10th grade reading response essay on one of the Canterbury Tales... Feedback needed

[ereks mom]

EK (10th grade) was assigned to write a one to two-page essay after reading The Wife of Bath's Tale from The Canterbury Tales. I would appreciate any constructive criticism regarding not only content & word choice, but also organization, clarity of thought, sentence structure & variety, transitions, etc.

 

Here is the assignment:

 

Consider the way the story begins and ends. In a one to two-page essay, discuss the following:

How does the knight get into trouble, and how do things turn out for him?

Does the story satisfy or trouble you, and are there any elements that bother you?

 

Here is EK's essay:

 

At the beginning of this story, it seemed that the knight was an arrogant ladies' man. However, by the end of the tale, he had proven himself much more noble than it had first appeared.

 

The knight's trouble began when he shocked a woman in the woods by stealing a kiss from her--which was against the knight's code of chivalry. For this offense, he was brought before the assembly of the Round Table. He was sentenced to death, but the queen took pity on him, and decided to give him a year and one day to discover what women most desire. If he were successful, his life would be spared. He traveled far and wide, asking women what they most desired, but he got a different answer each time he posed the question.

 

Finally, his time almost gone, he met an old woman who revealed the secret to him--but in return, he was to marry her. His life was spared, but he was depressed at the prospect of marrying such an ugly old woman. She explained that she was a fairy, and could transform into a beautiful woman. She told the man that he could choose to either have her in her beautiful form and wonder about her faithfulness, or have her in her ugly form, but know her love was true. Remembering the lesson he had learned about what women most desire, he gave her the choice. The fairy was filled with joy and promised to always be faithful to him, and be in her beautiful form.

 

This story is very satisfying because it has a typical fairytale feel with enough twists and turns to keep the reader interested. The knight is not only spared, but the story also turns into an unusual sort of unlikely love story.

 

Thanks for reading!

[ChrissySC]

I love the casual style. I do have a problem with the overuse of the pronouns. I tend to find them ambigous too. That is, they are not clearly identifying the person or thing to which your dd intends to reference.

 

An example, she begins the first sentence with "it." I have to ask, " 'it' what?"

 

As she writes her next essay, have her concentrate on her introductory paragraphs. Look for hooks or restate the intent of the essay. Without knowledge of the assignment, the intent should be known.

 

You may want to reveiw clauses in grammar. I noticed some prepositional clauses that should have been introductory rather than where they exist within the sentence.

 

Also, concentrate on extending the length of the paragraphs. The first paragraph would not be considered short with three sentences, but it is abrupt unless handled well with complex and or well-stated thoughts.

 

Again, I truly enjoy her writing style. Do not alter her style, but look to improve how she references items, such as pronouns. :) She is doing great!

 

(Keep in mind that I am a technical writer. I adhere to more stringent rules. You may want more relaxed writing or not require it in the scope of this assignment. HTH!)

[at the beach]

EK (10th grade) was assigned to write a one to two-page essay after reading The Wife of Bath's Tale from The Canterbury Tales. I would appreciate any constructive criticism regarding not only content & word choice, but also organization, clarity of thought, sentence structure & variety, transitions, etc.

 

Here is the assignment:

 

Consider the way the story begins and ends. In a one to two-page essay, discuss the following:

How does the knight get into trouble, and how do things turn out for him?

Does the story satisfy or trouble you, and are there any elements that bother you?

Okay, I will give it a try! :001_smile: I did a quick read through already, and I will go back and offer some comments. I also very much like her writing style. Also, sorry for changing the color blue on her essay! I chose blue, too, and then itw as all the same and so then I thought I changed all my writing to red, but I changed everything! So, I only went back and changed mine to another color.

 

 

Here is EK's essay:

 

At the beginning of this story

Okay, I would explain to her that she should start out telling us the title of the story and the author, and I would also have her consider telling the reader what it is she will be discussing, it seemed I'd cut "it seemed" that the knight was instead of "was," I'd suggest that she use something like appeared to be an arrogant ladies' man. However, by the end of the tale, he had proven himself much more noble than it had I don't think you need "had" here again since you already have it earlier in the sentence. I think it is smoother without it.first appeared.

 

The knight's trouble began when he shocked a woman in the woods by stealing a kiss from her--which was against the knight's code of chivalry. Very nice sentence! For this offense, he was brought before the assembly of the Round Table. He was sentenced to death, but the queen took pity on him, I would double check whether there should be a comma after "him"and decided to give him a year and one day to discover what women most desire. If he were successful, his life would be spared. He traveled far and wide, asking women what they most desired, but he got a different answer each time he posed the question.

 

Finally, his I'd probably suggest to her that when she starts a paragraph, she should refer to the character by name as opposed to using a pronountime almost gone, he met an old woman who revealed the secret to him--but in return, he was to marry her. Nice. His life was spared, but he was depressed at the prospect of marrying such an ugly I might suggest to her that she should look for adjectives like this (ugly) and see if she can come up with one that's a bit more unusualold woman. She explained that she was a fairy, No comma necessary after "fairy" because what follows is not an independent clauseand could transform into a beautiful woman. She told the man that he could choose to either have her in her beautiful form and wonder about her faithfulness, or have her in her ugly form, Some comma issues here I think. The sentence is a bit awkward. Just a bit. I'd suggest she review comma rules and try to rewrite this sentencebut know her love was true. Remembering the lesson he had learned about what women most desire, he gave her the choice. The fairy was filled with joy and promised to always be faithful to him, and be in her beautiful form. Hmm, I don't know that there should be a comma after "him" in this sentence but I like it better with one because it feels to me like there should be that pause there. Without the comma, the sentence seems to lose its impact and change her "voice" which comes through so nicely with the comma.

 

Do you think there should be a transition type word here? I know "In conclusion" seems rather basic but something like that anyway might be good. This story is very satisfying because it has a typical fairytale feelHow about a word that is a bit more unique than "feel?" Nothing wrong with "feel," but I'd suggest to her that she review her writing looking for ordinary words like this and see if she can choose to replace some of her words with some that are a bit more unique. with enough twists and turns to keep the reader interested. The knight is not only spared, but the story also turns into an unusual sort of Well, it seems to me that "an unusual sort of" is saying the same thing as the word "unlikely" is, so I'd suggest to her she review to make sure she's not saying the same thing twice. Choose one. I'd go with "unlikely" as it conveys the message with fewer words.unlikely love story.

 

Thanks for reading! And thank you for sharing! What a nice piece of work. Highly enjoyable to read.

 

Hope that helps!

[ereks mom]

I'm glad to see that your comments mirror what I was thinking. I agree that the first and last paragraphs need more development. The last paragraph, to me, seemed especially weak. I will work with EK on introductory and concluding paragraphs. I also agree that the pronoun references are a bit confusing. Thanks for your input. :)