S/O: s/o: Is it just me?

[Ginevra]

:D After just reading through both of the "people are so unfriendly" threads, I have to say I'm totally astonished. Completely gobsmacked. Dumbfounded. Thunderstruck. Floored.

 

I can't think of a single instance where I smiled at someone, said hello, tried to make small talk, or offered a handshake where I was turned away from, completely ignored, treated cruelly or shunned. I rest complete faith in the Law of the Harvest - you sow seeds of good will and good will returns.

 

I don't tend to be social. I would rather sit in a crevice and read. BUT I believe it is important to have a cheerful and friendly outlook when I need to be "on," so I just pretend. I make believe I'm my extroverted mom and I smile, I make eye contact, I call people by their names, I say niceties and complement their pretty blouse. In a group of peers this seems to always work, without exception. I can't think of an instance where it failed. :confused:

 

So...is it just me? Am I the only one who reads those posts and says, "What???!!!"

[Mrs Mungo]

I agree, but I live in a rather nomadic community. I am sure that makes a difference.

[eternalknot]

I work in customer service. Today, at work, I had face-to-face interactions with roughly 300 individuals. The nature of the interactions varied from a simple greeting to an actual physical transaction. The overwhelming majority ignored me, or looked at me blankly when I addressed them. A few mumbled a "fine" when I wished them good morning or welcomed them aboard.

 

It's par for the course, pretty much every time I'm at work. I meet people from all over the country and the world, all walks of life, and it's pretty consistent. There are cities that tend to be more friendly than others, and age groups too, but for the most part I'm accustomed to people being in their own little bubbles -- either too unaware to acknowledge others, or too disinterested.

 

ETA: I am very extroverted and come from a large, noisy family. I can talk to anyone about anything, and don't have a difficult time going up to strangers and striking up a conversation. People just seem to busy and self-absorbed these days. I blame smart phones LOL.

Edited June 21, 2011 by eternalknot

[Desert Strawberry]

I haven't run into a lot of this. BUT...we live in a small town, largely consisting of old families. Everyone here went to school together, has the same last names, knows everyone's mama and grandmama, and so on. We have no family here, aren't from this parish, don't go to church, my kids don't go to school, we don't work in town. No ties to the community at all.

 

For the first 2 years we lived here, no one spoke to us. One neighbor on either side. That's it. We also live at the edge of town, so we don't have a lot of neighbors. I even approached a neighbor's house, knocked on her door and spoke to her, and she said not a word to me. The only people who acknowledged my existence were the ladies at the cafe and the librarians. I had begun to feel invisible. It really messed with my head. Someone actually greeted me at the park one day, and I almost broke down in tears. It was just so unusual to be spoken to by a stranger.

 

I don't know what changed. I got pregnant, went to Cali for 2 months, learned to interact with humans again and when I came back, it seems people were more friendly to me. it helps that my children are older and involved in sports and things now. But even just people in the neighborhood seem more friendly now.

 

Similarly, I lived in Japan for 4 years. Very few Japanese people would voluntarily interact with me. I chalked that up to language barriers and cultural differences. It is a strange experience, being among others and still so isolated.

[Ginevra]

I haven't run into a lot of this. BUT...we live in a small town, largely consisting of old families. Everyone here went to school together, has the same last names, knows everyone's mama and grandmama, and so on. We have no family here, aren't from this parish, don't go to church, my kids don't go to school, we don't work in town. No ties to the community at all.

 

For the first 2 years we lived here, no one spoke to us. One neighbor on either side. That's it. We also live at the edge of town, so we don't have a lot of neighbors. I even approached a neighbor's house, knocked on her door and spoke to her, and she said not a word to me. The only people who acknowledged my existence were the ladies at the cafe and the librarians. I had begun to feel invisible. It really messed with my head. Someone actually greeted me at the park one day, and I almost broke down in tears. It was just so unusual to be spoken to by a stranger.

 

I don't know what changed. I got pregnant, went to Cali for 2 months, learned to interact with humans again and when I came back, it seems people were more friendly to me. it helps that my children are older and involved in sports and things now. But even just people in the neighborhood seem more friendly now.

 

Similarly, I lived in Japan for 4 years. Very few Japanese people would voluntarily interact with me. I chalked that up to language barriers and cultural differences. It is a strange experience, being among others and still so isolated.

 

What do you mean by this (bold)? Do you mean she came to the door, opened it, stared at you and then shut it? Or do you mean you chatted then, but in the future, she would not initiate a conversation with you?

 

Here is one thing I want to say in defense of the aloof people as one possibility: they don't remember your name and/or, they know you're familiar but can't place you. This is the scenario that strikes terror in my heart. I have more social pain when I'll be around people I've met once or twice then with people I've never met before. I was just in this situation this past Saturday, at a party. All these vaguely familiar people milling around - it's like a land-mine of potential embarrassment.

[tenoraddict]

We have kind of a running joke in my family. It seems like my husband and I can approach the same person and say the same thing, but with completely different outcomes. He'll receive a peaches and cream response, and I'll receive ice - at best. Typical experience for me: A car parked by the side of the road in my neighborhood...driver is looking at a map...clearly lost. I approach the car with a helpful smile on my face and ask if she needs help. Her response: "Go to hel*." I'm not kidding. :glare:

 

I find that geography has something to do with it. I live on the East Coast, where people are generally too busy to say hello or interact. When I visit my family in the Mid-West, it's a totally different experience.

[elegantlion]

I tend to be the smile and be nice person. I'm introverted, but I know how to have social skills. I know how to make friends. But I've had two instances in recent memory where I tried to be friendly and the person either ignored me or walked away.

 

One was at a homeschool enrichment class several years ago. We were both standing outside the class waiting for it to let out. I said hello and proceeded to make a few little chit chat remarks. She totally ignored me. We were the only ones there!!! She actually glared at me.

 

The other still stings. I was at another homeschool event, different state. I was trying to make friends with this group. One woman asked my name, I told her and proceeded to ask politely about hers, I'd met her once but wanted to confirm her name. She asked I was related to the ______'s who lived in the county. I said no, we had recently relocated. She turned and walked away from me mid-sentence!!! We were the only two talking together. I went home and cried it upset me so much.

 

I'll have to say I've NEVER had that happen except in homeschooling circles. I know how to mingle, I've been to formal events where networking was the game of the evening many times. I worked in customer service for many years, I know how to make polite conversation with total strangers. So these experiences were weird and upsetting for me, and I'm the introvert!!:001_huh:

[JennyD]

I find it completely foreign as well. I live in NYC, and while folks definitely don't smile at passersby (NO EYE CONTACT!!) I find it incredibly easy to strike up a conversation pretty much anywhere, any time. People will tell you their life story at the drop of a hat, and with the kids as common ground it's even easier to find friends. It may be because -- like one of the above posters mentioned -- a lot of people in the neighborhoods where I have lived are transient, or at least have moved here from somewhere else.

Edited June 21, 2011 by JennyD

[TracieT]

I live in Ohio and never have people ignore me or seem insulted. However, when I visit my in-laws in Illinois it's a different story. I used to get really upset about it, but I've learned to deal. I mean, I'd try to talk to a cashier....just say "how are you" or whatever...and they'd completely ignore me. Nobody says hi to each other. But my MIL HATED living here in Ohio for the short time she did. She couldn't believe people had the audacity to say HELLO to you when you were walking down the street! She found it to be very rude. So, I guess maybe when I say hi to people when I go visit there they think I'm rude!!! :001_huh:

[twoforjoy]

I've concluded that I'm either completely oblivious or very fortunate, because most of the bad behavior I hear people on the internet saying they see all the time--obnoxious teens, unfriendly neighbors, people with designer bags using food stamps, people who let their children run wild and do nothing about it--is stuff I pretty much never see, or at least see so rarely that it really, really sticks out to me when I do. And I grew up in the northeast and then moved to a mid-sized Midwestern city and now live in a large Midwestern city, so it's not like I've only been in places where people are noted for friendliness and good manners.

 

I can recall one time when somebody was outright rude to me when I was trying to be polite. I was living in New Jersey at the time, and was at the laundromat. I had an extra coupon, tried to offer it to the woman at the machine next to me, and she snapped at me. The situation was so striking and unusual that it had me in tears.

 

I honestly can't think of any other time where I've dealt with that level of rudeness. In general, I smile and say hi to people, and they smile and say hi right back.

[Ginevra]

We have kind of a running joke in my family. It seems like my husband and I can approach the same person and say the same thing, but with completely different outcomes. He'll receive a peaches and cream response, and I'll receive ice - at best. Typical experience for me: A car parked by the side of the road in my neighborhood...driver is looking at a map...clearly lost. I approach the car with a helpful smile on my face and ask if she needs help. Her response: "Go to hel*." I'm not kidding. :glare:

 

I find that geography has something to do with it. I live on the East Coast, where people are generally too busy to say hello or interact. When I visit my family in the Mid-West, it's a totally different experience.

 

That is incredibly weird. And I live on the East Coast, too. I agree that people are generally busy or preoccupied, but I still don't see this outright shunning behavior. At a tee-ball game, for instance? We're all there for the same purpose. I've never made light conversation with another parent and had them shut me down. I've seen people who give off a general "go away" vibe, but I assume they are busy or preoccupied and don't bother them. I'm sure there have been instances when I was giving off a "go away" vibe because my head was full of trouble. I remember going to a hairdresser who was not my regular stylist and she was making the usual small talk. While I was not rude, I was thinking, "Just cut my hair, lady. I don't want to tell you my life story."

 

I tend to be the smile and be nice person. I'm introverted, but I know how to have social skills. I know how to make friends. But I've had two instances in recent memory where I tried to be friendly and the person either ignored me or walked away.

 

One was at a homeschool enrichment class several years ago. We were both standing outside the class waiting for it to let out. I said hello and proceeded to make a few little chit chat remarks. She totally ignored me. We were the only ones there!!! She actually glared at me.

 

The other still stings. I was at another homeschool event, different state. I was trying to make friends with this group. One woman asked my name, I told her and proceeded to ask politely about hers, I'd met her once but wanted to confirm her name. She asked I was related to the ______'s who lived in the county. I said no, we had recently relocated. She turned and walked away from me mid-sentence!!! We were the only two talking together. I went home and cried it upset me so much.

 

I'll have to say I've NEVER had that happen except in homeschooling circles. I know how to mingle, I've been to formal events where networking was the game of the evening many times. I worked in customer service for many years, I know how to make polite conversation with total strangers. So these experiences were weird and upsetting for me, and I'm the introvert!!:001_huh:

 

Definitely bizarre. I've never had that happen period, homeschool or not.

 

I've concluded that I'm either completely oblivious or very fortunate, because most of the bad behavior I hear people on the internet saying they see all the time--obnoxious teens, unfriendly neighbors, people with designer bags using food stamps, people who let their children run wild and do nothing about it--is stuff I pretty much never see, or at least see so rarely that it really, really sticks out to me when I do. And I grew up in the northeast and then moved to a mid-sized Midwestern city and now live in a large Midwestern city, so it's not like I've only been in places where people are noted for friendliness and good manners.

 

 

That's what I think, too. I've been thinking, "Man, I must be super hard-headed. I must be talking and smiling at people and failing to notice that they want me to shrivel up on the spot!" I think if anyone gives me "go away" vibes (not actually saying, "Go to he88" haven't had that happen), I don't interpret that as having a thing to do with me. I just think, "Okay. Busy with Iphone and doesn't want to talk." IOW, I can't see myself coming home in tears because another mom was rude to me. I don't even think I would apply to having anything to do with *me*, so that's how oblivious I am! :tongue_smilie:

[Margo out of lurking]

I can't think of a single instance where I smiled at someone, said hello, tried to make small talk, or offered a handshake where I was turned away from, completely ignored, treated cruelly or shunned.

 

. . .

 

I don't tend to be social. I would rather sit in a crevice and read. BUT I believe it is important to have a cheerful and friendly outlook when I need to be "on," so I just pretend. I make believe I'm my extroverted mom and I smile, I make eye contact, I call people by their names, I say niceties and complement their pretty blouse. In a group of peers this seems to always work, without exception. I can't think of an instance where it failed.

 

I could have written exactly this, although I could sometimes be better at being engaged. I am oblivious and a bit self-centered. I don't look to others for approval, and I don't take things personally. All of these color my perception. "Of course no one would ignore me!" And if they did, I wouldn't give it a second thought or remember it later.:D

[Peela]

Its not my experience that people are unfriendly, at all. Sometimes people are shy or reserved, but rarely unfriendly. If they are, I figure they are having a worse day than me and wish them well and move on. It's not personal.

 

But- I don't mix in hard "work" worlds much, or in the public much. I have many friends and acquaintances and social groups, and everyone is friendly. If they aren't...well, I cut them slack and move on. I am generally friendly but am sometimes withdrawn so I am pretty empathic if people are just withdrawn.