3rd grade Rod and Staff descriptive writing para.

[2_girls_mommy]

Ok, I have seen much improvement in dd8's writing since the last paragraph I posted. This one is still w/help from me on putting in adjectives and adverbs, but I think she is starting to get it.

 

This is not a child who has had any trouble in any way with school and writing and reading. She even writes stories, letters, diaries and newspapers in her free time. She has trouble using descriptive language I am noticing. She likes the words like "pretty" and "fun" and wants to use them often.:) That is the place I want her to improve. What do you think?

 

Our backyard has lots of nature. The birds usually sing loudly. The short green trees softly sway. Sometimes bushy little squirrels dash into our backyard to find nuts. At night sometimes opposums slowly crawl across the telephone line.

 

[Ellie]

Understanding Writing encourages using more descriptive nouns and verbs than using more adjectives and adverbs. This is encouraged by spending time making lists of different nouns and verbs, by asking "What is another word for 'woman'?" "What is another word for 'walk'?"

 

So in your dd's sentences below (which are quite good for an 8yo, BTW), you could have a discussion about what verbs she could use, such as writing that the opossum tiptoes across the telephone line. (She used "dash" to describe the squirrels, and "sway" for the trees, which are good descriptive verbs; "softly" is optional.) Sometimes I say that the birds are shrieking in my backyard, lol, but they could be humming, performing, harmonizing, seranading...see?

[2_girls_mommy]

LOL, that is exactly what we did for each noun and verb and adjective in the whole paragraph. I personally would have liked another verb for "sing" or a better verb than "crawled." But she was adament about sing and crawled was an improvement from her first word, "walked." So I was very happy! She came up with dash all on her own. :) We have been using Rod and Staff which encourages better verbs and adjectives. I took an IEW workshop last year, and he is big on "dress-ups" including adding at least one adverb. I have shared my notes from that with her.

 

Her original note on the trees was along the lines of, There are trees. Then we discussed describing what they look like. Then we discussed giving them a better verb. And believe me for a very literal 8 yr old, finding something that trees do was not something that she immediately saw. I had to make her just look at them awhile.

 

Thanks for commenting!! I have just been bursting with pride on this all day, because it was not easy to get out of her! For a child who is so good with all things educational, descriptive writing does not come easily. I have even called dh at work to read it to him!

[Ellie]

I think she did a fine job, and you *should* be proud. :D

 

It takes many years to refine one's writing. She's just starting out. :001_smile:

[Capt_Uhura]

Yes wonderful job!

[BlsdMama]

She has trouble using descriptive language I am noticing. She likes the words like "pretty" and "fun" and wants to use them often.:) That is the place I want her to improve. What do you think?

 

Our backyard has lots of nature. The birds usually sing loudly. The short green trees softly sway. Sometimes bushy little squirrels dash into our backyard to find nuts. At night sometimes opposums slowly crawl across the telephone line.

 

 

 

 

If you want her to improve this, you might want to make a list of "banned" words a la IEW. Some children will use a few words repetitively. It may be more positive vs. negative for the two of you to make a list of "alternative" words together! Brainstorm and make large index cards as her own personal "thesaurus" for her commonly used fallback words such as pretty or fun.

 

IEW supplies a list of adverbs for their students to use. I copied my son's on bright yellow paper, three hole punched it, and we placed it in his binder. He'll get used to using them and it will eventually become automatic, but until then, his little sheet is a great help and encouragement to him.

 

I think this paragraph is great for a third grader! You should be proud and hurrah for her for enjoying writing! My personal opinion is that at this age if we can equip them with as many tools as possible to make them enthusiastic about writing, all the better!

[2_girls_mommy]

Thanks everyone. I guess we just keep up working together until this stuff starts to become natural. I like the list idea. I think I will do that.

 

Thanks!

[Kuovonne]

I think she did a fine job with this paragraph. The verbs she came up with are great, but I especially liked the phrases she used with them: "dashed into our backyard to find nuts," and "crawl across the telephone line." The paragraph leaves me wanting more. I want to find out more about the birds, squirrels, and opposums.

 

I noticed that all of the sentences have action verbs: has, sing, sway, dash, crawl. It's okay for a descriptive paragraph to have linking verbs: is, are, smells, looks like, resembles, sounds like, etc.

[Critterfixer]

Do opossums crawl slowly? Mine swing from the ropes like Tarzan.:001_smile:

[2_girls_mommy]

They actually do move slowly when they are going across a telephone line up in the sky!! Very funny to see.