Japan!

 

I kept trying with mil for years and years. I invited her to holidays. We visited. I'd constantly overlook her mean comments. Then after being married for 17 years she told me that dh could have a girlfriend and it would be ok with all he does for me. She's never been to our house again and I've only seen her once. She's in a nursing home now.

 

One can only take so much. 17 years of abuse was long enough for me. If you add dating, it was 19 years of abuse. It's not only me, though. MIL gets along with N O B O D Y.

 

So yes, you ARE lucky. :001_smile:

 

Awww...that's so sad and unfortunate. How horrid to tell you her son could have a girlfriend! :eek: Totally inappropriate......and weird. I'm sorry your MIL is like that.

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I love my MIL, which is saying something as she strikes fear into residents at the med school where she's a professor and staff at the teaching hospital associated with the school. People find out she's my MIL and start to commiserate with me, which I squash quickly. She is funny, smart, no-nonsense, beautiful, witty, kind, and generous. She works her butt off and expects others to work hard too. She loves that I love her son and we moved thousands of miles to be close to her. Now we live a couple blocks away and I wouldn't have it any other way. I see her more than DH sees her, the way our schedules all work.

 

She's coming to see me here in Turkey in a couple of weeks and I can't wait! She really is my second mother.

 

I'm lucky - I know.

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I love my MIL, but our relationship took a bad turn when they moved from 2,000 miles away and visiting one week/year to living in my house. The first decade that I knew her was through 1-2 week visits once or twice a year and phone calls. Having her in my house let me get to know her a lot better and I didn't like many of the things that I previously found endearing. She has emotionally manipulative and passive aggressive tendencies. After three years I said enough and told them to move out. The fallout from that includes more emotional manipulation and passive aggressive payback.

 

So my opinion of her now is not as high as it was four years ago. Even though dh and I have been married for 12 years, I feel like we are now going through the "she stole my baby" phase. It's so frustrating.

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My MIL from my first marriage was a little difficult. Not horrible or anything but she was sure she knew what was best for us. We got a long better after the divorce. In fact, she was the only person from XH's side of the family that was nice to me.

 

My current MILs ( I have 2) are wonderful! Dh's mom is the best. She always makes me feel comfortable. We live on opposite ends of the country right now but we talk on the phone periodically and email. She and Dh's step dad would bend over backwards for us.

 

Dh's step mom is a little more reserved but we get along wonderfully also.

 

We are planning to move soon so we can be closer to them and I can't wait! We'll be about 2 hours away.

 

I guess I'm one of the blessed few to have 2 sets of great in-laws!

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I've actually had 2 great millies. My first husband's mom let us live with her during a transition period. She supported us in many ways and was always great fun.

 

My current millie is a great friend to me. Due to life circumstances I don't see my old circle of girl friends nearly as often as I'd like. Millie has become a another girlfriend for me. Both my mom and MIL have helped watch kids time and time again. We take vacations together and enjoy spending time together.

 

Unfortunately, MIL and FIL are appalled that I would choose to homeschool the kids. On the bright side they've been able to continue being supportive and friendly in general while disagreeing on that one point.

 

I count my blessings on this front often.

 

Pam

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I'm another fortunate one. I love my MIL dearly, although in the beginning it was a little tough. She is a very reserved and super-private person, whereas my family is very open and we know each other's business without anyone being nosy. It's just how it is. MIL and I danced around each other for the first few years of our marriage until she suddenly opened up to me (I guess she decided she would trust me) and since then we've been very close. She lives in another state but visits very often. When we talk on the phone it's usually for an hour or so.

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I have a wonderful mother in law! We usually talk daily. Before we moved out of state I would visit her very regularly. I am very blessed to have her! :001_smile:

 

 

My mother in law is also VERY supportive of our homeschooling! She would fight for us if she had to. She said at first when we told her she was unsure but I sure couldn't tell!

Edited by wy_kid_wrangler04
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My MIL is just a sweet loving wonderful person. She never has anything negative to say about anyone and has always been very supportive of me and DH. We are very lucky to have her in our lives. Incidentally, DH is the kind of person who would cut someone out of our lives if they were affecting our family negatively; so if my MIL had been difficult, she would no longer be welcome to contact our family.

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I love (and like/appreciate) my MIL. I'm closer to her than my own mother in many ways. I talk to her almost every day on the phone actually. She's not without faults but then neither am I. I hope I can be as good a MIL as she has been to me someday. She's never offered unsolicited advice let alone criticism and I think that did a lot for our relationship especially early on when I was sensitive and relatively immature (we've been married 15 years and married relatively young). FWIW, my husband likes my mom too.

Edited by sbgrace
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I'm really jealous of those of you who have wonderful MILs. I have never really had a problem getting along with people so I went into our relationship with lots of optimism- just assuming that they'd like me and I'd like them.

 

Boy, was that a mistake! Still, I desperately wanted to have a good relationship with them so I tried to overlook a lot of things and bit my tongue a lot. I regret that now.

 

My in-laws are very much "my way or the highway" types. Very controlling and have to have their way all the time. There is no respect for boundries. My MIL is extremely selfish and demanding. When I was pregnant with ds2 I developed some complications and had to be admitted to the hospital a few days before my due date. Dh was in Ireland in charge of a project and absolutely could not come home early. We had no other family close by so MIL very grudgingly agreed to take ds1 but made it a point to come to the hospital every day and tell me that I wasn't really sick and that I needed to come home. After ds2 was born, dh, ds1 and I all came down with the flu on the evening after I was discharged from the hospital. I was so weak and ds1 was having seizures from his high fever. Instead of offering any help or food or anything, MIL didn't even call us for two weeks. Finally my dh flew my Mom over to help out since he had to leave for another project. On the day that my Mom arrived MIL finally decided to come over but only to socialize!

 

The only thing my MIL has taught me is how NOT to behave when I am a MIL. I am sooo thankful that we've moved far away from them. Dh visits them and calls them frequently but I only do so now if I am forced to. Apparently they don't miss us much either as they never write or call the kids and just give dh money to buy presents for them at Christmas.

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I am another one that loves my mil. She is kind, generous, witty and appreciates my being such a good wife to her (only) son!

 

We are not super close - and I partially attribute that to her having 4 daughters and my always very busy life. She is very close with her 4 daughters and I am close with my mom and 4 sisters. But I love her and respect her and it is mutual.

 

My mil/fil live about 80 miles away but my mom and sisters are all local.

 

lisaj

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My MIL and I got off to a bit of a rocky start. I think she thought her son's conversion to Mormonism was just a passing phase until he decided to marry a Mormon girl. She had some fairly intense emotions about that. But things have gotten better over the years and we're friends now. I talked with her by phone on our 15th anniversary earlier this month and she said she was glad to have me as a DIL. Made me feel good. :) She's a lovely lady and I'm glad we were able to work through things.

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I've known my dh family for 30 years. His parents are wonderful. They would do anything for their children, their spouses and especially the grandchildren. Just good people with kind hearts. MIL is awesome and always finds good in everyone. I don't think I've ever heard them speak an unkind word to anyone.

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My MIL is very different to me, and probably a very difficult person to live with in many ways. My dh has little to do with her, although she lives nearby and he is not upset with her. I think its a little sad, but he had a very traumatic childhood and even though he says he has, I don't think he has forgiven her.

 

But..a while back I realised that over the years she has done so much for me. She has always been kind. I think we have had one fight in 20 years. She has not been a big part of my life, or our kids' lives. SHe has an adult severely autistic daughter at home who takes all her energy, so she has never had much energy for her later grandkids. But....I appreciate her, and she does try to give what she can.

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One of the most thoughtful women I have ever known. Accepted me like a daughter from day one, offered help gently, paid much more attention to the person I was than my mom (the very first clothing gift she got me was in blue - my fave color - to this day my mom insists on getting me red or pink which I have hated since childhood). She was beloved by all who knew her.

 

Wish she were still here to be grandma to my boys.

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My MIL is wonderful. If she disagrees with our parenting she has never said a thing. She helps us when she can, but she has her own life--so, I have to find someone else to pick up or watch our kids when we have schedule issues. We have dietary issues in our family and she never serves anything at her house that someone can't eat. My kids love her and look forward to seeing her always.

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I, too, have a good relationship with my MIL. I have had the odd "grrr!" moment but basically she is a kind-hearted person who loves us all. She is VERY supportive of our homeschooling, and although prepared to give her opinion, she does respect us if we make different choices.

 

There are things about her that annoy me, but they are almost always due to her chronic lack of self-confidence and so I remind myself to be patient. She is one of the few people who I am fine with visiting us for several weeks at a time and that says a great deal (for most people the old proverb applies - "after 3 days, both fish and visitors stink"!).

 

I phone her at least once a week and she always listens to me regardless of how intense, silly, or blah I happen to be that day. She never criticises me to DH or vice versa, and she is 100% trustworthy, so we have shared pretty much everything with her - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

 

So I feel very blessed to have her as my MIL, particularly because I know that a lot of DILs don't feel the same way about their MIL as I do. She is coming to visit with us soon and we're all looking forward to it :D

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I am quite fortunate to have a wonderful mother in law. She is supportive, friendly, and one of my biggest cheerleaders in the effort to homeschool my kids.

 

We started off a bit rocky and at times it was hard to get to know each other but neither of us gave up trying. It was actually a bit difficult to marry the oldest child and break new ground with weddings, grand kids, etc.

 

I think we now have a good relationship and are friends. I can turn to her for support and advice and I think I am able to offer some of the same.

Edited by JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst
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Yes, I like my mil and enjoy her company most of the time. She's taught me so many things that I'm very very grateful for. She does have her moments when I have to bite my tongue, but hey it happens with our birth mothers too, right? ;)

 

All in all, I feel incredibly blessed to have a mother-in-law who really wants whats best for me and is willing to help out whenever and where ever she can.

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I LOVE my MIL. She is a role model to me in many ways. She is a huge influence in my children's lives, as we are at her house several times a week. A major reason we do not move to Virginia or W. Virginia as we desire is because I cannot take my family away from my MIL. I dread the thought of her not being around one day (she is 84).

 

It's not that she never does anything annoying, but she's a saintly woman on the whole.

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I hated my first MIL- she was always so cold and rude to me.

 

My current MIL- I like her for the most part. Sure there are some things about her that can be annoying (overly dramatic, sometimes doesn't censor what she says as well as she should, etc) but she has a good heart and I don't see her too often as she lives out of state so I can handle it lol...and I do like her well enough.

 

I also adore my step-MIL, really friendly, sweet woman.

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Part of my problem with my MIL is that we don't speak the same language (literally don't speak the same language). Communication is difficult.

 

This is the case for me, and my solution has been to learn her language, but I cannot really have the discussions I want with her and my husband get bored translating long winded female discussions with lots of repetition!

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I am crazy about my MIL. Really, I feel like I won the IL lottery with her. She's just incredibly sweet, loving, and supportive, without ever overstepping boundaries. Periodically she and I marvel at our collective good fortune in lucking in to such a wonderful DIL/MIL relationship, and I tell her that she is my model for how to be a great MIL myself someday.

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I love my MIL she is a great person as is my FIL. Although I am sad that we live so far from my parents I am thrilled that we live really close to my in-laws. They are great people and have always been friendly and willing to help as long as I have known them.

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i really do like my MIL a lot. sure, she can get on my nerves sometimes, but she also lives right next door to me (literally) - so our relationship is that we see each other every.single.day. i enjoy her though. my husband works a lot & her husband is in a nursing home. we are great company for one another and enjoy our meals together every night usually. i'm moving this weekend to FL, and i will miss her dearly.

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For much of my adulthood, she was more like a mother to me than my own. I had known her since I was in elementary school. She was also the best kind of grandmother, the one who manages to both indulge the child and back-up the parents.

 

When my husband decided it was time to propose, he called her for advice. The first person we called after I accepted was her.

 

When we decided we wanted to give homeschooling a try, my husband was very nervous about what his mom would think. She had been the head of the PTA for years and was then the assistant manager of the educational supply store where all the local teachers shopped. She knew them all and was still very "plugged into" the public school community even after her last child graduated.

 

He called and carefully brought up homeschooling . . . She was immediately enthusiastic and supportive. Within a week, I had a package in the mail with some books and my very first teacher planning notebook.

 

Their home was always the one that took in folks for holidays who had nowhere else to go.

 

She was just a lovely, warm, welcoming person. Sadly, she died when our kids were quite young.

 

We could not afford to have all of us attend her funeral. But my husband took with him a letter from me that he read. I talked about that quote, "It is in the shelter of each other that the people live," because it always made me think of her.

 

I think of her every day and measure many of my own actions against what I think she would have done.

Edited by Jenny in Florida
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Dh and I knew each other since we were kids. Many is the Dr Pepper I took from my future MIL's refrigerator; many is the late-night video my group of friends watched on her VHS. She is thoughtful, kind, and supportive. She raised three amazing kids, one of whom I was fortunate enough to marry. She kept her family close and involved, with the result that my children have aunts and uncles and cousins to be with. When dh and I got engaged, her reaction was "about time he proposed to you!" I was always made thoroughly welcome into their family.

 

She taught second grade for many years, and when dh and I decided to homeschool oldest dd, it was very hard for her. She and I never had a falling out, but it was so hard to handle her disappointment and fears for her granddaughter. Both of us said things--very mild things, but which we both regretted and tearfully apologized for. As time went on, and dd flourished, we got past that painful barrier that had come up between us.

 

She is an amazing woman and I love her.

 

 

 

 

ETA: My FIL is great too, but this thread was about MILs.

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The mother-in-law thread is disheartening to read; so many have issues with their MIL....which is so sad. I know this must be common...because I know that MIL's seem to usually be depicted as someone you don't get along with. I feel the opposite. I wonder if I just lucked out?? ...

No, you did not just "luck out". You married a man with a mother who is a very kind and generous person. Not every man has that type of mother, therefore not every married woman is blessed with a great MIL.

 

Do I like my MIL? I don't know. I like some aspects of her personality very much. I also see her faults. She has done some nice things for us. The word "generous" does not describe her, but she's spunky and fun. I find her difficult. Even though we live near her, she barely knows her grandchildren. She's not actively involved in our lives, but she tries sometimes. We get along.

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My MIL is NPD. No contact for three years and the one time her son and grandchildren show up in the same restaurant at the same time as her, she pretends they aren't there. She abused me for years verbally and behind my back. One time she even tried to burn me with her cigarette while I was pregnant (I grabbed her hand, then she screamed "don't hit me!" and looked around to see if any neighbours were out...none were). Another time, she invited me in her house all caring when I was in tears...soon as she closed the door, she started yelling and verbally attacking me in front of my children. Other times, it would be a phone call and she would be having one conversation while I or dh was having another...basically, she had g'ma at her house and so she would start the "I can't believe you would say that to me! Why would you call me names?!" etc...while we had only called to invite her somewhere or see how she was doing. Her lies are extraordinary.

 

StepMIL is another ballgame. Sweet as pie. But, if she's concerned about something, she will tell you (unfortunately, some of her friends are a bit gossipy and she's come running home from vacation once, when told that dh and I were separating. Apparently, some unknown person told a person at my church, who told StepMIL's best friend, who called StepMIL, who came home and called us....we weren't separating. We were moving and, because dh was working midnights, a couple of friends helped me move our family so he could sleep.

 

FIL & StepMIL are coming out in a few weeks...the kids are very excited and I'm looking forward to the hugs. She's the closest dh & I have to a mother right now.

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I love my MIL! She is a wonderful person (as is FIL). I am so glad that we live 1.5 hrs away from them. Truly, I would be happy living much closer, but that's not feasible at the moment. I am so glad that they are an (extremely) active part of my girls' lives.

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I love my MIL. I think I've gushed about her here before but oh well. :) She's a little worried about being The Evil Mother-in-Law so she's careful not to tell me what to do or give me parenting advice unless I bring something up. She has a great relationship with my kids. They see her and my FIL almost every weekend. They get spoiled (in a way) but my inlaws also have a standard of behavior and don't let my kids act like total nightmares. She doesn't load them up with sugar and candy or let them stay up to all hours of the night or watch whatever they want on television. I trust them with my kids. This weekend they went out of town with my kids and spent the night at my MIL's sister's house. She has a pool and my kids came back exhausted from spending two days not voluntarily getting out of the water. :)

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I have a wonderful MIL as well. It honestly feels like I've got another mother now. She was scared of the homeschooling when we first brought it up but summed things by saying it's our decision to make, not hers and she respects that.

 

She's also generous, caring, forgiving, funny...It just goes on and on. :)

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I am one of the lucky ones too. My MIL is awesome. They live a mile away, and are always there to help us out with the kids if we need them. She's always been very kind to me, picking up little gifts for me when she sees something she thinks I'll like. We will frequently have "girls day" where MIL, my dd's and I will go out for the day, usually shopping, out to lunch, sometimes to a park, it's a fun tradition. My IL's were amazing when my youngest was born--she had to be in the hospital an hour and a half away and then back and forth between there and a local NICU for 5 weeks. They took care of my older children, helped me to get back and forth to the hosptial to be with my baby, made sure everyone was cared for and fed, FIL even took care of our dog (and he is NOT a dog person)...I was so grateful to them for all that they did.

 

My own mom lives several states away, and has never actually met my children. I've tried inviting her to come out here many times, but she makes up excuses and complains that I should come to her instead. If you've ever seen the show Hoarders--that's my mom's house. She knows I won't come to her home to visit. I'm grateful that I have MIL here, and that my children have a great Grammie.

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