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How do you get over being irritated with someone?


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Short story:

 

A friend asked for some specific help by me doing some shopping for them.

 

Because of Hsing, foster visitations and work I only have 1/2 day off a week. My time is precious to me but I am one of the only people, other that the friend, who could do the task.

 

I spent 3 hours on a very, very busy day "helping" by doing a shopping task for this friend. I was out until 9:30 at night doing this task!

 

At the last minute the friend, decided to not use what I bought, and to just go with what they already owned, and use the new items later.

 

 

 

I understand the reasons behind the decision, but I am still very, very irritated! The reasons were very, very weak and while I know the items will absolutely get used, they didn't have to be bought that day. I could have waited and combined trips so it wouldn't have been such a waste of my time.

 

Grrrrr. I need to let it go, but it still really irritates me.

 

How do you forgive someone when you are still really, really bugged by the situation?

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If they could have gotten by with what they had, then it seems like something that they could have fit into their own schedule later, when they themselves had time. So, yeah, I would feel irritated and taken advantage of. As to how to get over it - I'm learning to tell people how I feel - not in a blaming way but simply to let them know. Then I need to decide. Do I really want to make them "pay" for what they did wrong to me? Or do I want to "write it off" - and forgive them?

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I recognize it so quickly, because I, too, have that irritation often, for the same reason.

 

I try to just know this about myself--that I don't have enough margin to say yes cheerfully. I try to say no. I don't say yes to someone who has done that to me, not because I hold a grudge, but because I have learned that they do not value my time the way I need them to to be a cheerful giver to them.

 

I can't tell you how not to feel irritated, but I can tell you for sure that our lives are not normal. Maybe one day they will be normal again, and we can be more resilient. Until then, we need to say no more than we would like.

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Short story:

 

A friend asked for some specific help by me doing some shopping for them.

 

Because of Hsing, foster visitations and work I only have 1/2 day off a week. My time is precious to me but I am one of the only people, other that the friend, who could do the task.

 

I spent 3 hours on a very, very busy day "helping" by doing a shopping task for this friend. I was out until 9:30 at night doing this task!

 

At the last minute the friend, decided to not use what I bought, and to just go with what they already owned, and use the new items later.

 

 

 

I understand the reasons behind the decision, but I am still very, very irritated! The reasons were very, very weak and while I know the items will absolutely get used, they didn't have to be bought that day. I could have waited and combined trips so it wouldn't have been such a waste of my time.

 

Grrrrr. I need to let it go, but it still really irritates me.

 

How do you forgive someone when you are still really, really bugged by the situation?

This would bother me too because like you my free time is precious. I would simply say no I can't help you this time.

 

If they press you for an explaination be honest and let them know that the last time you put in a lot of energy and effort that really didn't need to be expended because they already had another solution at home. Perhaps there is already another solution at hand until they can find another resource/person to help them out this time.

 

Sounds like it's time they cultivate another person(s) to help them with this chore.

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It's counter-intuitive, isn't it? I learned this in Psych 101, and even though I know the principle behind it, even though every time I try to "trick" myself this way I think, "It's not going to work--I can't trick myself!" it works. Every time.

 

Bake her cookies. Invite her over to dinner. Knit her a scarf. Pray for something you know is stressing her.

 

Your irritation will vanish. Seriously.

 

Off to take my own advice . . .

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