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My 10 y.o reluctant writer


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We've "loosely" used IEW's 3-word outline for summaries. He read a short passage, did the 3-word key outline and this was his version. I'm trying to stress using good verbs and nouns instead of fancy dress-ups but we still have a ways to go. Any comments?

 

Skunks are known for their bad smell. They are very beautiful animals. Their fur is a shiny black color. White stripes run down their back. Their tails are black and white. Black fur is on the top of their tail and white fur is on the bottom.

 

They are as big as cats and make good pets. First, you have to get them fixed so they won't spray in your face. Their spray is unbearable to smell. They use their spray for self defense. Their smell stays for days and days on end.

 

The skunks home is in a hole in the tree. They are friends to farmers and ranchers. They eat mice, bugs and other things which kill plants.

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I'm not famililar w/ IEW's key word outline. Do the paragraphs contain the same information as the passage this is from? Meaning, did the original passage contain 3 paragraphs?

 

Yes. You are suppose to pull out 3 key words/sentence. Then rewrite the passage using only you keyword outline. You are allowed to add some information but he sticks to the bare minimum. :glare: This particular passage had 3 short paragraphs. Obviously it could have been rolled into one very easily. It's not my favorite program but it is helping him come up with a narrative.

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Would it be too much for you to type up the passage this came from? Would it violate copyright? It's hard to judge what he's written w/out the passage. It seems to jump around but if the text was written that way, then he did what he was supposed to do. For example, after "Skunks are known for their bad smell," I was expecting more sentences about bad smell. Perhaps the sentences from paragraph 2 should go w/ that sentence. However, if he is following the order of the passage, then my assessment would be incorrect.

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The passage came from my friends' IEW manual so hopefully it's ok to reproduce. I'm intentionally using easy passages to try and build up his confidence.

 

Skunks are known for their bad smell or scent. But they are pretty little animals. Their fur is black and shiny. They have white stripes on their backs. Their bushy tails are black and white too. They are black on top and white on the underside.

 

Skunks are as big as cats and make good pets. But first, they must be fixed so they cannot spray their scent. For, when they are afraid, skunks shoot out a very bad-smelling spray. this is how they keep their enemies away. The smell stays for days and days.

 

The skunk often makes its home in a hole in a tree. It is more of a friend than an enemy to the farmer. It eats bugs and nice which hurt growing things.

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It's disjointed because the orignial is disjointed.

 

:iagree:

The assignment (rewriting this IEW passage from a keyword outline) doesn't give the student much to work with in terms of content or structure.

 

I'm trying to stress using good verbs and nouns instead of fancy dress-ups but we still have a ways to go.

 

I think stressing strong verbs and nouns is too much for this assignment.

It is hard to use strong verbs and nouns unless you know your subject well. If you son's knowledge of skunks is limited to what is provided in the original passage, how is he to come up with other more descriptive words? The original itself uses wimpy vocabulary. Plus, due to the nature of the assignment (writing from a keyword outline) his ability to pick different words is somewhat limited.

 

Even give the above limitations, you son has managed to improve some phrases. Compare:

They have white stripes on their backs. (original)

White stripes run down their back. (your son's rewrite)

 

a very bad-smelling spray (original)

unbearable to smell. (your son's rewrite)

 

Based on how you've described this exercise, it is fine for practicing the mechanics of writing (capitalization, spelling, complete sentences, etc.), but not much else. If you typed the assignment exactly as he wrote it, he is doing fine in these areas. He missed an apostrophe (skunks home), but that is a small error that can be caught with careful editing after the bulk of the writing effort is done.

 

If you really want to work on strong verbs and nouns, have him write about something that he is intimately familiar with and passionate about.

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:iagree:

 

If you really want to work on strong verbs and nouns, have him write about something that he is intimately familiar with and passionate about.

 

Hmmm...he's not passionate about much except hockey right now. I'll have to work on that. Like I've said, I'm trying to work on his narrative summary skills while boosting up his confidence at the same time. So many writing programs ask kids to do these creative exercises and it drives me crazy.

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Hmmm...he's not passionate about much except hockey right now. I'll have to work on that. Like I've said, I'm trying to work on his narrative summary skills while boosting up his confidence at the same time. So many writing programs ask kids to do these creative exercises and it drives me crazy.

 

How about having him write a narrative summary of his most memorable hockey game, sort of like a sports reporter? He would have to decide which details of the game were important. He could come up with vocabulary to match the action of the game. Describing the rink, players, and equipment would certainly be more compelling than trying to recreate the IEW skunk.

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I agree ... the passage is disjointed. I'm not familiar w/ IEW. But I would outline good writing so that DC sees proper paragraph structure ie pick out the main idea of the paragraph and then supporting details. That passage does not lend itself to that.

 

W/in the guidelines of the assignment and the passage given, he did very well.

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I think part of the problem you are seeing is that you are still at the very beginning of the program. That source text appears to be one from the first few lessons. I felt the same way at the beginning of the program. It gets better as you go on and add more of the dress ups, sentence openers, etc,

 

Soon, you'll get to the lessons on topic sentences and clinchers. Then you'll have more complete paragraphs. You'll get into strong verbs, quality adjectives, and banned words which will improve word choice. As you go, you'll add more dress-ups which will improve the writing and make it more their own. Sentence openers will help vary the sentence structure and make it feel more connected since those beginning adverbial clauses often act as great transition words. The source texts also get better further into the program. Eventually, you graduate into library books and fused outlines.

 

Keep with it. Ignore everything you feel is wrong with the writing and only grade for the required elements. The rest will come as the program advances.

 

If you want to see a sample of writing using IEW's later lessons on topic sentences, dress ups, sentence openers, etc., you can see my son's most recent assignment at my blog. Your skunk example is very much how he started almost two years ago.

Edited by joannqn
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  • 3 weeks later...
I think part of the problem you are seeing is that you are still at the very beginning of the program. That source text appears to be one from the first few lessons.

 

I'm so glad you added that. Yes, it's true. The beginning of IEW starts very simple! It's meant to take the writing process, which can be very overwhelming for a reluctant writer, and simplify it into steps so it is less intimidating. He did exactly what he should have done, essentially reconstructing the sentences.

 

The first goal of IEW is like playing with wooden blocks. There is a tower before you, now deconstruct it into separate blocks, then rebuild. Soon, after he understands how to pull out the most important parts of a story, and he's practiced the "rebuilding" process a bit, he'll begin to add his words, beyond the original story. Baby steps at first! ;)

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