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Craziness! Is everyone's life like this?


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I'm thinking maybe it's the ebb and flow of life but dh and I are stuck in a crazy cycle and can't seem to get out of it. :willy_nilly: I in desperate need of down time but it doesn't seem to come. :001_huh:

 

Thankfully, we've not had to go through anything too major, like some on this board have, but both dh and myself are completely overwhelmed. In the past year we've had to deal with m/c's and the hurt from those losses, buying a house, new baby, new jobs. Since baby has been born we've had 2 stomach flus through the house, a horrid cold (that baby got sick from too), and we've been dealing with a child with chronic health issues that is more often sick than healthy and spends most of their time ill/miserable in bed (and all the doc apts. that result from that). On top of that, there's the stress from dh's very busy job, the pressures of it, and the work he has to do from home, plus there's stuff with his business that never ends (I help him run the business) and adds so much on our plates, and then, there's all the home renovations that need to be done. Dh and I are ready to move and find our forever home but we have weeks upon weeks of work to do around here and we can't seem to ever get to it due to all the stuff above. I feel like we're going to be stuck here forever in a house nobody likes because we never have the time to do anything about it.

 

I guess, what I'm saying is we're both overwhelmed and starting to feel like we're drowning. There's too much to do for 2 people who have no babysitter or family around.

 

I have several friends and while their lives are busy from having large families (as mine is too :tongue_smilie:) they don't seem to have all the added stuff. Like now, this scare with Lyme disease in my 3yo that I still don't know how to proceed with.

 

I really need things to just stop. No crises for a while, no sickness, just sit and enjoy a board game and snuggle my new babe before they're grown, you know?

 

But then I start thinking that maybe this is just life. I'm never going to have those days where we sit and do nothing again because life is just busy. But I think that's just insane. This isn't living, it's barely surviving. :001_huh:

 

I'm not sure if any of this makes sense since I'm so :willy_nilly:. No sleep, the stress of a very sick child (who is sick all the time and pleads with me to make them better but I can't :() and everything else is making me feel like I'm crazy.

 

Are we the only ones? Is everyone's life so crazy all the time? Are we doing something wrong? What does one do? I know life will be busy with the number of kids we have and given that they're all still in single digits, but why is it so dang stressful all the time? Every time I think we're okay for a bit (like after we got over 2 weeks of stomach bug) we get hit with another big whammy.

 

Argh. :banghead:

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:grouphug:

No, you are not the only ones....our lives have been crazy from the beginning with very little down time. I have just learned to relax in the chaos when I have to....and to savor the calm without waiting for the other shoe to proverbially drop.

 

It is exhausting.

Faithe

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I hear you. :grouphug: I've got CFS and my life feels a lot like that. I can't remember if you're Christian, but I swear I only get through because God helps me. One day at a time.

 

Maybe it would be good to set aside anything that doesn't really need to be attended to right away - just shelve it, and deal with today, and vague plans for tomorrow. And I find life much less stressful when I stop trying to be like the people I envy (in terms of how sorted they are, how organised their house is, etc.). If the Lord had wanted my kids to have a sorted, organised, healthy momma, He wouldn't have given them to me. ;)

 

:grouphug::grouphug: to you.

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Life is a roller coaster. Sometimes it's all twists and turns. Other times, it's all uphill (going good). Other times you find yourself screaming that you want to get off. :grouphug::grouphug: Times of chaos make you appreciate the times of peace, even if they are fleeting. :grouphug:

 

On a practical level I would prioritize what needs to be done now and what can wait. If you don't have time for the house, it can wait. Incremental goals of what you can reasonably accomplish in a day/week/month. Eliminate those things that are simply distractions.

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:grouphug: I only have four kids and I've never had one with a chronic illness, but I've been through times like that. You may not have days where you can sit and relax, but it won't always be this crazy. If anyone can help, try to accept it. The last time we moved I was having all day morning sickness and Dh was reroofing our house that summer. The men from church helped Dh with the roof and the Sat. before our appraisal, the ladies came and cleaned and painted and trimmed bushes. It was really hard for me to accept their help, but it was a Godsend. I would have pushed through and gotten it done, but I honestly didn't know how I was going to do it.

 

Could you do something like Dave Ramsey's debt snowball. Do one thing that can get done and stay done so that it is one less thing hanging over your head? Maybe pick the easiest/cheapest home repair and make that your goal.:grouphug:

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I try very hard not to let things get like that. It is work, but there is also inner peace. I've had to work through my own chronic illnesses and these things have helped me.

 

Tonight after you put the kids to bed, go take a bath. Just do it. No I-have-to-dos. No I-should-be-doings. Just take a 10 minute bath.

 

There is nothing that won't wait until tomorrow. After your bath reconnect with your dh and the two of you sit down and come up with realistic goals. Then start making plans to achieve those goals. Start with daily then weekly goals. There is nothing wrong with a daily goal of making beds.

 

Also it helps to have a schedule. A very loose schedule is better than no schedule. It gives you something on which to fall back.

 

:grouphug:

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I try very hard not to let things get like that. It is work, but there is also inner peace. I've had to work through my own chronic illnesses and these things have helped me.

 

Tonight after you put the kids to bed, go take a bath. Just do it. No I-have-to-dos. No I-should-be-doings. Just take a 10 minute bath.

 

There is nothing that won't wait until tomorrow. After your bath reconnect with your dh and the two of you sit down and come up with realistic goals. Then start making plans to achieve those goals. Start with daily then weekly goals. There is nothing wrong with a daily goal of making beds.

 

Also it helps to have a schedule. A very loose schedule is better than no schedule. It gives you something on which to fall back.

 

:grouphug:

 

That's the thing that makes me crazy, though. We sit and make very realistic goals, one thing at a time, and very attainable and then whammo! we're slammed with a vicious stomach virus, or now, this Lyme disease stuff and we have to tend to that. We can make little goals for ourselves but things always get in the way. All. the. time. as of late.

 

It's wearing me down.

 

I'm not meaning to complain, just wondering if it's just "normal"? :tongue_smilie:

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It comes and goes. We have times like you describe (we have one kiddo with a chronic illness) where things were just insane and I couldn't find time to wash a window, let alone do home projects. But as the kids get older, the craziness seems to slow down. Lately, we've been in a quiet period - though I am sure it will pick back up and be crazy later this summer as we have to get a contractor in to fix a leaky bathroom.

 

Don't discount the "new baby" factor, either. It's impossible to feel in control when you have a sick one and a new one that keep you up all night!

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Our lives have always comprised routines punctuated by interruptions. Over the last six months, the interruptions have, at times, appeared more apparent than the routines (*wry, sad grin*), but I still maintain that life is both family movie nights and broken garage doors, bicycle rides and funerals, breakfast at the table and dinner on the run, blue ribbons and bills.

 

And so it goes.

 

When we are in the middle of a storm of interruptions, it is natural to become overwhelmed. It often amazes me, though, that it is not the big things that undo us. When we finally arrive at the point that we speak up, scream at everyone and no one, “Attention must be paid!†it’s rarely death, illness, debt, and the rest that prompt us. We seem to absorb the staggering blows bravely… until the slow accretion of little, seemingly insignificant things add seasoned salt to our wounds: The cat pukes on our new sofa pillow. Our student fails a math test. They leave a soap trail in the tub. Again. The neighbor mows another inch into our yard. Again. The doctor forgets to return a call. The server goes down. The washer breaks. And the refrigerator.

 

And then?

 

And then we realize that, indeed, things are CRAZY and maybe have been for a while. And when will this end?

 

Another poster mentioned the rollercoaster analogy. That works. But I personally think life more resembles the swings. You’re flying around out there, two slats of wood beneath your capacious bottom, thin chains and uncertain bolts suspending you from a listing top. And it's all moving much faster than you believed was possible. Only one thing to do: Reach out and hold hands with the person dangling beside you.

 

Wishing you and yours health, peace, and better times.

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I felt like that when I had littles. :grouphug:

 

As the boys have grown, things are more manageable even when we're in a mini-crisis (like now), because they don't need the high level of daily (hourly...minute-ly) care. I miss miss miss snuggly little ones, but we're more able to adjust when our lives start to overflow.

 

This is a season, and a long one, but you will have days to just catch your breath again someday. Hang in there.

 

And, now that MFS is back, I'll just nod and say "Yeah. What she said." :) Lovely.

 

Cat

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:grouphug: :grouphug:

 

I'm sorry. You certainly have a full plate! I wish you were closer so that we could bring over a warm meal and keep the baby occupied so that you could take a long nap.

 

Wishing you peace and enough non-craziness so that you can find your bearings amidst the storm.

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