What do you do on the bad days?

[nrself]

I'm looking for ideas on how to respond when you have one of those days when you're ready to drag your kids down to the local ps? ;)

 

When they cry? When they say they're not going to do school? When they fight? When they start playing around while you're reading? etc.

 

Thanks!

Nicole

 

 

 

[mrs.m]

I pray! A lot!

 

I would want to understand what they are crying about. Often it's frustration which means that we need to back off or just take a break. I have one child who is pretty sensitive and sometimes he just has to push through the tears. He doesn't like it if the work is "hard" even if he's capable. At that point I distance myself after encouraging him and let him work it out on his own. Is that what you mean?

 

Fortunately my kids know that if they get their work finished, they get to go play. 4:00 is screen time but only if they finished their work, chores, and reading. I don't think they would ever tell me they aren't going to do school. I can't think of one time that they tried that. Sometimes they'll ask the day or weekend before and I do consider it. But they know they get Friday off if they finish what we have planned for the week.

 

I deal with the fighting and horsing around on an individual basis. Sometimes they really need a break and need to move for a bit especially the boys! But disrespect is never tolerated and often results in time out or extra chores. And even cancelation of play dates.

[Hunter]

Do you follow a faith? Do you start the day out with scripture reading, calendar/current events, and singing?

 

Is breakfast whole grains, protein, milk and vegies/fruit?

 

Have they completed a chore or physical exercise, or at least a walk before starting lessons?

 

Do you flip flop short skills classes needing a high amount of concentration, with more passive and easier ones? Pacing is critical. On a dark dreary day requiring everyone stop and just do 10 jumping jacks really helps. Even better schedulae in a quick physical lesson if you are that organized.

[BBarnes]

We have plenty of those days. :lol:

 

Stopping what were doing and taking a time out usually works for us. I send my ds to his room or somewhere that he can be alone. No TV, no games, nothing just him with alone with time to unwind. I tell him to come back when he's ready to work. When he's decided he's ready the rest of the day usually goes good.

[TXMary2]

When my 7 yo ds has a meltdown I sit him down at the bottom of our steps and he stays there until he has completely regained composure. Then we go back to what we were doing when the meltdown happened. After that task is completed then I will allow a break. I do it this way because I don't want to teach him that having a fit means a reward of not doing the work.

 

I pick my battles and I am all for giving breaks - my 7 yo is King of the Breaks, but it has to be earned. I am also very flexible with regards to work. One thing that can cause ds to melt down is, tiring of writing. On those days where he has "had enough" writing or his hand hurts etc, then I will write answers down that he answers verbally. We do this for math and I do almost all of the writing for science (Elemental Science narration pages).

 

We don't have very many work meltdowns anymore, but his mouth gets him at the bottom of the steps these days. I follow the same procedure.

[FO4UR]

I dig my heels in and make him finish the assignment he's doing at the moment. Then I give him a nice break.

 

It happened this morning, in fact. I simply moved onto working with dd5 while he went outside for an hour. When he came back in, we were able to finish our day without any more hiccups.

 

Evaluating *why* the meltdown happened is important. (My ds8 was up too late last night...and made about 4 mistakes within 10min...tired and frustrated.)

[missmoe]

Send people to their rooms with instructions to read a book! Sometimes I need time alone.

 

I find that when I am organized and ready to go in the morning our day goes pretty well. Days I'm grouchy and just don't want to do school things don't work out very well. Go figure---:glare:

[ladydusk]

I think SWB said her mom used to do: eat a sandwich, take a shower, take a nap. If the food didn't help, a shower might calm the child down, and if that hasn't worked, take a nap!

 

Works for mom too :)

[Mom-ninja.]

I hide in the closet and eat candy. ;) Then vent to my dh at night.

 

 

I've found that starting our days with a morning walk or bike ride has helped a lot. We never skip our morning outside time now. We even go out in the rain.

 

Trampoline breaks are great too.

[Irishmommy]

I find that the more organized I am the less chaos we have in school. It takes quite a bit from me since I am very laid back, but I've found organization/structure tame the chaos pretty well.

 

I haven't tried the walk/ride before school, but it sure sounds good to me.

[Hunter]

When things are totally out of control, it's usually best to stop school, and clean and cook. Once the house is clean and everyone is fed, both mom and children are usually in a different frame of mind.

 

Children should be helping with the cleaning and cooking and getting checked off for "Home ec" or "electives", not running wild and being rewarded for their meltdown.

 

Let's face it...there is domestic abuse going on in homeschool families as well as the general public...so...if there was a rough night last night...do engage in the cooking and cleaning, as it is very grounding...but...also add in some documentary and popcorn time or maybe an extra long read aloud. Try and get everyone feeling as safe and calm as possible, before tackling Latin or math.

[justamouse]

Go to a park and burn off a few hours. Play a board game. Watch a Discovery movie.

 

If it's not that kind of problem, then yes, eat, shower, nap is good and so is all cuddling on the couch for a movie.

 

For the other possibilities, Hunter has it dead on. Sometimes everything needs to stop so you can get a handle on the house and food and such. When that is all in order--I don't know. It seems to work as a transitional device to get everyone settled and organized. My kids work much easier when their surroundings are ordered. I know I do.

 

:grouphug:

[lakotajm]

I usually cry/pray, swig maple syrup then pull on my big girl panties and try again. I am very jealous of the poster who said her kids never say they won't/don't want to do school. I guess my kids feel at leisure to say such things for whatever reason, because I get it at least once/week. Usually more often, from dd7. She's my difficult one.

 

It is not necessarily frustration on her part-it comes before she is required to do anything. She just wants to be left alone to do what she had in mind. And the 2 monkeys gang together and distract each other into complete chaos regularly.:glare: One monkey alone is easier than the 2-then it's a zoo! ;) At least they don't sling poo! (I am channeling Dr. Suess now.)

 

I was going to post the other day about a rough morning-maybe it would make your bad day seem tame in comparison-would that help? Within 3 minutes of the Bible lesson, dd6 was sitting on top of the salt canister, on top of the table. DD7 had just had her fart machine confiscated a few minutes before that, but was now upside down in her seat. That is just the first few minutes. Feel Better?:D

:grouphug:

I have no good answers. The maple syrup is divine, though (the real kind). I usually start with a mouth full of pecans; swig and chew. Swallow. MMMM...Therapy by the ounce.:)

 

Lakota

Edited March 19, 2011 by lakotajm

[woolybear]

I usually cry/pray, swig maple syrup then pull on my big girl panties and try again. I am very jealous of the poster who said her kids never say they won't/don't want to do school. I guess my kids feel at leisure to say such things for whatever reason, because I get it at least once/week. Usually more often, from dd7. She's my difficult one.

 

It is not necessarily frustration on her part-it comes before she is required to do anything. She just wants to be left alone to do what she had in mind. And the 2 monkeys gang together and distract each other into complete chaos regularly.:glare: One monkey alone is easier than the 2-then it's a zoo! ;) At least they don't sling poo! (I am channeling Dr. Suess now.)

 

I was going to post the other day about a rough morning-maybe it would make your bad day seem tame in comparison-would that help? Within 3 minutes of the Bible lesson, dd6 was sitting on top of the salt canister, on top of the table. DD7 had just had her fart machine confiscated a few minutes before that, but was now upside down in her seat. That is just the first few minutes. Feel Better?:D

:grouphug:

I have no good answers. The maple syrup is divine, though (the real kind). I usually start with a mouth full of pecans; swig and chew. Swallow. MMMM...Therapy by the ounce.:)

 

Lakota

 

Just curious.....what is a fart machine?:lol:

[woolybear]

Forgot to add, I don't have a set response mode for this, though I probably should. We have been having those days way too often. Chocolate helps a lot. Me only, though.;)

[expat91]

I agree. We have structure in our day and that is very important. Children need routine.

However, my husband also reminded me that the children (especially boys) often need 10 minute breaks throughout the day as well, every other hour or so. The children needed to take a break to just stretch their legs and to get some steam off. There are many creative ways one can find to do this. When my son was this age, I would often send him off to run laps around the house outside or time him with laps. This really helped. I would make up some kind of game for him to burn off some energy. He is now a Senior in HS and we laugh about this activity. But you know he really needed it.

 

We didn't tolerate disrespect or anything like that. My husband and I are clear on our guidelines with what is acceptable for discipline with our children and what is not. I don't think high energy boys are a are source of a discipline problem. Boys need to run, play and work a lot.

I hope to bring in just a little bit of a different idea for you to try. What I am saying is mix in some physical activity within all of your scheduled day and hopefully you will see some different results in your son's attitude.

 

Hope this helps.

MB

Mom to 4 great kids but all a work in progress, including myself!

S in 12th

D in 9th

D in 7th

D in 4th

[mrs.m]

I am very jealous of the poster who said her kids never say they won't/don't want to do school. I guess my kids feel at leisure to say such things for whatever reason, because I get it at least once/week. Usually more often, from dd7. She's my difficult one.

 

 

 

They regularly say they "don't" want to do school. But they never say they "won't" do school. Just like they may whine about chores but they know better than to not do what they are told. It usually doesn't end well for them!

 

I hope I didn't come off as all sunshine and roses. My kids have their quirks and discipline difficulties too!

 

PS: is maple syrup code for something? :lol:

[happyhappyjoyjoy]

I have many days that I do only one subject. It usually is, because the toddler is teething, escaping, or potty training. My son doesn't balk much. When he finished RS A and took the final test, I could tell he needed a break. I gave him a week off. I started in June and plan on schooling year round, so I'm ok with taking days off here and there.

[Dolphin]

There has been a lot of great advice. Some things I do, and some new ideas that I will try. Here are a few things that I do that I have not seen in the previous posts.

 

Jumping jacks. When they are yawning, messing about whatever I have them do jumping jacks. 10 at a time.

 

We stop and play the noun game from FLL that my ds LOVES. You sit for a common noun, stand for a proper noun. It is a little exercise and it changes the mood. Then I tell him if he gets through the next lesson without whining and in a reasonable amount of time I will do a Mad libs with him.

 

If they are getting into *that* mood before I start reading, I go down stairs and get a snack and drink and let them have that while I am reading. It is surprising the effect of yogurt covered pretzels and milk on the mood of the room.

 

I come on here, read and post.

[lakotajm]

Just curious.....what is a fart machine?:lol:

A fart machine is a remotely controlled gadget that you can place near some unsuspecting prey and then you push a button which causes it to sound like they farted-several to choose from (juicy, long, etc.!)

 

This was my Christmas gift to her-it's classic for her.

 

Lakota

[lakotajm]

PS: is maple syrup code for something? :lol:

 

Nope, it is just that wonderful stuff in the pancake syrup aisle!:D

 

Lakota

[VBoulden]

On bad days... I ditch my plans and I pull some good books off the shelf and just read to my kids. :grouphug:

[Mommyfaithe]

On bad days....I usually..

 

Organize something...anything...take a before and after picture to see your progress...feels so good!

 

Take a walk

 

blow off school and read good books to my kids

 

make everyone go to their room and play or read quietly

 

put on a movie for the kids while I read a book

 

send them outside with instructions not to come back in until I call them. (make sure there is a pitcher of water and cups on the deck, and they all went potty BEFORE going out. Only bloody booboos are a reason to break this rule.)

 

Give them the choice to sit down and get their work done or clean their room...whichever sounds more pleasant.

 

Make a list of things I need done...and set the little army to work. No griping or I may add to my list.

 

Get someone to take them for a few hours (I rather stay home) Grandpa, or an Aunt or older sibling, so I can either rest, or clean ..whichever is more needful.

 

Pray

 

Be nice to me....

 

A bath with a glass of wine and a good book...and a "do not disturb" mandate.

 

Faithe

[Critterfixer]

However, my husband also reminded me that the children (especially boys) often need 10 minute breaks throughout the day as well, every other hour or so.

 

Sometimes every half-hour.:001_smile: I don't know how my boys would make it in ps. They would probably erupt.

 

On bad days, I look to the calendar to consider if there are legitimate physiologic causes for being, as the younger ds7 says, "Mr. Mom-head."

Then I send the children out to check for eggs in the chicken house or to climb a tree.

While they are on task, I go get a cup of tea and read something. Usually that makes me feel less like a Minotaur.

 

On bad days... I ditch my plans and I pull some good books off the shelf and just read to my kids.

 

That's phase two.:001_smile:

[hollyfred2002]

We pack it in and I go to plan B which generally involves us taking a hike around the lake or going to the park. I find a way to make it educational. Getting outdoors always help. Sometimes we are able to come back a couple hours later and finish what we started out to do.

[patchfire]

I do my best to plan ahead for them, and reduce the expectations on a 'crazy day' when possible. If a crazy day sneaks up on us? I immediately reduce expectations, even if it's merely in my head. Like others have said, we attend to issues of food and cleanliness, but after that? It's rest time, followed by watching the show of mom's choice (which usually means it's going to be National Geographic or Schoolhouse Rock!) and some time outside if the weather allows. I find that the crazy days are so much more likely when the weather is just abysmal, though.

[RahRah]

 

Give them the choice to sit down and get their work done or clean their room...whichever sounds more pleasant.

 

 

 

I did this with DS6 yesterday when he protested his phonics.....let's do the reading, we have just a few more minutes - or you can clean up the family room, which looks like it'll be about an hour of work, no tv on while you do it.....he opted to clean up the family room! :glare:

[RahRah]

DS6 doesn't protest too much or too often, but when he does I've:

 

Opted to cancel school for the day

 

Given a time-out until he was ready to return and get the work done

 

Threatened to send him to public school with the hour long bus ride to the school and the hour long ride home and the hours of homework he'd have after being there for hours all day, reminding him to be ready for the bus would mean waking up when it was still dark out and getting home would be near dark

 

Asked why he was frustrated and what he wanted to do instead, then switched what we were doing to what he wanted to do

 

Given the option to clean a room or finish the lesson (see post above)

 

Opted to switch the day to a reading day - lots of fun books and art projects to go with them for the time we would have spent on schoolwork

 

Just told him to buckle under and let's get done

[aliya]

My boys know the work has to be done, but they still whine sometimes. I really don't like them doing their work with a bad attitude, because they're not learning like they should. I've come to a point where I'll take away school books and tell my kids they are not allowed to work until they are in the right frame of mind. It's amazing how one minute a child can be whining about their work, and the next minute begging for it to be returned.

 

Also, as other posters have said - having an organized home is a huge help, both to me and my kids (and DH, but he's not around during school time). When the house is not neat/organized, I have as hard a time as my kids do in focusing.

[Snowfall]

A fart machine is a remotely controlled gadget that you can place near some unsuspecting prey and then you push a button which causes it to sound like they farted-several to choose from (juicy, long, etc.!)

 

This was my Christmas gift to her-it's classic for her.

 

Lakota

 

Our daughters must be exactly alike, because not only is my daughter difficult (to put it mildly), she also owns a farting toy. It's a remote controlled teddy bear, though. She doesn't know of any other toy. If she did, she'd want it. She got the teddy bear for Christmas about 3 years ago. :lol:

 

I'm reading this thread with interest, as I never know what to do when we have a bad day.

[justamouse]

Drink. Eat a box of cookies. Drink. Each a bag of Dove Darks. Drink. take a nap. Watch a movie that makes everyone laugh. Play Apples to Apples. Drink.