S/O of etiquette thread-employee's that correct.

[simka2]

I have a HUGE pet peeve!!! I mean it makes me see red. I hate it when employee's of stores correct my childrens behavior.

 

Here's an example. I was in Hobby Lobby the other day looking at some crochet thread. All of my kids were hudled around me. One ds is slightly OCD and started pushing all the threads to the back of their respective rows. I had not noticed, but I would not have corrected the behavior either. He was not hurting the merchandise, and he was being quiet and well behaved...he was just focused on what he was doing. An employee rushed over and told him to STOP doing that. She was a foot from me but addressed him. :glare: Then she pushed me out of the way and began facing all the crochet threads (pulling them forward and turning the labels out).

 

I was so angry!!! I do not like it when employee's address my kids, I feel it is wrong and they should address me. I understand if it is something that is dangerous. If my child is in immediate danger, by all means help them, but if they are just doing something you don't like or feel is inappropriate...talk to me.

 

Has anyone else run across this? How do you handle it? I feel that it is cowardice on the part of the employee to not address me.

 

Any thoughts? am I missing something? ;)

 

Edited: I think I figured out my own issue. I've been a retail store manager and I would have been very upset with an employee doing this to a customer. So not only do I get upset as a mom, but from the stores perspective. Thanks for letting me vent!

Edited February 23, 2011 by simka2

[Julie in CA]

Because you were right there, and clearly doing nothing about it, the employee probably assumed (correctly) that you didn't intend to do anything, and probably wouldn't even if it was brought to your attention. It's also her *job* to maintain the products in the store, and to present them to customers in the best way possible. I think she probably didn't know what else to do, though she probably should have kept quiet and then gone and re-did the display after you left. :001_huh:

[secular_mom]

 

Any thoughts? am I missing something? ;)

Not sure I understand what he was doing exactly. Was he causing more work for the employees? (they have to straighten the merchandise) Or could she have been under the impression that he was creating more work?

I'm sure they don't want kids dirtying up the yarn either- some kids have dirty/sticky hands and some don't so it's much easier to have a policy of 'don't let any kids play with the yarn'.

Just because he was standing near you does NOT mean that he's your child or with you at all- some people let their kids roam the stores.

Sounds like this particular employee had a bee in her bonnet already though, sorry you was rude to you all.

[simka2]

Because you were right there, and clearly doing nothing about it, the employee probably assumed (correctly) that you didn't intend to do anything, and probably wouldn't even if it was brought to your attention. It's also her *job* to maintain the products in the store, and to present them to customers in the best way possible. I think she probably didn't know what else to do, though she probably should have kept quiet and then gone and re-did the display after you left. :001_huh:

 

Exactly, I am a customer to. She should have waited till I was done, and then fixed it if it was that important. That's what I always did when I was closeing up as a manager, but I would have reemed my staff if they had disturbed a customer in that way.

[simka2]

Not sure I understand what he was doing exactly. Was he causing more work for the employees? (they have to straighten the merchandise) Or could she have been under the impression that he was creating more work?

I'm sure they don't want kids dirtying up the yarn either- some kids have dirty/sticky hands and some don't so it's much easier to have a policy of 'don't let any kids play with the yarn'.

Just because he was standing near you does NOT mean that he's your child or with you at all- some people let their kids roam the stores.

Sounds like this particular employee had a bee in her bonnet already though, sorry you was rude to you all.

 

I don't let them touch the yarn for that reason ;) crochet thread here is plastic wrapped and on an endcap, so we are literally standing in a 3ft square area. It's something I have noticed a lot lately, and is getting on my nerves!!!!

Plus, I hate the bewildered look in their eyes, of "what did I do wrong mommy :001_huh:"

[Aubrey]

Fwiw, there's a store here that went out of business because so many parents brought kids who were misbehaving, & neither the parents nor the employees would do anything about it.

 

In the case you described, it sounds like the employee was a little OCD, too, but broadly speaking, the attitude that "I am a customer" generally comes from people who forget that *others* are customers, too. Employees are really between a rock & a hard place when customers lose respect for each other: someone is going to be offended.

 

If an employee shoved me out of the way, I'd probably ask to speak to a manager. However, I'd also be more careful about finding something else for my children to do other than rearrange displays--partly for the employees, partly for the other customers, partly for my children: if I don't want someone else disciplining them in a way I disapprove of, then I'll take the initiative to prevent the situation in the first place. :001_smile:

[Julie in CA]

Exactly, I am a customer too. She should have waited till I was done, and then fixed it if it was that important. That's what I always did when I was closing up as a manager, but I would have reamed my staff if they had disturbed a customer in that way.

I'm sorry, but I disagree with the idea that because I am a customer, my child should be allowed to create needless work for employees without being corrected. From a business standpoint, she should not have mentioned it, but from a human standpoint, why would you allow it to happen without correction? I'd understand more if you had intended to fix it when you left, but it doesn't sound like you were going to do that.

[simka2]

Fwiw, there's a store here that went out of business because so many parents brought kids who were misbehaving, & neither the parents nor the employees would do anything about it.

 

In the case you described, it sounds like the employee was a little OCD, too, but broadly speaking, the attitude that "I am a customer" generally comes from people who forget that *others* are customers, too. Employees are really between a rock & a hard place when customers lose respect for each other: someone is going to be offended.

 

If an employee shoved me out of the way, I'd probably ask to speak to a manager. However, I'd also be more careful about finding something else for my children to do other than rearrange displays--partly for the employees, partly for the other customers, partly for my children: if I don't want someone else disciplining them in a way I disapprove of, then I'll take the initiative to prevent the situation in the first place. :001_smile:

 

I try, but honestly what I allow and what they think is acceptable is often different. I have no issue with employee's adressing ME. My issue is with them addressig my kids. I don't even care if it is just the employee's preference. Like say, "Hello, Ma'am, your son isn't doing anything that wrong, but would you be willing to ask him not to push the thread back?" Then I will be the first to either explain why I won't (politley) or I will say, "Sure, thanks for asking!"

 

Does that make sense? Kids should have basic manners in public, but what do you do when employee's cross the line?

[Kathleen in VA]

Fwiw, there's a store here that went out of business because so many parents brought kids who were misbehaving, & neither the parents nor the employees would do anything about it.

 

In the case you described, it sounds like the employee was a little OCD, too, but broadly speaking, the attitude that "I am a customer" generally comes from people who forget that *others* are customers, too. Employees are really between a rock & a hard place when customers lose respect for each other: someone is going to be offended.

 

If an employee shoved me out of the way, I'd probably ask to speak to a manager. However, I'd also be more careful about finding something else for my children to do other than rearrange displays--partly for the employees, partly for the other customers, partly for my children: if I don't want someone else disciplining them in a way I disapprove of, then I'll take the initiative to prevent the situation in the first place. :001_smile:

 

:iagree:This.

 

And, I'd be embarrassed if my children were corrected - I may be angry about it for a while, but to be honest, I'd eventually come around to the conclusion that I should have been paying more attention. I had one who organized store shelves - he's the type that has to have everything in order - and I had to really work on him and tell him that if he didn't plan on buying anything, he shouldn't be touching anything.

[simka2]

I'm sorry, but I disagree with the idea that because I am a customer, my child should be allowed to create needless work for employees without being corrected. From a business standpoint, she should not have mentioned it, but from a human standpoint, why would you allow it to happen without correction? I'd understand more if you had intended to fix it when you left, but it doesn't sound like you were going to do that.

 

With this particular child I would not have had to. As soon as he put them all to the back, he would have pulled them all to the front and lined them up again. This is his thing. Yes, I allow him to push things to the back, and pull them up. No, I do not allow him to make a mess.

[simka2]

:iagree:This.

 

And, I'd be embarrassed if my children were corrected - I may be angry about it for a while, but to be honest, I'd eventually come around to the conclusion that I should have been paying more attention. I had one who organized store shelves - he's the type that has to have everything in order - and I had to really work on him and tell him that if he didn't plan on buying anything, he shouldn't be touching anything.

 

In this case I was fully paying attention. We talk often about not touching, and I am firm about some types of items...but not plastic wrapped things of thread that cannot possibly break ;).

 

Well, guess I am just weird, and hate when strangers talk directly to my kids without addressing me. :D

[Danestress]

It would annoy me to have someone correct my child's conduct if there is an "eye of the beholder" issue regarding the conduct. For example, if my child is chewing ice and you think chewing ice is bad for the teeth and a problem, you probably should say something to me, not to my child. Maybe I allow it.

 

But if the child is breaking your rule or messing with your merchandise and my feelings on it are not really relevant, I don't have a problem with someone addressing my child. "Sorry honey, but we require shoes in the store," for example. Since my opinion on shoes as a Mom is totally irrelevant because it's their store, their rule, I guess they can just say so to my child.

 

I'm not sure about the thread thing. It sounds like he was rearranging merchandise in a way she didn't like. It's their store, their merchandise, so I don't think it's a big deal that she said something, and I don't really see children as some sort of sub-group that I can't speak to, so it wouldn't occur to me not to speak directly to the child (in a nice, matter of fact way). But I am not sure whether I think what your child was doing really was a problem anyway - sounds like he was just making the display look nicer?

 

I tend to agree that I wouldn't correct it though. I kid would have to be doing something pretty destructive for me to correct it when the Mom is right there.

[Aubrey]

I try, but honestly what I allow and what they think is acceptable is often different. Ok, so you learn after a few embarrassing encounters what's ok & what's not.I have no issue with employee's adressing ME. My issue is with them addressig my kids. Like PP said, what's the point of talking to the parent if the parent is obviously allowing it? Some people feel the opposite of you, btw, that addressing the parent instead of the kid is sort-of insulting to the kid, treating them as if they aren't there. Like I said, a rock & a hard place for employees.I don't even care if it is just the employee's preference. Like say, "Hello, Ma'am, your son isn't doing anything that wrong, but would you be willing to ask him not to push the thread back?" Then I will be the first to either explain why I won't (politley) or I will say, "Sure, thanks for asking!"

 

Does that make sense? Kids should have basic manners in public, but what do you do when employee's cross the line?

 

The bolded part: :svengo:. Glad I don't work retail.

 

Instead of asking what to do when employees cross the line, ask yourself if other parents encounter this from employees a lot, & if not, why not.

[Aubrey]

With this particular child I would not have had to. As soon as he put them all to the back, he would have pulled them all to the front and lined them up again. This is his thing. Yes, I allow him to push things to the back, and pull them up. No, I do not allow him to make a mess.

 

*This* I completely understand. I have one who liked to fix messy displays. I had a checker correct him once, but when I told her what he was doing, she looked again, & actually thanked him.

 

*However*--if she had still been bothered by it, even if she hadn't said so--I would have stopped him. I would NEVER have told her NO, my kid will do whatever is ok with ME when he's touching store merchandise.

[simka2]

The bolded part: :svengo:. Glad I don't work retail.

 

Instead of asking what to do when employees cross the line, ask yourself if other parents encounter this from employees a lot, & if not, why not.

Some people feel the opposite of you, btw, that addressing the parent instead of the kid is sort-of insulting to the kid, treating them as if they aren't there. Like I said, a rock & a hard place for employees

 

Good point! That is something I had not considered, and allows me to have a bit more compassion on the employee...thanks!

 

....and actually, it is a very rare occurance...I just HATE IT when they address my kids, but that is me.

[Aubrey]

Some people feel the opposite of you, btw, that addressing the parent instead of the kid is sort-of insulting to the kid, treating them as if they aren't there. Like I said, a rock & a hard place for employees

 

Good point! That is something I had not considered, and allows me to have a bit more compassion on the employee...thanks!

 

....and actually, it is a very rare occurance...I just HATE IT when they address my kids, but that is me.

 

It sounds like this is fresh for you, & this employee really did cross a line, whether or not everybody agrees on the other details. :grouphug:

 

I did have a lady chew me out one day (another customer) for walking too far away from my buggy (3' or less) while my purse was in it. I told her she could mind her own business. Then I felt awful--I *never* do stuff like that--I apologized & thanked her for her opinion.

 

Really, I found her nosiness *quite* annoying, but really, it was a bad day for me, a culture clash more than anything, & you know...I'm more careful about my purse in public now (I was careful before, but still). She meant well. And she was from a different part of the country with much higher crime rates.

 

All that to say, there are some days when too many people share their opinions on too many things, & those days stink so bad! :tongue_smilie::D

[Joyofsixreboot]

On the other side of the fence here. I welcome others correcting my children BUT if you were angered by it I would have told her so.

[stormy weather]

. 

 

[Lady Florida.]

I don't have a problem with an employee addressing/correcting my child as long as he or she does it politely. Sometimes employees are more polite to adults than they are to children, and that's one of my pet peeves.

 

For whatever reason, she thought what he was doing was inappropriate, and I'd accept that. However, I have to say that my experience with every Hobby Lobby store I've been to is that they really aren't kid friendly. For that reason, when I have a choice between Hobby Lobby and another craft store, I almost always choose the other one.

[simka2]

It sounds like this is fresh for you, & this employee really did cross a line, whether or not everybody agrees on the other details. :grouphug:

 

 

Actually, it happened over 3 months ago!!! The playplace thread got me thinking about it, again. ;)

 

See, now your making me think of all kinds of things I didn't want too! :D I guess there is room for me to be a bit more compassionate, but by golly...if my kids are quiet, within 12inches of me, and not destroying anything. I think they are being great!!! ;)

Edited February 23, 2011 by simka2

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Well, I don't know about your particular situation, but when I worked in my SIL's Christmas store, I corrected children all the time who were on the verge of breaking merchandise, because their parents either didn't notice or didn't care. Often when a child broke something, the parents wouldn't even offer to pay for the item. One time, a kid was repeatedly ramming his little sister's stroller into a display table, so I actually went over and physically removed him and the stroller from the area, because his mother was no where in sight.

[simka2]

Well, I don't know about your particular situation, but when I worked in my SIL's Christmas store, I corrected children all the time who were on the verge of breaking merchandise, because their parents either didn't notice or didn't care. Often when a child broke something, the parents wouldn't even offer to pay for the item. One time, a kid was repeatedly ramming his little sister's stroller into a display table, so I actually went over and physically removed him and the stroller from the area, because his mother was no where in sight.

 

This I agree with. And I know how frustrating that is! As a manager I have stopped and chatted with kids until I could catch the eye of the parent. I would have done the same thing in that situation.

[angela in ohio]

I'm sorry, but I disagree with the idea that because I am a customer, my child should be allowed to create needless work for employees without being corrected.

 

I agree.

 

I would have had a very different reaction. I would have been mortified that my dc were touching merchandise that didn't belong to them, and I would have apologized to the clerk (unless she really did push me physically, then I would have been ticked.)

 

I really appreciate it when others correct my dc. We are already against the "whatever goes" attitude of the world, and I like for them to see every once in a while that it's not jsut mom and dad who expect them to behave themselves.

[simka2]

On the other side of the fence here. I welcome others correcting my children BUT if you were angered by it I would have told her so.

 

This got me thinking. There have been times when my kids were misbehaving. Say, spinning in the aisle after I told them not to, and an employee has asked them to stop. That, I really do not have an issue with. In fact I appreciate the lesson my kids learn, and the fact that they realize I don't put arbitrary rules on them. (although I would have also appreciated her coming directly to me, because my kids would have witnessed that as well)

 

Now, I have confused myself :confused:. Hmmmmmm....

 

Oh, good gracious! This is why I have a love hate relationship with this forum ;) but it's what I wanted. To see it from a bunch of different angels.

[simka2]

I agree.

 

I would have had a very different reaction. I would have been mortified that my dc were touching merchandise that didn't belong to them, and I would have apologized to the clerk (unless she really did push me physically, then I would have been ticked.)

 

I really appreciate it when others correct my dc. We are already against the "whatever goes" attitude of the world, and I like for them to see every once in a while that it's not jsut mom and dad who expect them to behave themselves.

Well, she turned her body horizontally to mine and wedged herself in between me and the display I was looking at. She physically touched me, then turned even more so her back was literally pressing into my front, so I had to take a step back.

 

I can't imagine being mortified that my children were touching things. I ask them to touch things all the time. They know not to touch certain things, but my son is 8 I definetly allow him to touch things ;).

[simka2]

:iagree:with the bolded part. I would like the opportunity to take care of what they are doing myself before someone else corrects my kids.

 

Thank you! You put that very well :001_smile:.

[angela in ohio]

Well, she turned her body horizontally to mine and wedged herself in between me and the display I was looking at. She physically touched me, then turned even more so her back was literally pressing into my front, so I had to take a step back.

 

I can't imagine being mortified that my children were touching things. I ask them to touch things all the time. They know not to touch certain things, but my son is 8 I definetly allow him to touch things ;).

 

I would have said something to her about the phsyical part then.

 

I teach my dc not to touch things that don't belong to them without permission, so anything in a store is off-limits unless we are purchasing it. If you don't have that rule, then they aren't breaking your rules, so you wouldn't need to be bothered by it. :001_smile:

[Crissy]

He was not hurting the merchandise, and he was being quiet and well behaved...he was just focused on what he was doing.

 

He probably was not hurting a thing, but I would also suspect that you are not the first parent to let her child do this type of thing. If I were the employee and had to rearrange the handi-work of several children everyday (because I would likely be responsible to a manager or supervisor for the appearance of a particular area of the store) I would be ticked that parents wouldn't ask their kids to stop moving the products on the shelves.

 

Then she pushed me out of the way

 

Well, she turned her body horizontally to mine and wedged herself in between me and the display I was looking at. She physically touched me, then turned even more so her back was literally pressing into my front, so I had to take a step back.

 

:confused:

[simka2]

 

 

 

 

:confused:

 

I don't understand the smiley. I wrote pushed, but she did not put 2 hands on me and shove. She sorta t-boned me, and then pivoted so her back was to me and stepped backwards into me.

 

To me that's being "pushed" out of the way ;).

[Parrothead]

Well, she turned her body horizontally to mine and wedged herself in between me and the display I was looking at. She physically touched me, then turned even more so her back was literally pressing into my front, so I had to take a step back.

 

I can't imagine being mortified that my children were touching things. I ask them to touch things all the time. They know not to touch certain things, but my son is 8 I definetly allow him to touch things ;).

It might be a bit of a generational thing too. About how old was the clerk? When I was growing up one was told to put one's hands in one's pockets so as to not touch anything in the store. One does not behave like an elephant in a china shop.

 

I don't know how often you are in this particular store, but I do want to point out that you know your son better than a random clerk. I'd be willing to bet what she saw was your son pushing the merchandise back and leaving it, where you saw your son pushing the merchandise back with the full intent of pulling it forward again.

 

How many times a day has an employee of the store had to go behind some random kid who has mishandled the merchandise? To the clerk your son was just one more kid making a mess.

 

Also how many times has a clerk tried to say something to a parent who just brushed it off, or worse, told the clerk off? Sometimes it is just easier to say, "Please don't do that," to the kid and avoid the parental confrontation.

[Crissy]

I don't understand the smiley. I wrote pushed, but she did not put 2 hands on me and shove. She sorta t-boned me, and then pivoted so her back was to me and stepped backwards into me.

 

To me that's being "pushed" out of the way ;).

 

I didn't how your first statement fit the later definition.

[simka2]

It might be a bit of a generational thing too. About how old was the clerk? When I was growing up one was told to put one's hands in one's pockets so as to not touch anything in the store. One does not behave like an elephant in a china shop.

 

I don't know how often you are in this particular store, but I do want to point out that you know your son better than a random clerk. I'd be willing to bet what she saw was your son pushing the merchandise back and leaving it, where you saw your son pushing the merchandise back with the full intent of pulling it forward again.

 

How many times a day has an employee of the store had to go behind some random kid who has mishandled the merchandise? To the clerk your son was just one more kid making a mess.

 

Also how many times has a clerk tried to say something to a parent who just brushed it off, or worse, told the clerk off? Sometimes it is just easier to say, "Please don't do that," to the kid and avoid the parental confrontation.

 

Yes, you are right, I think it was generational....but I still don't like it :tongue_smilie:. Even if she had been yelled at by other moms, I still think in "most" situations...she "should" have spoken to me. But, that is just me ;)

[Kathleen in VA]

In this case I was fully paying attention. We talk often about not touching, and I am firm about some types of items...but not plastic wrapped things of thread that cannot possibly break ;).

 

Well, guess I am just weird, and hate when strangers talk directly to my kids without addressing me. :D

 

Oh, no, you are not weird at all!! I hate it too - but I sometimes figure I may have been at least somewhat to blame and have to work through the anger and embarrassment and all. I can see why his touching plastic wrapped items wouldn't seem like such a big deal, but I think it would be easier for your son if it were an all or nothing deal. Just don't touch, period. That makes it easier for him to watch his own behavior. If he has to wonder if this or that is ok or not, it could get frustrating. And since it wouldn't hurt him to never touch anything he has no intention of buying, I'd opt for teaching him to never touch stuff. That keeps him safe, kwim?

 

As far as her wedging her body in between you and the merchandise. Whew! That was majorly rude. Sounds like she may have burnt her toast that morning. I might have been inclined to say, "Hey, kids, let's go spend mommy's money at another store where the customers are appreciated," and walked out. In that case, it is a matter of principle. Being rude to customers is absolutely unacceptable.

 

She probably didn't consider her correcting your son to be rude though. She probably thought as an adult and a worker at the store, she had the authority to bypass you and speak directly to him. I'd let that pass, but not the wedging.

[simka2]

Oh, no, you are not weird at all!! I hate it too - but I sometimes figure I may have been at least somewhat to blame and have to work through the anger and embarrassment and all. I can see why his touching plastic wrapped items wouldn't seem like such a big deal, but I think it would be easier for your son if it were an all or nothing deal. Just don't touch, period. That makes it easier for him to watch his own behavior. If he has to wonder if this or that is ok or not, it could get frustrating. And since it wouldn't hurt him to never touch anything he has no intention of buying, I'd opt for teaching him to never touch stuff. That keeps him safe, kwim?

 

As far as her wedging her body in between you and the merchandise. Whew! That was majorly rude. Sounds like she may have burnt her toast that morning. I might have been inclined to say, "Hey, kids, let's go spend mommy's money at another store where the customers are appreciated," and walked out. In that case, it is a matter of principle. Being rude to customers is absolutely unacceptable.

 

She probably didn't consider her correcting your son to be rude though. She probably thought as an adult and a worker at the store, she had the authority to bypass you and speak directly to him. I'd let that pass, but not the wedging.

 

This made me laugh!!! Thanks. All my kids crochet, so it kinda made the situation worse. Granted, I was looking for me at that moment, but he was organizing (in his own way), and looking at the color options..to boot. ;)

 

But, she probly didn't have a clue ;). I'm trying to find a balance between teaching them compassion and graciousness with others foibles, while at them same time encouraging their independence, confidence, and the knowledge that just because their kids does not mean they do not deserve to be treated with respect. It's a fine line, and I see that now :001_smile:.

[Ellie]

Well, she turned her body horizontally to mine and wedged herself in between me and the display I was looking at. She physically touched me, then turned even more so her back was literally pressing into my front, so I had to take a step back.

Ok...that was inappropriate.

 

I'm not bothered by employees telling children not to touch the merchandise. It isn't their job to know that *this* child can touch resposonsibly; they are just in charge of being sure that the merchandise stays sellable. But this woman's behavior was over the top.