Can anyone give info-public school K?

[lovinmyboys]

DH is not very into homeschooling and we agreed that this year would be a sort of trial run (PreK). I guess I didn't do too well, because today DH is saying that this year didn't work and DS needs to go to K next year. I really don't want him to.

 

One of my main concerns is that he is reading and doing math well, but I think everything else is pretty average-his handwriting definately looks like an almost 5yo boy. If I had thought he was going to PS next year I wouldn't have done as much in math (we did RS A and had fun), but the reading was mostly him. K here is 1/2 day. Will he get anything out of it? I am worried that I totally messed him up.

 

I don't know anything about PS kindy. It looks really fun in the books, but I am thinking that isn't reality. Is there a way to find out more about what goes on (I really don't want to be THAT mom as my first impression to the school).

 

Any help would be so appreciated. I am kinda stressed about it and having trouble thinking clearly.

Edited April 27, 2011 by lovinmyboys

[gardening momma]

If it's just the academic part that your dh isn't satisfied with, you might try having your son do the K level CAT-E test. You both might be surprised at how well he does (or not, since he has completed RS level A).

 

But if he's reading, doing math and writing a little bit, then it sounds to me that his pre-K year was successful. Maybe you need some way to assess it for your dh, rather than just what you/he ~thinks~ a pre-K-er should know at the end of the year.

 

As far as ps K, I'm sure it is fun, as long as there are no issues regarding bullying and behavior inappropriate for 5-6 yr olds.

[Mergath]

What were the reasons your dh gave for saying that it didn't go well?

Edited April 27, 2011 by Mergath

[lovinmyboys]

Dh isn't worried about the academics. He thinks the house will be cleaner (I say we will still have 3 boys age 5 and under living here) and I will have more time. I didn't spend much time on "school" this year-I just did things I would have mostly done anyway like reserve and pick up too many books at the library and prepare and clean up art activities. We did all the things moms of preschoolers do. Also, DS is on the sensitive side and for some reason DH thinks public school will toughen him up or something.

 

DH and I usually see things similarly, so this has really thrown me for a loop. I have not given up on homeschooling next year, but I thought to be fair I should maybe at least consider the public school.

[Crimson Wife]

If he's reading fluently, then he's in the top 1% of entering Kindergartners according to the National Center on Educational Statistics. Seriously! Only 2/3 know their alphabet and only 3/10 can identify the starting phoneme in a word (e.g. "cat" starts with "c"). It's on page 8 of this document.

 

A kid who can read fluently and has finished RS A is going to be super-bored in PS kindergarten because they'll be spending all year going over stuff he already knows. That's a recipe for trouble because young boys who are bored tend to act out, resulting in the school insisting on ADHD medication.

 

Many boys are not writing well at not-quite-5. That doesn't mean you screwed up HS pre-K. It sounds to me like you did a great job!

[littleWMN]

What K is going to be like is going to greatly vary by state and by district.

 

My state no longer has half-day K's. The K in our particular school is very academic and not very fun (IMO). I don't think it's very developmentally appropriate. The "centers" are all academic-based, there is one 15 minute recess per day, no nap, and no other "play time".

 

My youngest daughter is in public preK and I went and sat in on a K class.

I would definitely do that before you consider sending your child to school. Not saying it's bad or good, but that I'd want at the very least... a day of observation.

[Mergath]

Dh isn't worried about the academics. He thinks the house will be cleaner (I say we will still have 3 boys age 5 and under living here)

 

Good grief. If my dh ever says anything like that to me- and he has learned not to- I hand him a broom and a dirty look.

[Crimson Wife]

He thinks the house will be cleaner (I say we will still have 3 boys age 5 and under living here)

 

He's going to put his desire for a cleaner house over the education of your children? Study after study has shown that homeschooled kids vastly outperform kids who attend PS when it comes to academics and they even do better when it comes to showing more pro-social behavior and fewer problematic ones.

 

If he really cares that much about having a clean house, do what many of the HS families I know IRL do- hire a cleaning lady to come every 1-2 weeks.

[Mommy22alyns]

A kid who can read fluently and has finished RS A is going to be super-bored in PS kindergarten because they'll be spending all year going over stuff he already knows. That's a recipe for trouble because young boys who are bored tend to act out, resulting in the school insisting on ADHD medication.

 

Many boys are not writing well at not-quite-5. That doesn't mean you screwed up HS pre-K. It sounds to me like you did a great job!

 

 

:iagree::iagree: And... you won't necessarily have "more time" with a child in PS.

[Cera]

K is mainly fun in our school district. It is also half day and is a lot of hands on work and games for math/language arts. I am probably going to put my younger child in next year because I think she would really thrive with the attention and interaction with other kids (the classes are also small ~15 kids or so).

[lovinmyboys]

DH has been dropping hints about this all year, but I guess I thought he couldn't possibly be serious. Really, who wants a clean house more than a well educated child? But, Dh appearantly likes clean houses and thinks the ps will do a fine job educating. Maybe when I put it to him like that he will either give a better reason for dropping homeschooling or agree with me.

 

The thing is I don't really want to homeschool if I have to be really clean about it. I want the freedom to have a stacks of library books. I want to be able to leave a project out (in the basement) for a few days while we work on it. I want to be able to do RS math and keep all the materials on a shelf where they can be seen. I want to let the toddlers play near me while I school even if it means they bring buckets of toys in there. I want the toddlers to be able to participate in some things even if they can't do it exactly right and make a mess. I just don't feel like I can guarantee to DH that the house will stay clean all the time-which is pretty much what he said he wants if we homeschool (he does help clean and the house is clean (to my standards) every night before I go to bed BTW).

 

If public school K is like some of the books and Sid the Science Kid, I would be ok with DS going there and 1/2 day may not be so bad. I guess I should go observe before the school year ends so I can decide whether to really fight for homeschooling. I want our kids to grow up in a peaceful home, so I really don't want to homeschool while DH is adamently opposed to it (the rest of our relationship is just fine-which makes this so weird).

[Spy Car]

DH is not very into homeschooling and we agreed that this year would be a sort of trial run (PreK). I guess I didn't do too well, because today DH is saying that this year didn't work and DS needs to go to K next year. I really don't want him to.

 

One of my main concerns is that he is reading and doing math well, but I think everything else is pretty average-his handwriting definately looks like an almost 5yo boy. If I had thought he was going to PS next year I wouldn't have done as much in math (we did RS A and had fun), but the reading was mostly him. K here is 1/2 day. Will he get anything out of it? I am worried that I totally messed him up.

 

I don't know anything about PS kindy. It looks really fun in the books, but I am thinking that isn't reality. Is there a way to find out more about what goes on (I really don't want to be THAT mom as my first impression to the school).

 

Any help would be so appreciated. I am kinda stressed about it and having trouble thinking clearly.

 

I'm failing to understand how a child who is reading and enjoying a math program like RS had a Pre-k experience that "didn't work."

 

Disclaimer: My son went to PS kindergarten last year, and goes to First Grade now, so I'm not "anti-school" (or anti-homeschool either). It just sounds like you have had a success.

 

Were I you I would look at the Great Schools website and look up your local Elementary school and see what kind of ranking (on a 10-1) scale it gets. A 9 or 10 would be an A school, 8 a B, 7 a C, 6 a D, 5 an F, and 1-4 beyond failing.

 

While "imperfect" measures (they use standardized test results by state) you would at least have some idea of the situation at the local schools, and know if you should be reassured...or ready to fight a battle to keep them home.

 

Most schools also have tours. Call and see if it is not too late. Again it is an "imperfect" way to measure a school, but still one tends to get a pretty good sense of what you're dealing with.

 

Sounds to me like you have done very well for your son.

 

Bill

Edited April 27, 2011 by Spy Car

[kitten18]

Also, DS is on the sensitive side and for some reason DH thinks public school will toughen him up or something.

 

 

:crying: I don't think you will find this to be the case.

 

 

I think public K where I live is generally pretty fun and the kids learn a lot. It is also A LOT of work for the moms. All of my mom friends spend a ton of time volunteering at school, doing fundraisers, PTA stuff, etc. They also have homework after school and lots of projects.

[Crimson Wife]

If public school K is like some of the books and Sid the Science Kid, I would be ok with DS going there and 1/2 day may not be so bad. I guess I should go observe before the school year ends so I can decide whether to really fight for homeschooling.

 

Do go observe. If PS was really like Magic School Bus then I'd probably send my kids in a heartbeat. But in reality it's a lot of age-inappropriate sitting and filling out worksheets. It's not what I remember from the primary grades when my brothers and I were going through school. But you can thank NCLB and the state standards for that :glare:

[mom2scouts]

Also, DS is on the sensitive side and for some reason DH thinks public school will toughen him up or something.

 

 

I have a sensitive boy and public school didn't toughen him up at all. It did decrease his confidence and destroy his spirit.

[Dobela]

You have to work to an agreement with your dh. I taught preK, K, and middle school. I taught in the same district LittleWMN is in now. She is not exaggerating. By the end of K the kids were expected to be reading fluently over 250 words. The focus on academics was kind of scary. When my son was the age for K I realized he was going to be the youngest and probably the largest in his class and decided to keep him home. I was able to do with him a complete kindergarten boxed homeschool curriculum in about 3 hours a day. Way less than the 7-8 hours he would be in school. I provided a better meal, more actual social time with peers by joining a co-op, we went on a field trip almost every week, went to children's theater plays, and more. The local school never once took a field trip.

 

Yes, your house is messy. If one child went to school and 2 remain home, your house will not stay clean anyway.

[Rosie_0801]

"Let me know what day you've organised for the two of us to go tour the school and observe classes. Oh, and you'd better get your mum to watch the other kids because we can't take them."

 

I haven't run into this particular problem, but my hubby has to feel VERY strongly about something before he's willing to organise an appointment and take time off work for it. It reminds me of my mother telling me that if I didn't want to clean the bath to earn the money for a treat, I didn't really want the treat badly enough.

 

 

 

Rosie

[joannqn]

If he's reading fluently, then he's in the top 1% of entering Kindergartners according to the National Center on Educational Statistics. Seriously! Only 2/3 know their alphabet and only 3/10 can identify the starting phoneme in a word (e.g. "cat" starts with "c"). It's on page 8 of this document.

 

A kid who can read fluently and has finished RS A is going to be super-bored in PS kindergarten because they'll be spending all year going over stuff he already knows. That's a recipe for trouble because young boys who are bored tend to act out, resulting in the school insisting on ADHD medication.

 

:iagree:

 

This is exactly why I started homeschooling. My 2nd child was in the special ed preschool program, and we received the school newsletter which summarized what every grade was working on each month. There wasn't a single thing my then preK daughter didn't already know. The school refused all of my attempts for proper placement by academic needs, preferring to place her in kindy so she could learn nothing all year.

 

 

He's going to put his desire for a cleaner house over the education of your children? Study after study has shown that homeschooled kids vastly outperform kids who attend PS when it comes to academics and they even do better when it comes to showing more pro-social behavior and fewer problematic ones.

 

If he really cares that much about having a clean house, do what many of the HS families I know IRL do- hire a cleaning lady to come every 1-2 weeks.

 

:iagree:

 

Honestly, your home may be messier with a kid in school. You'll still have younger kids at home to care for. Add to that making lunch, shuttling the older one to and from school, homework, helping him deal with the sometimes unpleasant aspects of school, helping out in class (assuming you'll want to be involved), etc.

Edited April 27, 2011 by joannqn

[Starr]

Wait until you have to help out at school and the fund raisers and home work...

[Kirch]

DH has been dropping hints about this all year, but I guess I thought he couldn't possibly be serious. Really, who wants a clean house more than a well educated child? But, Dh appearantly likes clean houses and thinks the ps will do a fine job educating. Maybe when I put it to him like that he will either give a better reason for dropping homeschooling or agree with me.

 

The thing is I don't really want to homeschool if I have to be really clean about it. I want the freedom to have a stacks of library books. I want to be able to leave a project out (in the basement) for a few days while we work on it. I want to be able to do RS math and keep all the materials on a shelf where they can be seen. I want to let the toddlers play near me while I school even if it means they bring buckets of toys in there. I want the toddlers to be able to participate in some things even if they can't do it exactly right and make a mess. I just don't feel like I can guarantee to DH that the house will stay clean all the time-which is pretty much what he said he wants if we homeschool (he does help clean and the house is clean (to my standards) every night before I go to bed BTW).

 

If public school K is like some of the books and Sid the Science Kid, I would be ok with DS going there and 1/2 day may not be so bad. I guess I should go observe before the school year ends so I can decide whether to really fight for homeschooling. I want our kids to grow up in a peaceful home, so I really don't want to homeschool while DH is adamently opposed to it (the rest of our relationship is just fine-which makes this so weird).

 

Honestly, it sounds like you and your DH just really need to sit down and talk openly and honestly about both of your reasons for/against homeschooling and public schooling. It sounds like you're dancing around the issue rather than really hashing out the nitty-gritty details, reasons, and implications of either choice.

 

And frankly, an "always clean" house is pretty much out the window once kids arrive on the scene. Was it "always clean" before you started doing pre-k? Does he think that your younger ones will magically stop making messes (or that you'll be able to follow them with a rag, broom, and dustpan) once big brother goes to school? I'm seriously not trying to be snarky, but it really sounds like some unreasonable expectations here. Or maybe that's what he's grasping on to in order to give voice to more nebulous/nameless discomfort with homeschooling?

[elise1mds]

I would ask your DH to go with you to see the local school. Prepare a list of questions for the principal/teachers and don't be afraid to ask them. This is really the best time to go, because you'll get to see how the end-of-K/almost-1st-grade students are REALLY doing. Most schools around here will have a "kindergarten round-up" sometime in April or May to assess for kindergarten readiness, which is sounds like your DS would be fine with. Check out the older grades, too, because if you send your son to K, he's likely to want to go to first grade there, too, unless he has a particularly bad experience, and you'll want to know what to expect further down the line. Ask what fundraisers and other monetary supplies/donations you're expected to help with. Ask how field trips are handled and how/if volunteers are screened. Ask about homework load.

 

Honestly, I don't know that my home would be any cleaner if I had toddlers still at home, but if you're okay with the idea of DS heading to school, then it might be worth checking into. Just make sure that DH realizes what he's asking and that you can't guarantee anything! I know my DH thought that homeschooling would be "too overwhelming" for me when I first started. He's come a long way and I expect to bring DD home in a year or so. :)

[Giraffe]

"Let me know what day you've organised for the two of us to go tour the school and observe classes. Oh, and you'd better get your mum to watch the other kids because we can't take them."

 

I haven't run into this particular problem, but my hubby has to feel VERY strongly about something before he's willing to organise an appointment and take time off work for it. It reminds me of my mother telling me that if I didn't want to clean the bath to earn the money for a treat, I didn't really want the treat badly enough.

 

:iagree:

 

Rosie is so wise!

 

Seriously, though, find out what his REAL problem is, because it sounds like he's dancing around the subject. Is it a social stigma thing? Because the clean house thing sounds like a red herring. Is someone giving him grief, telling him things will be magical once the kids are in school?

Edited April 27, 2011 by Hopscotch67
can't spell at 5am

[MelanieM]

Well, one of the reasons I homeschool is so that our life has a more relaxed pace and so I'm not running around as much. I am dead certain that I would have *less* time for cleaning (or anything else) up the house if I had to shuttle kids around, deal with homework, volunteer at the school, etc. And judging by the houses of my very busy friends who send their kids to school, schooled kids make messes at home as well. They also like to do projects (hello science fair!), read library books, and all those other things you would like to see for them in your homeschool. So unless your schooled kids are going to be living entirely in their rooms when not in school, I think a more messy house is going to be a consequence of having kids, not of where they school. Maybe point that out to your husband and then ask him about what other issues he has with the idea.

[JennyD]

Honestly, it sounds like you and your DH just really need to sit down and talk openly and honestly about both of your reasons for/against homeschooling and public schooling. It sounds like you're dancing around the issue rather than really hashing out the nitty-gritty details, reasons, and implications of either choice.

 

And frankly, an "always clean" house is pretty much out the window once kids arrive on the scene. Was it "always clean" before you started doing pre-k? Does he think that your younger ones will magically stop making messes (or that you'll be able to follow them with a rag, broom, and dustpan) once big brother goes to school? I'm seriously not trying to be snarky, but it really sounds like some unreasonable expectations here. Or maybe that's what he's grasping on to in order to give voice to more nebulous/nameless discomfort with homeschooling?

 

:iagree: Great post.

[Joyofsixreboot]

He'll be bored to tears. His vocabulary will increase but not in ways you might want. He'll learn all kinds of things :glare: Here there is very little unstructured play time. All day kindy, 15 minutes of recess at lunch and 10 minutes about 2pm.

[Gobblygook]

My son is in ps K for many of the same reasons that you cited. My DH thinks that it's more important to have a clean house, and that the schools are fine. Mind you, he never actually attended a ps for more than one school year himself, but that's another story.

 

Our experience has been fairly positive, although my heart is to homeschool. I deliberately did not teach my son to read because I knew he'd be bored in school. He's doing very well in reading now, and is really enjoying school. He does have 27 kids in his class, and that bothers me a little, mainly because he says that it's hard to focus with so many distractions.

 

Even though I knew I'd have to put him in ps, I went into the process with a consumer mentality. At least here in MN, we have a choice as to where we send our kids. It does not have to be the ps down the street. In fact, I observed at several different schools and we chose a school that we are not zoned for.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I have a sensitive boy and public school didn't toughen him up at all. It did decrease his confidence and destroy his spirit.

 

Same here! My dh was of the same "Toughen Up" mentality, but that didn't happen. My son was miserable in K and 1st grade.

 

Oh, and the cleaner house comment would make me livid. Does he help with the cleaning?

[Dmichellekp]

I'm am a mom who started my children's academic life in PS. My oldest went to the 3rd grade before homeschooling. I am not anti school, but I do love my homeschooling and I will tell you why.

I found my life to be in constant chaos with school. In my district kindergarteners get homework. Alot of homework in my opinion. They only went 1/2 day but came home with at least 30-60 mins of homework a night. I was at the mercy of the school day. I fought with the kids constantly trying to get them to get up, get dressed, be on time, wheres your backpack, wheres your homework, what do you mean you cant find your shoes, great we missed the bus get in the car. Then all day if I'm cleaning, or doing errands, I'm watching the clock cause I'm going to miss that darn bus again. My house was never cleaned, cause I lived by a schedule I couldn't control.

If my kids had after school activities (soccer, baseball, music) then dinner, homework and bedtime routine were messed up. It was an endless fight and we only relaxed on vacations and weekends.

I hated that I gave up knowing what was best for my child as well. My kids had almost perfect attendance for 2 quarters. in 3rd quarter they got the H1N1 virus and I had to keep them out of school a week. I got a call from the principle telling me I was on the watch list for excessive absenteeism. I was livid. I wasn't going to send my kids to school sick or just getting over being sick so that they meet some quota. I was told what I could and couldn't pack in their lunches, and recess....forget it if they were not able to eat their lunch in the 15 mins provided. More than once my son missed recess cause he didn't have enough time to eat.

My son is on the sensitive side as well. He lacks self confidence (one of the main reasons I pulled him out initially). Lets face it, middle school and high school years are tough on any kid, but one who lacks self confidence because he is picked on or different in elementary school, is even harder. I wanted my son to gain self confidence in himself on his abilities without other kids telling him hes stupid or weird or have to live up to a standard a teacher has without knowing his strengths and weakness. this way he will have the confidence in himself to stand up to someone later in life when hes better able to handle that kind of criticism. And hes far from sheltered. he has neighbor kids and brothers who can be negative that he has to deal with, but at least I'm there to teach him the cooping skills.

 

I think you should compromise with DH. Set aside 2 hours a day for "school work" and 2-3 hours for household stuff so it all gets done equally, with the exception of one room that you can close the door and leave school supplies and books laying around as you want. But thats just me. I will say my house looks like a tornado went through it, but DH doesn't mind since his kids are well educated and he can still find clean underwear and his keys....lol

[NanceXToo]

That is a real shame that your husband is saying PRESCHOOL "didn't work." Didn't work? It's PRESCHOOL. It's supposed to be fun! Did he expect a lot more academics out of a 4 y/o? Why?! I would ask him to read the book "Better Late Than Early" by The Moores and "The Power Of Play" and maybe "Miseducation: Preschoolers at Risk" by David Elkind, as well. Oh and some of John Taylor Gatto's books about what the school system is really like.

 

As for Kindergarten- I hated it when my daughter went. I remembered MY Kindergarten days being so much fun, play and creativity based, and so on. Not today.

 

In Kindergarten they are already focusing on nothing but standardized testing. The five year olds have to sit at a desk and do deskwork all day long. In my daughter's school, they had "silent lunches" because they needed the kids to focus on eating, so they could hurry up and get out to their 15 lousy minutes of recess, so they could hurry back to their desks for more deskwork.

 

And my daughter was CONSTANTLY losing some or all of that 15 minutes of recess due to talking too much in the classroom.

 

And she'd bring home homework on top of it.

 

I am SO sorry I ever sent her. Did she learn things? Sure. Would it have mattered in the long run if those things took her an extra year or two or three to learn and she'd had more time to play, imagine, create, explore, pretend, go outside, be a kid, when she was only 5? NO.

 

It took me til toward the end of third grade to realize what a poor experience public school is these days, focusing on nothing but standardized testing (the results of which, around here, are pretty dismal- it seems the harder they try, the worse they do), not getting a very well-rounded education anymore due to budget cuts and having to focus on the test, hours and hours of deskwork and then homework that took more than an hour in 1st and 2nd grades really infringing on family and personal time, and so on.

 

If this is important to you, don't give up too easily. Insist that he read some of those books, insist that he read up on the benefits of homeschooling, and so on. But also just talk to him, about how important it is to you and so on. Maybe he will come around.

[Mom23Boys]

DH is not very into homeschooling and we agreed that this year would be a sort of trial run (PreK). I guess I didn't do too well, because today DH is saying that this year didn't work and DS needs to go to K next year. I really don't want him to.

 

One of my main concerns is that he is reading and doing math well, but I think everything else is pretty average-his handwriting definately looks like an almost 5yo boy. If I had thought he was going to PS next year I wouldn't have done as much in math (we did RS A and had fun), but the reading was mostly him. K here is 1/2 day. Will he get anything out of it? I am worried that I totally messed him up.

 

I don't know anything about PS kindy. It looks really fun in the books, but I am thinking that isn't reality. Is there a way to find out more about what goes on (I really don't want to be THAT mom as my first impression to the school).

 

Any help would be so appreciated. I am kinda stressed about it and having trouble thinking clearly.

I am a mom of 3 boys, at one point I had 3 age 4 and under. My house is a lot cleaner now after homeschooling for 2 years than before. But, it has nothing to do with where my kids go to school. It has everything to do with the fact they are 8, 7, and 4 now and can actively participate in keeping the house clean (being helpful and everything!)

 

It sounds like your year was a success academically. I really think if your DH's only reason to send your child to school is the house, then I think he may have his expectations of what you can do may be off kilter. Yes, as a SAHM, I consider keeping the house up as part of my job. But, being a mom comes 1st. And now school comes before cleaning as well. My house is still much cleaner because my kids have gotten older.

[Lolly]

I have found that when small I have more time when my children stayed home. (The house was cleaner too.) It took far more time to do the silly "homework" the school sent home than to homeschool. Honestly, it was easier to just do it myself.:D

[chiguirre]

"Let me know what day you've organised for the two of us to go tour the school and observe classes. Oh, and you'd better get your mum to watch the other kids because we can't take them."

 

Rosie

 

:iagree: This is the method that worked for me. I sent dh to an IEP meeting to duke it out with the school and try to get ds2 an appropriate placement. He came home a homeschooler.

[beaners]

It sounds like changing your husband's mind might not be an option yet, and you really need to know what to expect before you set foot in the school. You want to know what kinds of things you will be seeing so that your responses are coherent and organized instead of rambling and disjointed. Right?

 

Does the school have a website? The local schools here all have a website where the teachers can post newsletters and some photos. They're only sporadically updated, but you would be able to feel out whether the children are finger-painting and playing at sand and water tables or sitting at desks the whole day. I think school sites are fairly common these days, because the elementary school I attended also has one. If the school you are looking at doesn't have one, maybe a few other schools in the area do so that you can go in saying "School A focuses on XZY, but School B doesn't do any X. How does your educational policy put into practice compare to examples like that?"

 

I hope you can talk it out so that you and your husband are both content with the decision. Maybe this will make that talk a little easier?

[NittanyJen]

Zoiks! He wants the house cleaner, with 3 boys? Even if you ship one off to school for part of the day, the house won't be clean unless you pen up the other two, and pen up the oldest once he arrives home from school!

 

So . . . unless, as others have suggested, that isn't DH's real issue . . . he's headed for disappointment. 3 boys means very likely a less than magazine-ready house for a while, and that's just life.

 

**One lifesaver that we use, and that can be done with even 18-36 month olds: Right before Daddy comes home, or even twice a day-- once more right before lunch: Have a 15 minute clean-up time. It doesn't have to be perfect; but just set a timer for 15 minutes (or 5 or 10; whatever your kids' appropriate attention span is) and for that amount of time, all of your de-clutter as a family project. It's AMAZING what a difference is made when everyone pitches in once or twice daily, and if everyone does it at the same time, there's no "he didn't do his clean-up today!" Pillows get restacked, blankets get stuffed into the basket, books get placed back on shelves, scraps go into recycling or the art jar, pencils and crayons get policed up, stuffed animals go into their bin, etc. By age 4, someone can wipe off the kitchen table; by age 5 or 6, someone can sweep; by 7 or 8, someone can load a dishwasher; by age 8 or 9, someone can run a vacuum cleaner in the family or toy room. It all helps. Beyond the 15 minute clean-up everyone can put away their own folded clothes.

 

As far as the child being "sensitive" goes. . . going to school will NOT toughen him up. It will just make him a target for bullies, or a patsy for bullies (you know, the kid who will do anything the tough kid tells him to do, in hopes that it keeps him off the radar). Both are poor coping strategies, but survival strategies that little kids learn fast. Kids don't change their personalities just because they go to school, and his being "sensitive" is not something you are "doing" to him by keeping him home.

 

It may be that DH is just not up to speed on the whole idea of homeschooling itself yet.

 

Our older one went to public kindergaren already knowing how to read, spell, do a significant amount of arithmetic, etc. The PS kindergarten spent the year undoing pretty much all of that, to force him to do things "their way." ie, "Don't spell words correctly; spell things only the way that they sound." Within 2 weeks, he could no longer spell words he'd known for a year, because "My teacher says that's wrong; I have to spell it the way it sounds, not the way I was taught to spell it!" "I can't just add the numbers in my head; I have to add them on my fingers or by counting pennies!" "I can't just read the words, I have to slowly sound them out! It's wrong to just know the words!" The damage has taken an incredibly long time to undo.

 

I desperately wish I had been open-minded enough to yank him out and homeschool wayyyy back then-- a few years of heartache and lost opportunity would have been saved!

 

Good luck.

 

Jen

http://hillandalefarmschool.blogspot.com/

[GrayAlice]

Dh isn't worried about the academics. He thinks the house will be cleaner (I say we will still have 3 boys age 5 and under living here) and I will have more time. I didn't spend much time on "school" this year-I just did things I would have mostly done anyway like reserve and pick up too many books at the library and prepare and clean up art activities. We did all the things moms of preschoolers do. Also, DS is on the sensitive side and for some reason DH thinks public school will toughen him up or something.

 

DH and I usually see things similarly, so this has really thrown me for a loop. I have not given up on homeschooling next year, but I thought to be fair I should maybe at least consider the public school.

 

 

My husband sounds a lot like yours. He wants our daughter to go to ps kindergarten next year. Of course, unlike your husband, he made me send her to public school pre-k too. He thinks our kids will be completely social inept if they are homeschooled. Not to mention the fact that he openly ridicules me for believing that I can educate our children when I "couldn't even finish college".

 

I don't really have any advice except to hang in there and keep standing up for what you believe in (gently). Hugs and luck to you!

 

Kristen

[SailorMom]

I did 1/2 day K with both of mine - they had a great time. Didn't really get any "academics" out of it - but I wasn't expecting any, really :) It was more just fun with other kids.....

[EJCMom]

In all reality, if his main objection is that he feels that the house would be cleaner if your ds was in school (as annoying as that is), that's actually a pretty easy fix. Can you think of some ways to organize the chaos so that it isn't as obvious? To be honest, the homeschooling chaos gets to me more than it does my DH -- at least, he hasn't mentioned it bothering him other than to say that when we move to a bigger house one of the main requirements will be that it has to have a dedicated homeschooling room. :lol: But, in the meantime, I've gotten several entertainment center -type cabinets that have doors on them to contain our homeschooling stuff. That way, I can still have stacks of library books and projects-in-progress, but I can put them behind closed doors at the end of the day so that the dining room doesn't look cluttered. Would that be a possiblity? Could you brainstorm ways to solve the problem of homeschool clutter? As far as PS toughening kids up -- that wasn't my experience with my DD. She was always so sweet and outgoing before PS kindergarten. But after that year, she's withdrawn and shy around new kids. Most of her attempts to make friends failed, and let's face it, kids that age can just be mean. This way, she has her friends in the neighborhood and at Girl Scouts, but she isn't subjected to the daily barage of mean kids.

[m0mmaBuck]

I have a sensitive boy and public school didn't toughen him up at all. It did decrease his confidence and destroy his spirit.

 

That's what it did for my DS too...

 

Wait until you have to help out at school and the fund raisers and home work...

 

Never mind volunteering in the classroom several hours/wk.... but mind you, you may need to find a sitter for your other kids if the school system is such that their insurance won't cover your other kids on the premise.... That's what they expected of me here.

 

 

Honestly, if the clean house thing is the real issue, then figure out a way to address that. We do a "Flight of the Bumblebee"-style clean up when school is done, making sure the common areas of the house are tidy (i.e. toys and schoolwork put away, laundry folded and off the couch, living room vacuumed, bathroom and kitchen counters wiped down) so that it doesn't look like a tornado came through. I also have a rule that the kids need to put away one toy/project before pulling out another. I have an easily-accessible set of shelves where all of our school-related stuff lives when it's not in use and the kids are free to use things when they want but they know they need to put it away when they are done. Likewise, I have a special shelf on our bookshelves for library items. Find an organization/cleaning system that works for you.

 

If the issue is really HS'ing itself and the clean house is really just a red herring, that's a completely different story. If it truly is academics, have your son tested or pull up the expectations for his age and share them with your husband. If it's socialization, find other outlets for your kids (like play groups, homeschool groups, YMCA programs, and so on). If it's what he perceives as a lack of structure for DS's education, try a more "school at home" approach with some workbook-style curriculum here and there so you can let DS "show and tell" what he did each day until DH is a believer.

Edited April 27, 2011 by m0mmaBuck

[lovinmyboys]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I checked on great schools and the school got a 6 out of 10, which, I guess, isn't very good (although I am not sure how accurate the ranking is for the school because some schools that have bad reputations got a higher score than those with good reputations). Also, it is academic kindergarten. Even though I have done some academics with DS, I was much more interested in sending him to a more relaxed k.

`

DH called to apologize today, so I am pretty sure that means he is open to homeschooling. He also suggested we go out and discuss it and he already has a babysitter. It will give me a few days to collect my thoughts and do some research (and maybe come up with a compromise on the house-my 14month old is just so active I can't promise to keep the house clean all the time, but I have a feeling it will be much easier in a few months when dumping the contents of cabinets and climbing up on counters has lost its luster). I think DH would like the house to stay cleaner, but I also think it is just what he latched on to because he isn't comfortable with homeschooling in general and can't say exactly why.

[Mommy22alyns]

DH called to apologize today, so I am pretty sure that means he is open to homeschooling. He also suggested we go out and discuss it and he already has a babysitter. It will give me a few days to collect my thoughts and do some research (and maybe come up with a compromise on the house-my 14month old is just so active I can't promise to keep the house clean all the time, but I have a feeling it will be much easier in a few months when dumping the contents of cabinets and climbing up on counters has lost its luster). I think DH would like the house to stay cleaner, but I also think it is just what he latched on to because he isn't comfortable with homeschooling in general and can't say exactly why.

 

 

Sounds like good news! Hang in there and keep us updated. Good luck!

[Tarreymere]

You have three boys and a husband that doesn't sound like he helps out much with the housework, exactly how clean does he think the house is going to get no matter who goes to ps or who doesn't? Honestly, if my DH criticized my house I would go on strike and not clean AT ALL until he came to his senses.

 

In my area the K classes have about thirty students per class. They have some new kind of educational philosophy about independent work stations, so the kids are supposed to wander around the room independently and do a few activities at each station (like three really simple math problems). The teacher is supposed to move around and assist where she thinks she is needed. It is absolute chaos. My stepdaughter has had her daughter in this school for K and 1st, and since she is not interested in homeschool they have decided to send the daughter to private school in the fall.

 

To make things worse, this school district does not have learning support classes for kids with ADD or ADHD or even kids with ODD until third grade. These kids are mainstreamed in this chaotic environment. The dominant culture in the classroom is one of the lowest common denominator, so these kids glamorize drugs, sex, violence, and criminal activity. My seven year old granddaughter told her mom last year during school shopping that she wanted clothes to look 'sexy'. Ugh.

 

I'm sure there are decent public schools out there, but before you make a decision you really should take a tour or spend some time observing the classroom. What your husband thinks public school is like and what public school is really like may be very different.

[RanchGirl]

Good grief. If my dh ever says anything like that to me- and he has learned not to- I hand him a broom and a dirty look.

 

:iagree: there may be valid reasons to send a child to public school, but if 'house would be cleaner' is on the list, it indicates to me that the list is not well-thought. I would suggest he do some real research on the pros and cons of homeschooling vs. public school. If he's not willing to do the research, he doesn't get to be part of the decision. This is not a decision to make based on unspoken feelings.

 

Personally, my thinking with a sensitive child is give him another year or two at home, building confidence in social situations slowly but surely, and he may turn out to be a real leader instead of having his spirit crushed early and often. Not to mention being bored to tears since he can already read and most kids will be learning their letters still -- at least that's the case in our local K classes. Schools do vary though so you'll want to determine exactly what's happening in your local school before considering this a factor.

[bettyandbob]

You will not have more time if your ds goes to half day K. He'll be gone just long enough for you to get home in the car or walk from the bus stop and turn around and get him again. Only a man who does not haul kids around would think having to drop off and pick up one kid twice a day within a 3 hour window would give you more time.

 

I haven't read most of the comments, but your ds will get absolutely nothing out of K. Hopefully, classmates will not make fun of him for reading books without pictures (this happened to my ds in preK).

 

Cleaning. Get a cleaning service. Start your own cleaning schedule and make learning chores part of your homeschool. Go on a solo vacation and leave your dh at home with the boys for 2 weeks and see if he can keep anything clean.

[Kirch]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I checked on great schools and the school got a 6 out of 10, which, I guess, isn't very good (although I am not sure how accurate the ranking is for the school because some schools that have bad reputations got a higher score than those with good reputations). Also, it is academic kindergarten. Even though I have done some academics with DS, I was much more interested in sending him to a more relaxed k.

`

DH called to apologize today, so I am pretty sure that means he is open to homeschooling. He also suggested we go out and discuss it and he already has a babysitter. It will give me a few days to collect my thoughts and do some research (and maybe come up with a compromise on the house-my 14month old is just so active I can't promise to keep the house clean all the time, but I have a feeling it will be much easier in a few months when dumping the contents of cabinets and climbing up on counters has lost its luster). I think DH would like the house to stay cleaner, but I also think it is just what he latched on to because he isn't comfortable with homeschooling in general and can't say exactly why.

 

:thumbup: Sounds like you're headed in a good direction!

[Spy Car]

Thank you everyone for your replies. I checked on great schools and the school got a 6 out of 10, which, I guess, isn't very good (although I am not sure how accurate the ranking is for the school because some schools that have bad reputations got a higher score than those with good reputations). Also, it is academic kindergarten. Even though I have done some academics with DS, I was much more interested in sending him to a more relaxed k.

 

 

Any rating one must take with a grain of salt, but the schools around here get scores that match their reputations pretty well. A "6" does not inspire confidence.

 

It sounds like your husband is rethinking things. I hope you find the best situation for your family.

 

Bill

Edited April 28, 2011 by Spy Car

[NittanyJen]

Best of luck in coming up with a good solution. I'm so glad to hear that your husband is finally willing to talk it out; maybe he has found a way to articulate what he is really feeling.

 

Sometimes guys in particular need longer to come around to a "change in gears" in their way of thinking, and don't want to feel as if a decision has been forced upon them, too, particularly if they had one image of how life was going to look in their heads. This does not apply to all guys, naturally, but it can be a factor for some, according to my DH.

 

Best of luck to the two of you in navigating a path that works for you guys!

 

Jen

[Tarreymere]

Go on a solo vacation and leave your dh at home with the boys for 2 weeks and see if he can keep anything clean.

 

:lol: :iagree:

[lovinmyboys]

Ha! I did leave him home for one day while i went to a homeschool conference. I was gone before the boys woke up and came back after they were in bed. He did have the house clean, so he thinks it can be done all the time. I pointed out that if he came home from work after the boys were in bed, I would have the house clean too. Its mostly the boys being awake that causes the mess.

 

On the great schools website our local elementary school got a 6, but the middle school and high school it feeds into got a 10 and 9. I am not sure how the elementary one does so poorly, yet the other ones do so well (but there are several feeder schools). I actually don't know much about the schools here because we just moved here and I don't know many people with older kids. My idea of the ones with a good reputation may be really skewed based on my limited knowledge.

[Supertechmom]

Here's what I did when hubby went through this. I went to the school (babysitter for the kids at home so this cost us some money). I had the tour from the assistant principle, introduced to everyone, and taken for the grand review of the premises. very nice, very orderly, very quiet. I took notes of everything. How nice they were, overall dress of teachers and students, colors of the walls, things- displays- on the wall. Took Picts of the art displays in the hallways. (30 per class and all pretty much identical. I had to read the names to realize they were from different kids. Read the English papers in the kindy hall - copied some of them so dh could read the " creative spelling" and horrible sentence structure and the pass for handwriting.

 

I then asked the kindy schedule ( and wrote that down),- and it was detailed. They have snack at x time, recess at this time, lunch, art, writing, reading times. VERY structured as to when every little thing was done. I asked for samples of anything I hadn't seen to judge what " writing sentences" or " sequencing patterns of 6" meant in reality. I asked what the end of year goals were for kindy. I spoke with each teacher and asked how many of the adults were teachers and discovered that for kindy my schools share teachers and have room monitors. So the kids get a reading teacher and math teacher and everything else is written out for the monitors to implement and carry out. and just when her eyes were glazing over and the smile was plastered on, I then asked what she could do for my child. :lol:

 

I explained he's reading level ( chapter books going into kindy), his most recent math book, his writing/ spelling etc..... I asked about actual socialization (HA HA) time with other kids. and I wrote down her exact words - even asked her to repeat it so I could make sure I didn't misrepresent her words. with a few more questions and spot on interpretations I discovered that kindy would involve my son starting with colors,shapes, and patterning and then progress from there. If he was where I said in his skills then he would get to do more work to help keep his skills while still requiring the regular work to be done . and he would be excepted to sit still and wait quietly with no fidgeting during all the review times.

 

 

DH decided it was less work to put up with a less than perfect house than to deal with a bored 5 year old whirlwind who would either be in trouble all day or so bent on being good that he was a nightmare at home.

 

Find out what exactly the school does, how they except the kids to be, and then decide if that is what you want.

[Dobela]

Ha! I did leave him home for one day while i went to a homeschool conference. I was gone before the boys woke up and came back after they were in bed. He did have the house clean, so he thinks it can be done all the time. I pointed out that if he came home from work after the boys were in bed, I would have the house clean too. Its mostly the boys being awake that causes the mess.

 

On the great schools website our local elementary school got a 6, but the middle school and high school it feeds into got a 10 and 9. I am not sure how the elementary one does so poorly, yet the other ones do so well (but there are several feeder schools). I actually don't know much about the schools here because we just moved here and I don't know many people with older kids. My idea of the ones with a good reputation may be really skewed based on my limited knowledge.

My dh can keep the house clean if I am gone. Sometimes I think we should reverse roles - me work, him stay home LOL. But it is just a 1 time thing. While the house may be clean, dh is not trying to teach one, wash laundry, dishes, vacuum, keep the toddler out of the sink, plan meals and cook all at the same time. My dh plays with the kids as a group, takes them outside all day, or lets them watch TV all day after he feeds them take out and cereal. Then he just has a small amount to pick up at the end of the day.