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Not even sure what kind of paper this is supposed to be??

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Background - my dd went to school this year for 9th grade. She is getting all very, very high A's. It is a classical school and the curric, for the most part is very rigorous. Requirements to graduate include 2 Years of Latin, 2 years of Logic, 4 maths, 4 sciences, 4 histories, Rhetoric, Senior Thesis, blah, blah, blah...


She probably will not continue there next year though, because the ONLY areas where they are failing her are also her weakest areas - writing and lit analysis. The same areas where I was failing her.:glare: It is so very depressing.


They do not seem to do formal lit analysis BUT they write essays and short responses to literature every.single.day. On constructs they never cover... Usually they do them in class, but she does have this sort of thing for homework at least 3 times a week. NONE of these have ever been returned. EVER. Never has she had any feedback, at all, about her writing or attempts at analysis, except for one on an informal type, impromptu thing she did for a study skills seminar. I have only a few papers here because she was supposed to type them.




Anyway I'll attach the paper in the next post. It was not for the English teacher, but for a seminar they had on Shakespeare where they read The Tempest. I have NO idea what the actual assignment was (and frankly doubt she did either, lol). She didn't finish typing it in class and so was allowed to email it home and finish here. She never got it back... :mad:


Thanks you,

Georgia (note that this child is a PHENOMENAL out-liner and summarizer, so TWTM writing did work for her in that respect. One teacher asked me what I used to teach her to outline. lol)

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(Note that this was there was a formal and an informal response, I guess. This was the informal response?? and yes for some reason there were to be 6-7 short paragraphs??)


The Tempest is a story set on an island, an island of magic, spirits and a magician. The author of the play, William Shakespeare, wrote this as his last play. In this story, he explores the themes of the nature of a person and of the desire for freedom, and he puts himself, as the character Prospero, into the starring role of the play.



Shakespeare examines the idea of people having a good or evil nature that is inborn and that cannot be changed. Caliban is evil. He attacks Miranda after Prospero and Miranda had been kind to him. Although they teach him to behave as a gentleman, he still returns to evil. He betrays his master, and plots with others to kill him. He cannot overcome his nature.



On the other hand, Ariel was born with an innate good nature. He was trapped in a tree by his own mother because he could not do evil. When he plays music only those who are good can hear it. Even though he wants to be free more than anything, he still does everything that Prospero asks because he can’t go against his nature; he can only do good.



Another important theme in “The Tempest†is freedom. Many of the characters are seeking some kind of freedom. Caliban is being held captive by Prospero; Ariel is also bound to Prospero and wants to be released. Prospero and Miranda are stuck on the island. Miranda and Ferdinand want the freedom to be together. Prospero wants to be free of his work, his magic and his enslavement of Ariel and Caliban. He does want people to remember his work but at the same time he wants to be free of its burden.



In this way Prospero represents the playwright, William Shakespeare, who is also ready to be done with his life’s work. His farewell speech also could be taken as a farewell to the theater. He says “And pardoned the deceiver, dwell, in this bare island by your spell; but release me from my bands, with the help of your good hands.†He wants to be released from the theater by the audience and their applause.



He also controls a lot of what happens on the island just as the author of a play does. He uses his magic books and the spirit Ariel to control the weather, and to make the other characters do what he wants. He uses magic spirit dogs and a magical disappearing feast to control those who are evil, and Ariel’s singing to control those who are good. In Act IV he even tells the audience that this is only a play saying “These our actors, as I foretold you, were all spirits, and are melted into air, into thin air;†when he realizes he still has to deal with the plot against his life.



The Tempest is a story about the longing to be free from slavery, about the unchanging nature of people and about the end of a life’s work. Shakespeare used the play to finish his work and to say goodbye when he writes and Prospero says the final line of the play “Let your indulgence set me free.â€

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What are they finding wrong with that?


I think you need to call her teacher and find out what's up.


You mean why they don't critique/redo/return the writing assignments?


Although I don't what she rec'd on this, she got an A for the seminar. She gets A's in everything. Of course in the Math, Science, History, and Latin classes we get to see the graded assignments so we know why. lol



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Have you talked with the teacher/administration about this issue (poor writing instruction/lack of feedback)? It seems like an easily correctable issue and one that a classical school would want to excel at. That would be my first line of approach before removing her from the school.

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While we could critique a few specific points, I will only say this is definitely not the type of writing I would fail.


(Why is she not getting the feedback from the teacher, especially if she's very dissatisfied with her writing?)


:iagree: This is a very decent essay. Do you want critique? I wasn't sure. She has definitely grasped quite a bit:

1)the need to tell the reader in the first paragraph where she is going

2) to follow the "outline" of the first paragraph for her body paragraphs

3) to have body paragraphs with a topic sentence and supporting evidence from the piece

4) to have a concluding paragraph that reflects the thesis and some of the supporting points


I would focus most feedback on the first and last paragraphs, but she is well on her way.

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  • 2 weeks later...
While we could critique a few specific points, I will only say this is definitely not the type of writing I would fail.







This essay was very well written! I enjoyed reading it. :001_smile:

A few little technical items in regards to format, but those are easy things to work on.

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