Mom-ninja. Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Every day I remind and nag the kids to do their chores. Every day. Every minute. Over and over. I am SO sick of it. This morning, I got up, looked around the house, and noted all the chores that should have been done yesterday evening. I remember even telling the boys to do them. So I made an executive decision. They will spend *all* day cleaning the house. They will make up today's school lessons over the weekend. If they do not do the work today to my satisfaction there will be no Harry Potter movie tonight. I will be making chore charts. Anyone know where I can print one off so I don't have to mess with making one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 :grouphug: I feel like I've been fighitng this same battle for so many years.... http://www.chorecharts.com/Free-Charts-Charts.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I have a daily binder where I write down chores. Then we have specific times (between breakfast and school, right after lunch) when they have to be done (me included) and we initial what we've done. I tried assigning chores and leaving it up to the kids but they needed a routine first. Now my oldest gets to stuff without prompting. At 10 and under I think I'd impose a routine first and do the chore charts after. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 We avoid this problem by avoiding assigned chores and charts altogether. Instead I pick and choose moments each day on no particular schedule where it seems like a good time to get things done, and then I call my kids over one by one and ask them to do a particular thing right then and there and to come let me know as soon as they are done with it. They will then disperse to do those things while I start something I need to do, and I will then give them another task or set them free as needed. It works out great for us that way. Very little stress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 We avoid this problem by avoiding assigned chores and charts altogether. Instead I pick and choose moments each day on no particular schedule where it seems like a good time to get things done, and then I call my kids over one by one and ask them to do a particular thing right then and there and to come let me know as soon as they are done with it. They will then disperse to do those things while I start something I need to do, and I will then give them another task or set them free as needed. It works out great for us that way. Very little stress. That's close to what we do. Not having some sort of time, routine or guidence just sets them up for failure I think. Or did for me for the years I just handed over a chart and expected things to be done. Even I need specific times of the day when chores have to be done or I'm wandering off and forgetting about them. My list that they initial is basically just so that they can see their progress as they do it and maybe go a little beyond by tackling chores I have written down that weren't really assigned to anyone. Here's another aid though - Chore Wars. An online game where doing chores earns you experience points. I plan to use this to hopefully get the kids more eager to do the nastier chores like taking out the garbage, recyclables and compost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 We just have family clean up time in the evening after dinner before TV. Everyone pitches in and does what is needed. No one has an assigned chore. Sometimes one vacuums, sometimes one washes or dries dishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I just assign chores as needed. They both know, for example, that today is cleaning day. They usually hide. Ha! I don't get a lot of gruff but I also don't get chores done without asking. Then again, I remember my mom having to remind my brother even at 18 to do his chores so I'm not worried about it. OP, you can always do what my mom did when I was a kid. We woke up one morning to a tape recorder in the bathroom with a note saying, "Push play." We did and it was my mom's voice repeating our list of morning chores over and over. LOL I guess that's how fed up she was of reminding us. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 We avoid this problem by avoiding assigned chores and charts altogether. Instead I pick and choose moments each day on no particular schedule where it seems like a good time to get things done, and then I call my kids over one by one and ask them to do a particular thing right then and there and to come let me know as soon as they are done with it. They will then disperse to do those things while I start something I need to do, and I will then give them another task or set them free as needed. It works out great for us that way. Very little stress. :iagree: This is what we do. In the morning, I may say "DD, I'm going to need you to vacuum today....I'll let you know when." When I need her to do it, I say "DD, I need you to go ahead and vacuum....finish up what you are doing and then grab the vacuum. I'll check behind you when you are finished." I don't assign chores. I just expect the kids (mainly DD7) to help when needed since she lives here. When I need her to bring her laundry to the washer, I just ask her. She knows it is her responsibility to feed/water the dogs each evening....I do usually have to remind her. This works out well for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) I tried assigning chores and leaving it up to the kids but they needed a routine first. Now my oldest gets to stuff without prompting. At 10 and under I think I'd impose a routine first and do the chore charts after. They are supposed to do chores at certain times a day. We avoid this problem by avoiding assigned chores and charts altogether. Instead I pick and choose moments each day on no particular schedule where it seems like a good time to get things done, and then I call my kids over one by one and ask them to do a particular thing right then and there and to come let me know as soon as they are done with it. They will then disperse to do those things while I start something I need to do, and I will then give them another task or set them free as needed. It works out great for us that way. Very little stress. We just have family clean up time in the evening after dinner before TV. Everyone pitches in and does what is needed. No one has an assigned chore. Sometimes one vacuums, sometimes one washes or dries dishes. See, this is what I've been doing. At certain times of the day it is time to do chores. Before they go outside in the morning, after lunch, and in the evening. I will tell them to put the dishes away and then I go about getting laundry in the machine and taking care of the toddler. About 15 minutes later I walk into the kitchen and the boys are outside and the dishes have NOT been put away. I call them in and make them do it. Repeat this scenario for every single blessed chore I tell them to do. Pick up your books off the floor and put them away. 10 minutes later, books are still on the floor, and boy(s) is off doing something....usually just flopped on the couch. I feel like I'm talking to brick walls. Or maybe no sound comes out of my mouth. They do not actually do what I tell them to do until I finally yell. My mom's method of training was very effective. Edited June 3, 2011 by Kleine Hexe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 We avoid this problem by avoiding assigned chores and charts altogether. Instead I pick and choose moments each day on no particular schedule where it seems like a good time to get things done, and then I call my kids over one by one and ask them to do a particular thing right then and there and to come let me know as soon as they are done with it. They will then disperse to do those things while I start something I need to do, and I will then give them another task or set them free as needed. It works out great for us that way. Very little stress. :iagree: This is where we are now, after a few years of "chore charts". Either the kids were doing things that didn't really need to be done, or I was having to nag about them constantly. Now when I see something that needs to be done, I just ask them to do it. It's working well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 They are supposed to do chores at certain times a day. See, this is what I've been doing. At certain times of the day it is time to do chores. Before they go outside in the morning, after lunch, and in the evening. I will tell them to put the dishes away and then I go about getting laundry in the machine and taking care of the toddler. About 15 minutes later I walk into the kitchen and the boys are outside and the dishes have NOT been put away. I call them in and make them do it. Repeat this scenario for every single blessed chore I tell them to do. Pick up your books off the floor and put them away. 10 minutes later, books are still on the floor, and boy(s) is off doing something....usually just flopped on the couch. I feel like I'm talking to brick walls. Or maybe no sound comes out of my mouth. They do not actually do what I tell them to do until I finally yell. My mom's method of training was very effective. Sounds like you need some kind of consequence to impose. Figuring out what it should be is the hard part (for me, anyway). Maybe you can call them back to do what they had been told to do and then add another chore on top of it. Or do it yourself and then charge them for your time somehow (i.e., you now don't have the time to take them somewhere, deduction from allowance, etc.). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 My kids have clipboards on the wall. They know that before fun stuff everything has to be done. I do have to check and grab kids throughout the day to make sure they have done their chores. I also need to check the chores periodically (probably more). It's what we do as moms. It is constant training, until they are out on their own. My kids could do their lists without me, but I'm guessing someone would be cleanin at 10 p.m. right before bedtime or my cats would complain about a full litter box. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 About 15 minutes later I walk into the kitchen and the boys are outside and the dishes have NOT been put away. I call them in and make them do it. Repeat this scenario for every single blessed chore I tell them to do. Pick up your books off the floor and put them away. 10 minutes later, books are still on the floor, and boy(s) is off doing something....usually just flopped on the couch. I remember dealing with this with my older ones a few years ago. Somewhere they had gotten the idea that they didn't really HAVE to do the chores I was asking them to do. The next time they pulled that stunt, I sat them on hard backed kitchen chairs and made them stay there for 30 minutes. No talking. No getting up. Nothing. Baby DD and I sat at the table and played with playdo. After 30 minutes, they were allowed up TO DO THE CHORE. I think we only went through this twice before the older two decided it was worth doing the chore first (they hated to sit still). I think you have to choose the consequence that hurts them most (no tv, computer, no outside time, whatever) and sock it to them the next time they run off without doing the chore. Make it immediate and follow thru. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tranquility7 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I used to be anti-money rewards for chores, but then we memorized Proverbs 10:4, “A slack hand causes poverty, but the hand of the diligent makes rich,†and I realized that monetary rewards can actually be a very biblical practical demonstration of that proverb. That being said, the reward does not have to be monetary. It can be anything – minutes to play a computer game, jump on the trampoline, stay up past regular bedtime, watch a video, whatever. This is what we do. Each day DS has these chores to do (this list is in our daily order but we don’t assign specific times): Make bed Brush teeth Feed dog breakfast Clear breakfast dishes Clear lunch dishes Clean up playroom (before nap) Clean up bedroom (after nap) Feed dog supper Clear supper dishes Clean up living room (before bed) We have a chart for Sun-Sat with a little square for each chore. For each chore he does WITHOUT MY ASKING HIM – he gets a gold star on his chart. For each chore he does AFTER I ASK HIM – he gets a regular sticker on his chart. (Soon he will only get a sticker when he does it after I ask him ONCE – if I ask him more than once, there will be a penalty, but I’m not sure what yet – I like the idea PP mentioned of having him sit on the chair and do nothing for x minutes and then having to do the chore FIRST when he gets out of the chair, and he gets no sticker) Saturday night we pay his allowance based on how he did his chores that week. ONE penny per regular sticker TWO pennies for each gold star. FIVE pennies for each clean self, placemat, and floor after a meal (we put a checkmark in the upper corner of the box for his meal clearing chore if he earned this for that meal) DOUBLE everything for the whole day if he did EVERY chore for that day. Technically he could earn up to seventy cents a day with this plan (if he does everything, is clean after every meal, and I never have to remind him to do anything). But that hasn’t ever happened (though he does occasionally get a double). He also gets a bonus DOLLAR if we are out running errands and he gets a compliment from a stranger on his behavior. (Though if he turns to me right then and mentions his dollar, he loses it!) I note this on his chore chart and we include that when we do our allowance on Saturday night. After he gets his allowance on Saturday night, we count out his tithe for the next day. Then we save some in his bank. Then he can spend some in the Daddy Store (a bunch of little trinkets we bought at the dollar store that he can buy from DH). When he is older he will also save for more significant things, although so far we have only had him save $8 for a particular toy he wanted from Walmart. We are also generous with chores that didn’t need to be done that day. For instance, if he and DD didn’t play in the living room and so it doesn’t need to be picked up, he gets a gold star for that day. That way he is also getting rewarded for not making a mess in the first place ;-) So far this method has worked really well for us! Not only does DS get many of his chores done without my having to ask him, but also he gets practice in math as well as money management! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tranquility7 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Oh, and here is another thought about motivation…. I heard a news segment once about motivating people to take their medicine, exercise, etc. Turns out it is more motivating to people to *not lose* money they are given, than for them to *earn* money. Scenario 1: Give people $1 for each dose of med they take on time (3x/day) + double money bonus if they take ALL their med during the week. So at the end of the week, they get anywhere from $0-42 depending on how they did. Scenario 2: Give people $42 at the beginning of the week. On the last day of the week, if they missed ONE dose of their med, they have to hand over $21! For each subsequence missed dose, they have to hand over another $1. Turns out, even though it is the same money amounts, Scenario 2 was MUCH more effective at motivating people. It was much harder for them to GIVE AWAY money they had in their hand rather than for them to never see that money they didn’t earn in the first place. Since DS is so young, we are still using Scenario 1 for now, since it is more straightforward. But we plan to move to a Scenario 2 design in a year or two… We will give him ALL the money he could potentially earn at the beginning of the week (though he would not yet be free to spend it, obviously!). Then at the end of the week, he will have to give us back all the money that he did not succeed in earning. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tranquility7 Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 And here is another motivational idea to keep in mind, for when you have multiple children. We want the children to learn to *cooperate* rather than *compete* in doing chores. We don’t want to be the naggers, we would rather they nag each other, LOL! Scenario 1: The chore exists (for instance, dusting), and whoever does it gets the money for it. This is how we do it now, since we only have DS doing chores. Scenario 2: The more children helping with the chore, the more money EVERYONE earns for doing it. For instance, clearing the table. If one child clears the table, he earns ONE penny. But if he can convince another child to HELP him clear the table, they BOTH earn TWO pennies each. If they can convince a third child, they each earn THREE pennies each. Therefore, the more cooperation, the more money everyone earns! (or whatever is being used as a reward) Since we only have DS doing chores at the moment so we are doing Scenario 1 for now, but we intend to implement Scenario 2 once DD is old enough to participate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Your kids are similar ages to mine, and I am just now at a point where I can briefly send the oldest two off to complete something. Until this point, chores were done together. We had a family chore time where we all worked in the same area, and I inspected their work before releasing them. If I am off taking care of the baby, they drift away. So, I stay with them holding the baby, training the 3yo, directing the 4yo, and overseeing the 7yo & 9yos. As soon as my baby can walk, he'll start getting little chores. Everyone will get to step it up so the baby can take over the 3yo's job and so up the line. I think working together, inspecting, and releasing are critical to chore success. I can truly see good things coming as my oldest two are on the verge of chore independence. My dd cleaned out the van this week by herself, and she did it just like I do. I was so excited! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
trailofsparks Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 Zone cleaning has worked best for us. Each zone includes dusting, vacuuming, cleaning bathroom - whatever is in that zone gets cleaned. They clean when they are not doing school with me. They know they don't get to play until all their work is done, including school (if I'm available), so they are very motivated to get chores done asap. If they don't complete the work thoroughly enough, I interrupt their play time to "do it right". They don't like that, so it happens rarely; they usually do a good job the first time. I don't zone clean with them b/c my job is the kitchen - whether I am cooking or cleaning, that's my area - except for mopping the floor (see below). Also, I am busy teaching them for the better part of the day and they understand this. In the beginning of this schedule, of course, there were things I needed to teach them so they could do a good job. M - clean bedrooms and kids' bath (they switch off now and then, but mostly prefer to do the same chore each week. But I let them work that out - the longer they argue, the longer they are working. T - clean main living area, includes a bath W - clean another zone, includes a bath TH - clean kitchen floor; pick up the entire house (if they didn't lay things around all week, this is easy. In the beginning of this chore "schedule", they had a lot more picking up to do on TH than they do now, come to think of it!) F - clean another zone Oh, and they each have morning chores to do before school ie ablutions, plus they each have an additional daily job - empty dishwasher (dd), feed dog (dd), pick up dog waste from yard (ds). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyable Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) My kids are motivated by computer stuff so we have loved using My Job Chart - although lately we've been slacking... I still need to be the final motivation I guess; that, and a better routine. At My Job Chart you can use their preset chores or make your own. You can designate the chore for morning or evening (which irks me because we have noon chores! But I put them in the morning slots and can drag and drop to put them in the order I like). Kids earn whatever points you say the chore is worth and the system keeps track. They can then redeem them for whatever you assign - we have everything from Wii games (beaucoup points) to sleeping in, dropping a chore, getting an extra computer turn, etc on ours. We've also made house rules about not being able to redeem points unless all chores are done, schoolwork done for the day, etc. Out of all the systems we've developed and dropped, this one has worked the best so far. For some reason being able to check it off online is a big perk for them. ETA: When I'm serious about it, I also dock them points for blatantly NOT doing a chore when they have been reminded, or with older kids things they should just know to do. I see your clothes all over the floor for hours? Gee, I just paid myself 500 of your points to pick them up and put them in the laundry. Thanks! ;) Edited June 3, 2011 by amyable Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 I will tell them to put the dishes away and then I go about getting laundry in the machine and taking care of the toddler. About 15 minutes later I walk into the kitchen and the boys are outside and the dishes have NOT been put away. I call them in and make them do it. Repeat this scenario for every single blessed chore I tell them to do. Pick up your books off the floor and put them away. 10 minutes later, books are still on the floor, and boy(s) is off doing something....usually just flopped on the couch. I feel like I'm talking to brick walls. Or maybe no sound comes out of my mouth. They do not actually do what I tell them to do until I finally yell. My mom's method of training was very effective. It's the exact same thing around here. Unless they're taught that the chores MUST be done, they don't do them. Solutions in our house: Negative consequences for not doing the chores. Chore charts so that you can just point to the job duty w/o having to use up your voice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom-ninja. Posted June 3, 2011 Author Share Posted June 3, 2011 Thanks for the ideas and suggestions. My main culprit is my 7 yr old. 10 yr old is getting better although he still gets spacey at times. I really do wonder what goes on in their heads. Last night my 7 yr old had to go to bed early because he didn't listen. So, first thing he did this morning? Flopped down on the couch and sat there after I reminded him to put the dishes away. I have serious doubts about his mental capacity at times. :confused: It just seems that no matter what consequence is given, it just doesn't sink in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 They are supposed to do chores at certain times a day. See, this is what I've been doing. At certain times of the day it is time to do chores. Before they go outside in the morning, after lunch, and in the evening. I will tell them to put the dishes away and then I go about getting laundry in the machine and taking care of the toddler. About 15 minutes later I walk into the kitchen and the boys are outside and the dishes have NOT been put away. I call them in and make them do it. Repeat this scenario for every single blessed chore I tell them to do. Pick up your books off the floor and put them away. 10 minutes later, books are still on the floor, and boy(s) is off doing something....usually just flopped on the couch. I feel like I'm talking to brick walls. Or maybe no sound comes out of my mouth. They do not actually do what I tell them to do until I finally yell. My mom's method of training was very effective. If one disappears and the chore is not done or is only halfway done, I assign an extra chore. And I will stand over them till both chores are completed to my satisfaction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted June 3, 2011 Share Posted June 3, 2011 (edited) See, this is what I've been doing. At certain times of the day it is time to do chores. Before they go outside in the morning, after lunch, and in the evening. I will tell them to put the dishes away and then I go about getting laundry in the machine and taking care of the toddler. About 15 minutes later I walk into the kitchen and the boys are outside and the dishes have NOT been put away. I call them in and make them do it. Repeat this scenario for every single blessed chore I tell them to do. Pick up your books off the floor and put them away. 10 minutes later, books are still on the floor, and boy(s) is off doing something....usually just flopped on the couch. I feel like I'm talking to brick walls. Or maybe no sound comes out of my mouth. They do not actually do what I tell them to do until I finally yell. My mom's method of training was very effective. Maybe you have to tell them to do it, then stand there and wait. Tell them firmly "RIGHT NOW, please." Then stand there and watch to make sure they are getting started. Once you are satisfied that they are, move on to what you need to do, and then check back on them. ETA: Sure you COULD start imposing all sorts of "consequences" but that's also just going to add to the overall feelings of negativity and stress for all of you. It just seems easier, more positive, and less stressful to me to call people over as needed and ask them to do a particular thing, wait to make sure they are doing it, and then that's it, move on. No yelling, no nagging, no punishing, just sort of a "hey, it's time to help out with this or that now" approach. I guess it may not work for everyone. But it works for me and it's a lot more pleasant than handing the kids a list, them not doing it, me getting upset, punishing them, them forgetting again the next time and me getting upset and on and on and on and on.... Edited June 3, 2011 by NanceXToo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted June 4, 2011 Share Posted June 4, 2011 Maybe you have to tell them to do it, then stand there and wait. Tell them firmly "RIGHT NOW, please." Then stand there and watch to make sure they are getting started. Once you are satisfied that they are, move on to what you need to do, and then check back on them. ETA: Sure you COULD start imposing all sorts of "consequences" but that's also just going to add to the overall feelings of negativity and stress for all of you. It just seems easier, more positive, and less stressful to me to call people over as needed and ask them to do a particular thing, wait to make sure they are doing it, and then that's it, move on. No yelling, no nagging, no punishing, just sort of a "hey, it's time to help out with this or that now" approach. I guess it may not work for everyone. But it works for me and it's a lot more pleasant than handing the kids a list, them not doing it, me getting upset, punishing them, them forgetting again the next time and me getting upset and on and on and on and on.... :iagree: I think a 7yo still needs hands-on with mom training. The process can be positive or punitive depending on how you approach it, but a positive environment is less stressful for the mom. It helps to tie successful chore completion to something fun....like a meal. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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