Not.Cool

[Eleni]

(met with Principal updated Post #43)

Im having big feelings at the moment.

 

Gwen told me today that a girl on the bus was spitting in her face and poking her with a finger on her upper thighs.

 

Then she tells me a boy in her class was using a pencil and trying to poke her in her privates.*

 

We talked about it and I emailed her teacher to make her aware of what happened.

Edited May 9, 2011 by Eleni

[scrapbookbuzz]

So sorry your precious girl had to be on the receiving end of that depravity. Hopefully the teacher will take a solid stand on this and discipline the offending children.

[QuirkyKapers]

That's horrible! I hope the teacher resolves the situation! Otherwise, she might have a new best friend eh?;)

[Night Elf]

Forget email. Call the front office and ask for an appointment to see the principal. I'm totally serious. Schools nowadays are very active in stopping bullying. In a similar situation, my complaint got a classmate kicked off the schoolbus so that my dd and the other children were able to ride in peace. The little girl was also moved across the classroom away from my dd and carefully supervised by the teacher. My dd didn't have any problems after that. They were in 3rd grade.

[Eleni]

I am DONE with this school experiment.

 

My science loving 9yr old now finds science insufferably boring and my 7 yr old dd not only experienced that today but has experienced such nastiness from little girls in her class. She also received a note with her name and then "I hate you"

 

I'm really upset about this one though.

[chickadoodle3]

:iagree:

[Random]

Forget email. Call the front office and ask for an appointment to see the principal. I'm totally serious. Schools nowadays are very active in stopping bullying. In a similar situation, my complaint got a classmate kicked off the schoolbus so that my dd and the other children were able to ride in peace. The little girl was also moved across the classroom away from my dd and carefully supervised by the teacher. My dd didn't have any problems after that. They were in 3rd grade.

 

This is not always the case. Sometimes, the school's administration still does nothing, even when the bullying gets violent. I'm glad you had quick and definite cooperation, but that has certainly not been my experience.

[Night Elf]

This is not always the case. Sometimes, the school's administration still does nothing, even when the bullying gets violent. I'm glad you had quick and definite cooperation, but that has certainly not been my experience.

 

True, but how do you know if you don't try?

[Anne in CA]

This is very serious and I would contact the principal ASAP, because I doubt a teacher can do much. My oldest dd (the only one who ever attened school) was very mistreated on the bus and even had her face punched by a much older boy. I contacted the principal who made him appologize, but he was not disciplined in any way.

 

Buses can get out of hand. I spoke to a bus driver who lived in LaPine once who said the busses in the rural areas were so full of s@# abuse that she told her children she would write them out of her will if they ever put any of their children on a bus ONE TIME. Of course LaPine is a rural area with older kids riding with younger ones. But she assured me that she wishes her children would home school her grandchildren just based on what she saw on the buses.

[Eleni]

The teacher emailed me back and said she will notify the guidane counselor and principal and one of them will call me tomorrow.

[simka2]

Eleni, I had recently gone back to college when we decided to pull our kids back out of ps. I will go back when I can, but it was not working :glare:.

 

:grouphug: I am sorry you guys are having to face this right now.

[Eleni]

SO...

The teacher did email back straight away and said that the guidance counselor would have a lesson on respecting other people's bodies.

 

and that is all that was said.

 

I have sat on this all weekend, as had DH. Both of us are trying to figure out the best response to this.

 

My dd knows what happened was not ok. We also discussed and role played how to handle situations like that. This boy happens to be her "best friend" and when dh heard that he said that when he was bullied in school it was always by kids who got close to him, and then turned on him, but then got nice, and then turned on him again. He said that is usually how their parents treated them too. I wasn't bullied, but Dh has extensive experience with it.

 

We are considering speaking with the Principal, but are not completely clear on what resolution we are seeking.

 

Essentially we just want our kids back home, but we told them they could finish out the year because all the "fun things" happen this month.

:glare:

[QueenCat]

For me, a lesson from the guidance counselor would not be sufficient. The culprit needs a consequence. Nothing less would be acceptable to me, if it were my child that was victimized.

[AuntieM]

For me, a lesson from the guidance counselor would not be sufficient. The culprit needs a consequence. Nothing less would be acceptable to me, if it were my child that was victimized.

 

No doubt. The resolution presented is completely passive.

Just like your own family, sounds like administration has end-of-school-itis. Nothing gets handled the last few weeks, it only gets wished away because school is almost over. I confess that is a blanket statement, but I believe it's often true.

 

If nothing else, I'd be chauffeuring my kids for the rest of their outschool days.

 

I was bullied in school. While the poking in the thighs is quite alarming, I remember being spat upon as one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. I will never be able to erase that memory.

[KnitWit]

Um, I would view that as s*xual h*r*ssment (the pencil thing) and I would press the issue HARD. It is shocking to me...the things that schools expect parents to allow to *roll off their backs*. Ummm...no. I would go down to that school and tell them they WILL keep him away from my daughter or they WILL be hearing from a lawyer. I might contact the parents of the boy too. I wouldn't wait. What if he attempts that a second time and *injures* your dd? A pencil???

 

I have become so intolerant of everyone expecting parents to tolerate this stuff.

[KnitWit]

And...I agree with the pp, my kid would never set foot on that bus again.

[BatmansWife]

Gosh, this is just sickening! My little girl is 7 and I just can't even imagine this. I am so sorry.

 

My first thought is to pull them out now. That's a crazy environment to be in all day. But, I see that you want them to finish out the school year...and it is only a few weeks. It sounds like most of this is happening on the bus ride. Until the school year is over and done, can you drive them to school and pick them up??

 

I would speak to the principal in person and make sure those kids are personally talked to about this unacceptable behavior and that if it continues that they will have some type of consequences. Keep up on this....because even when your children are out of the situation there will always be some little girl or boy who will be next.

[BatmansWife]

Um, I would view that as s*xual h*r*ssment (the pencil thing) and I would press the issue HARD. It is shocking to me...the things that schools expect parents to allow to *roll off their backs*. Ummm...no. I would go down to that school and tell them they WILL keep him away from my daughter or they WILL be hearing from a lawyer. I might contact the parents of the boy too. I wouldn't wait. What if he attempts that a second time and *injures* your dd? A pencil???

 

I have become so intolerant of everyone expecting parents to tolerate this stuff.

 

:iagree:

[FO4UR]

Um, I would view that as s*xual h*r*ssment (the pencil thing) and I would press the issue HARD. It is shocking to me...the things that schools expect parents to allow to *roll off their backs*. Ummm...no. I would go down to that school and tell them they WILL keep him away from my daughter or they WILL be hearing from a lawyer. I might contact the parents of the boy too. I wouldn't wait. What if he attempts that a second time and *injures* your dd? A pencil???

 

I have become so intolerant of everyone expecting parents to tolerate this stuff.

 

:iagree:

 

 

Aggressively pursue this...not only for your dd, but for the other kids who depend upon the school staff to defend them...makes me sick to think about the kids whose parents don't care/don't know/depend upon the schools to keep their kids safe.

 

Also, the role playing of what to do in those situations is a good thing. I teach mine to shout, "BACK OFF" - and generally be loud/aggressively defensive and get *immediate* adult attention if they are getting picked on. Bullies are afraid of getting caught...make it impossible for them to bully in silence. It doesn't stop everyone every time, but it strengthens your odds. This also doesn't work if the adults supervising don't care or are too passive to give real consequences.

[Eleni]

I agree.

I just don't want to go in there and be completely irrational. I want to firm and direct and have a clear ide of my goal.

 

These are 1st graders.

What is an ideal resolution here?

I'm not happy with the group discussion. I have NO idea if parents have been contacted and I am not ok with anything that happened to my dd.

 

She and the boy are in the same class- and she likes playing with him. I have asked her to start playing with other friends and she has plans in place on how to end their friendship.

This kid also once touched the teacher's breast.

 

The bus is out of necessity as we only have one car and dh need it for work. I can pick them up twice a week and take them in 3 times.

Their bus ride is 10 minutes long.

[Eleni]

:iagree:

 

 

Aggressively pursue this...not only for your dd, but for the other kids who depend upon the school staff to defend them...makes me sick to think about the kids whose parents don't care/don't know/depend upon the schools to keep their kids safe.

 

Also, the role playing of what to do in those situations is a good thing. I teach mine to shout, "BACK OFF" - and generally be loud/aggressively defensive and get *immediate* adult attention if they are getting picked on. Bullies are afraid of getting caught...make it impossible for them to bully in silence. It doesn't stop everyone every time, but it strengthens your odds. This also doesn't work if the adults supervising don't care or are too passive to give real consequences.

 

yes- we discussed using a loud voice and saying back off or stop touching my body.

 

Can anyone help script this for me? I want to stay calm and be firm. I have issues and feelings cropping up from SA that I experienced and I don't want my past issues interfering with my clarity on this.

[Dobela]

Um, I would view that as s*xual h*r*ssment (the pencil thing) and I would press the issue HARD. It is shocking to me...the things that schools expect parents to allow to *roll off their backs*. Ummm...no. I would go down to that school and tell them they WILL keep him away from my daughter or they WILL be hearing from a lawyer. I might contact the parents of the boy too. I wouldn't wait. What if he attempts that a second time and *injures* your dd? A pencil???

 

I have become so intolerant of everyone expecting parents to tolerate this stuff.

I once taught in public school. In one district the principal would have been all over this. The parents of the other child would be called in for a conference, the child would be written up, a consequence would be given (suspended from the bus at the very least if it happened on the bus), counselors would be involved to make certain the perpetrator wasn't being sexually abused himself, and more.

 

I would not accept a generic talk by the counselor about private body parts as the only solution.

 

If the school does not take this more seriously then I would just walk in, and take my child out. They can count them truant until the homeschool paperwork is complete and effective.

[Starr]

It doesn't sound like any record of this is in the school. You have to decide if you want to file a complaint or not. If so it needs to be in writing. I'm not sure what kind of message we send our kids when we say bullying is worth the fun things we get to do. Can you send a letter to the principle and keep them off of the bus? So many families I know never complain and just quit putting their kids on the bus. I'm sorry this happened!

[FO4UR]

I agree.

I just don't want to go in there and be completely irrational. I want to firm and direct and have a clear ide of my goal.

 

These are 1st graders.

What is an ideal resolution here?

I'm not happy with the group discussion. I have NO idea if parents have been contacted and I am not ok with anything that happened to my dd.

 

She and the boy are in the same class- and she likes playing with him. I have asked her to start playing with other friends and she has plans in place on how to end their friendship.

This kid also once touched the teacher's breast.

 

The bus is out of necessity as we only have one car and dh need it for work. I can pick them up twice a week and take them in 3 times.

Their bus ride is 10 minutes long.

 

 

I'd ask that the teacher separate the boy from your dd in the classroom. She doesn't have to make a big deal of it...just make sure they are on opposite sides of the room, lunch table, cubbies, in lines...etc...I don't think that is too much to ask. Also, I'd expect the teacher to meet with his parents to discuss this.

 

The bus - the girl should NOT be allowed to sit out of sight of the adult on the bus. You probably can't demand that....but you can demand that your dd not sit anywhere near her.

 

Calm, cool, and collected, but forceful..."If you can't keep my daughter safe, then we will take these issues up the ladder.";) Write out your complaint, and give the person you talk to a copy...

[KnitWit]

This kid also once touched the teacher's breast.

 

 

 

Ooookkkkaaayyyy. Group talk about inappropriate touching is not going to help. There are issues here with *this* kid. I'd be pushing for *him* to be dealt with.

 

You need to explain to your dd that not all *friends* are worth having. Even if she enjoys playing with him, she needs to understand that he is not safe. Friends respect friends. She needs to learn this at 7 so she doesn't tolerate behavior as a teen that can end up in d*te r*pe. I know it sounds extreme and I hope NOONE misreads my post to mean it is the fault of the victim...NO. But...I know girls who were in this situation because they were with guys who behaved disrespectfully from the get-go. It is about her setting her *own* personal boundaries NOW for what she will allow from others. I hope this makes sense. It is incredibly sad that a 7yo has to deal with this, but this is why my eldest only went to K and then I have homeschooled ever since. I was shocked at the stuff she was bombarded with in Kindergarten!

[BatmansWife]

I once taught in public school. In one district the principal would have been all over this. The parents of the other child would be called in for a conference, the child would be written up, a consequence would be given (suspended from the bus at the very least if it happened on the bus), counselors would be involved to make certain the perpetrator wasn't being sexually abused himself, and more.

 

I would not accept a generic talk by the counselor about private body parts as the only solution.

 

If the school does not take this more seriously then I would just walk in, and take my child out. They can count them truant until the homeschool paperwork is complete and effective.

 

:iagree: The boy for sure, and maybe the spitting-poking girl, should be the ones kicked off the bus. Their parents should have to find a way for them to get to and from school. There really must be bus rules and their actions would surely be in violation of the rules.

 

I agree.

I just don't want to go in there and be completely irrational. I want to firm and direct and have a clear ide of my goal.

 

These are 1st graders.

What is an ideal resolution here? For just one thing, he shouldn't be allowed to ride the bus anymore.

I'm not happy with the group discussion. I have NO idea if parents have been contacted and I am not ok with anything that happened to my dd. You may have to contact them yourself....not easy, I know.

 

She and the boy are in the same class- and she likes playing with him. I have asked her to start playing with other friends and she has plans in place on how to end their friendship. I hope she can follow through with her plan...but it may be hard for a 7 year old to stand her ground on this. You may have to actually talk to the boy and tell him that he is no longer to play with your daughter.

This kid also once touched the teacher's breast. Totally unacceptable. He is old enough to know not to do that. If he is bold enough to do that.....gosh I'd hate to think of my little girl playing with him.

 

The bus is out of necessity as we only have one car and dh need it for work. I can pick them up twice a week and take them in 3 times.

Their bus ride is 10 minutes long. Well, that stinks. My gut is to take them out now. But, I can imagine the kids wanting all the fun end of the year activities and if you pull them out now it's almost like they are the ones punished. It's a hard call. I'd really press for that boy to not be allowed on the bus. Or, make sure that they are completely separated....your daughter in the front of the bus near the bus driver and the boy in the back, or vice versa.

[Eleni]

Ooookkkkaaayyyy. Group talk about inappropriate touching is not going to help. There are issues here with *this* kid. I'd be pushing for *him* to be dealt with.

 

You need to explain to your dd that not all *friends* are worth having. Even if she enjoys playing with him, she needs to understand that he is not safe. Friends respect friends. She needs to learn this at 7 so she doesn't tolerate behavior as a teen that can end up in d*te r*pe. I know it sounds extreme and I hope NOONE misreads my post to mean it is the fault of the victim...NO. But...I know girls who were in this situation because they were with guys who behaved disrespectfully from the get-go. It is about her setting her *own* personal boundaries NOW for what she will allow from others. I hope this makes sense. It is incredibly sad that a 7yo has to deal with this, but this is why my eldest only went to K and then I have homeschooled ever since. I was shocked at the stuff she was bombarded with in Kindergarten!

 

 

Oh yes!! We have discussed this over and over this weekend. The last things I want I for my girl to think she has to be nice or put up with things. H*ll no!!!

 

Also. The bus was a girl- and my dd clarified for me that the girl on the bus spit in her face a few times, messed up her hair and then was spitting at her crotch area- not poking.

The boy in class was trying to poke her with a pencil.

[RoughCollie]

Also. The bus was a girl- and my dd clarified for me that the girl on the bus spit in her face a few times, messed up her hair and then was spitting at her crotch area- not poking.

The boy in class was trying to poke her with a pencil.

 

Forget everything I said. For some reason I thought your DD was a young teenager. Don't ask my why. Senior moment, brain dead, who knows?

Edited May 9, 2011 by RoughCollie

[BatmansWife]

Also. The bus was a girl- and my dd clarified for me that the girl on the bus spit in her face a few times, messed up her hair and then was spitting at her crotch area- not poking.

The boy in class was trying to poke her with a pencil.

 

Oh, I thought the girl was spitting and poking your dd in the leg and the boy was the pencil poker. So, he's not actually on the bus? Well, that girl either needs to be expelled from the bus or be separated from your daughter on the bus rides. The boy needs to have some kind of a "restrainer order" or something put in place so he isn't allowed near your daughter unsupervised during the school day (recess or whenever). I'm serious....if they have such things in place for adults, why not kids at school who are acting inappropriately??

The whole thing is certainly a mess, isn't it?

[Eleni]

It is a mess.

 

I've been wondering why these things are not taken seriously? If someone spit in my face or tried to poke me anywhere with a pencil I would have the ability to take the issue further.

I doubt there would be a group lecture on "respecting bodies"

 

This whole situation has me incredibly PO'd and the last thing I want to do is react out of emotion- because that will not go well.

 

Question- should I make appt with the Principal or should dh and I just appear at the school today?

[BatmansWife]

It is a mess.

 

I've been wondering why these things are not taken seriously? If someone spit in my face or tried to poke me anywhere with a pencil I would have the ability to take the issue further.

I doubt there would be a group lecture on "respecting bodies"

 

This whole situation has me incredibly PO'd and the last thing I want to do is react out of emotion- because that will not go well.

 

Question- should I make appt with the Principal or should dh and I just appear at the school today?

 

:grouphug:

 

If it were me, I *think* I would call to make an appointment. Then you aren't just standing in the office unannounced waiting to speak with him/her....I think it might put him a little on the defensive. Who knows if he'll even have the time to sit with you if you just show up. I would call and see if you can meet with him asap. But, maybe others will feel you should just go in. What's your feeling on it?? Gosh...I'm no help!!!

 

Keep us posted.

[Quad Shot Academy]

I had a friend have something similar happen. Her son was spat upon and the school did nothing and told her that she was overreacting. She went to the principal and asked for medical tests of the child that spat in her son's face for TB, AIDS and Hep B. She obviously never got the results but then they took the issue seriously and I am sure that boy never spat on someone again.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Wait - I agree that the bullying needs to stop and that your child (and all others ) need to feel and be safe. But didn't you say that these were first graders? I would not deal with this sort of thing from a first grader the same way that I would with an older child. First graders need separation by the teacher, more supervision, a lesson on what is appropriate or not, perhaps staying in from recess. My ds spit in another child's face at that age. I went ballistic on him before I realized that he really did not have a clue as to the social connotations of such an act, much less the health issues involved. We did address it and he never did it again but it didn't warrant the huge response that it had initially triggered in me.

[Tammyla]

I would just go in together. If the principle is busy, speak to the vp or make an appointment. If you show up with an appointment; they will be prepared. You need to be prepared even if you need notes.

:grouphug:

 

It is a mess.

 

I've been wondering why these things are not taken seriously? If someone spit in my face or tried to poke me anywhere with a pencil I would have the ability to take the issue further.

I doubt there would be a group lecture on "respecting bodies"

 

This whole situation has me incredibly PO'd and the last thing I want to do is react out of emotion- because that will not go well.

 

Question- should I make appt with the Principal or should dh and I just appear at the school today?

[QueenCat]

Please remember that email communication can be "lost". I would put all communications on paper. Follow up conversations with a paper too. First graders don't need to be expelled but they do need consequences, like missing out on the next really fun thing and loss of bus privileges.

[Paige]

Wait - I agree that the bullying needs to stop and that your child (and all others ) need to feel and be safe. But didn't you say that these were first graders? I would not deal with this sort of thing from a first grader the same way that I would with an older child. First graders need separation by the teacher, more supervision, a lesson on what is appropriate or not, perhaps staying in from recess. My ds spit in another child's face at that age. I went ballistic on him before I realized that he really did not have a clue as to the social connotations of such an act, much less the health issues involved. We did address it and he never did it again but it didn't warrant the huge response that it had initially triggered in me.

 

I agree. I was harassed by a 1st grade boy too when I was in 1st, so I'm not trying to minimize your DDs experience or say the boy is harmless. I think it was brave of your DD to speak up as I never did, and that you are setting a good example by taking it seriously and talking to the administration. But still, the boy is only 6 or 7 himself. His behavior is inappropriate, and he needs to know it won't be tolerated and why, but it is also unfair to assume that he's a predator in the making or that he needs to forever be separated from your child. Maybe a simple talk will clue him in to why he was so inappropriate and then he will be embarrassed and never repeat it. If he's a friend, it's not fair to jump and assume he's a bully or incorrigible at 7. My DS would touch female breasts at that age (clothed, of course) not because he was a molester but because he was completely oblivious to the fact that there are breasts and that he was touching them. He was a space cadet. He's still a little air headish sometimes, but he now knows to pay attention not to touch women's chests like he may tap a man to get his attention. He didn't turn into a predator.

 

As for the bus....my DS had some similar experiences and while the teacher seemed to be proactive, there was really not much she could do. I won't ever put my kids on the bus again by choice, but if I had to, and we still had those issues, I would be demanding to speak to the bus driver as well as the principal and teacher.

[LBS]

I have so much sympathy for you.

 

My elder two went thru PS successfully, but I was full time volunteering, and I was there in the schools, talking to the teachers, counselors, principals.....and my third kiddo is the one I pulled to homeschool, when the school system made some changes that impacted him negatively. Long story, not imp here.

 

I would point out (I didn't read all posts, so hope I'm not repeating) but the bus system often is a whole bad mess of its own, run by the county as a whole, not the individual schools. One harrassed lady driving a busload of kids, while the kids do whatever they please. Horrible. Petition after petition has gone out, here, to get an additional adult on those buses. It defies logic, that we equip our cars with multiple air bags and restraints but we put our kids on poorly maintained boxes, with wheels, every day, with little to no supervision. Big rant for me. I always drove my kids, even thru high school. One brief time they rode the bus in the mornings, and that only worked because most of the kids doze in the morning.

 

You said you're having academic issues too, though. That would be the focus for a decision to pull them out, to me. The teacher should answer for that, while the bus problems are a whole 'nother keg of dynamite.

 

I really, really feel for you. Good luck with your decision. The end of the year stuff is fun. Maybe having had them experience some bad stuff (and this is not okay or good) but maybe that will be a memorable lesson and make them feel more solid, not questioning, being homeschooled, as I read some kids do.

[missiemick]

I taught in (elementary) public school for 11 years -- I saw things that would make you shudder. If it was me, knowing what I know, I would make a BIG deal out of it! Nothing will happen, or change, if you don't. It's the end of the year, they're all tired, and they're going to do their best to push it under the rug. I would suggest that you call the district office and file a complaint (let them know that you will back it up in writing), then call the Principal and request a meeting that will also involve all of the teachers that are in contact with your child (homeroom, music teacher, PE . . .) and the counselor. You should let them know when you make the appointment that you have already contacted the district. I guarantee they will come to the meeting completely prepared and will probably have put into place all kinds of plans that you would never have thought of. Don't let this slide by -- they've got to have documentation to be able to do anything to the other kids. If you choose to sit by because it's the end of the year then it could be third grade before anything gets done about it and who knows how many other little girls.

[I.Dup.]

I'm so sorry :( I have so many horrible memories of bullying and sexual stuff from my years in school, and I was even among one of the 'popular' kids. :angry: Some think I'm overprotective, but the treatment kids get in school is one major reason I homeschool.

:grouphug:

[Mommamia]

Oh man, just reading through this thread and having flashbacks of first grade. I have never forgotten how I was treated by a classmate (and how the teacher believed her story) My mom never knew a thing. I'm so glad that your daughter has shared with you what happened....and that you are such a great mom.

 

Just wanted to say that I am so sorry these things have happened to you guys. Errrghhhh!!

 

:grouphug:

[BellaMama]

How unfortunate.

How did your daughter react when it happenned? Does she know how to defend herself? (verbally of course) When my 5 year old was having a difficult time at school we practiced together, role played. He is very sensitive, did not know how how to stand up for himself as he had never encountered this teasing behaviour at home . He would never raise his voice to his peers even when punched in the stomach for example. And so role playing became part of our routine. It gave him practice in having a voice, assert himself with phrases like " I do not like when you do....", "Stop doing ..... or I will tell the teacher". Posture, tone of voice make the difference. It's a life skill that helps him everyday.

 

How does she feel about it now? She might start getting over it before you do. So much happens during a school day. I would contact teacher and principal, and then turn the page. They will be back home soon. Enjoy the the end of the school year!

 

Isabelle

[Eleni]

Dh and I decided to just show up at the school.

The Principal happily welcomed us to her office and when I told her we were there to discuss what happened to dd, she said she was very happy we came in.

She told us that she called the boy's (who poked dd with a pencil) parents and told his mother what he had done. She also told us that EVERYONE involved with the boy from his teacher, cafeteria aides, the librarian, art teacher, even the latch key lady were aware of his lack of boundaries and everyone was working with him on this, and working together. Apparently this is a long standing problem, and he tends to get obsessive over anything he is told not to do and has impulse problems not doing those things.

 

She said she told the mother that we are hardly over-reactive parents and she knows that for her to get an email from me forwarded to her from the teacher then this had to be a BIG deal for dd and for me, and his behaviour was very inappropriate. She told the mother that she would not be surprised if I were to call to discuss things with the mother, and in fact she encouraged me to do so if he ever had a negative interaction with dd again.

 

I am comfortable with this, and the teacher will be taking more aware role to keep the boy separate from dd.

 

As for the girl on the bus- she was going to go speak with the GC since he goes to the buses every afternoon and have him talk to the driver and move the girl to a seat behind the driver. She agreed that being spit upon was disgusting and humiliating, and she thinks the girl needs to be removed from other passengers.

 

She thanked us for being such aware and involved parents, and told us that our kids have been doing wonderfully in school. She said they got the results of one standardized test they did several months ago and she is very impressed with the boys' scores.

And as much as I get annoyed with testing, that still made me a bit proud. :D

 

I feel much better now and relived that the Principal called the parents THAT day and discussed this with them. The incident is also on file.

 

Thank you all SO much for your advice and everything! It really helped me sort my thoughts out and I really appreciate all of you!

[Cheryl in NM]

Dh and I decided to just show up at the school.

The Principal happily welcomed us to her office and when I told her we were there to discuss what happened to dd, she said she was very happy we came in.

She told us that she called the boy's (who poked dd with a pencil) parents and told his mother what he had done. She also told us that EVERYONE involved with the boy from his teacher, cafeteria aides, the librarian, art teacher, even the latch key lady were aware of his lack of boundaries and everyone was working with him on this, and working together. Apparently this is a long standing problem, and he tends to get obsessive over anything he is told not to do and has impulse problems not doing those things.

 

Did you notice that they already knew this was a problem for this boy? They have been unable to control this boy. He should not be around other children until he knows how to behave. I was sexually abused repeatedly in elementary school the much older boys in special ed. They were not separated and when I tried to physically protect myself I was punished. This was a problem for most of us girls. This boy's "rights" to act out are not more important than your daughter's rights to protected in a public place of learning.

 

She said she told the mother that we are hardly over-reactive parents and she knows that for her to get an email from me forwarded to her from the teacher then this had to be a BIG deal for dd and for me, and his behaviour was very inappropriate. She told the mother that she would not be surprised if I were to call to discuss things with the mother, and in fact she encouraged me to do so if he ever had a negative interaction with dd again.

 

Did you notice that the principal did not say that the boys' behavior was unacceptable but that the incidents were a big deal for you and your dd?

 

I am comfortable with this, and the teacher will be taking more aware role to keep the boy separate from dd.

 

As for the girl on the bus- she was going to go speak with the GC since he goes to the buses every afternoon and have him talk to the driver and move the girl to a seat behind the driver. She agreed that being spit upon was disgusting and humiliating, and she thinks the girl needs to be removed from other passengers.

 

She thanked us for being such aware and involved parents, and told us that our kids have been doing wonderfully in school. She said they got the results of one standardized test they did several months ago and she is very impressed with the boys' scores.

And as much as I get annoyed with testing, that still made me a bit proud. :D

 

I feel much better now and relived that the Principal called the parents THAT day and discussed this with them. The incident is also on file.

 

Thank you all SO much for your advice and everything! It really helped me sort my thoughts out and I really appreciate all of you!

 

It seems to me that the principal is "schmoozing" you to keep your children with the high test scores in her school. What I heard when I read your post above was the principal placating your feelings while not really offering any solutions. The boy will continue to receive the supervision he was receiving while he abused your daughter. Yes, abused, she will remember the lack of control of that situation and that, even though a big deal was made, nothing changed, which it won't because he will continue to be treated the same. The girl on the bus will be moved, that might work, but the girl should be removed. She is bullying and the only way your daughter will be protected from her is if she is removed.

 

I worry about the boy-maybe he's being abused at home and he's just repeating what is happening to him.

I worry about the girl-obviously she doens't know how to express her feelings in a proper way. Alot can happen in a 10 minute bus ride.

 

In either case, your daughter is not mis-behaving, she is just trying to get an education at a public school. She should be protected and yes, at the expense of the other children. Especially, since the boy is a repeat offender.

 

I would make a criminal complaint with the police. The school is not protecting your daughter and they have allowed this boy to continue in his behavior which is house he was able to target your daughter.

 

I am sorry this is happening to your daughter and I hope you are able to protect her.

[QueenCat]

As for the girl on the bus- she was going to go speak with the GC since he goes to the buses every afternoon and have him talk to the driver and move the girl to a seat behind the driver. She agreed that being spit upon was disgusting and humiliating, and she thinks the girl needs to be removed from other passengers.

 

 

So she's saying the girl "should" be removed, NOT the girl "will" be removed from the bus? Only that she'll be behind the driver? Girl's parents should have to take her to school for at least a few days so girl knows there are consequences to bad behavior.

[delaney]

I wish I could say that I buy all of what the school said but I can't. They are big time butt kissers to avoid confrontation and legal action. They will say anything to make you go away and just finish up the year. :glare:

[Quad Shot Academy]

She thanked us for being such aware and involved parents, and told us that our kids have been doing wonderfully in school. She said they got the results of one standardized test they did several months ago and she is very impressed with the boys' scores.

 

 

:confused: I find this a really odd thing. Did she look up your children's scores when your daughter was attacked or does she just happen to remember them? :confused:

[Eleni]

The school may be doing that, however - dd told me that at gym the gym teacher told the boy that he may not be near dd.

So something is happening.

Honestly I don't expect huge changes. I am volunteering a few times with dd's class over the next couple weeks and will be popping in for lunch.

They will be driven to school at least 3 days a week and picked up twice. So I'm limiting bus usage.

 

The school has a 3 strike policy before taking major action.

 

Im fairly sure she wouldve looked at their scores because they had never tested before nor been in school. She had remembered that my 3rd grader scores exceptionally high with the test given at the beginning of the year.

 

Dd knows that people have been talked to and we are standing behind her. We have role played several times on what to do and talked about it not being ok for people to touch you body or do things to you that you don't want.

 

The school is obviously not taking drastic measures- but they did something.