joannqn Posted May 10, 2011 Share Posted May 10, 2011 (edited) My nine year old is testing for his black belt next month. He has to write two essays as part of the testing process. The first is suppose to be on the topic of "What Tae Kwon Do Means to Me". Here's his draft. It's the first time he's written something out of himself, without a source text to start with. How would you edit? What changes would you encourage? Tae Kwon Do is important to me because it has helped me with a lot of things. Three things help me the most in tae kwon do. The first is confidence, which helps me to believe in myself so I can learn anything I want. The second is perseverance, which helps me keep trying even when it is hard. The last thing is integrity, which helps me to do the right thing. All of these three things make me a better person. Confidence is probably the best thing you can have. When I started, it was hard. I couldn't land the kicks right, do the blocks correctly, and I always forgot one thing or another in my forms. I didn't have confidence that I could get a black belt some day. Now, since I am testing for black belt, I know that if I have confidence in myself, I can learn anything I want. Beside confidence, another thing that tae kwon do has helped me with is perseverance. When I joined tae kwon do, if I got kicked or punched hard, I might quit and sit down for a minute. Now, I can shake it off, continue the sparring round, and win. Since I am testing for black belt, this is very important for a true black belt. Another thing that tae kwon do had helped with with is integrity. Before I joined, if I saw a candy or something that I liked, I might take it, even though that's bad. Now, I can notice that what I am doing is bad and say sorry. This is good because if my friends are doing something bad, I can notice that and not do it. These things help me to be a better person and a good black belt in tae kwon do. Confidence helps me with believing in myself. Perseverance helps me keep trying. Integrity helps me do the right thing. These things are essential for a true black belt. Edited May 11, 2011 by joannqn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 I think that this is an excellent essay for a 9yo. My just turned 10yo still needs me to sit next to him and prompt for paragraphs. My 11.5yo dd could turn out an essay like this after much discussion and writing down ideas. My ds15 would turn out an essay like this for first draft that I would require him to flesh out but he is in 9th grade. For a 9yo, it is great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted May 12, 2011 Share Posted May 12, 2011 I think it is good. My 9yr old had his black belt test about a month ago. Here's his essay if you want to compare if you haven't seen it. I think they are pretty similar except my DS had to do 1 essay on both topics instead of two essays. It was his first time writing something like that too and I had no idea what sort of writing the other kids would be doing and what would be expected. http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=257105 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 Not knowing what the expectations are definitely makes it more difficult to write. Most of the examples I saw online are a single rambling run-on paragraph longer than DS's entire essay. I really wanted/expected him to use a 5 paragraph model, and I recognize that he did that well. It's pretty short, even typed double-spaced. I think it could be fleshed out more, but I end up practically rewriting when I try to edit or help edit, which is why I was asking for suggestions. Again, I don't even know what the expectations are. We were given no length requirements either. I'm not even sure if the master will notice the good structure as English is not his first language, and their written material is riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted May 12, 2011 Author Share Posted May 12, 2011 Page, I saw your son's essay when you first posted it. Congrats! We're waiting until he actually gets word that he passed, but we planning on throwing a big BBQ/party in celebration. Plus, my daughter is graduating elementary school and entering junior high next year...so double the reason to throw a party. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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