WDYT: Weird or normal?

[fhjmom]

We live in an older neighborhood in the middle of town (medium-sized suburb) a block or 2 from other main streets so there is some through traffic, but it is still a "neighborhood street". We live just down the street form the police station and the back lot where the patrol cars park enters onto our street, so we get a lot of police cars passing by.

 

Tuesday, early afternoon, the girls (ages 7 & 3) were playing together in the front yard. When they are out front, I leave the front door open and I can usually see them out the door at least every few minutes, stay within ear shot (even though I can't understand what they say, I can usually hear they are out there), and check on them fairly regularly. They are both very good about not crossing the sidewalk - our boundary, which gives the strip of grass between the sidewalk and street as a "buffer zone" they are not supposed to enter.

 

DS was inside with me and can also see the girls playing. I heard some thing and asked if he could see what the girls were doing. He said there was a police car out front so I got up to go check on the girls (I could still hear them talking in a normal tone so I am walking at a normal pace). When I got out front, I saw the police car pulled over going in the wrong direction to our curb, so the office had to intentionally pull to our side of the street. When he looked up and saw me on the porch, he immediately drove off. It appeared he just cut off his conversation with the girls and drove off - i.e. he wasn't messing with his radio or anything that would indicate he got a call and it did seem like he was almost in mid-sentence, although I will admit I couldn't understand what he was saying, just that I could tell he was talking.

 

I asked the girls what he said, and they said he was just asking them about their beach ball (youngest had gotten a new beach ball in her summer bag from pre-school that morning). The girls were still standing in the middle of the yard and had not approached the car, which was good (we had talked about that before). I am certain that it was a real police officer - I do know many of our officers at least by face if not by name, but I wouldn't expect a child to be able to tell the difference between a real police officer and an impersonator.

 

The more I think about it the more it bothers me. I mean, I don't think that a police officer should stop and talk to children playing in the yard and expect/encourage them to approach his car. One of the first things they teach kids in Stranger Danger courses is not to ever approach a stranger's vehicle, so I think it sends a very confusing message.

 

It also makes me uncomfortable that he drove off as soon as I appeared. If he was just making sure the kids were supervised, you would think he would have at least waved at me or said something? His mannerism as he took off was just... weird. I don't know how to describe it, but it just felt "off".

 

So do you think it is odd? or am I being paranoid?

[specialmama]

Always listen to that gut feeling, mama. Have you read Protecting the Gift? Listen to that feeling. :grouphug:

[Murphy101]

Weird.

 

I'd be tell my kids to come in the house when approached by anyone, even cops.

 

And if you got a car number or anything, I'd call the station and ask if there was a problem.

 

Sadly, just being a cop doesn't mean you shouldn't be careful.

[Catherine]

You're not paranoid. It is odd. Trust your gut.

[ConnieB]

Call your local police station and talk with them about it. They will be able to tell you what officer was legitmately in your area and that might give you a chance to talk with the officer.

 

Did the girls say that he left "mid-sentence".

 

It does seem VERY odd to me that he drove off as soon as you approached. While it is possible that he was just being friendly with them, the driving off bothers me....if it was because a call came in you or the girls should have heard the very loud radio dispatch call AND he would have immediately picked up the radio to answer.

 

Decades ago when I was a teen, a police mechanic was finally arrested for rape of young women. Late at night he'd cruise around in a vehcle that was supposed to be in for repairs, turn on the lights to pull over a young woman all alone. Of course because he was in a uniform (stolen from an officer's locker) the woman didn't resist when he asked them to get out of the vehicle. Soon as they unlocked the door he attacked them.

 

Obviously, not saying it's even remotely the same thing, and your's was in broad daylight....but just because he looked like an officer and a real police car does not mean it was. Your peace of mind deserves an answer and the best way to get it is to ask the officer what happened.

[Pink Fairy]

Weird. I do wonder if he got a call at that moment that required him to leave, but still...weird.

[OrganicAnn]

There was a real police officer (or maybe it was a sheriff officer) on the news within the last month arrested for something like underage p*rn.

 

I would keep an even closer eye on them while they play out front. I would not call the police station.

[Cortana]

I agree with you, that does seem odd. We live in a similar type of neighborhood, shortly after we moved here the boys were playing in our fenced backyard, I had the door open and heard an adult male voice. I ran to the door and there was a police officer on the other side of the fence talking to the boys, he had parked across the street. My boys were too young to know they shouldn't talk to strangers (2 and 3 yrs old). The officer looked up and saw me, apologized for alarming me and started talking to me about how nicely behaved they were, playing so nicely together and we just had a general conversation about kids and parenting. The officer gave the boys some "police badge" stickers, told them to mind their mommy and said goodbye. It still gave me the heebie jeebies a little for a police officer to randomly stop and get out of his car to talk to small children, dh thought it a bit odd too. Made me glad we have a 6 ft fence.

[kitten18]

You're not paranoid. It is odd. Trust your gut.

:iagree:That he just drove away when you came out, very disconcerting.

[trailofsparks]

There was a real police officer (or maybe it was a sheriff officer) on the news within the last month arrested for something like underage p*rn.

 

I would keep an even closer eye on them while they play out front. I would not call the police station.

 

 

OrganicAnn,

Why wouldn't you call the police station? Just curious.

[Aggie]

I vote for weird.

 

And remember, even though we teach dc over and over not to approach strangers' cars, doesn't mean they won't.

 

Can they play in the back yard?

[TracieT]

I guess I would just assume he was trying to find out if the children were being supervised.

 

I wish the police around here would check up on the 3 and 4 year olds who play outside unsupervised. They really are completely unsupervised.

 

Of course, I don't allow my 4 and 5 year olds to play outside even in our fenced yard unless I'm at least watching out the window....I normally am outside with them.

[trailofsparks]

I would definitely educate my children that police officers are regular people, and if they approach you, you should treat them in the same way as you've been taught to treat every stranger.

 

I don't know what your backyard situation is, but I'd strongly encourage you to have them play there unless you are *right there* with them in the front yard. It takes less than a minute for something terrible to happen - less time than for you to realize you haven't heard their voices for a few minutes.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I guess I would just assume he was trying to find out if the children were being supervised.

 

I wish the police around here would check up on the 3 and 4 year olds who play outside unsupervised. They really are completely unsupervised.

 

Of course, I don't allow my 4 and 5 year olds to play outside even in our fenced yard unless I'm at least watching out the window....I normally am outside with them.

 

:iagree:

[OrganicAnn]

OrganicAnn,

Why wouldn't you call the police station? Just curious.

 

What do you say to them? One of your fellow officers is acting creepy and may be a P@dophile? But I don't know what he said and don't have any way to identify him. He didn't actually do anything suspicious except drive away when I came to the door. I would want something more to go on before calling. A license. A second encounter. Because if he really is a police officer in that precinct and a p#dophile, then he might abuse his power and position and your family could become the target of it. Or maybe I've seen too many police tv shows.

[Farrar]

Weird.

 

But I don't find it weird that the police were chatting with the kids. In some places, there are community policing programs where the police are given training and encouraged to get to know neighborhood kids in the neighborhoods they police. Some even carry stickers for them. I wouldn't assume he was a pedophile as others have suggested either.

 

I just think it's strange that he got in the car and drove off as soon as you came out. If you're weirded out enough by it, do call the station. I would just say, hey, I'm just wondering what was up with this, are there issues I'm not aware of, etc. He probably was just checking to see if they were supervised in any way. Though why he needs to do that is beyond me...

 

And for me, personally, I wouldn't let anyone intimidate you from letting the kids play where you feel is appropriate - at least not without very specific information.

[TeenagerMom]

I guess I would just assume he was trying to find out if the children were being supervised.

 

I wish the police around here would check up on the 3 and 4 year olds who play outside unsupervised. They really are completely unsupervised.

 

Of course, I don't allow my 4 and 5 year olds to play outside even in our fenced yard unless I'm at least watching out the window....I normally am outside with them.

 

 

This would be my guess too. He was chatting for a second to see if there was an adult around. Asking about a beach ball would be a way of breaking the ice before he hopped on the "Is your Mommy here" question without freaking them out and making them think you/they were in trouble.

 

Officers here stop and talk to kids all the time when they are out playing.

[Samiam]

I would call the station. You don't have to report a "PHEDOPHILE", but just ask if there was a patrol in your neighborhood at that time, and if so, have it noted what happened.

 

With today's technology, most patrol cars have tracking/GPS on their cars, so that the station knows where they are at all times. They should know if which car was there, and if it was on-duty, or off-duty, and if there was a purpose for it being in your neighborhood.

 

Thinking worse case scenario, what if this person was already under investigation by the department, and this is one more tip against him. Or what if something happens in the future, and this "note" in the records helps lead towards him.

 

If it was nothing, then so be it. But what if it was something, would it hurt to call and note it with the police station?

 

Officers are humans, for good and bad, so it is not like this officer could never be a "weirdo". It is a possibility.

 

Personally I would be a bit freaked out that perhaps he had set his "sights" on my children......I know, a bit extreme, but the world is extreme these days :(.

[fhjmom]

Thanks for all the feedback. I didn't know if I was being overly senstive or not.

 

I do think it was an officer talking with the kids, community outreach type of visit, with probably a bit of checking to see if the kids were being supervised. If he had spoken to me or acknowledged me at all, I don't think I would have gotten as much of a weird vibe from the whole thing. It wasn't his stopping and talking to the girls as much as it was him leaving in such a hurry when I came out. I also don't think there is any way for them to find out which officer it was; our house is literally one block from the back entrance to the lot which every patrol car uses when coming or going to the station. It was also very close to time for shift change, so that complicates things even more since it could have been an officer from either shift.

 

I don't know if I will call the station or not. I am going to have to think on that for a bit and figure out what exactly I would say if I did call.

 

Thanks again for not making me feel crazy.

[WishboneDawn]

Just let them know their officer could be giving parents the wrong impression. You don't even need to bring up your other suspicions, just let them know that you (and a lot of parents) are trying to make sure your kids know about stranger danger and it makes it difficult when an officer approaches the children before you and even more awkward when he leaves before you get a chance to talk to him. Take the approach that you appreciate what the police do for you and you're concerned about their image and relationship with the community.

Edited June 3, 2011 by WishboneDawn

[Alessandra]

Here is a NY Times story about the increasing number of police impersonators in FL -- it has happened in other areas as well.

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/29/us/29fakecops.html

 

Your "officer" sounds suspicious to me.

[gingersmom]

It sounds weird. I think it should also be a wake up call that a 7 and 3 year old should not be playing outside by themselves.

[JFSinIL]

He may well of just not thought before he saw you, realized "OK, there IS supervision of these little kids" and drove off on his merry way. If he doesn't have kids of his own, his parental thinking will not have kicked in yet to make him aware that his abrupt behavior would look suspicious to you.

 

So - I WOULD contact the police station, calmly, maybe even walk down there with the kids, smile and point out to whomever in charge that they might want to advise the younger officers to also talk to the adult and not drive off when seen talking to young kids as some folks might get the wrong idea. Just do it as a helpful pointer for the newbie cops, as if you assume that is all it was.

 

Of course, by doing this you are also making sure the powers that be know that 1. you are paying attention and 2. one of there own DID behave in a possibly predatory manner. Although YOU are not saying THIS (let them wonder, though).

 

Hope this makes sense.

[ChrissySC]

The best way to approach this would be to call the station. Wording is the key.

 

Ask if there is something going on in your neighborhood or surrounding area. Explain that a car had stopped on the street to speak to your girls, saw you, and drove off. Under the circumstances, his apparent concern for kids was endearing but the fact that he made it a point to speak with them left you wondering if there was something that you needed brought to your attention. Is there a sex offender in the neighborhood? Was a child taken? :) Play that route for response and feedback.

 

We had a sex offender move within 2 miles of our neighborhood. The police patrolled for many months and often stopped to remind the kids not to go with strangers, including the teenagers, LOL.

 

It could be harmless. Keep that in mind.

[Trish]

I know we all need to get comfortable with giving our children freedom. Mine are 9 and 11, and it has only been in the last two years or so I've felt comfortable enough to let them play out front without me sitting out there with a book keeping an eye on things.

 

I am very, very glad nothing happened to your girls. But your situation would be very uncomfortable for me. It sounds like you have a sort of "pass through" street -- not a main drag, but one that routinely has non-neighbors going through it. That would give plenty of random persons (or "police officers") opportunity to spot the girls. There would be nothing to stop someone from grabbing one of them and throwing her in the car. I feel awful typing that, but aren't we really relying on good luck, here?

 

Secondly, if they are in the habit of playing outside, there would also be nothing preventing someone from noticing them, and planning to do drive-bys periodically to see if an "opportunity" opens up. I guess I have seen WAY too many of these types of stories (and I do live in Wacky Crime World - Florida, so bear that in mind!).

 

I just feel like those ages are too young and vulnerable to protect themselves. And whether this cop was legit or not, friendly or curious, normal or maybe not-so-much, he knows where your girls live and has shown an interest. That alone would make me very nervous.

 

I don't have any solutions for you (other than the lawn chair!), but whether the danger is real or imagined, or greatly overblown (by me, sorry!), I will pray for the safety of your kids and all the WTMers kids just to make myself feel better. I hate that so much danger seems to be stalking our children in today's society.

 

And believe me I'm not judging your parenting, really I'm only reflecting my own fears in this post, we all have to get comfortable with giving our children freedom, and it's so hard to know how to do that sometimes!

[ThatCyndiGirl]

What does WDYT mean? I've tried to figure it out on my own.

 

I think he was trying to establish rapport before asking, "is there an adult here?" He probably thought that kids that age are too young to be out in the front yard alone.

[LidiyaDawn]

It sounds weird. I think it should also be a wake up call that a 7 and 3 year old should not be playing outside by themselves.

 

Isn't it great that we all get to make OUR OWN parenting choices? :D

[LidiyaDawn]

What does WDYT mean? I've tried to figure it out on my own.

 

 

I'm assuming it's "What Do You Think?" :)

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I'm assuming it's "What Do You Think?" :)

 

 

Aha! Thank you! Those words together just had not occurred to me. :001_smile:

[gingersmom]

Isn't it great that we all get to make OUR OWN parenting choices? :D

 

Thats why I love America. Freedom of speech!

[RanchGirl]

I would call the station, describe the incident, and say you want to know if the officer saw a problem with the kids.... Did they throw the ball in the street or something? In your description, be sure you say that he drove off when you walked out, but don't say that is making you suspicious ( though it is definitely weird).

 

I think even they will think it's weird that he took off like that, so at least you have reported this to someone at the station. Also it let's him know that you are on alert and not afraid to call his employers. And it might give him a chance to explain himself. All good things IMO.

 

And of course remind the girls that if anyone approaches them, they should run into the house.

[Stacyandtherugrats]

Definitely a bit weird. I would have expected a wave, nod or something also.

[Teachin'Mine]

Here is a NY Times story about the increasing number of police impersonators in FL -- it has happened in other areas as well.

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/29/us/29fakecops.html

 

Your "officer" sounds suspicious to me.

 

All the more reason to talk with the police. I would go in person and ask to speak with someone there about your concerns. They could easily ask those who were working that day if they were the ones who stopped and if it turns out it was a legitimate officer, that would give you some peace of mind. If the officer's intentions were in any way off, then he knows his department is aware of his actions. If he was just stopping, he'll learn that driving off when a mother shows up isn't the best course of action. I can't imagine why he'd drive off like that if he wasn't there for the wrong reason though. :tongue_smilie:

 

Do you have a backyard? Do you have a dog who could be out with them when they're out? I'd be inclined to let them out front only if I was on the front porch - especially the 3yo. :grouphug: