KarenNC Posted June 15, 2011 Share Posted June 15, 2011 Do you have, or have you had, a child who is young for their grade? My daughter's birthday is in August, which will mean she will only have just turned 11 when she starts 6th grade. We're running into the issue this summer of activities that either have a rising 6th grade as the starting point for teen activities or age 12. A rising 6th-grader who's only turning 11 is at an odd place. Academically, 6th grade is where she needs to be (in fact, we're doing some 7th grade subjects), but emotionally and, in some ways developmentally, she's 11. It's bothering her to know that she's going to be the youngest in lots of activities, but she's academically not with the 3rd-5th graders, either. I also realized that it means she will graduate at 17 if we keep up this schedule. Anyone else been in this position? Anyone consider just adding a year to middle school, not for academics, but for maturity? If so, I would treat it as a bonus year to do extras before high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Do you have, or have you had, a child who is young for their grade? My daughter's birthday is in August, which will mean she will only have just turned 11 when she starts 6th grade. We're running into the issue this summer of activities that either have a rising 6th grade as the starting point for teen activities or age 12. A rising 6th-grader who's only turning 11 is at an odd place. Academically, 6th grade is where she needs to be (in fact, we're doing some 7th grade subjects), but emotionally and, in some ways developmentally, she's 11. It's bothering her to know that she's going to be the youngest in lots of activities, but she's academically not with the 3rd-5th graders, either. I also realized that it means she will graduate at 17 if we keep up this schedule. Anyone else been in this position? Anyone consider just adding a year to middle school, not for academics, but for maturity? If so, I would treat it as a bonus year to do extras before high school. I have 2 kids that are academically far beyond their grade level. My 15 yr will be taking mostly 12th grade or college level classes next yr as a 10th grader and my 12 yod will be taking mostly high school classes next yr as a 7th grader. Neither of them will graduate before turning 18. Is there a reason she is a yr ahead of her age? Are you reporting grade level to someone? If not, I wouldn't worry about grade level and place her where she is by age and just teach her where she is academically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) ...Is there a reason she is a yr ahead of her age? Are you reporting grade level to someone? If not, I wouldn't worry about grade level and place her where she is by age and just teach her where she is academically. She's not a year ahead though. She'll be 11 when 6th grade starts. That's typical. She's just turning 11 closer to the cut-off date than many other 6th graders. She will be 17 when she graduates, but 18 about the time college starts. If I'm reading this correctly... Edited June 16, 2011 by abbeyej Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My bday is in July. I had never heard of that being "young" for a grade until I began posting on this forum. I graduated in June and was 18 in July. Mr. Ellie's bday is in September. He graduated in June and wasn't 18 until September. IMHO, your dd is NOT "young" for her grade. It would not occur to me to do anything differently except to progress her to 6th grade. I would not hesitate for an instant to let her graduate at 17. If she were in school she would not be the only child with an August bday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 No, I think she means she is heading in to 6th and will turn 11 this August. I have one of those, and yes I am adding a year. I will keep on plugging away academically but thinking I will keep her one more year in middle school before high school. We use Classical Conversations, so grade level doesn't really matter all that much, but my dd needs maturing and I think one extra year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) I have 2 kids that are academically far beyond their grade level. My 15 yr will be taking mostly 12th grade or college level classes next yr as a 10th grader and my 12 yod will be taking mostly high school classes next yr as a 7th grader. Neither of them will graduate before turning 18. Is there a reason she is a yr ahead of her age? Are you reporting grade level to someone? If not, I wouldn't worry about grade level and place her where she is by age and just teach her where she is academically. It's not an issue of what I'm teaching her (we have a range of age levels in our material), it's in outside activities. Things like Girl Scouts, church, outside classes at the science center, etc. The issue is that I *did* place her by chronological age according to NC cutoffs (went from Oct. 16 to Aug. 31 a few years ago) and now I wonder if I should have waited to call her a kindergartner (bit late for that;)). Her birthday just places her at the very tail end of the group, and it seems like most Aug. birthdays may have been held back, because folks seem surprised to find out that she's going to be 11 for her entire 6th grade year. All the middle school things seem to be aimed at and assume 12 year olds as a minimum, even though middle school runs 6th-8th grade here. It's possible that my perception is a bit skewed, but we have run into it with looking at changing Girl Scout troops (she is the only one aging up to Cadettes from her current troop), signing up for activities at the library (one library has her in the teen program, and she feels out of place, the other won't let her in teen until next year, and she feels out of place:confused:), classes at the science center (they are for ages 12 and up, but she doesn't fit with the 3rd-5th graders), etc. Maybe it's just an awkward age? Edited June 16, 2011 by KarenNC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 No, I think she means she is heading in to 6th and will turn 11 this August. I have one of those, and yes I am adding a year. I will keep on plugging away academically but thinking I will keep her one more year in middle school before high school. We use Classical Conversations, so grade level doesn't really matter all that much, but my dd needs maturing and I think one extra year. So how do you handle outside class activities and where she thinks of herself or describes herself to other kids? I'm already looking at keeping her with the younger kids for PE, taking advantage of the ability of 6th graders to stay on the Div A Science Olympiad team, etc, but she'll be in the 6-8th grade art class and should move out of the elementary-aged Sunday School class. She's already been a Junior GS for three years because we took advantage of the flex year to put her there in 3rd grade before they changed the times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Do you have, or have you had, a child who is young for their grade? My daughter's birthday is in August, which will mean she will only have just turned 11 when she starts 6th grade. We're running into the issue this summer of activities that either have a rising 6th grade as the starting point for teen activities or age 12. A rising 6th-grader who's only turning 11 is at an odd place. Academically, 6th grade is where she needs to be (in fact, we're doing some 7th grade subjects), but emotionally and, in some ways developmentally, she's 11. It's bothering her to know that she's going to be the youngest in lots of activities, but she's academically not with the 3rd-5th graders, either. I also realized that it means she will graduate at 17 if we keep up this schedule. Anyone else been in this position? Anyone consider just adding a year to middle school, not for academics, but for maturity? If so, I would treat it as a bonus year to do extras before high school. My oldest will turn 12 at the end of July and is going into 7th grade. My second will turn 11 mid-September and is going into 6th grade. These are the grades they would be in according to the cutoff for our district. I've never considered adding a year for any reason. On the other end of the spectrum, my youngest has a mid-November birthday so he'll be a year older than his brothers for the same grade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abbeyej Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 ...Maybe it's just an awkward age? Honestly, I think that may well be the answer. She's within the age-range for her grade level. She might feel equally awkward if she'd been held back a year and was one of the oldest in her grade. I think 11/12 is just so awkward -- especially for girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 She's not a year ahead though. She'll be 11 when 6th grade starts. That's typical. She's just turning 11 closer to the cut-off date than many other 6th graders. She will be 17 when she graduates, but 18 about the time college starts. If I'm reading this correctly... You are right. I didn't count. I just read her post which made it sound like she was a yr ahead. OP, my oldest has an Aug b-day and actually turned 18 a few days after he left for college. It was not a problem for him at all and I can't imagine him being a yr behind where he is now. (graduating, married, and a new dad......he would not have been happy to have been held behind.) However, my 5 yod has a late July b-day and she will be a yr behind. She was really mentally immature at the beginning of this past school yr and was not ready for K. So, she will be a yr older than our oldest when she graduates. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My son has a June birthday, and, coincidently, when he was entering 6th grade, for summer activities I listed him as a 5th grader. It worked great. FWIW, I have an October birthday and lived in a state that had a December 1 cutoff. I went to college at 17 and was perfectly fine. I would not add a year at this stage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyCamper Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My rising 6th grader is going to turn 11 in July and I wouldn't think of holding him back a year. I can already tell he will not need to wait until he is 19 to start college. I may be biased since with my September birthday, I started college at 17 with no problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My son has a June birthday, and, coincidently, when he was entering 6th grade, for summer activities I listed him as a 5th grader. It worked great. FWIW, I have an October birthday and lived in a state that had a December 1 cutoff. I went to college at 17 and was perfectly fine. I would not add a year at this stage. :iagree: The grade level at which you list her for outside activities in 6th grade ought have no bearing on when she graduates from high school six years later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black_midori Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I hadn't bothered to count it before - but I guess my youngest will be 10 yo for all of 6th (when we get there) and the oldest will be 11. Shrug. Doesn't bother me - that's where they are academically, and all of the extracurricular activities we are involved in are pretty flexible. For instance, we are doing a Robot Science class this summer where the age range is 8/9-14 - but the teacher knows my son and is totally fine with a 7yo joining in. When we took an art class a year or so ago, it was actually for my then-6 yo but his 2-year younger brother ended up getting a lot out of the class because she was fine with him joining as long as he behaved (& he loved it!). They have no problem playing ridiculous & goofy games with the multiple kids in their general age group at a variety of gatherings throughout the week, academically we are good, and extra-curricular activities we have been able to find. So... I wouldn't worry :) My older brother graduated high school (many moons ago!) with a good friend that was about 12/13 years old at the time - his parents were thinking of holding him back a year before college so he could mature <g>. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melmichigan Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My DD will still be 11 years old and according to the PS beginning 7th grade this fall, her birthday is in November. I don't plan to change anything as it stands now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Honestly, I think that may well be the answer. She's within the age-range for her grade level. She might feel equally awkward if she'd been held back a year and was one of the oldest in her grade. That. My dd went to school in 6th grade. She has an August birthday and has always been one of the oldest in her grade. By the school's cutoff, she "should" be a senior this year, not a junior. Due to adoption and learning disability issues, being a year "behind" has worked well for dd academically and socially, but she hates it. (We were actually going to put her in 5th grade when she started school; had we, she would now be TWO years behind; I think academically it would have been best for her but not socially.) I think 11 and starting sixth grade is fine. I have a summer birthday and was 11 when I started 6th. I was 17 when I graduated but 18 by the time college started. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 Thanks for all the replies. I think I'm just going to have to realize that this is an awkward age. Part of it, I'm sure, is that we are dealing with puberty as well. She's started on the younger end of the scale, just as I did, but is a total social butterfly while I was a total introvert, so I don't have a gut-level understanding of how this is supposed to work:001_huh:. The gap between, say, 10 and 12 seems much larger than 7 and 9! I'm finding it a pretty huge leap from elementary to middle school in a lot of these aspects and I think I may be panicking at the realization she's really not going to be a kid in the same way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 No, I think she means she is heading in to 6th and will turn 11 this August. I have one of those, and yes I am adding a year. I will keep on plugging away academically but thinking I will keep her one more year in middle school before high school. We use Classical Conversations, so grade level doesn't really matter all that much, but my dd needs maturing and I think one extra year. In what way are you "keeping her in middle school" one additional year? Academically? Because if you hold her back a year and she matures in high school, as many children do, you may have held her back for no reason at all. Unless you feel there's extra middle school work she needs in order to be ready for the high school work. That would be a different story. Both my kids are "young" (according to today's standards, I guess) for their grade level, with a late July and late August birthday. They are both usually among the youngest in their peer grade. (but as a September birthday myself, I was 'younger' than that, but back then there were also kids with October and November birthdays) I wasn't a particularly mature kid, but I was easily ready for college turning 18 in September. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 This decision is a very personal and subjective one. It is one you can find ample "evidence" going both ways. My mom and I were both California babies. CA's deadline is Dec. 2nd. I was born Dec. 30th and my mom was born Nov. 24th. We are completely different people. I would have been fine skipping a grade (which was recommended multiple times at several schools). My mother would *not* allow it, because she had always been the youngest and just not ready for a lot that was thrown at her. Academically, she was fine. Emotionally, she was not. She *longed* for that extra year. In fact, she still regrets NOT being held back. She feels it deeply I have 3 summer birthdays. My oldest was born 8/27... about 2.5 weeks prior to the cut-off. He would *not* have been allowed to begin the K program due to emotional readiness issues here, regardless of his academic readiness. He is doing a transition year, and will most likely graduate "a year later." He is a child, in school personality, very much like my mother. She is strongly advocating for him to get that extra year to mature. My younger son (July 19), in many ways, is more emotionally ready -- but would not have been accepted into the K program due to physical readiness. I am undecided at this point if he will get an extra year. His written output needs to improve significantly (he has 3 more years until I decide). He is already 2 years ahead in most studies... we're in a wait an see stage. My younger daughter is my final summer birthday (July 4). She is "behind" her older siblings at this stage, but not "behind." She is starting K on-time. She would be the *only* one of my summer birthdays that would be admitted to our local K program -- and she is more "average" comparitively. My other two daughters have January birthdays... so this will most likely be a non-issue. I look at cut-off dates as a way to measure the AVERAGE readiness age. However, there are many things BEYOND age that dictate readiness. Academic preparedness is only ONE factor. Emotional and Physical readiness are also factors. IME, when someone refers to their child as "young" they usually refer to more than their age, it usually refers to an emotional maturity. A lack of emotional maturity is not a hinderance in the elementary grades, but IS a huge factor in the middle and high school grades, where this plays into logic-stage and higher-order thinking skills that may have not developed as yet. I have a good friend who is a former middle school math teacher, she could always tell who the youngest were (especially boys) within the first week of school. They stick out. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntPol Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I am in NC too. My son is going into 6th and will turn 11 in September -almost a quarter into the school year. He's in the same grade he would have been in when he started school (back when cut-off was Oct 16). With the new cut-off and in most other states, he should be a rising 5th grade but academically he is ahead of my rising 7th grader! THe biggest problems we had were in public school. He was put in the gifted program and was the only boy. All the others were girls. One just missed the October cut-off by a day and the others had been red-shirted and were MORE than a year older than him (starting K at just turned 6, whereas he started at 4 and turned 5). The teachers couldn't seem to understand why he couldn't sit still and WRITE at the same level as the gir ls!!! Behaviorally and emotionally, I think DS is behind his peers. There are a lot of factors -birthday/age, being homeschooled, being a boy, Aspergers, being the baby of family, etc. My DD has a June birthday. She was way more mature at same age but she is also more social and a girl. On the otherhand, she has "Younger" interests than some of her same age public school friends while being more responsible in independence areas (she babysits at 12 whereas are neighbors who are same age are still being baby sat. She can cook just about anything -they were just given permission to use microwave. However, she likes Littlest Pet Shop, Barbies, etc. whereas they read Twilight and think toys are for babies). Teaching preteens at church though, I see a wide spectrum of maturity among kids the same age so I think it pretty much evens out in the wash. Regardless, SOMEONE has to be the youngest of each grade! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 My rising 6th grader is going to turn 11 in July and I wouldn't think of holding him back a year. I can already tell he will not need to wait until he is 19 to start college. I may be biased since with my September birthday, I started college at 17 with no problems. :cheers2: I have a July bday, and Mr. Ellie has a September bday. I'm very happy that no one thought of either of us as "young" for our grades. Oh, and I have even seen some people say that a child born in *May* is "young" for his grade. :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 Oh, and I have even seen some people say that a child born in *May* is "young" for his grade. :confused: I once had a teacher tell me that any boy born in January or later is a candidate for holding back a year due to maturity issues. :confused: Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Matryoshka Posted June 16, 2011 Share Posted June 16, 2011 I have twins with a summer birthday (late June), although their due date was July 30th. :tongue_smilie: It's never entered my head to hold them back. One is much "younger" than the other, but right on track academically and I think well within the range of "normal" for this age when some kids are just more mature than others (hey, look at her twin sister). My younger has a Dec. birthday and I did put her "ahead" a year when reporting her for first grade. She'd be going into 6th this fall. I had her take the 5th grade Stanford this spring, and she did fine - a little lower than I'd like in reading, but still above average. I am thinking of reporting her as a 5th grader again, though, because she actually does miss the cut-off here, and by a few months. I'm seeing that socially she mixes really well with the kids in her age-grade. For outside activities, I've always reported her as her age-grade. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted June 16, 2011 Author Share Posted June 16, 2011 A lack of emotional maturity is not a hinderance in the elementary grades, but IS a huge factor in the middle and high school grades, where this plays into logic-stage and higher-order thinking skills that may have not developed as yet. I have a good friend who is a former middle school math teacher, she could always tell who the youngest were (especially boys) within the first week of school. They stick out. This is more of my concern at this point. When I was starting her with kindergarten, academic maturity was the concern---she was well ahead of an average kindergartner. Now, academics is really secondary. I can manage all of that, and it would appear that it gets easier when kids are in high school and everyone is not in the same class--more opportunities for differentiation. I don't have plans to put her in public middle school, but I am trying to leave options open for high school at this point and starting to look ahead to how what we do now will play out then. Of course, we are just at the beginning of all of this, so my concerns may be out of proportion. Things may look very different in 6 months or by the end of the summer, I realize. She's my only child, so I don't have the experience of others, and I was a total social misfit and introvert, so have no experience of what a more "typical" kid experiences. Currently, most of her friends are at least a few months younger rather than older, and she doesn't have the maturity that a lot of younger kids develop by following their older siblings. Her dad and I were both slower than average in emotional and social maturity though ahead of the curve academically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
khall Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 Regardless, SOMEONE has to be the youngest of each grade! True, but I personally would rather not have it be my child! :D There are huge advantages to being the oldest, and in high school classes are sorted out by ability instead of age anyway. You could call her the lower grade if it's a better fit socially/emotionally, but continue on with academics, and she'd just take advanced classes towards the end of high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 My older dd started 6th grade being not quite 11 (October birthday). She will graduate next year at 17. She has always been the "youngest" in her grades/activities and it doesn't help that she is extremely petite. She tends to get "mothered" in all of her outside activities/co-op because of her age and small size. She has been lucky, I know that that is not always the case. Because she is my aspie, she could have used that extra year to mature. Honestly, even if she wasn't an aspie, I would have preferred her to have an extra year to mature. So I have taken a different route with my younger dd. She will be starting 5th this year and will be 11 in early September. She will have that extra year (even though she's different and may not need it). Per my experience it is so easy to skip ahead, not so easy to talk one into taking an extra year that might be needed for maturity. ;) So we will cross that bridge when we come to it with the younger dd but she has that extra year built in already and will graduate at a solid 18. For outside activities and co-op she is in a great place age/maturity wise and I am happy with this decision. There are so many factors to their teen years and high school that it is hard to think ahead and grasp all the different ones that can go into making a child "ready" or "not ready" to graduate at 17 or 18 (or even 16). I actually had a wise parent of 6 ask me that question about my older dd when she was little and me in my ignorance thought I HAD thought of everything. :glare: I like knowing that for my younger dd, we are prepared for all those different little things that could crop up that we didn't think about with the older. In both cases, I always work with the girls where they are educationally. Whether that is at grade level, ahead, or behind. This is just our experience. I thought it might be helpful since I have seen first-hand both sides. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted June 17, 2011 Share Posted June 17, 2011 My daughter is going into 6th grade doing well with most of her academics, but she's also going into 6th grade not turning 11 until October. We have decided for various reasons (maturity being one, wanting her to do better with and get more out of things like some of her research and writing assignments for another, not really wanting her to be 17 when she graduates for another) to spread her 6th grade year out over a two year period (supplementing with some other things so that it's not TOO light of a year). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.