Joanne Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I've met and talked with the Clarksons. We discussed the formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting found in the conservative Christian community. It's nice to see encouragement for an alternative, from a known and respected source: http://www.itakejoy.com/first-time-obedience-really/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I've met and talked with the Clarksons. We discussed the formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting found in the conservative Christian community. It's nice to see encouragement for an alternative, from a known and respected source: http://www.itakejoy.com/first-time-obedience-really/ Thank you for this. I never would have found it. I sent it to my mother. One of the deacons in her church was talking to some of the mothers about putting their babies on blankets, and then slapping their hands if they tried to crawl off. My mother was quite saddened. She spoke against that at bible study the other day, and some peole did appreciate it. She will be happy to have this alternative to present. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 She is one of my all-time favorites. thanks for posting, Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MariannNOVA Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thank you for this. I never would have found it. I sent it to my mother. One of the deacons in her church was talking to some of the mothers about putting their babies on blankets, and then slapping their hands if they tried to crawl off. My mother was quite saddened. She spoke against that at bible study the other day, and some peole did appreciate it. She will be happy to have this alternative to present. :w00t: Thank heavens your mom is there to be a voice of reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thank you, Joanne. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 :w00t: Thank heavens your mom is there to be a voice of reason. My mother is 70, so she has never read or heard about some of the new-fangled tactics put forth by some. I know she would be sick if she read some of what's out there. She will be happy to have something else for the mothers when it comes up again. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 That is so wonderful I'm almost in tears. I understand exactly how she feels when she speaks of seeing harsh parents cheer and crying babies yelled at. It makes my heart break. Let me tell you, I was that immature parent with my first, and I forced him into rebellion and I may have even preached him to hell. It wasn't him who had to do the repenting, it was me. I pressed and pressed until he could do nothing more than he did-explode. Now my prayer is that God's grace heal our relationship and bring my son into a true relationship with HIm-despite all the wrong I've done him. There's much to be said for grace and love. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I bookmarked this. :001_smile: I've never seen her blog. Going to read it later today when I have more time. Now back to math...:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks Joanne! I get so sad when I hear of the parenting that sometime takes place in the name of Jesus, who displayed love and patience with children while on Earth. It is really refreshing to read some common sense advice. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sebastian (a lady) Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 I've met and talked with the Clarksons. We discussed the formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting found in the conservative Christian community. It's nice to see encouragement for an alternative, from a known and respected source: http://www.itakejoy.com/first-time-obedience-really/ I have often wanted to point out to parents that in many interactions, it is the parent who has failed in reacting the first time. They haven't listened to the child who is trying to get their attention, or haven't noticed that the child is hungry or tired, or haven't stepped in when they were vexing a sibling until it has become a major meltdown. How many times could it have been nipped in the bud if the parent had reacted the first time, instead of waiting until it got big. Clarkson seems to be referring a little to this here: But, this kind of one rule discipline neglects the child’s basic well being. If children are exhausted or overstimulated by television or other children, they are naturally more hostile or out of control. A wise parent will tend to his child’s need for rest, quiet, rhythm, balanced blood sugars and understand hormones or emotions, and personality. Often I see children disciplined for things the parent has neglected–their physical and emotional needs—when the child’s behavior is often a direct message to the parent of a basic need that has been neglected. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HRAAB Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Sally Clarkson has always been such a gentle voice of reason. I love reading her blog. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kidlit Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 How convicting and encouraging! Thanks for the link, Joanne! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprimis Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Beautiful! And, can I just say, I always cringe when I hear the words "rigid" and "formulaic" used in the same sentence as "parenting." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Love it, thanks for sharing! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soror Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 thanks for sharing, I am going to pass it on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Love Sally Clarkson! Thanks for posting this. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted February 28, 2011 Share Posted February 28, 2011 Thanks, Joanne. It reminds me of something my pastor told me years ago - the Biblical idea of "training" up a child carries the picture of training a vine up a trellis. You must teach children in accordance with the person God has made them - always toward Christ and godliness, but in the context of knowing and loving who they are. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirch Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thanks for posting this. It really resonated with me--I ended up blogging about it and another article I read a while ago that had been percolating for some time. I may print out her post and keep it with my Bible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 "It scared me a little to think of the future of this little child." No kidding. Thanks for sharing this, Joanne. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in AUS Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thanks for sharing :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Yes, yes!! I so agree. There are many times when I've failed to first recognize some need in my child, too, or something deeper going on and jumped onto the discipline train too quickly! Sometimes I read or hear these new methods for child training and discipline and I feel like parents are being taught to just catch their children in disobedience so that they can use the discipline or punishment--and there's almost a sick "HA! Caught ya, I win! Now you're gonna get it" mentality about it sometimes!--when we should be looking for ways to help our children succeed, to HELP them to obey us! Create conditions for them to more easily learn and obey rather than react after the fact all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Yup, fortunately for "First Time Obedience" parents, God allows them second chances! Nice article, very inspiring. We can all learn something from it. Particularly liked the part about certain types of misbehaviors result from parent inattention to begin with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
speedmom4 Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I loved this article. Sally Clarkson is so inspiring. I met her once at a homeschool conference. She signed my Mission of Motherhood book. At one time I followed the teaching of the Pearls. I always felt harsh and never measured up to their standards. I'm so thankful that was a very short time. Thanks so much for sharing this. God Bless, Elise in NC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lizzie in Ma Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thanks for sharing Joanne, what a wonderful post. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 I've met and talked with the Clarksons. We discussed the formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting found in the conservative Christian community. Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to phrase this with a bit more...consideration? "Formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting" a) is found in MANY different "communities" b) is not found among ALL Conservative Christian families/communities c) those words are opinions anyway - what some view as 'harsh' others may view as 'strict'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thanks for the great post Joanne:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thank you for this article, Joanne. It really resonated with me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy in Australia Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 That was lovely - thank you for sharing :grouphug: This: I believe that Biblical discipline must take a long time to secure the heart–many years of constant loving training and instruction. is so, so true. I think parents who don't get this are the ones willing to try methods that their own instincts scream against. They want immediate, perfect results. How fortunate God doesn't expect that from us. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Britomart Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thank you, OP, for posting that link. It was wonderful. Thanks, Joanne. It reminds me of something my pastor told me years ago - the Biblical idea of "training" up a child carries the picture of training a vine up a trellis. You must teach children in accordance with the person God has made them - always toward Christ and godliness, but in the context of knowing and loving who they are. And that is just a beautiful image; thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Thank you Joanne! I'm going to read & re-read & might hang it on the fridge. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Hmmm. A better word for harsh parenting. Well godly has a nice ring to it! In fact, now that I think about it... But seriously, none of us likes to think we're harsh, and I imagine most of us are at certain points. But some styles seem more harsh than others. I guess it's all a matter of perspective. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to phrase this with a bit more...consideration? "Formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting" a) is found in MANY different "communities" b) is not found among ALL Conservative Christian families/communities c) those words are opinions anyway - what some view as 'harsh' others may view as 'strict'. Thank you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to phrase this with a bit more...consideration? "Formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting" a) is found in MANY different "communities" b) is not found among ALL Conservative Christian families/communities c) those words are opinions anyway - what some view as 'harsh' others may view as 'strict'. A) the blog author is a homeschooling, Christian mother and author writing to Christian parents. SHE made her post speak to that audience. Her topic has been an interest of mine for years. She wasn't talking about ALL harsh parenting - she was talking to a known audience. In reposting her blog, I was speaking about the same population. B) Of course not. Many such moms have posted in this thread who are conservative but not of FTO mind. There *are*, however, such Christian leaders, authors, sites, and suggestions. C) Opinions? Yes. We are speaking of blog posts and forums. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to phrase this with a bit more...consideration? "Formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting" a) is found in MANY different "communities" b) is not found among ALL Conservative Christian families/communities c) those words are opinions anyway - what some view as 'harsh' others may view as 'strict'. The "Conservative Christian" part make me feel sick. And, I don't identify myself that way. I'm sure those that do would feel even more so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 And I got spanked a few times growing and my mom was anything BUT Christian. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 And I got spanked a few times growing and my mom was anything BUT Christian. The point of the blog post isn't about *spanking*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Perhaps it wouldn't hurt to phrase this with a bit more...consideration? "Formulaic, harsh and adversarial parenting" a) is found in MANY different "communities" b) is not found among ALL Conservative Christian families/communities c) those words are opinions anyway - what some view as 'harsh' others may view as 'strict'. :iagree: And, FWIW, I blanket train, too. It's really not all that bad. I wouldn't even consider it harsh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 The point of the blog post isn't about *spanking*. Oh, is is about conservative Christians then? Sorry, based on the article intro in the first post of this thread, I won't be reading it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 Oh, is is about conservative Christians then? Sorry, based on the article intro in the first post of this thread, I won't be reading it. Oh. The blog was written by a well known and well respected Christian parenting and homeschooling author. Take care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Oh, is is about conservative Christians then? Sorry, based on the article intro in the first post of this thread, I won't be reading it. I fail to see what is discouraging in the post? Its characterization of formulaic harsh parenting as less than desirable? Its admission that conservative Christians sometimes choose these methods? I am a conservative Christian and I loved the blog post. I do shy away from formulaic harsh parenting anyway though. I felt it would be encouraging to young mothers looking for a parenting method that is not harsh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heart'sjoy Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 first check child's needs... This was a good refresher for me. It's so easy to get rushed and forget to weigh my childrens' ever changing needs before I decide my course of action. :tongue_smilie:And yet this is exactly what I'm trying to teach my children to do with each other. When one brother is asking the other to come look at something, what is the brother needing? Often this brother is wanting some acknowledgment that he's found or done something interesting. Also I loved the part about the relationship being the driving force behind the discipline. This is so hard for me. I have to ask God for help to find a way to connect and encourage yet remain consistent and firm. Everything in me wants to run the other way from the child who's creating a ruckus and disrupting things. Keep sending the good stuff. Thanks, Melody Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks for the post. It was very helpful! I love Sally Clarkson and I wish I could here her speak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Atl Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Oh, is is about conservative Christians then? Sorry, based on the article intro in the first post of this thread, I won't be reading it. How the heck do you know what it's about if you don't READ it. What ever happened to thoughtful exploration? :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Oh, is is about conservative Christians then? Sorry, based on the article intro in the first post of this thread, I won't be reading it. The blog really isn't as ominous/controversial as it sounds. The lady that wrote it is a conservative Christian. It's about listening to your child's needs, how each child responds to discipline differently, harshness from parents, lack of parental models in our society, routines and then she gives a couple of examples that she's seen (like the woman shaking her baby). I had never heard of this lady before. I still plan to browse thru her website later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinmom Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 (edited) What a lovely article! Sums up so well the way I believe God means for us to raise our children and was an encouraging way to start the home school morning! Such a good reminder of what where I need my focus to remain, particularly after a rough parenting week with 4 special needs kiddos! ;) I'd not heard of the author before...I'll be sure to check out the rest of her blog. ETA: Just realized her DH is the author of the devotional book we are using with our kiddos...Our 24 Family Ways! So good...love that family! Going to have to look at more of their materials. Thanks for posting! Edited March 2, 2011 by Twinmom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Thank you for that link Joanne. Not being Christian, I never heard of Sally Clarkson, but she sounds like a beautiful person. She certainly has a wonderful outlook on raising children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks Joanne! Sometimes as a Christian I get soooooooo discouraged by the harsh/rigid parenting methods that *seem* to permeate Christendom. It is wonderful to find another like minded individual. I look forward to exploreing her blog more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heatherwith4 Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 Thanks Joanne! Sometimes as a Christian I get soooooooo discouraged by the harsh/rigid parenting methods that *seem* to permeate Christendom. It is wonderful to find another like minded individual. I look forward to exploreing her blog more! :iagree: BTW, as Christians, we are supposed to be showing the love of Christ to our dc, while guiding them down the right path. One size fits all parenting programs don't accomplish these goals IMHO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LynnG in Arizona Posted March 2, 2011 Share Posted March 2, 2011 For those of you who are new to Sally Clarkson, may I recommend some of her books? I just did her Mission of Motherhood last semester as my Bible study, and just loved it. She is a homeschool mama herself, and her whole philosophy of raising children dovetails beautifully with the homeschool lifestyle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 2, 2011 Author Share Posted March 2, 2011 For those of you who are new to Sally Clarkson, may I recommend some of her books? I just did her Mission of Motherhood last semester as my Bible study, and just loved it. She is a homeschool mama herself, and her whole philosophy of raising children dovetails beautifully with the homeschool lifestyle. She and her husband authored an older homeschool book that has been used as a homeschool classic: Educating the Wholehearted Child. They have only more recently spoken directly to discipline. Mr. Clarkson has a parenting book out as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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