s/o picking a guardian...

[mlktwins]

I have a question for you guys. DH and I cannot leave any of our family as the boys' guardian should something happen to both of us. We are deciding between 2 sets of friends (my best friend and her husband and DH's best friend and his wife).

 

This is such a big request of anyone -- my twins are not quite 6 yet and we are older (I'm almost 44 and DH is 49). I'm not elected guardian of my best friend's daughters, but we are one of the girls' godparents. DH was elected 1/2 legal guardian of his best friend's son.

 

So...we need to ask (probably my best friend) first and see if they accept. Even though she is my best friend, this is such A BIG THING to ask. I don't want to put them on the spot. I'm considering having DH and I write her and her husband and letter explaining our request and why and giving them a chance to think about it and get back to us in the way they want to. Do you think this would be weird? Back when I was pregnant and stressing about this, she said "We'd do it silly" but we haven't officially asked or put anything in writing.

 

What say the hive?

 

Thanks!

Edited March 1, 2011 by mlktwins
correcting my mistakes :-)

[Jean in Newcastle]

We did something similar with friends of ours. For various reasons neither my family nor dh's family would be a good choice for our kids. We didn't write a letter but we did have two meetings. The first one was a meal with them where we just told them what we were thinking and asked them to think and pray about it. We made it clear that they could refuse with no hard feelings. The second meeting was when they told us their answer (which was yes, by the way.)

 

We felt like besides having things legally in writing, we needed to give our families a heads up on what we had decided. Dh's family (esp. his parents) were totally fine with our decision. My dad went ballistic! We hadn't chosen them because of their age (my dad is 89) so I was really unprepared for his reaction. We haven't really spoken of it since. I don't know what will happen (drama wise ) if dh and I were to die.

[goldberry]

Our closest friends are our DD's guardians. We asked them at a good time for us to discuss it, and I made it very clear upfront that I would not be upset or hold it against them if they felt like they weren't able to take the responsibility.

 

They were happy to do so.

 

We let one family member know on each side, but did not tell the ones we thought would be upset, since we figured the odds were with us that they might never have to know!

[mlktwins]

Maybe we'll try it in person. In my heart I feel they will say yes without feeling pressured. I would in a heartbeat for them. The only one on both sides of our family that will be upset is my sister -- she is not married and will never be (I want the boys to have a father figure in their lives) and will just keep them too protected and away from people and life. My in-laws are both 84, my dad is 76 (my mom passed 10 years ago) and we've already said it will be one of these 2 families. No one else is really an option in our families.

 

Thanks ladies. I welcome any other ideas for asking...

[VA6336]

One thing you might want to consider is your state's laws on the matter. Here in TN, who you designate as your child's legal guardian should you or their father die or some other catastrophic event occur is (get this!): only a suggestion. The judge will actually have to rule on the matter once (if ever) the situation warrants it. That scares the stew out of me, but most of our families knows of our choice and approves it (the guardians are not related to us). It's those wild cards, you know? Either way, definitely check out your specific state laws.

 

When we asked our dear friends, it was in person. Was definitely hard to do. We did practice a little beforehand, though. :)

Edited March 1, 2011 by VA6336

[mlktwins]

One thing you might want to consider is your state's laws on the matter. Here in TN, who you designate as your child's legal guardian should you or their father die or some other catastrophic event occur is (get this!): only a suggestion. The judge will actually have to rule on the matter once (if ever) the situation warrants it. That scares the stew out of me, but most of our families knows of our choice and approves it (the guardians are not related to us). It's those wild cards, you know? Either way, definitely check out your specific state laws.

 

When we asked our dear friends, it was in person. Was definitely hard to do. We did practice a little beforehand, though. :)

 

Wow, DH is an attorney, but this isn't his area of expertise. I will ask him about this!

[May]

Some dear friends of ours are also our dds guardians (will only 1 now because oldest is 21). Ask them in person and let them know that you don't need a immediate answer. When we asked, we told them specifically how much money would be in the estate and who the trustees were. We did select one of the guardians as a trustee and the other was my dh sister. At base legal, we were advised not to have any of the guardians as a trustee but dh and I have total confidence in her (she's also an accountant). We also talked about schooling and stated what we wished if at all possible. They are of the same faith, so that was not an issued. We were also told that a judge does have the final say in where the kids would live (we were living in CA at the time). We did share with my dh oldest sister who we had chosen for guardians for the kids. She was fine with it and said she would share our wishes with the siblings if something were to happen to us. On occassions, we asked our chosen guardians if they would like us to pick someone else. For us, we felt it was important to make sure that money was never an issue in their decision hence why we told them how much would be available. These dear friends would have done it without any but it made us feel better:001_smile: