AvasMom Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'm 37, dh is 41 and we have the WORST angst about whether to try and squeeze in one more child before we are too old and decrepit to have more. The dilemma is our ages but more than that the fact that our kids are 13 and almost 10. I wish we had a couple more kids a few years ago but now that they are older is it too late to start over?? I'm torn between now being ready for this phase of my life to end and on the other hand looking forward to it. I'm sure there has to be other moms here who were "done" but then fired the old baby maker up again, right?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheReader Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 The gap between my oldest and youngest is a little greater than 7 years. That gap has worked out fine. If both you and your dh are wanting another, can't hurt to try......just do go into it with eyes open, knowing family dynamics will change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 There are 8 years between my 12 year old and 4 year old. They are very close and play together all of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) We were a little worried about starting over again but gladly would have done it at any given point. We are now fostering. Most placements are foster only, but we assume we'll adopt some day. We may have a chance with our 3, 4, and 5 year olds (if they aren't adopted by an aunt; they aren't supposed to go home again). My next kiddo up from them is 16. Depending on how you count it, we either have a 16yr age difference (since they got here a few days before he turned 16 or almost 11 since that is how much time between his age and the 5yr old's age :) So I'll be ending my homeschool journey with one set and starting it with the other about the same time :) Edited June 20, 2011 by 2J5M9K Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 The biggest gap in my kids is 4 years between # 4&5. There is an 18 year gap between oldest and youngest and I had my last 2 at 37 & 39. You are definitely not too old to add to your family. Good Luck!!! Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My boys are 8 and 10 years older than dd. I wish with all my heart we had had several more. She's basically an only now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Only 5 years for us. My inlaws have a 10 year gap. They had 3 kids close together (dh is the oldest), a gap of 10 years before one dsil, then 4 years before the other. Dh is 17 years older than his youngest sister. He had to share the room with "the baby" when he came home on college breaks. It's almost like my inlaws had two separate families. The olders left home before the youngers were out of elementary school. The olders and the youngers are not close at all, despite everyone living within an hour drive. Of course, that could all be a function of my inlaws' interesting family dynamics :rolleyes: so take that with a grain of salt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Two minutes. Hm... probably not the answer you're looking for. :D (I knew a homeschooler on her "second family" - I believe there's an 18 year age gap between her two sets of kids and it seemed to be working out great.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keniki Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 There's 9 years between #1 and #2 (not OUR choice, but they are very close). Yes, go into it with your eyes open. #2 and #3 are only 14 months apart (I wasn't even thinking about a #3 yet). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 My boys are 8 and 10 years older than dd. I wish with all my heart we had had several more. She's basically an only now. Yeah I'm thinking we can't have just one with this much of a gap. Definitely need to be thinking 2 more. Although, the idea of no bickering sounds positively lovely to me right now. lol! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 As you can see by my signature, I had two more children later in life. Even though it has been pretty overwhelming trying to meet the needs of babies/toddlers and teenagers at the same time, I'm happy that when my 12 year old starts having more grown-up interests rather than the Barbies and American Girl dolls she plays with now, my youngest should be old enough to play with my 4 year old. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I only have a two year gap between kids but I can see some definite advantages to having another with teens/preteens in the house. I am thinking back to how hard the baby/toddler years were and how much easier it would have been if there was another set of hands or two to help out. (Not at all saying I would rely on a teen for regular child rearing but to be able to leave a sleeping baby to run to the store or to have someone I trusted who could babysit after I put the baby down on a tuesday night so we could go out as adults...paid and on her schedule of course) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) I'm 37, dh is 41 and we have the WORST angst about whether to try and squeeze in one more child before we are too old and decrepit to have more. The dilemma is our ages but more than that the fact that our kids are 13 and almost 10. I wish we had a couple more kids a few years ago but now that they are older is it too late to start over?? I'm torn between now being ready for this phase of my life to end and on the other hand looking forward to it. I'm sure there has to be other moms here who were "done" but then fired the old baby maker up again, right?? I think the unwritten rule is that with an age gap that big, you need to have two more. ;) Mine are all exactly 3 years, 3 months apart. It just worked out that way. (ETA: Now I see several others have already mentioned two more! :lol: I guess it's no longer an unwritten rule.) Edited June 20, 2011 by darlasowders Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My son turns 12 next month and my daughter is 16 months. I never planned to have kids so far apart but it has been WONDERFUL!!! My son adores his sister, even if he wasn't thrilled about me having a baby and disrupting his life. And she looks up to him so much. Plus, having big kids is a HUGE HUGE HUGE help. You have someone to watch them while you take a quick shower, someone to bring you a drink of water while you are nursing, etc. Don't hesitate!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I have about ten years between birth kids at one point. My first husband had passed away very young and while I wanted more kids I wasn't ready to get married again. Finally, I did decide to get married again. We had a child pretty quickly. The older kids were fine with it. I was thirty-ish at the time. Then I went on to have a few more.....My youngest was born when I was 42. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 The relationship between my teens and my littles is very special. I'm hoping that when my older kids become parents, my younger children will be teenagers who can babysit and help out, and pay back some of the love and attention that has been showered on them. I also wanted to add that I'm realizing most of my overwhelmedness has been untreated PPD. There is no reason for you to think you will have the same feelings if you have more children now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 There's 11 years between my oldest and my second, then 23 months between my last two. Having a teenager, a toddler and a newborn all at the same time was an experience. I didn't want to have two "onlies" so I thought it was important to have two close together my second time around. My oldest adores her little brother and sister but she doesn't exactly get down and play with them. My son is away this week and my youngest is already complaining about not having anyone to play with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 When the new one arrives, my kids will be (or turn shortly after) 19, 13, 6, and 5. Eldest isn't at home though. Navy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 The relationship between my teens and my littles is very special. I'm hoping that when my older kids become parents, my younger children will be teenagers who can babysit and help out, and pay back some of the love and attention that has been showered on them. I also wanted to add that I'm realizing most of my overwhelmedness has been untreated PPD. There is no reason for you to think you will have the same feelings if you have more children now. My dd is completely in love with babies and little kids (wants to be a preschool teacher) so she would love helping out but I never thought about the fact that the littles will be able to then help her and ds out with their kids! Awesome. :) PPD was a huge problem after ds for both of us. My husband had an awful case of it (yes it's possible). He sort of freaked out and left for a few days which was followed by the worst year of our marriage. Memories of that pop back in my head when I think about another but that's probably dumb, huh? That was 10 years ago and we are so much better now because that year really forced us to learn to communicate. I need to let that go already. *sigh* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ColoNative Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Our first three are almost 4 years apart, then 2 years, then #5 will only be 18 months from #4. I am turning 43 this week and will be having baby #5. I was 41 when I had baby #4....we've not worried much about age because we got married later and took us a while to get our act together having kids....funny we thought we were only going to have 2~! ;) Blessings to you in your decision - children are such a blessing! Melody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welovetoread Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 We have a 4 year gap between 1 and 2. We are due with number 6 in 5 weeks and the gap between oldest to youngest will be 13.5 years. She is so excited for a new baby she can hardly stand it (the oldest that is) We have the following ages: 13 9 7 4.5 21 months Newbie due in 5 weeks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhonda in TX Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I am that child you are thinking of having. My sisters were 9 and 11 when I was born. I say go for it!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Less-than-a-year and then 12 years. :glare: We really could have spaced them better, but we are learning to adapt to it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JFSinIL Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 no more than a couple years gap here BUT the last kid - I was 37 when she was born!' Across the street neighbors had a surprise baby girl over 12 years after their other dd - she is a great kid and the family feels they were blessed! Just do not assume the older kids are built-in, unpaid babysitters. My dad was a change-of-life baby way back when, and his then teen-age sister, my aunt, would even much later in life still complain about having to babysit him or even take him on dates! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I don't have any big spaces (biggest is 3.5 years) but my oldest and youngest are 11 years apart and it is wonderful... they adore each other. And it is also keeping her (and the next kid in the age order, who is 9 years older than the youngest) from that common tween mentality of "it's all about me." They pitch in and help with the little guys a lot, but we also make sure they have their own special big kid stuff and time. It works great. :) I'd talk with your dh in detail about your fears about the last time... what he thinks caused that, if there would be a danger of that kind of reaction again, preemptive steps to take, etc. I have no doubt you are both much more mature/connected/stable this time around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovin Learnin Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) My boys are 8 and 10 years older than dd. I wish with all my heart we had had several more. She's basically an only now. My experience (and sentiments) exactly. Edited June 20, 2011 by Lovin Learnin Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRG Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I have 2 boys and they are 13 years apart. I was 39 when the baby was born. It takes a little bit of adjustment to get back into taking care of a baby and the lack of sleep. We didn't plan such a huge gap; It just happened that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 The biggest gap between children in our family is 23 months. But, that was just us. I see nothing wrong at all with having a big gap between kids! Just a different way of doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 my oldest is 20 and my youngest 5 so, 15 years. As troublesome as the 20 yo can be, he adores his little sister. Flat out adores. As an infant she would sleep on him and he would carry her everywhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I've never met anyone who said, "We had so&so and we really regret it." But I've met an awful lot of people that wish they had had one more... Just sayin'. Our biggest gap is 35.5 months between our oldest two. However, Ana is 15.5 and the new baby is expected any day. :) And, out of all of our children, the two with the closest sibling bond is Sarah Elaine and Ana. They are 12 years apart. I can't tell you what a beautiful thing it is to watch the two of them. It is entirely different than the sib relationship the rest of them have. The two oldest have "protector/defender/adorer" relationships with the littlest ones. When the littlest (Sarah & Daniella) get an owie they will look to older ones for comfort - Elizabeth, Christian, or Briana. Having the littles around has taught the oldest three so much about compassion, sweetness, mercy, gentleness. Christian is partial to Abigail, Sarah, and Daniella. Abigail especially adores her big brother and will go over and snuggle up next to him on the couch. It has softened a lot of his "rough" edges too. It is always nice to see brothers & sisters together. But I will say I REALLY enjoy the big/little relationships. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyinTN Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Our daughters are 23, 21 and our son is 13. We had three miscarriages between him and the girls and he was definitely a blessing. I just couldn't have anymore after him. I wish we had 6 kids...we have talked about adoption once we return to the states. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
C_l_e_0..Q_c Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 as you can see, many families have done it, and it can work out great. I have 10 years between myself and my brother. I know someone who posts here, but hasn't posted in this thread, with a new baby, a 11yo and a 14yo. Babies are a blessing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy in Australia Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My boys were 13 and 10 when our DD was born. It was a surprise pregnancy, but as it turns out, it was one of the best things that have ever happened to our family. The boys absolutely dote on her, and my older DS was pleasantly surprised to discover that he is wildly popular with his female friends thanks to his very cute little sister :D I struggled a lot during the first 6 months (she was a terrible sleeper), but I can honestly say now that I am enjoying this little one in a way I never had the time to when the boys were little. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 15.5 years between my oldest and youngest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvasMom Posted June 20, 2011 Author Share Posted June 20, 2011 I've never met anyone who said, "We had so&so and we really regret it." But I've met an awful lot of people that wish they had had one more... Just sayin'. Our biggest gap is 35.5 months between our oldest two. However, Ana is 15.5 and the new baby is expected any day. :) And, out of all of our children, the two with the closest sibling bond is Sarah Elaine and Ana. They are 12 years apart. I can't tell you what a beautiful thing it is to watch the two of them. It is entirely different than the sib relationship the rest of them have. The two oldest have "protector/defender/adorer" relationships with the littlest ones. When the littlest (Sarah & Daniella) get an owie they will look to older ones for comfort - Elizabeth, Christian, or Briana. Having the littles around has taught the oldest three so much about compassion, sweetness, mercy, gentleness. Christian is partial to Abigail, Sarah, and Daniella. Abigail especially adores her big brother and will go over and snuggle up next to him on the couch. It has softened a lot of his "rough" edges too. It is always nice to see brothers & sisters together. But I will say I REALLY enjoy the big/little relationships. :D I <3 this post. That's what I'm hoping will happen. I also think it will be nice to be able to teach my daughter first hand about natural childbirth, attachment parenting, etc. rather than having this abstract "back in the day we did it like this" thing going on. That's just really important to me that she has the same values. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 It is 10 years between the oldest and middle and 14 years between the oldest and youngest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My MIL had a surprise baby at 42. DH was 12 and SIL was 9. SIL and BIL are super-close to each other, much closer than either one is with DH. DH gets along okay with them, but has very different interests and personality. Our youngest has a developmental delay and while we do hope God blesses us with at least one more child some day, right now we feel like He is telling us it's prudent to wait for a bit. So while our first 3 are just slightly over 3 years apart each, we will most likely have a bigger gap between #3 and #4. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My olders were there for their sister's births. Miss Good cut Miss Bossy's cord. I believe it has colored their attitudes towards parenting. We were at my niece's house, and she put her baby down to cry in the crib. Miss Beautiful could not stand it. My niece ended up letting her walk/rock the baby to sleep. I sincerely doubt that my grandchildren will be formula fed from birth, spanked, put in day care at 6 weeks of age, or any of the other things that would break my heart. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSMom2One Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) The gap between ours is 19 years! If you feel the urge to have another set of children, then do it. I've known at least four additional families that have a big gap between ages of children, and each one has worked beautifully. The older children help a lot while they are still in the nest, and when the time comes for the older kids to leave home then there are still children in the house for a longer amount of time. Some people just don't look forward to an empty nest and that's nothing to be ashamed of. In our case our late in life surprise came through adoption, but the families I'm mentioning here all had their own biological children. One of the families even involved the dad getting a reverse vasectomy because they totally changed their minds. Be fruitful and multiply! Blessings, Lucinda P.S. I remember well the older teen age daughter of one of these families telling me that her toddler brother was one HUGE motivation for her in deciding to remain abstinent from s*x until marriage. Edited June 20, 2011 by HSMom2One Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 The closest is 15 months. (my 2 oldest) The furthest is 2.5 years (30 months). (My 2 youngest) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I was the youngest by 10 years and for the most part that meant I might as well have been an only child. Dh was an only child. If you are okay with that, then great. Dh and I would prefer to avoid the only child situation. In your situation, we would hope to be able to have at least 2 more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My son (my oldest) is 28 and my youngest is almost 12, so 16 years. My two youngest barely even know my oldest. They are quite close with my oldest dd though because we spend a lot of time with her now, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I'm 37, dh is 41 and we have the WORST angst about whether to try and squeeze in one more child before we are too old and decrepit to have more. The dilemma is our ages but more than that the fact that our kids are 13 and almost 10. I wish we had a couple more kids a few years ago but now that they are older is it too late to start over?? I'm torn between now being ready for this phase of my life to end and on the other hand looking forward to it. I'm sure there has to be other moms here who were "done" but then fired the old baby maker up again, right?? Too late?? Ha. Look in my sig. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCrazyMama Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 I had two children, stopped and nine years later had 4 more. So between my oldest and youngest 18 years, between #2 and #3, 9 years. I'd do in again everyday and twice on Sundays.:D It really hasn't been a problem.:) I vote to go for it.:) (and have 2 or more :D) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cinder Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 My boys are 8 and 10 years older than dd. I wish with all my heart we had had several more. She's basically an only now. This kind of gap seems to run in my dh's family. His mother's brothers were 10 and 8 years older than she. Dh has 2 sisters, 12 and 13 years older than he. We have a dd who is 10 and 7 years younger than her brothers. Dh was basically an only and felt a little lonely growing up. After our first was born he was looking forward to having at least one more child so ds wouldn't be an only. But here we are with a similar long gap between our two youngest. And we have not even considered trying for a 4th just to change that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 12 years between dd4 and ds16. (22 between me and my oldest sister) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoxcell Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 For us between 1, and 2 is exactly 27 months. Between 2, and three is 27 months, and between 3 and 4 is 21 months(he was not exactly planned or it would have been the same as the others).:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laughing lioness Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 The biggest gap is 5 years but there is a 3-4 year gap between each. I had my last 2 at 37 and 40. It's been a blast. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 Our biggest gap is 5 years between #8 and #9. They are both girls and right now at ages 8 and 3 they play together really well. My 14yos also gets along really well with my 3yog and it is really cute to watch them do things together. We have another baby on the way, so there will be 3 years between #9 and #10 and a 22 year age gap between my oldest and my youngest. I am the youngest of 6 and the only girl in my family. There is a 6 1/2 year age difference between myself and my closest in age sibling. We got along great as kids. Once I was a teen, I was pretty much an only child. It was a bit lonely at times but I also had a very close relationship with my Mom that I don't think would have been possible if I'd had a closer in age sibling. And I got all those other benefits of being an only with older parents: my own room, things my brothers never got because when they were kids my parents couldn't afford them, lots of family vacations etc. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted June 20, 2011 Share Posted June 20, 2011 (edited) You can see our dd's ages in my signature line - dd2 was going-on-12 and dd1 was 15 when dd3 was born on 8/1/2009. Perhaps a bit unconventional, but we wouldn't change it. Interestingly, since we had dd3, we've had so many older people talk to us about how they had similar gaps between their siblings growing up. They generally feel very positive about it and have good relationships even with their much-older siblings. In fact, this has been one of the hugest blessings having #3; that is, her relationship with her big sisters. Having a baby sister has been fantastic for dd17 on a number of levels, and for dd12 it has been the perfect chance to nurture someone and also assume the level of responsiblity that she seems to have been born for. Re: "firing up the old baby maker" - not as tough as you'd think, at least not in our case. Like you, I've wondered many times whether it would have been better to have more children between #2 and #3, but in our case it would have been unwise, due to several years of traumatic circumstances in our lives. We do feel it's too late at this point (due to the continuing nature of one of these circumstances, among other things) to have a few more children as we may have done before, especially since I am 43 and dh is 48, but we're content with where God has us. Edited June 20, 2011 by Alphabetika Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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