Combining kids who don't get along...

[Sue G in PA]

Here is my dilemna: My ds8 and dd5 are like oil and water...mostly b/c of the competition factor. Ds8 is a bit "slower" to pick things up and dd5 is well, quite the opposite. Both are very bright. I NEVER compare them. But, the competition is still there WHATEVER it is that we do. In LHFHG, they fought over who would answer which questions or who drew a better picture or created a better craft or whatever. It was driving me crazy. We switched to FIAR (not b/c of the arguing) and dd5 LOVES it and ds8 does as well. However, they simply cannot work together! What do you do? I can't do the projects/reading/work with one and then do the exact same thing with the other later in the day. It's too time consuming and I have 5 others to teach! These 2 are about the same ability level and so combining makes perfect sense if not for the arguing and bickering! I get so drained from all the refereeing I have to do that I'm *done* by noon! Any suggestions?

[jasar31629]

Take my thoughts for what they're worth- I have only one so...:001_smile:

 

I would think this would be an issue in school as well- competition, etc. I'd make them take turns or else call on one or the other for the answer to prevent arguing. With crafts there would be a rule that you would not be able to say anything negative about the other or brag about your own. There would be a consequence for doing so and if it continued I would not allow the kids to work on the picture or craft right next to each other. They would hand them in without looking at the other until the competition lessened in that regard. I'd go so far as to put a project board up on the table between the children for poor behavior so they could both see me but not each other. The board could come down if they agreed to be supportive of one another instead of always competing.

 

Try to take the emotions out of it and approach it like you would in a classroom of kids who have the same issues of competition and trying to best the other kids. I often need to 'reset' myself- I call it going into my 'nanny-mode' or 'teacher-mode'. It helps me to see things with a fresh approach and to tamp down on my mom-emotions. I like things as cut-and-dried as possible!

 

Hope something in there helps and some other moms with experience (btdt) will come along with good advice! Good luck :)

[Night Elf]

I can offer :grouphug:! I was only homeschooling 2 who were like that and I separated every subject. It was more work but it ended the competition and allowed each to blossom in his/her own way. But I can imagine how difficult that would be with more than 2 children.

[Guest Momlovesbooks]

My oldest 2 are like that, but they are further apart and so I separated easier. They are 5th and 1st. We actually get school done faster now that they are separated.

[elise1mds]

I have nothing but sympathy and :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: for you. This is one of the reasons why my DD is in school. When we had the snowstorms in early February, I did 'homeschool days' with both of them to keep us busy. It was EXACTLY like you describe. They are such opposites and yet feel that they have to outdo the other in everything. I can't imagine having others to throw into the mix as well.

 

I hereby nominate you for sainthood. Does that help?

 

More

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[AmeliaBinMO]

I can offer :grouphug:! I was only homeschooling 2 who were like that and I separated every subject. It was more work but it ended the competition and allowed each to blossom in his/her own way. But I can imagine how difficult that would be with more than 2 children.

 

:iagree: Like Night Elf, I have two, and I had to do the same thing that she mentioned. We even went with two separate piano teachers. It seems to have solved our problem, but is definitely more time consuming for the teacher (mom). It certainly would be difficult to work this arrangement with many children. At minimum, perhaps you could separate them on the most problematic subjects. This is a tough one! :grouphug:

[FO4UR]

Get draconian about some groundrules...no commenting at ALL on your siblings' work! ....that's all I've got...

[Danestress]

but it sounds like it is exhausting work to keep them together, too.

 

In the end, I would never want my son to think a sister who is three years younger is "on the same level" that he is, so I would separate them just to protect his ego. Unless you can train her to take a back seat a bit and be willing to let him shine, I honestly think separating them is the clear best choice for his emotional needs.

[bettyandbob]

I think if you don't separate them, I could things getting really bad for your oldest. It's not like he doesn't realize he's doing the same work as a sibling 3 years younger. Maybe you are expecting different levels of responses, showing different levels of understanding, but to the two kids it looks they are doing the same and that would be hard. If I had done this in my house difficult sibling relations would reach a new low. There have been times when sibling relationship were really bad, but this would make it sooo much worse.

 

Mine were never on the same academic level, but my dd is a natural athlete and ds has multiple motor problems. She always wanted to do the same sports as he did. Of course he was doing sport, not because he wanted to but as a physical therapy replacement. They did do swim team together. She was faster and better as a 6yo than he was at 9--it was never much of an issue since they were in different age groups and separated by sex.

 

Really, I would teach them separately. I might have them together only to do a read aloud. I might even consider using different curriculum even if it's the same level, so they think they are doing different stuff.

[FriedClams]

Here is my dilemna: My ds8 and dd5 are like oil and water...mostly b/c of the competition factor. Ds8 is a bit "slower" to pick things up and dd5 is well, quite the opposite. Both are very bright. I NEVER compare them. But, the competition is still there WHATEVER it is that we do. In LHFHG, they fought over who would answer which questions or who drew a better picture or created a better craft or whatever. It was driving me crazy. We switched to FIAR (not b/c of the arguing) and dd5 LOVES it and ds8 does as well. However, they simply cannot work together! What do you do? I can't do the projects/reading/work with one and then do the exact same thing with the other later in the day. It's too time consuming and I have 5 others to teach! These 2 are about the same ability level and so combining makes perfect sense if not for the arguing and bickering! I get so drained from all the refereeing I have to do that I'm *done* by noon! Any suggestions?

 

If it were me I would combine them on purpose - and work really hard on their relationship. I would just school over the summer - using school as an opportunity to train their character to get along, respect each other, encourage each other, etc. You know it's going to be awfully difficult, so just plan ahead and schedule accordingly (i.e. everything will take twice as long). :grouphug:

 

ETA - I know others are talking about ages and ability. My two are 16 months apart and combining has never been an issue. The older does more work. The younger less. History reading is history - the older writes a age the younger a paragraph. TOG combines a HUGE span of kids on the same page at different ability levels. That's what I am talking about.