JessReplanted Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 My husband thinks that homeschooling adds too much stress to my life. He thinks that I spend too much of my day being frustrated or upset about school issues. He thinks that I would be a happier person if we sent our 8 year old son to school (public school b/c we don't have $ for anything else) next year. :angry: I think he's wrong. I feel like homeschooling is SO important. I don't think that anything good would come from public school. Waking him up early in the morning, spending hours in the afternoon doing homework, dealing with attitudes and all that junk that comes from other kids... and then there's the general lack of real learning. Have I just been spending too long inside the homeschooling world? I think my husband is crazy to even consider it. :crying: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 :grouphug: He is concerned about you it sounds like. How are you dealing with the stress of homeschool? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeckyFL Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. I think that's the key. He is responding to what you are saying to him. It's all in HOW you say things. And since what you say comes from what you think, it's all in how YOU see things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kchara Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 My husband says that to me at least twice a year. When I get hysterical at the thought of school, he then tries to put them on a computer based curriculum (usually SOS). I've always been able to talk him down, but it's ALWAYS because I've been venting to him, and I'm generally frustrated. Not always without cause, but still. Have you read Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit? It does wonders for me when I'm in that season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnL Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 We haven't reached there, but I could see that happening eventually if I continue to vent to my dh. I think what has prevented us from getting there is my vent always includes, "Can you imagine how bad that behavior would be at public school? I'm so glad we're homeschooling." Most of my homeschooling vents come from my middle child's behavior, and he is the reason we began homeschooling in the first place. You know how couples vent to each other about their "work"? Normally we just listen to each other and that's all we can do. But in this case, your dh can "fix the problem" for you, and he's being a caring dh in wanting to "fix it". Of course, that's not what you want, you just want him to empathize. So definitely come here for a lot of your venting. We can all definitely empathize with frustrating homeschool situations. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. :iagree: Although my dh did convert, I did learn not to complain because men like to fix things and sometimes the only "fix" they can see is to return the kid to school. He's just trying to help :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I agree with Jean and others...men want to fix stuff that looks broken...unhappy wife is a BIG issue in the mind of an honorable husband. If (big if, I don't know if you're doing this) you are projecting that you are frustrated, miserable, anxious, he wants it (needs it) to be fixed...his only idea to fix is to go back to PS. FWIW, if I came home from work bitterly complaining every day, my dear wife would encourage me to quit/change jobs... Try to relax...your child is just eight yrs old? I would try to focus on having more fun, more mommy & less teacher. DH will come around if you seem more satisfied. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. This and mostly I think public school would be just as or more stress. Same poo, different location.;) You would still have to deal with it, only with the added mix of classmates and teachers. Yeah. Not seeing less stress there personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kwickimom Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 This is my first year HS'ing and I have been very careful not to vent to DH. We havent had many problems (mainly our 2YO :)) so it hasnt been a big deal. I know that if I tell him everything that went wrong, he will tell me to send them back. So as tired as I am, and as much as the kids drive me nuts, and even if my eyes are crossed after reading 2 million curriculum threads, I keep my mouth shut and come here. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. Yes, stop venting to your dh. Way back when mine were young and I'd get stressed my dh would try to "solve" my problem with the suggestion of school. They mean well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Very typical male response, but also very annoying! What if, every time he complained about work, you advised him to find a new job? It's not that simple, sheesh. While I do think that sometimes the solution is to quit complaining to that person, it might be worth explaining to him that you are merely venting, just as he does after a rough day at work. If you truly aren't overly stressed, then venting about homeschool doesn't mean that public school is the solution, just as dh venting about his job doesn't mean that a new job is the solution. I know that it would annoy me if dh complained to me, and I couldn't complain in return, lol! Or have him read this thread :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2denj Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. :iagree:Ask him to give you a month to try to approach it differently. Then come here and vent!! =) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 :iagree: It helps to find positive things to share with dh, even if it's simply the kids telling daddy about whatever they are reading. Also, HSing is work. It's work that takes time...time away from other things. If you are the sole cook, laundress, tidier, chauffer, shopper, bill payer, coach, nurse, fixer of broken things, etc, etc...then some shifting may be in order, but it may not be school that needs the shifting...and a spoiled dh may not like that so well (not saying yours is spoiled...just saying I've seen it.:tongue_smilie:). If you think that is the case, then some clear and specific communication about what *the family* needs in order to run smoothly is in order. Would you be able to do all of those things all by yourself if you were teaching outside of your home? Why is inside different? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FaithManor Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Barry Goldwater is handing out wise homeschooling dad advice. My dh is totally, 100% on board with homeschooling. But, he is a fixer. Therefore, I have to pick and choose my venting ground because he will "fix" those boys, even if that fix makes things worse for me the next day. This board is a great place to "let loose" so let it out here. Don't lie to your dh about homeschool life, but be sure that you don't over emphasize the negatives and you always highlight the positives. If you need something from him, clearly and sweetly define the need. "Darling, Jim Bob Joey was sassy with me today and I had trouble pinpointing the source of his issue. Would you please talk with Jim Bob Joey while I have a bubble bath and make plans for tomorrow? I love you!' Smoochie, smoochie...that usually works without the fixer feeling like he's got to take the bull by the horns and institute massive change. There is a reason that SWB believes that homeschooling can not be accomplished without chocolate chips and M & M's. Hope you get it all sorted out! Faith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Another thought to add, too. I was WAY more stressed with the problems my older son was having in public school than with any issues we have at home. And you are right about the homework and the limited time with your son if he goes to PS. It will be a totally different lifestyle, which can also be a huge stressor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) Very typical male response, but also very annoying! nevermind...thank you, 'TeachinMine!' I was off my rocker...the flu bugs in my house got me batty. Edited February 23, 2011 by Barry Goldwater my stupidity... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teachin'Mine Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I think the response was directed toward the OP's husband, not you. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrappyhappymama Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 wow...that's offensive...I was trying to help the dear lady... I think she meant the OP's husband, not you. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barry Goldwater Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I think she meant the OP's husband, not you. :001_smile: Ya, just fixed it...thanks...I'm way too sensitive after the day I had, so I'm going to bed..., over & out...:leaving: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) Hsing is not the answer for every family, in every situation. Keeping your concerns/daily needs from your partner is not the healthiest thing one could do. You shouldn't have to go this alone. I love the boards, but it is not a replacement for the father of my children. Dh & I are in this life toether! This is our home, this is our family. Edited February 23, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wy_kid_wrangler04 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. I think that's the key. He is responding to what you are saying to him. It's all in HOW you say things. And since what you say comes from what you think, it's all in how YOU see things. :iagree: Our first year homeschooling dh said the same thing to me. I highly recommend you show him all the good that is coming out of your homeschool, vent to us on the forum (we can have advice to get you past your frustrations to I bet) and just let dh see all the good. In the mean time, put in a list all the concerns you have for sending your dc to public school (every.little.one) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snipsnsnailsx5 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. :iagree: And I put on a fake happy face and say that our day was "GREAT!" when he gets home. ;) Also, I have been making steps towards getting into more of a schedule using a system like Managers of Their Homes/Chores. He sees this and sees that I'm making more effort to get things less stressful also. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Hsing is not the answer for every family, in every situation. Keeping your concerns/daily needs from your partner is not the healthiest thing one could do. You shouldn't have to go this alone. I love the boards, but it is not a replacement for the father of my children. Dh & I are in this life toether! This is our home, this is our family. Oh, I don't think you should lie to your spouse or put on a false front. But I know that I was venting a lot more than I should have to my dh when all I wanted was commiseration instead of a solution as such. I had to learn that just venting to him to blow off steam was not healthy for us. (BTW - he doesn't come home and vent every night about his job either.) Once I started to stop before I started venting, and really thought about what I needed, it helped. Sometimes I realized that what I really wanted was empathy and my husband was not the person to get that from because he hadn't btdt. This board met (and still meets) that need for me most of the time. Sometimes I need to let him know of basic character/behavior issues that I'm working on so that we can work as a team. I learned to preface that with a disclaimer that "I'm working on this but wanted to let you know." It gives him a heads up that he doesn't need to go into fix-it mode. Sometimes I do need a solution and I take a two pronged approach - I ask here on the board but I also ask dh. He has been very helpful about everything from phonics to focus issues. Actually trying to find solutions instead of just venting has been a much healthier way for me to handle my stress too. You probably aren't as bad as I was. My dc were picking up on my constant venting. I was really brought up short when my dd (about 5 at the time) told me that she didn't want kids because they only caused trouble.:crying: And that is so far from what I think! Once I started to change my pattern with my dh, my attitude toward my dc improved. Now my dd tells me about all her future kids that I'm going to babysit for her! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I have a completely different perspective. Assuming you're dealing w/ 8yo boy stress, 4yo in the same house stress, & O. M. G. 2yo stress :svengo: --& nothing beyond these normal day-to-day things... Talk to your dh. This sounds like a typical marriage/communication issue. If you tell him that it "fixes" your problems to talk about them AND you suggest other good ways for him to "fix" the problem, he might be glad for the pointers. Mine has come to believe in hs'ing more passionately than I do, but he's still a "fixer." When I have a bad day, he still wants to "solve" the problem, but he values hs'ing, so he "solves" things in other ways--making dinner, trying to oversee some schoolwork, etc. Instead of letting him "fix" things in a way that will make your life more "broken" (speaking in male terms), maybe talking to him *more*--when you're both calm--would be a good idea. If you tell him which "fixes" he's offered that have made things better, that will get his attention. It's possible that dh isn't the best person to hear the venting, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion yet. :grouphug: Oh--one other thing--I found out a few years ago that when I would vent--about the messy house, hs, etc--somehow, dh was hearing, "THIS IS YOUR FAULT." That shocked me. How could the kids' mess be HIS FAULT? Or their behavior, or whatever else? Sometimes it was stuff that was my fault, & I was cranky at myself. So I told him that it was just a statement of fact. The bathroom's a mess. There's nothing hidden in that statement. He tries to take me at face value more often now, but I also try to clarify those complaints when I realize I'm making them: I just follow up by telling him I'm not blaming him. Sometimes it's that simple. Sometimes, though, that will remind me of something I'd been meaning to tell him I really appreciated, so he gets a compliment or a thank-you out of the deal. And I think...nobody really tells us (esp men) going into it how...*emotionally* exhausting it is to have children. Not for a day or a week or the year that they're 2, but consistently, year after year, until you're gray. Not that it's bad, but more like...they're carving you into this beautiful canyon, & sometimes it hurts & sometimes it's exhausting, & sometimes you think, "HEY! I'm supposed to be the mountain!" If you weren't in parenting to be changed (& who was?), the changes the kids effect on you start to be noticeable around 5-8 years in, &...I don't know. That's something we have to come to terms w/. I think that can be harder for men. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 When my husband says that kind of thing I remind him that just because something is hard and frustration doesn't mean it isn't the right thing to do. In fact, it usually does mean it is the right thing to do :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I think your DH is seeing an immediate gratification type of solution. But having children in school can be stressful as well. Just listen to parents with kids in school complaining about all the problems they have. Tell your DH that you would be trading one set of issues for another and at least this situation is within YOUR (meaning both you and your DH) control. I do understand the ladies who suggest you vent here, but that wouldn't work for me. I get extremely upset and feel rejected if I can't vent to my DH. However, we got past the 'fix-it' solutions years ago, and I'm not talking just about homeschool. We talked about why I vent and why he wants to fix the things I vent about. I'm emotional, he's analytical. He learned that my venting was a way to release pent-up stress and I learned that he loves me a great deal and wants me to be happy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I agree with Jean and others...men want to fix stuff that looks broken...unhappy wife is a BIG issue in the mind of an honorable husband. If (big if, I don't know if you're doing this) you are projecting that you are frustrated, miserable, anxious, he wants it (needs it) to be fixed...his only idea to fix is to go back to PS. FWIW, if I came home from work bitterly complaining every day, my dear wife would encourage me to quit/change jobs... Try to relax...your child is just eight yrs old? I would try to focus on having more fun, more mommy & less teacher. DH will come around if you seem more satisfied. :) These are wise words, Mr. G! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JessReplanted Posted February 23, 2011 Author Share Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks for your responses. I know that he loves me and is trying to help me. There are days when I am a complete walking ball of stress. But I feel like there are other ways that he could 'help' me out - like give me time to exercise by myself, and make sure my responsibilities at church are limited. He is a pastor, and is also spontaneous and tends to decide he wants to invite someone over for dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon. That kind of stuff unglues me. :tongue_smilie: I don't think that me venting is the issue. I think it has more to do with the fact that when he sees me (first thing in the morning & around dinner time) I am stressed out. He doesn't understand that our entire day is not like that (usually). He does see the benefits of homeschooling, he just thinks it's too much for me. At some point - when I can stop being so angry about this - we're really going to have to pray through all of this together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) This is my first year of homeschooling and I have been going through the same thing. I finally sat down with my dh after he told me I couldn't hs next year. All he was hearing was my frustration, but not the reason for it. I'm not frustrated that I'm hs. I'm frustrated that the public school system has given my 7th grader a 2nd grade language arts education...he couldn't even write a sentence at the beginning of the year..now we are writing paragraphs. My frustration came from realizing that everything I bought for him was not going to work so that ment more money for books that would. Now my dh understands and is willing to hear me completely and it is better. But I have also changed some things that help with my stress level. If it is going to be "one of those" days, we may just do math and verbally go over grammer. If it's really bad then we snuggle on the couch and do SOTW..whatever feels right. It also helps if you have goals that you want to meet by the end of your school year. For me it was finishing pre algebra and my son being able to write a proper sentence. I've met one goal and we are almost done with prealgebra so everything else is gravy. Relax, and enjoy your child. Before you know it he will be all grown up. Edited February 23, 2011 by dakarimom5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melissel Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Thanks for your responses. I know that he loves me and is trying to help me. There are days when I am a complete walking ball of stress. But I feel like there are other ways that he could 'help' me out - like give me time to exercise by myself, and make sure my responsibilities at church are limited. He is a pastor, and is also spontaneous and tends to decide he wants to invite someone over for dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon. That kind of stuff unglues me. :tongue_smilie: I don't think that me venting is the issue. I think it has more to do with the fact that when he sees me (first thing in the morning & around dinner time) I am stressed out. He doesn't understand that our entire day is not like that (usually). He does see the benefits of homeschooling, he just thinks it's too much for me. At some point - when I can stop being so angry about this - we're really going to have to pray through all of this together. I think it sounds like you have a lot of other things to talk about besides HSing :grouphug: My advice as I was reading through this thread was going to be that you should think about what exactly it is you're stressed about and tackle those issues one by one. Discipline issues? Start there. Bad sleep schedule? Get on a better one. And so on. But it also sounds like you need to work with your DH on finding some solutions to the things you just mentioned, because IMO, time to yourself to do the things you NEED to do and not having to live under the expectation that people could just show up at your house for dinner on any given night at a moment's notice are non-negotiable, and they have nothing to do with HSing. Talk to him about it. He sounds like a kind and reasonable man. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheryl Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 My husband thinks that homeschooling adds too much stress to my life. He thinks that I spend too much of my day being frustrated or upset about school issues. He thinks that I would be a happier person if we sent our 8 year old son to school (public school b/c we don't have $ for anything else) next year. :angry: I think he's wrong. I feel like homeschooling is SO important. I don't think that anything good would come from public school. Waking him up early in the morning, spending hours in the afternoon doing homework, dealing with attitudes and all that junk that comes from other kids... and then there's the general lack of real learning. Have I just been spending too long inside the homeschooling world? I think my husband is crazy to even consider it. :crying: My dad and uncle are retired from upper public school administrators. They are in there mid 80's now, so that put them in the ps in the 50's and 60's. They have told me stories (good and bad). They are BOTH PRO-HOMESCHOOLILNG because being "schooled" years ago was different than today. I know many here do have their dc in ps and are doing so successfully. BUT, I agree with you. Overall I do not think the ps system is good. There are exceptions, but usually it is a breeding ground for many problems. You could check to see if they have a "per class" option....either core or elective. Perhaps he could go for 1 or 2 subjects? Or, what about a co-op? The co-op I started cost about $100 a year b/c the parents teach the classes they are degreed or highly experienced/knowledgable in. Keep researching and something will pop up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMary2 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. I agree. The day I stopped complaining to my husband was the day after he told me to "stick them in school" so I wouldn't have to deal with it. He didn't want me to really do that, but he did want me to stop whining to him everyday.:D Now, if I have something to vent about I call another homeschooling mom who can relate. I get it out of my system and do a quick run down in my head of why I homeschool, just to remind myself that it could be worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Jess, I had to stop venting to my dh everyday because this was his solution too. Instead, I come here to vent and to look for real practical solutions so that I don't have to vent so much. I agree. I do not talk homeschooling issues with dh anymore. He is very pro homeschool and probably would rather we unschool....so, my fretting over curricula or lesson plans or grades etc. Meet with a blank stare and the solution to pack up the schooly stuff and let the kids learn. Hurumph. I tell him that is what I do every summer.:D. Anyway, men think when we vent, we want them to solve the problem. Uh....no. I just want him to listen, let me blow off steam, pat me on the back and tell me I am doing a great job, then allow us both to go about our business. I come here now, and to my blog...write what I have to say, feel better and get on to life as usual. Good luck. Hope things work out. Faithe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 But I feel like there are other ways that he could 'help' me out - like give me time to exercise by myself, and make sure my responsibilities at church are limited. He is a pastor, and is also spontaneous and tends to decide he wants to invite someone over for dinner at 4:30 in the afternoon. That kind of stuff unglues me. :tongue_smilie: Would he expect you to put on dinner for guests spontaneously if you were teaching at the local ps all day that day? Probably not...It's easy to think that b/c your are HOME that you aren't *really* working...and tacking another task onto your day is no biggie. If you are trying to do the work of 25 able-bodied adults in one day, that would explain the stress. If your responsibilities in the ministry were clearly defined and planned and limited to hours outside of schooling and basic family time, would that cut down on a chunk of the stress? If yes, the stress isn't school-related. I understand the stresses of the ministry (I'm a PW too.). A discussion on healthy boundary setting for the sake of your family is good to have periodically. It's a fine line between ministering as a family and using your family as a ministry tool. If you are feeling used/stressed about it, then it's trickling down to the kids too. It's *vital* to work this out or the ministry will slowly (or quickly) eat away at your family's mental/emotional health.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I would see it as your venting is worrying/stressing HIM, and he is trying to fix it the most direct way he knows how. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tntgoodwin Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I agree with Jean and others...men want to fix stuff that looks broken...unhappy wife is a BIG issue in the mind of an honorable husband. If (big if, I don't know if you're doing this) you are projecting that you are frustrated, miserable, anxious, he wants it (needs it) to be fixed...his only idea to fix is to go back to PS. FWIW, if I came home from work bitterly complaining every day, my dear wife would encourage me to quit/change jobs... Try to relax...your child is just eight yrs old? I would try to focus on having more fun, more mommy & less teacher. DH will come around if you seem more satisfied. :) As a husband, I can second this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tantechell Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) where we are- the public school will NOT let a homeschooled student atend UNLESS they have been accredited records. I didn't go that route (extra expense). Also, uniforms are mandatory at our public schools..(also extra expense- we have 6 kids--even if a uniform cost $30- that's $30 x 6= $180 to dress for school for ONE day! and we would have to have @ least 3 uniforms each - do alot of lauundry during weeek- that's $180 x 3= $540 for just clothes that get them in the door- dont get me started on suppplies.. BUT I digress..) This is enough to make me stop my vent @ DH :bigear: Edited February 23, 2011 by tantechell Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 well I had to learn that when I vented about my day it was about my kids and lack of obedience and not a school issue, which in most cases it was. IF it is a school issue I need to deal with it. I can share with dh every detail, but then he gets concerned about me and stress. Find a friend to talk school with if possible. For me, realizing our struggles were often a parent/child issue and not school helped me discern what to vent about to dh. And dh knew when to intervene. But a friend who gets what you do and the stress involved is the best person to vent about your day to. Share the success with your dh and perhaps he won't see you as stressed. And if you are stressed, then take a lighter path for a bit and try to enjoy it. I didn't enjoy those first few years enough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tullia Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) I agree with a lot of what's been posted, but I'm also wondering if homeschooling is only a tertiary issue here. Perhaps you need to sort out what role you are expected to play in the ministry. Are you regarded as an official or unofficial co-pastor, or are you allowed to be the pastor's spouse with your primary ministry to him and your family? Pastors we've known are careful to define expectations and guard their wives' time and health. I grew up in a small town with lots of small churches. Life can be stressful for PW's and PK's. This is only one person's opinion, but mothers of young children have a full plate, and the people around them should respect that. Also, it sounds like your husband loves to extend hospitality on short notice which isn't a hsing issue either. Regular entertaining when you have small children isn't easy. That's something else you might want to discuss with him, but I do understand you are "church planters" so it is important to extend hospitality. Do the people you invite expect an elaborate meal and a perfect house? You might say that you're open to having guests on certain days so you can make plans and ask your dh to respect your need for predictability. Another option; if he wants to keep the option to invite people on short notice then tell him fine; we've got plenty of ______ in the slow cooker, can he stop at the store and be home in time to help you cook or straighten the house. If he wants to be able to entertain guests on short notice while you have young children, then I think it's reasonable for him to help with shopping and preparations. Pastor's schedules are usually flexible, and once your children are older things will be easier. Just my two cents, YMMV... Martha Edited February 23, 2011 by Martha in NM typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I think it sounds like you have a lot of other things to talk about besides HSing :grouphug: My advice as I was reading through this thread was going to be that you should think about what exactly it is you're stressed about and tackle those issues one by one. Discipline issues? Start there. Bad sleep schedule? Get on a better one. And so on. But it also sounds like you need to work with your DH on finding some solutions to the things you just mentioned, because IMO, time to yourself to do the things you NEED to do and not having to live under the expectation that people could just show up at your house for dinner on any given night at a moment's notice are non-negotiable, and they have nothing to do with HSing. Talk to him about it. He sounds like a kind and reasonable man. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.