I someone says they are "not Christian"

[Haiku]

I find that (around here, anyhow) to disclose what you are is perceived as an invitation to discuss religion. And around here "discussing" religion is a very slippery, quick slope into evangelizing.

 

:iagree:

 

Tara

[mytwomonkeys]

would you take that to mean that are athesist/agnostic/without faith/non-believer?

 

no, certainly not. and likewise, if someone says they are christian, i equally recognize that term is not black & white either.

Edited April 3, 2011 by mytwomonkeys

[SailorMom]

I have said "no" to being a Christian, explained that I was a Diest - but many many people have either assumed or heard "atheist" in there. I have nothing against atheists, but I'd love it if they would at least hear me beyond the "no" if they are going to bother asking.

[mytwomonkeys]

I apologize if I have unintentionally insulted anyone.

 

We are a Shinto/Zen Buddhist family. My husband and I disagree on proper wording when someone asks about our faith. He will say we are "not Christian". I always say that we are Buddhist.

 

IMO "Not Christian" implies a lack of faith, and does not clearly express that we do HAVE a faith, just not the majority one.

 

FTR, the question is almost always "Are you Christian?" (or some variant) to which he says simply "No" and I say "No, we are Buddhist."

 

A common variation is "where do you go to church" or "What church do you go to" or something along those lines. My husband will reply that we do not attend church. I will reply that we worship (practice is a more proper word) at home.

 

 

I find that we get VERY different responses, depending on our wording.

 

My intention in starting this thread is only to get a bit of perspective on a common topic of discussion in our home.

 

imo, i would just say what you are, instead of what you are not. if my faith were to come up & someone asked me a specific question, i'd just say, "no, we're xyz". ykwim? it can honestly serve as a great filter for you, as it can weed out people that aren't like-minded or accepting of who you are.

Edited April 3, 2011 by mytwomonkeys

[iwjeanie]

Nope

[SailorMom]

, i'd just say, "no, we're xyz". ykwim? it can honestly serve as a great filter for you, as it can weed out people that aren't like-minded or accepting of who you are.

 

 

What I find, though, is that I'll say, "No, I'm a diest," that quickly and they still won't hear me. I agree about the "weeding out" of people ;)

[mytwomonkeys]

What I find, though, is that I'll say, "No, I'm a diest," that quickly and they still won't hear me. I agree about the "weeding out" of people ;)

 

yea, that is tough because "deist" isn't one of the more common answers, so i can see how the other person may only hear "athiest".... and then if you give too much of an explanation to make sure you are actually understood, you'll be opening up a religious dialogue & IME that is like the worst conversation to have ever, lol. especially when meeting new people... but that's why it can serve as a good filter because their reaction will tell you pretty quickly what kind of friend they might be.

[mcconnellboys]

Either that or of another religion other than Christianity.....

[Night Elf]

Here's a thought. If you want all these Christians or whoever they are to stop insulting the rest of us, you have to allow them to ask their questions.

and

Quite so, but you know there is a rule about not opening threads you know you will find insulting, don't you?

 

:lol: No, I don't think it's a rule really. And just to be on the safe side, I did check before I posted. Just because you didn't find her question insulting doesn't mean I am wrong in finding it so. This is a new person to our board. Threads DO come in cycles. Lots of people here know that but many may not. It was worth saying.

[Night Elf]

My intention in starting this thread is only to get a bit of perspective on a common topic of discussion in our home.

 

Ah! The explanation makes a great deal more sense to me than just throwing out a random question. FWIW, in my neck of the woods, Christianity is assumed. Someone would have to be outspoken enough to announce their faith is something else, should the occasion ever arise.

 

I like the answers that have you state your faith. But at that point, if I didn't like the way the conversation was going, I would stop it and either change the subject or walk away.

 

Then again, my family is supposedly demonic in nature and our house is the demon pit of hell. That's according to one Christian family we know. Um, yeah.

[momof165]

I'd never assume that Non-Christian means non-believer. However, personally, I do never answer the question what religion I belong to or whether or not I am Christian -just as I never answer the question what political party I favor. I keep my mom's advice and never discuss religion and/or politics with others. I do ask people whether or not my answer will make a difference in their perception of me. And then I quote my grandpa who used to say: "I believe that 2 pounds of meat make a great stew.". I know this answer will ruffle some feathers and I know that a lot of people will not agree with this answer. BUT it does (at times) make people chuckle and they come to realize what I mean.

 

Hopefully, no one will throw tomatoes at me after this response (even though I do love them:D)

[Rosie_0801]

Just because you didn't find her question insulting doesn't mean I am wrong in finding it so.

 

Of course not. But I was not griping at you about that.

 

This is a new person to our board. Threads DO come in cycles. Lots of people here know that but many may not. It was worth saying.

 

That part of your post was useful, yes. Thank goodness they cycle, I say. Can you imagine? The pain! :lol:

 

Rosie

[lionfamily1999]

I would take it to mean that they are . not . a . Christian.

:iagree:

I apologize if I have unintentionally insulted anyone.

 

We are a Shinto/Zen Buddhist family. My husband and I disagree on proper wording when someone asks about our faith. He will say we are "not Christian". I always say that we are Buddhist.

 

IMO "Not Christian" implies a lack of faith, and does not clearly express that we do HAVE a faith, just not the majority one.

 

FTR, the question is almost always "Are you Christian?" (or some variant) to which he says simply "No" and I say "No, we are Buddhist."

 

A common variation is "where do you go to church" or "What church do you go to" or something along those lines. My husband will reply that we do not attend church. I will reply that we worship (practice is a more proper word) at home.

 

 

I find that we get VERY different responses, depending on our wording.

 

My intention in starting this thread is only to get a bit of perspective on a common topic of discussion in our home.

I wonder why he doesn't say what you are. That's interesting, is it because he feels your not being Christian is the answer the person is looking for? In other words, no one cares what you are if you are not Christian?

 

I could see why you would get different responses. One answer, what you're not, almost seems hostile (no offense). If it were a race question, for instance, and you answered "We are not -----" then people would assume you dislike that particular race strongly enough to identify yourself as specifically not them. Religiously it feels, imo, the same. Almost as though he is saying, our religious does not matter as long as you know we are not those people. Your response, "We're Buddhist" just seems open.

 

:shrug:

 

It could just be me though ;)

[KidsHappen]

I guess I was raised that its something intensely personal.

 

I was not raised this way but I do feel this way and I feel the same way about someone asking me about my religion as I would about someone asking me about my sex life. That does mean that I don't ever discuss either with anyone but I will be affronted if a total stranger came up and ask me about either.

[Desert Strawberry]

:iagree:

 

I wonder why he doesn't say what you are. That's interesting, is it because he feels your not being Christian is the answer the person is looking for? In other words, no one cares what you are if you are not Christian?

 

I could see why you would get different responses. One answer, what you're not, almost seems hostile (no offense). If it were a race question, for instance, and you answered "We are not -----" then people would assume you dislike that particular race strongly enough to identify yourself as specifically not them. Religiously it feels, imo, the same. Almost as though he is saying, our religious does not matter as long as you know we are not those people. Your response, "We're Buddhist" just seems open.

 

:shrug:

 

It could just be me though ;)

 

I'm going to make one response to a lot of posts, all at once. I hope ya'll can follow me :)

 

We live in the Bible Belt. Unless you are one of the very few Asians around town (and we are not), you are most likely Catholic, Pentacostal or Baptist. If you are not one of these, you are considered an unbeliever.

 

My husband does not like to discuss his religion because he finds it personal, and the question is NEVER asked "What is your faith?" It is always asked from a Christian perspective. Always. He finds it adequate (or believes it should be adequate) to answer the question on it's face.

 

Social life-including educational choices-are intrinsically faith-based. Whenever our family, life-style, parenting, children, etc, is a topic of discussion (and it often is, because we are extremely home and family oriented), our faith ALWAYS comes into question.

 

When we give the "not Christian" answer, we find ourselves being evangelized. Pretty much always. And, because we live the way we do, the listener is often quite shocked to hear it. It's more of a "How can you NOT be Christian (or have a faith, if the answer were more complete) and still live this way?" IMO, the message is confused, because we do have faith and conviction and it shows. To deny our faith by omission, is, IMO somewhat dishonest.

 

D does not like to discuss his faith because it is 1) personal and no one's business, 2) not as strong as it could be and has once been, 3) highly unlikely to be understood or accepted. We are a rather unusual (here) and complicated mix and he has no interest in evangelizing, explaining, apologizing for, educating the masses, etc in our faith and his personal journey to it.

 

I was raised Deist in an extremely culturally diverse area. There really was very little discussion of religion. D was raised Catholic here, in small town Louisiana, as I've described it above. I don't think my in-laws know still that we are Buddhist and raising the kids as such. If they do, they don't discuss it with us. It's a bit of a nontopic. We don't go to Mass, and that's all that matters.

[annandatje]

would you take that to mean that are athesist/agnostic/without faith/non-believer?

 

 

No, I would take it literally.

[eternalknot]

We live in the Bible Belt. Unless you are one of the very few Asians around town (and we are not), you are most likely Catholic, Pentacostal or Baptist. If you are not one of these, you are considered an unbeliever.

 

When we give the "not Christian" answer, we find ourselves being evangelized. Pretty much always.

 

We are a rather unusual (here) and complicated mix and he has no interest in evangelizing, explaining, apologizing for, educating the masses, etc in our faith and his personal journey to it.

 

 

 

I'm am Asian, Buddhist, living in the Bible Belt. Glad there is at least one other family out there that's just like mine :D.

[nono]

I have said "no" to being a Christian, explained that I was a Diest - but many many people have either assumed or heard "atheist" in there.

 

Well, you could try answering Taoist for awhile then. You get to give a 10 minute dissertation...(I'm not; my dh is). :tongue_smilie:

[Truscifi]

No. It's definitely not what I mean when I say it.

 

I understand where your dh is coming from. I am often asked about my faith from a Christian perspective (assuming I am one, just asking what denomination). I am occasionally in the mood to explain, and do so, but most of the time I don't want to offer a lengthy explanation so I just say I'm not Christian. Usually at that point they don't want to hear anymore anyway, because clearly I'm not "the right type of person" for them or their children to spend time with.

 

ETA: I know not all Christians have this response, and I have many Christian friends who don't care in the least what my religious views are. This viewpoint is however very common in the local homeschooling community.

[Crissy]

I would not try to guess or assume their faith.

[lionfamily1999]

I'm going to make one response to a lot of posts, all at once. I hope ya'll can follow me :)

 

We live in the Bible Belt. Unless you are one of the very few Asians around town (and we are not), you are most likely Catholic, Pentacostal or Baptist. If you are not one of these, you are considered an unbeliever.

 

My husband does not like to discuss his religion because he finds it personal, and the question is NEVER asked "What is your faith?" It is always asked from a Christian perspective. Always. He finds it adequate (or believes it should be adequate) to answer the question on it's face.

 

Social life-including educational choices-are intrinsically faith-based. Whenever our family, life-style, parenting, children, etc, is a topic of discussion (and it often is, because we are extremely home and family oriented), our faith ALWAYS comes into question.

 

When we give the "not Christian" answer, we find ourselves being evangelized. Pretty much always. And, because we live the way we do, the listener is often quite shocked to hear it. It's more of a "How can you NOT be Christian (or have a faith, if the answer were more complete) and still live this way?" IMO, the message is confused, because we do have faith and conviction and it shows. To deny our faith by omission, is, IMO somewhat dishonest.

 

D does not like to discuss his faith because it is 1) personal and no one's business, 2) not as strong as it could be and has once been, 3) highly unlikely to be understood or accepted. We are a rather unusual (here) and complicated mix and he has no interest in evangelizing, explaining, apologizing for, educating the masses, etc in our faith and his personal journey to it.

 

I was raised Deist in an extremely culturally diverse area. There really was very little discussion of religion. D was raised Catholic here, in small town Louisiana, as I've described it above. I don't think my in-laws know still that we are Buddhist and raising the kids as such. If they do, they don't discuss it with us. It's a bit of a nontopic. We don't go to Mass, and that's all that matters.

Okay, so the question is "Are you a Christian" not "Are you religious?" His answer makes more sense then.

 

Thanks for answering, I was curious :D

[Lovedtodeath]

D does not like to discuss his faith because it is 1) personal and no one's business, 2) not as strong as it could be and has once been, 3) highly unlikely to be understood or accepted. We are a rather unusual (here) and complicated mix and he has no interest in evangelizing, explaining, apologizing for, educating the masses, etc in our faith and his personal journey to it.

I have been there exactly. I think that his feelings and reactions based on those feelings are perfectly understandable.

[Desert Strawberry]

Okay, so the question is "Are you a Christian" not "Are you religious?" His answer makes more sense then.

 

Thanks for answering, I was curious :D

 

 

I already posted a "religious" thread and got some very surprising answers. I have one more question I've been mulling about, but I need to think about it a little more before I ask.

[Desert Strawberry]

I have been there exactly. I think that his feelings and reactions based on those feelings are perfectly understandable.

 

I do undestand why he feels this way. I wish I could offer him a better option. But unfortunately, once the convo turns in this direction, there really doesn't seem to be a way out without either hearing why we need to find a church, or opening ourselves up to explaining our faith.

 

Most frequently, when I get an invite to church (which happens a lot, because I am super awesome and everyone wants me :D) and tell the asker that I am Buddhist, I get "Oh, THAT doesn't matter," as a response. :001_huh:Mmmm, it matters to me.

[lionfamily1999]

I already posted a "religious" thread and got some very surprising answers. I have one more question I've been mulling about, but I need to think about it a little more before I ask.

I saw and posted in that one too. There are so many religions that I couldn't imagine someone assuming that any one religion represents them all.

 

You may want to just ask your question in here (if you haven't posted already). Your questions (without knowing your motive) almost seem like bait. I know that's not your intention, but that's how they keep coming across ;)

[Desert Strawberry]

I saw and posted in that one too. There are so many religions that I couldn't imagine someone assuming that any one religion represents them all.

 

You may want to just ask your question in here (if you haven't posted already). Your questions (without knowing your motive) almost seem like bait. I know that's not your intention, but that's how they keep coming across ;)

 

Thank you for pointing this out. I was coming to that conclusion myself. I don't mean them that way. I just like to get honest answers without influencing respondants with my own experiences. But I'm finding that's maybe not the best way to post here.