I hate asperger's syndrome...

[ktgrok]

I hate it. I hate the single minded obsession on things. I hate the negativity. I hate the inability to recognize boundaries. I hate the constant need to correct and advise and direct. I HATE how exhausting it is.

 

And I really hate it when the son described above has had nothing to eat but frozen waffles and Italian Ice after spending the night at a friend's house. Trust me, it wasn't pretty. Give me a nice two year old any day.

[Carrie12345]

:grouphug:

I hear you.

[mmasmommy]

:grouphug:

[JVA]

I'm so sorry. It sounds exhausting. :grouphug: I don't have this experience but I'd give you a hug and let you vent if I was there.

[Mom22ns]

:grouphug:

 

from the mom of an ASD 14yo.

[Sandra in FL]

Keep chugging along. I keep reminding myself that God gave him to me for a reason. He's away on a teen retreat for a week (longest time away) and I miss him so.

[pdalley]

:grouphug:

 

When it is good, it is very very good and when it is bad it is horrible.

 

Signed,

 

Mom of 3 Aspies who - thank God - don't seem to go through these spells all at one time. One dose at the time is all I can handle though one of them always seems to be in some sort of snit.

[EmilyinND]

:grouphug: Hearing ya, too! From a mom of 12yr old Aspie.

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Robin M]

*hugs* from mom of 11 year old aspie boy.

[AnitaMcC]

:grouphug:

 

When it is good, it is very very good and when it is bad it is horrible.

 

Signed,

 

Mom of 3 Aspies who - thank God - don't seem to go through these spells all at one time. One dose at the time is all I can handle though one of them always seems to be in some sort of snit.

 

 

Yep... they sure keep us hopping in this house too!!!!!!

[kristinannie]

:grouphug:

[DawnM]

Right there with you. Mine is 13 and today was a hard day in some ways.

[chiguirre]

If it makes it any better, it's much, much easier than a severely autistic kid in a bad mood. The aspie can at least express their frustration verbally, even if it's not in a socially acceptable way. It's far worse when they're melting down and you don't know why and you can't offer any better choices to them.

[bettyandbob]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[AngieW in Texas]

It's hard.

 

My 18yo is Aspie and she has become more difficult as she's gotten older.

 

My 15yo is rule-bound Aspie and has gotten much easier as she's gotten older.

 

My 13yo has major anxiety issues and has gotten extremely much more difficult as she's gotten older, but is still more pleasant to work with than the oldest.

[2_girls_mommy]

I hate it. I hate the single minded obsession on things. I hate the negativity. I hate the inability to recognize boundaries. I hate the constant need to correct and advise and direct. I HATE how exhausting it is.

 

 

Although my dd has never been dxed with anything, this pretty much describes her on a bad day or week. I am sending :grouphug: too. I know I needed them last week.

[Sara R]

:iagree: Me too.

[DawnL]

:grouphug: My Aspie is 7.5 and has a typical 4 year old brother who tries to do everything he does.

 

Let's just say the zoo today was a very trying day.

 

:grouphug:

[pdalley]

:grouphug: My Aspie is 7.5 and has a typical 4 year old brother who tries to do everything he does.

 

Let's just say the zoo today was a very trying day.

 

:grouphug:

 

I took the 14 year old, the 11 year old and the 9 year old for haircuts and shoes last week. By myself.

 

The 14 and the 9 must go to the barber shop for haircuts because their hair is so thick. I had to practically sit on the 9 year old because the clippers tickled and the noise drove him bats. I then made things worse by going to Dick's to get sneakers especially made for flat feet. I told the 9 that was not getting shoes that he could walk - not run - around the track in the shoe part.

 

I forgot to tell 11 the same thing.:glare: 9 gets mad that 11 can run and he can't. Shoves 11 almost into a stack of shoes while I'm wrestling 14's inserts into one pair of shoes and realizing he needs wide shoes. Sit both 9 and 11 down on two different benches and finally get 14 shoes (that are almost a 14!) that fit. Scared to take them off so we go to the front and pay only they have to take them off to get the security tag off. I block 9 from bolting out the door and 11 and 14 hobble out with one shoe on until we can stop and put it back on after the cashier takes the security tags off.

 

Never again. Never. I don't care how bad it is on Saturday.

[Guest momk2000]

:grouphug:

[TracyR]

I can only imagine. My niece was recently diagnosed with Aspergers syndrome

[cin]

I hate it too. I've got a 9 yr old daughter with Aspergers and Anticipatory Anxiety. She loves to correct EVERYBODY. And knows SO. MUCH. MORE. than her little sister (which is rather obvious, but doesn't really need to be called out). It's a constant walk on eggshells, on the wild side.

[Night Elf]

I hear you sister. But you know what I hate the most? My son will always have Aspergers, every single day of his entire life. There is no treatment or medicine that will cure it. He will not outgrow it. He will only have friends who accept him for the way he is, and in his 14 years of life, he's had only 1 friend. He asks me if he's ever going to find another friend, or if he might find a girlfriend or if he'll ever get married. And to be perfectly honest, the words that come out of my mouth are not the same ones that are being thought in my mind.

[elise1mds]

:grouphug:

 

Right there with ya. The literal comprehension (when it suits them) drives me nuts the most.

[Celia]

Big hugs to you. My ds7 was recently diagnosed with PDD-NOS, and the doc said it was basically Asperger's other than he had a speech delay. I know how hard those hard days can be, and how hard it is to even imagine what the future holds for them. Happiness is the goal, but when negativity seems to be woven into their very being, and loneliness is always before them, it can seem so very bleak.

 

I try to focus on the strengths my ds has. And then I remember that it's been speculated that some pretty great names, like Einstein, Newton, Mozart, and Jefferson, have been suspected to have been on the spectrum. Gives me hope.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

:grouphug:

[Sugarfoot]

:grouphug: Today has been...trying, to say the least.

[Joanne]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Dandelion]

I hate it. I hate the single minded obsession on things. I hate the negativity. I hate the inability to recognize boundaries. I hate the constant need to correct and advise and direct. I HATE how exhausting it is.

 

 

:grouphug: I know how you feel. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

 

I took the 14 year old, the 11 year old and the 9 year old for haircuts and shoes last week. By myself.

 

Wow - that takes GUTS. Taking just my son for a haircut every two months became so traumatic (for him and me!) that I decided to invest in a clipper set. A little unevenness here and there is worth it to me - he still freaks out either way, but at least it's no longer in public. :blink:

[asta]

:grouphug:

 

When it is good, it is very very good and when it is bad it is horrible.

 

Signed,

 

Mom of 3 Aspies who - thank God - don't seem to go through these spells all at one time. One dose at the time is all I can handle though one of them always seems to be in some sort of snit.

 

Once there was a girl, with a tiny little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

And when she was bad, she was horrible.

 

I didn't know why I heard that my entire childhood until I was an adult. I had a curl in the middle of my forehead, after all...

 

 

a

[rafiki]

.

[pdalley]

Once there was a girl, with a tiny little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

And when she was bad, she was horrible.

 

I didn't know why I heard that my entire childhood until I was an adult. I had a curl in the middle of my forehead, after all...

 

 

a

 

 

You too? Except I had no curl.

 

Really, it was my mother's mantra I think.

[pdalley]

:grouphug: I know how you feel. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

 

 

 

Wow - that takes GUTS. Taking just my son for a haircut every two months became so traumatic (for him and me!) that I decided to invest in a clipper set. A little unevenness here and there is worth it to me - he still freaks out either way, but at least it's no longer in public. :blink:

 

We tried that but his hair is so thick that it pulls and it hurts. The barber shop is really the lesser of two evils for him. We cut it short in the summer - buzz it - and its so thick that it works.

 

The barber is an older fellow who is pretty gentle and gives him a treat afterwards. (He knows the situation and I give him a good tip):001_smile:

[asta]

We tried that but his hair is so thick that it pulls and it hurts. The barber shop is really the lesser of two evils for him. We cut it short in the summer - buzz it - and its so thick that it works.

 

The barber is an older fellow who is pretty gentle and gives him a treat afterwards. (He knows the situation and I give him a good tip):001_smile:

 

Horse clippers. Worth every penny.

 

They are nothing like people clippers.

 

I use them to clip Asta the wonder Airedale and it is a breeze. Paid for themselves in 5 cuts.

 

 

a

[Myra]

I've got an arrangement with the hair stylist and local shoe store....we come in 45 minutes before the shop actually opens for our appointments. Boy, does that help make the process so much smoother - less tension, no audience, etc. OF course, I have to only patronize these stores for shoes and haircuts but it is worth it!

[UmMusa]

Just offering my support here. I can imagine how difficult it is.

[MorningGlory]

My 13 yo ds has NEVER spent the night away from home (unless we are on "vacation"), so I'm kind of stunned to read that some aspie kids are spending the night with friends (?) and going on teen weeks. How in the world do your aspies handle this? My son must have his bed, his pillow, his blanket, his bookshelf, his clock, his weather radio, his box fan blowing right on him (no matter the season), etc. etc. He has enough trouble sleeping at home!

 

Regardless...:grouphug: to the OP. My son has gotten much, much easier to deal with as he has gotten older (despite the sleep issues). We've "learned" him and he has "learned" us. He is a brilliant, quirky, sometimes hysterically funny, faithful, dependable (Ha!), and quite handsome young man. And we love him!!

 

Jetta

[SweetMissMagnolia]

oh boy I can definately relate.....It's not fun or easy to deal with....it's trying and difficult even on the best of days.............

[pdalley]

Horse clippers. Worth every penny.

 

They are nothing like people clippers.

 

I use them to clip Asta the wonder Airedale and it is a breeze. Paid for themselves in 5 cuts.

 

 

a

 

This I should have thought of. I spent my teenagedom clipping horses for shows. And our hair is just like a horse tail. (They got it from me.)

 

Thanks Asta. I never would have thought of it otherwise. :001_smile:

 

My 13 yo ds has NEVER spent the night away from home (unless we are on "vacation"), so I'm kind of stunned to read that some aspie kids are spending the night with friends (?) and going on teen weeks. How in the world do your aspies handle this? My son must have his bed, his pillow, his blanket, his bookshelf, his clock, his weather radio, his box fan blowing right on him (no matter the season), etc. etc. He has enough trouble sleeping at home!

 

Morning Glory,

 

Three of mine have. They have spent the night at friends and oddly it worked fine. They do go on youth trips but Dad goes with to make sure meds are taken and no meltdowns occur.

 

And as 14 gets older he's getting easier. 11 - I'm worried when he hits teen years. He's a different kettle of fish entirely. 9 is an entity all to himself.

[ktgrok]

Thanks everyone, it helps way more than I would have imagined, just to know that other people get it. My dh doesn't really even believe in Aspergers, so having people understand is amazing.

 

Oh, and I'm laughing about the hair and the shoes thing. My ds desperately needs a haircut, and we have a family rule that I am NOT allowed to take him shoe shopping anymore. It's a disaster. We both melt down by the end. However, my dh can take him and it is totally fine. The first time they came back with shoes, smiling, I was flabbergasted. But happy to turn that chore over, lol.

[Alicia64]

I hear you sister. But you know what I hate the most? My son will always have Aspergers, every single day of his entire life. There is no treatment or medicine that will cure it. He will not outgrow it. He will only have friends who accept him for the way he is, and in his 14 years of life, he's had only 1 friend. He asks me if he's ever going to find another friend, or if he might find a girlfriend or if he'll ever get married. And to be perfectly honest, the words that come out of my mouth are not the same ones that are being thought in my mind.

 

I married your son -- we've been together 21 years in August and I can tell you that he has improved. Really.

 

He still corrects people (unless he thinks they're real idiots, then he doesn't bother saying a thing). He's still a major know-it-all. His boundaries are not great (especially w/ clutter). He still has social issues (and will never be close to perfect, but I don't cringe anymore because he's said something horrible to someone).

 

Plus side: I LOVE his intelligence. He's super loyal to me and the kids. He's very loving (even though he doesn't express it the way you or I would). Because he has such a childlike side, the children love to play with him. He's in the sandbox as much as they are. At the pool, he's the one roughousing and playing with everyone -- while the rest of us sit on the sidelines.

 

If I had to make the choice I would choose to be an adult with Aspergers over a child with Asp. any day of the week. He had a hard, misunderstood, lonely childhood w/ bullies. Now he's somewhat revered at work because he's in. . . of course. . . IT. (He makes a great living for us too.)

 

They don't change as they get older, but they can improve. Especially as I've learned more about Asperger's things have improved. And, most importantly, non-moms can fall in love with them too!

 

Alley

Edited June 15, 2011 by Alicia64

[pdalley]

Thanks everyone, it helps way more than I would have imagined, just to know that other people get it. My dh doesn't really even believe in Aspergers, so having people understand is amazing.

 

Oh, and I'm laughing about the hair and the shoes thing. My ds desperately needs a haircut, and we have a family rule that I am NOT allowed to take him shoe shopping anymore. It's a disaster. We both melt down by the end. However, my dh can take him and it is totally fine. The first time they came back with shoes, smiling, I was flabbergasted. But happy to turn that chore over, lol.

 

:001_smile: I was hoping to make people smile with that story. I have to laugh. If I don't I'll start crying and not stop. I do have days where I think they're conspiring against me too.

 

FWIW, it took forever to DH to accept Aspieness. With three of them and he and I with traits galore. But eventually it did happen and while he doesn't understand everything it has made things much better.

[Chris in VA]

Just wanted to offer--

We had a difficult time with ds21 when he was younger. Not as much as some of you all--but I remember the social stuff mostly. He's always been rule-based and obedient, but the difficulty understanding and following conversations, the need for a structure and to know what is coming up--it was tough. He was so anxious in the regular classroom (Montessori was a God send, but we couldn't keep him there because he did not make inferences well, and he needed articulation therapy, so we tried ps twice), he didn't play well with others (shy, etc). Oh, it was hard.

 

Fast forward to now--yes, he's had some difficulty in college, but not with the academics (Dean's list every semester), not with the work ethic (it's superb), not with what college is supposed to be for. He is ethical. He is committed to the Lord, because his faith makes sense to him. He is protective of his sister's innocence, even tho he doesn't hug her or acknowledge her a lot--he gives her gifts (movies he's enjoyed, mostly) from time to time. He gives his brother good advice (in written form, since they don't talk). He helps me at home. He takes me to the movies. He learned to drive a stick shift, balance a checkbook, work at a concession stand, analyse movies, read the Great Books.

 

I never thought he'd be able to do what he does--he's just got challenges, but he is remarkable, and I never, never thought I'd say this when he was young, but I thank God every day--I really mean that--that his Asperger's allows him to have firm moral convictions and an unshakeable faith.

 

God has truly brought good out of something that is not "normal."

 

There is hope. :grouphug:

[Garga]

I hear you sister. But you know what I hate the most? My son will always have Aspergers, every single day of his entire life. There is no treatment or medicine that will cure it. He will not outgrow it. He will only have friends who accept him for the way he is, and in his 14 years of life, he's had only 1 friend. He asks me if he's ever going to find another friend, or if he might find a girlfriend or if he'll ever get married. And to be perfectly honest, the words that come out of my mouth are not the same ones that are being thought in my mind.

 

My dad has aspergers. Of course, no one knew it in the 50s and 60s when he grew up, so his parents beat him most of the time and his teachers told him how stupid he was.

 

He's been married to my mom for 31 years and they're very happy. Yes, he's still quirky and definitely manages to say the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, but they're crazy in love and always have been. My mom doesn't have Aspergers, but first loved him for the way he "did his own thing and didn't care what other people said," and for his deep intelligence and his loyalty. They do everything together. They work at the same place and only have one car because they're constantly at each other's side--which is just where they want to be.

 

Now, I admit, it was tough being raised by a man with Apergers! If we had known he had it when I was a teen, it would have made things easier. I just thought he was being unreasonable and embarrassing most of the time. If we'd had known he had a certain trait of behaviors and how to accommodate them, it would have made things smoother.

[Night Elf]

They don't change as they get older, but they can improve. Especially as I've learned more about Asperger's things have improved. And, most importantly, non-moms can fall in love with them too!

 

Alley

 

Thank you for that. Really. :)

[Sugarfoot]

I married your son -- we've been together 21 years in August and I can tell you that he has improved. Really.

 

He still corrects people (unless he thinks they're real idiots, then he doesn't bother saying a thing). He's still a major know-it-all. His boundaries are not great (especially w/ clutter). He still has social issues (and will never be close to perfect, but I don't cringe anymore because he's said something horrible to someone).

 

Plus side: I LOVE his intelligence. He's super loyal to me and the kids. He's very loving (even though he doesn't express it the way you or I would). Because he has such a childlike side, the children love to play with him. He's in the sandbox as much as they are. At the pool, he's the one roughousing and playing with everyone -- while the rest of us sit on the sidelines.

 

If I had to make the choice I would choose to be an adult with Aspergers over a child with Asp. any day of the week. He had a hard, misunderstood, lonely childhood w/ bullies. Now he's somewhat revered at work because he's in. . . of course. . . IT. (He makes a great living for us too.)

 

They don't change as they get older, but they can improve. Especially as I've learned more about Asperger's things have improved. And, most importantly, non-moms can fall in love with them too!

 

Alley

 

Just wanted to offer--

We had a difficult time with ds21 when he was younger. Not as much as some of you all--but I remember the social stuff mostly. He's always been rule-based and obedient, but the difficulty understanding and following conversations, the need for a structure and to know what is coming up--it was tough. He was so anxious in the regular classroom (Montessori was a God send, but we couldn't keep him there because he did not make inferences well, and he needed articulation therapy, so we tried ps twice), he didn't play well with others (shy, etc). Oh, it was hard.

 

Fast forward to now--yes, he's had some difficulty in college, but not with the academics (Dean's list every semester), not with the work ethic (it's superb), not with what college is supposed to be for. He is ethical. He is committed to the Lord, because his faith makes sense to him. He is protective of his sister's innocence, even tho he doesn't hug her or acknowledge her a lot--he gives her gifts (movies he's enjoyed, mostly) from time to time. He gives his brother good advice (in written form, since they don't talk). He helps me at home. He takes me to the movies. He learned to drive a stick shift, balance a checkbook, work at a concession stand, analyse movies, read the Great Books.

 

I never thought he'd be able to do what he does--he's just got challenges, but he is remarkable, and I never, never thought I'd say this when he was young, but I thank God every day--I really mean that--that his Asperger's allows him to have firm moral convictions and an unshakeable faith.

 

God has truly brought good out of something that is not "normal."

 

There is hope. :grouphug:

 

My dad has aspergers. Of course, no one knew it in the 50s and 60s when he grew up, so his parents beat him most of the time and his teachers told him how stupid he was.

 

He's been married to my mom for 31 years and they're very happy. Yes, he's still quirky and definitely manages to say the wrong thing at exactly the wrong time, but they're crazy in love and always have been. My mom doesn't have Aspergers, but first loved him for the way he "did his own thing and didn't care what other people said," and for his deep intelligence and his loyalty. They do everything together. They work at the same place and only have one car because they're constantly at each other's side--which is just where they want to be.

 

Now, I admit, it was tough being raised by a man with Apergers! If we had known he had it when I was a teen, it would have made things easier. I just thought he was being unreasonable and embarrassing most of the time. If we'd had known he had a certain trait of behaviors and how to accommodate them, it would have made things smoother.

 

These give me comfort.;) Thank you!

[Sugarfoot]

Once there was a girl, with a tiny little curl, right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good, she was very, very good.

And when she was bad, she was horrible.

 

I didn't know why I heard that my entire childhood until I was an adult. I had a curl in the middle of my forehead, after all...

 

 

a

 

When DD4 (who has a major SPD) is giving us fits during school time, the big kids and I look at each other, and one of us will say, "Once there was a girl..." The rest is implied.:lol:

[deacongirl]

I hear you sister. But you know what I hate the most? My son will always have Aspergers, every single day of his entire life. There is no treatment or medicine that will cure it. He will not outgrow it. He will only have friends who accept him for the way he is, and in his 14 years of life, he's had only 1 friend. He asks me if he's ever going to find another friend, or if he might find a girlfriend or if he'll ever get married. And to be perfectly honest, the words that come out of my mouth are not the same ones that are being thought in my mind.

 

This hurts my heart.

[bzymom]

As the mom of 2 Aspies, I feel for you.

 

The only small words of comfort I can offer since my oldest is now 24 is that some of these kids find their niche, and their peers, once they reach college. My son has a good group of friends, who know him through and through, and who are able to sometimes better tolerate his "quirks" than I am! I am grateful every day for these kids, as friends were very hard to come by when he was younger. He has a job he loves, and they overlook some of the eccentricities because he can take care of things nobody else can, and has great value to them.

 

My 16 yr old is lonely, and I wish he had one good friend to share his time with, but so far it is not to be. I remind myself that he is bright, funny and loving, and there are others just waiting to meet him.

 

Hang in there!