I survived my own adolescence, but...

[Sue G in PA]

I am NOT going to survive dd14's! :001_huh: Everything is a crisis, a tragedy, the end of the world, etc. Talk about making mountains out of molehills. I try to understand. I try to sympathize. I listen. I do not judge. I offer advice. I'm there for her in a way my mother never was for me. I engage in the mess instead of ignoring it or withrawing like my own mother did. And yet, I hear my voice coming out of my daughter's mouth saying things like, "You don't understand anything!", "You don't know me at all!" "You don't even try to understand!", "You never have time for me so how could you know me!" :001_huh: Ummm...really? Wow, 'cause last time I checked I was with you 24/7 and we go out together at least once a week if not more, etc. Please tell me this is going to get better b/c if not, I'm going to need to take out a second mortgage for my therapy bill. :glare:

[kchara]

No advice, just :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Mine's 9. She's not going to make it to 14. The girl actually started crying yesterday because we stopped using R&S. 2 years ago. Because she refused to do her school anymore with it. :banghead::svengo::glare: I'm dreading when she actually starts getting PMS. It's worth more :grouphug:

[wapiti]

Believe it or not, y'all are starting to make me feel better. I was beginning to think we might need to consult a mental health professional. :tongue_smilie:

[fairfarmhand]

I am NOT going to survive dd14's! :001_huh: Everything is a crisis, a tragedy, the end of the world, etc. Talk about making mountains out of molehills. I try to understand. I try to sympathize. I listen. I do not judge. I offer advice. I'm there for her in a way my mother never was for me. I engage in the mess instead of ignoring it or withrawing like my own mother did. And yet, I hear my voice coming out of my daughter's mouth saying things like, "You don't understand anything!", "You don't know me at all!" "You don't even try to understand!", "You never have time for me so how could you know me!" :001_huh: Ummm...really? Wow, 'cause last time I checked I was with you 24/7 and we go out together at least once a week if not more, etc. Please tell me this is going to get better b/c if not, I'm going to need to take out a second mortgage for my therapy bill. :glare:

 

 

yep. mine is 13. What in the world? I just don't get it either!

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I don't have a girl. I just have boys. So....ymmv.

 

I was a girl, so does that count?

 

Anyways, I just don't see what is so bad about ignoring and disengaging when the teen is treating molehills as mountains. I think there is value in helping a teen find perspective. Some mountains are molehills and that perspective needs to be understood. You are not a bad parent if you resort to ignoring and disengaging when a child is clearly caught up in an emotional frenzy over a clearly identified molehill. However, some mountains ARE mountains and a teen needs to learn how to recognize them and deal with them - again, without all the drama of an emotional frenzy. Can anyone really attack a problem in the midst of a frenzy? Taking a deep breath is a good first step.

 

Mountains and molehills exist. I think our job as parents is to teach our children how to navigate them. Not to carry our children over them.

 

Just my .02

K

Edited March 30, 2011 by NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too

[goldberry]

:001_huh: Ummm...really? Wow, 'cause last time I checked I was with you 24/7 and we go out together at least once a week if not more, etc. :glare:

 

This is what kills me as well with DD12!

 

She makes comments like, "We never spend any time as a family!" What??? "We never do anything together?" What??? Does she have no idea how other families actually live? We go out of our way to be involved, spending time together, etc, etc. And yet, SHE STILL SAYS THE SAME THINGS.

 

Feeling your pain...

[OLG]

:grouphug: This too shall pass! Just don't engage when these illogical moods overcome her. These teen years are so hard - like the terrible twos?!

[Sue G in PA]

Let me clarify...I don't try to engage in the midst of the "meltdown". That is futile. :D I mean, when she has calmed down. In the past, this has really helped. A hug, holding her, a simple, "I'm sorry you are feeling this way", etc. Nowadays, it's just met w/ more drama. :glare: Ah well...thanks for the sympathy/empathy. Yes, it shall pass. FWIW...my oldest boy is heading into the teen years in a couple months. He doesn't have the hormonal meltdowns...just the "know it all", defiant, aggressive, major attitude junk. Not sure which I loathe more. :glare:

[Peela]

Its my son that has the meltdowns- dd is not very emotional and has a saint like patience with everyone. Ds has always been sooo emotional- yesterday he got sooooo upset that we bought the wrong snake food for his snake, it was a catastrophe- but an hour later he was fine because apparently we did know what we were doing after all and the snake can eat small rats now. This morning it was the end of the world because we wouldnt drive him to school- even though it s a beautiful sunny day and its a 15 minute bike ride, and we drove him an picked him up yesterday- because after all, we don't have a life, do we?

But he has always been like this so its not really a teenage thing. I am glad I don't have to put up with it with my girl- she seems to have just skipped the drama gene (thats good because the rest of us all have it).