He wants to go to highschool, but...

[TheApprentice]

I don't want him to. Our 8th grade home school year (in the fall) will look different if the intent is to put him back to school. Would you let your dc decide, or would you pull out the parent card? Some of the reasons (concerns) we home school still exist in the high schools. I started home schooling this ds when he was entering the 6th grade, and I was hoping he would just fall in love with being home, because he really did not like going to ps for K-5, but it looks like that may not be the case.:sad:

[Jenny in Florida]

. . . I think you are the parent for a good reason. I believe that we, as adults, have more knowledge and experience and usually better judgement. And, therefore, I think we have the final say.

 

However, I would certainly listen carefully to my child's arguments and give serious weight to them as I made my decision.

 

Here's an example from our lives this year: My son got very interested in the possibility of applying for our county's performing arts magnet high school. He may be headed in that direction as a career, and he was enthusiastic about spending his time immersed in a community of other kids with the same interests, as well as getting to spend such a big percentage of his time training.

 

Although I have loved homeschooling, I am beginning to feel like I'm not giving it my all anymore. And there was a small part of me that thought it might be nice not to have to be "the one" all the time.

 

So, with very mixed feelings, but wanting to be supportive and explore the options, we went ahead and put in an application for him to audition for the program. We attended the county magnet fair, talked to the principal and teachers, went to the open house. We picked out audition pieces and made plans for him to work with a coach to prepare. We made it clear to him that going to this school would be a privelege we would have no problem revoking if we had concerns about his academic performance or his well being. We talked about the fact that, if he were attending this school, he would likely not have much time for outside activities and would be too busy to do much community theatre. He would also not have the flexibility to accept any opportunities that require being out of school.

 

He still wanted to give it a try.

 

And then, his voice teacher announced he is opening a performing arts studio next year. He will be offering a full schedule of dance, music and theatre classes in one location with great instructors.

 

And within a couple of weeks, my son decided to dump the whole idea of going to school and sign up for the new studio, instead. He feels it will give him the best of both worlds, great performance training AND the flexibility to make his own academic schedule.

 

He's not even going to bother auditioning for the magnet program.

 

And, truthfully, I still have mixed feelings, because I'm not any more enthusiastic about homeschooling than I was when we started this conversation. But, in our case, given our motivations for homeschooling, I would have been comfortable going with either path.

[lionfamily1999]

He may be suffering from "the grass is greener" syndrome. (IOW, it's not that he doesn't like hsing, it's that he thinks hs is like the happy stereotypes that seem to abound among the hs bound).

 

I'm sure I'll have this struggle with ds. Is this a hill I'm willing to die on? Yes, it is. Dh and I simply know better than he does. We know the local schools (we went there), we know what goes on there, we know that it is dangerous, we know that the theme song for them is still "Welcome to the Jungle," and as much as our ds will believe he knows he can handle it, we know it will change his priorities (survival vs learning).

 

Ds is already sure he is on the cusp of manhood (he's nine for pity's sake!). He probably thinks he could handle a job and an apartment at this point. As his parents, we know better, so he's stuck doing what we say for the time being.

 

If it helps, dd doesn't even want to think about going back to school. I really thought she'd want to go back (she only started hsing in October). Instead, she says it's a relief to be able to learn without all the other carp that went on in middle school. In her opinion (and I agree), high school would only be worse.

[SkateLeft]

Does he say why he'd like to go to regular high school?

 

You've been given some excellent advice by the previous posters! As homeschoolers, we encourage our kids to take ownership of their educations, so it's important to listen carefully to any concerns a teen has about their education, even if you do make the final decision.

 

When my oldest was in 8th grade, she became very curious about regular school. I think that's normal for kids who've been homeschooled from the beginning. One of her concerns was that a lot of her formerly homeschooled friends were heading off to regular school. The fall she started 9th grade, we ended up moving to MN, and found a homeschool group with lots of other homeschooling high schoolers. She's quite happy to continue homeschooling now.

 

My younger dd is talking a bit about high school, but mainly because of athletics. I'm not sure we'll be able to provide what she needs in a homeschool setting, but we're thinking about it now. We'll have to decide next year.

[AngelaNYC]

I gave my kids the choice. But only because we researched different high schools together and they only chose the top schools in the city (NYC has over 400 high schools to choose from. About 40 are excellent, with around 10 of those being for gifted/talented). If they were not accepted to what they chose, they would have continued to homeschool.

 

Even if they choose to go to school, it's always reversible!

[Krista in LA]

My dd had been homeschooled from the start but really wanted to go to high school. We talked about it, and I knew she wasn't happy homeschooling anymore. She's very social and really wanted to be around kids all day. We decided to send her to the public school and I don't regret it one bit. She is happy and learning things that I had a hard time teaching her like responsibility for getting work done. My ds will be in 8th grade in the fall too and I'm preparing him to go to high school like his sister. He would be perfectly fine homeschooling through high school if that's what I wanted to do. If he goes to school and doesn't like it, he can always come back home. I think if your ds wants to go to school, you should at least entertain the idea and find out why. By high school age, you have to start letting them be more involved in decisions even though ultimately, it's still your choice. Good luck.

[Laurie4b]

I have four sons. The son-separating-from-mom thing makes homeschooling harder once they hit high school. I would figure that into the equation.

 

For us, homeschooling through high school was not a must. We let our first two ds's decide. They both decided for homeschool. By 11th grade with one ds, *I* decided for public school. (He may have, too, but I didn't give him the option!)

 

Check out what is available in the local public schools. (for instance, ds #1 was going to homeschool all the way through, then we found out about a public school option that let him take 4 cc courses per semester instead of the 2 we were limited to in homeschool. That made more sense to him and was fine with us.)

 

I would ask him to do a pros/cons list

 

I would only pull the parent card if what he chooses is really unacceptable. I would not pull it if what he chooses seems less than optimal to you, but could be acceptable. IOW, I think by high school, it is wise to give our kids increasing responsibility for their lives. (Not everyone agrees; this is our parenting philosophy. Ds #1 is 18 and lives with us, but we don't really speak much into his choices. We give advise, but rarely commands. This is the way we planned it to be by his senior year. We're very happy with his choices, but we've been letting him make choices all along---more as each year goes by.)

[Sue G in PA]

I am in the same boat here. My ds12 desperately wants to go back to ps. He was there for K and 1st, homeschooled until last year when we sent him back for a year. He wants to go back. He loved it. Dh and I weren't happy with what was going on at the school or with the instruction. We told him he could go back for high school if he still wanted to. That's in 2 years. He hates homeschooling and gives me so much grief. I just fear losing him if I send him back, but it couldn't be worse than now. So, I do feel your pain. It is a tough decision.