Those who aren't flexible with meals for kids?

[KristinaBreece]

Did he really? How do you know?

 

I am just curious.

 

 

So it sounds like you have it all figured out. So where do we come in? Just to agree with you?

 

I don't personally enjoy being "forced" to eat things, and I have known children to have health issues after being forced to eat (e.g. allergic attacks, vomiting, diarrhea, and, in the long run, anorexia), as well as a dislike for that certain food they were forced to eat. However, since you are in possession of all the facts and I know none of it, again, I am not sure why we were asked.

 

Sorry. DH thought I was being mean. The boy's mom knows of the situation & said she would have done the same-- I wondered how many people would have agreed with him. I wasn't trying to be argumentative... I just wondered if anyone else would have handled the situation as I did. Isn't that one reason a lot of people post various questions on the board?

[katilac]

just to offer a different POV on getting snack when you dont' eat lunch: I think that tying a food treat to eating other food is counter-productive in the long run, and leads to "good food, bad food" thinking, and emotional eating. When you are taught that you get food treats when you are "good" or when they are offered to make you feel emotionally better, snacks and treats take on an importance that they don't need to have.

 

Any snack or treat offered to kids should be a small part of their daily consumption. If a child is hungry because they skipped lunch, they will still be hungry after eating a single serving of jello. Likewise, the calories and nutritional value of a snack/treat are not affected by whether they are eaten before or after dinner. In other words, if I'm fine with my kids having a serving of jello or a piece of candy, then I'm fine with them having it no matter what else they eat or don't eat that day.

 

fwiw, I think the OP handled it fine for the most part (taking into account the added info that was not in the original post). the only thing I truly disagree with is presenting the jello as not only a special treat, but a prize to be earned by eating lunch.

[Cheryl in NM]

That's the rule here.

 

But, you said you are caring for the one child. I know in our state it is illegal to withhold food for any reason. So if you are offering a snack to the others it must be offered to "no-lunch" child. If the child refuses to eat, that's the not the same as withholding food the child refusing lunch is not illegal.

 

If you are talking about the child you are caring for; I second others in talking to the parents about how to handle this situation. I care for 2 boys, 1/2 day every week. Their mom has told them that if they refuse to eat lunch at my house they will be served absolutely nothing until dinner. Their Mom's rule is to finish all of the food.

[Laura Corin]

An older child would get nothing in this house. Your children are young though: I'd offer a boring snack (crackers and water?)

 

Laura

[JennyD]

I think that tying a food treat to eating other food is counter-productive in the long run,

 

the only thing I truly disagree with is presenting the jello as not only a special treat, but a prize to be earned by eating lunch.

 

:iagree:

[Katiebug_1976]

When my dc refuse to eat at meal time (unless there is a VERY good reason for it) then their plate is put in the refrigerator and they are not allowed to eat anything else (snacks other meals etc.) until it is finished. They will get hungry enough sooner or later. Hang in their and stick to your guns momma!:001_smile:

[Desert Strawberry]

I serve whatever I serve. They can eat it or not. If they don't want to eat, they can wait until the next meal/snack. We eat roughly 5 times a day. I don't count it against them if they refuse something (maybe they just aren't hungry at that time), but if they come to me half an hour later, asking for food, they are out of luck until it's time to eat again. Otherwise, certain children would eat certain foods all day long.

[sewingmama]

I have a child with SPD and she wouldn't touch any of what you offered for lunch and even if she was starving she wouldn't touch it again if offerred for snack or even for dinner - so I guess my answer is more lenient.

 

If they don't eat lunch then they don't get lunch - they can try again at the next regualar eating time which for you would be snack time. I wouldn't offer the jello but I wouldn't force the same food from lunch (but I would OFFER it in case he changed his mind). I would say "Since you didn't have a healthy lunch you can't have a treat now and you need to eat a healthy snack - and then let HIM choose it from something you offered - maybe fruit or a sandwich or something - the other kids can still have jello since they did eat their lunch.

 

5 is still young - they are still fickle - one day they like something - the next day they hate it. At my house if they don't want to eat what I made then I respect that choice - they can get themselves something else (healthy) or wait till the next meal.

 

I'm a fickle eater myself - I feel sick when something I don't want to eat is forced on me - so I don't do it to my kids either. However I don't go to any great lengths to get them individual meals either. It's eat this or get yourself something else (but I'm not going to get it for you).

Edited April 29, 2011 by sewingmama

[bbmom]

Yikes, some of the responses made me go back to re-read the OP because I was wondering if I missed something. It's not like she was considering force-feeding him the Sloppy Joe or considering withholding all food for the remainder of the day-the key here is that she knows the child likes Sloppy Joe's and usually has seconds, but he refused to eat them today for whatever reason-it's not like she served raw oysters and liver with brussels sprouts and okra and he wouldn't eat-it was something he likes! (Side note-did you know Jell-O is actually #10 in the list of the top 10 foods Americans hate? Sloppy Joe's didn't make the list.)

 

I think offering the lunch again at snack time with the opportunity to have the snack if he ate some lunch would have been totally fair. If he didn't want it at that point, then I would have offered a different option for food, but he would not have gotten the snack. I wouldn't withhold food, but if it something I know my kids like they need to eat it or wait for the next meal. If I don't know they like it, they have to try a bite and if they still don't like it after trying it I will make them something else.

[jujsky]

I voted "other." I have a picky eater. He will like something one day, not like it the next. It's frustrating! I will not let him have fun snacks until after he's eaten the next meal, but I will let him have a healthy snack (fruit or cheese) between meals. My goal is to get him to eat -- preferably to eat healthy foods -- so by allowing him to healthy snacks I'm at least getting decent stuff into him even if he isn't eating the meal I served.

[abacus2]

I am flexible with meals, at least right now, but if I weren't I would offer each meal or snack with a "take it or leave it" approach. I would offer what we have for lunch at lunch and what we have for snack at snack. I wouldn't keep offering lunch or not let a kid eat at snack time.

[Sherry in OH]

But he lost his privilege of a special snack (i.e. junk food). He refused to eat his lunch understanding the consequence. The outcome is very fair. He won't go without food & he also will not go without consequence. Everyone else will enjoy jello (a special treat which is not normally served), while he has to do without. He will get a sandwich instead.

 

Kudos OP. I think you are handling it very well.

Susan

 

That was my point.

 

Treats are served after meals. If you are not hungry enough to eat your meal (the child has eaten these foods in the past, remember?), you are not hungry enough to eat a treat. When you are hungry, your body is asking for food not treats.

 

Actually anyone foolish enough to feed my children jello, candy, or other sugar and red dye laden substances when those children do not have food in their stomachs to counter-act the effects would soon discover why I said they should not. Grandma now asks "have they had a good lunch?" before offering treats.

[susankenny]

That was my point.

 

Treats are served after meals. If you are not hungry enough to eat your meal (the child has eaten these foods in the past, remember?), you are not hungry enough to eat a treat. When you are hungry, your body is asking for food not treats.

 

Actually anyone foolish enough to feed my children jello, candy, or other sugar and red dye laden substances when those children do not have food in their stomachs to counter-act the effects would soon discover why I said they should not. Grandma now asks "have they had a good lunch?" before offering treats.

 

Did you even read the entire thread? He was NOT getting jello. He was going eat a bologna sandwich while the children ate their "special" snack that was not normally served. It was a treat, not a norm.

 

Susan

[susankenny]

From OP...

 

We don't normally have a scheduled snack, but carrots, celery, and apples are all available as snack options. The jello was made as a specific one-time treat, and it was noted to the kiddos when it was made that said treat was dependent on eating lunch....

 

What I would have done is offer him the sandwich when the other kids were having their treat. At dinner time, he would get the same meal as everyone else.

[EKS]

We just don't do snacks here, so the next opportunity for eating would be the next meal. However, if you schedule snacks, then I would consider them to be mini-meals, and the snack would then become the next meal. Therefore, I voted for giving the kid the snack. Unfortunately, the particular snack in question was more dessert-like than meal-like and if my kid behaved that way during meal time, he wouldn't be getting dessert.

[KristinaBreece]

We just don't do snacks here, so the next opportunity for eating would be the next meal. However, if you schedule snacks, then I would consider them to be mini-meals, and the snack would then become the next meal. Therefore, I voted for giving the kid the snack. Unfortunately, the particular snack in question was more dessert-like than meal-like and if my kid behaved that way during meal time, he wouldn't be getting dessert.

 

That's the way it was intended, and why I took the view that I did.

[Dmmetler]

If DD doesn't eat much or any lunch, I just feed her at the next time. We do have an afternoon snack, mostly because we eat dinner fairly late due to DH's work schedule and DD's dance schedule. Our afternoon snacks aren't a full meal, but are usually fairly balanced and reasonably good for her.

 

If a child were visiting my house, I'd do the same thing, except that I'd check with the parents on food preferences first (for example, my DD LOVES freeze-dried fruit as a snack item, but most of her friends won't even touch it).

[Dawn in OH]

If it was my own child that refused the lunch, he could go hungry. If snack was real food (cheese, crackers, grapes, etc.), he would be offered snack. If snack is a treat (cookies, jello), no snack because you didn't eat lunch.

 

If it's a child I'm babysitting, I would offer peanut butter and jelly in place of the prepared lunch. I would also talk to the parents and make a plan for future situations like this.

[RanchGirl]

It's fine for your children, but I think you should ask the parents what they want for their child.

 

I don't think you need an alternative, but I wouldn't be happy if my five year hadn't eaten anything all day.

 

:iagree:

For my own children, I don't expect them to eat all of a new food, but they do have to try it with a few bites and be respectful. Then they can eat the side dishes, or make a sandwich. When my younger son went through a picky phase, I did once save his refused dinner and give it to him for breakfast the next morning. That only had to happen once and he suddenly was willing to try new foods.

 

With a child for whom you are providing day care, I think you should ask the mother how she wants you to handle it. Does she want to send a lunch with him every day that includes his safe foods, or does she want you to only offer what you are feeding your children? Does she mind if he skips lunch and eats only the snacks? This should really be a conversation between the two of you.