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Does anyone function less than optimally with DH gone?


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Bud has been in Honduras since Saturday and I just can't seem to get it together. His absence actually leaves me with less work around the house, but I seem to lose all focus and ability to accomplish a task when he is gone. He leaves, I become a blob.

 

Of course, he works from home, so I am used to nearly 24 hour togetherness. I miss his constant presence and the short snippets of conversation throughout the day. I miss his sense of humor and how he laughs at his own jokes. I miss hearing his voice coming from his office, and I miss falling asleep next to him at night.

 

I am a mess. :svengo:

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I miss his constant presence and the short snippets of conversation throughout the day. I miss his sense of humor and how he laughs at his own jokes. I miss hearing his voice coming from his office, and I miss falling asleep next to him at night.

 

I am a mess. :svengo:

 

Right there with you - until Sunday.

(And to top it off, dh had a car wreck in the rental car at his conference this a.m., so I'm a sort of anxious mess, too....:scared:)

 

(I *have* done three loads of laundry today, so I guess that's something, but I'm in slo-mo otherwise.)

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Right there with you - until Sunday.

(And to top it off, dh had a car wreck in the rental car at his conference this a.m., so I'm a sort of anxious mess, too....:scared:)

 

(I *have* done three loads of laundry today, so I guess that's something, but I'm in slo-mo otherwise.)

 

I'm sorry about the car wreck! I hope everyone is alright.

 

Good on you for getting the laundry done. That is something!

 

I'll pull it together tomorrow so he doesn't come home to a big disaster area!

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And it seems that the longer we are married, the harder it is when he is gone. I was a total basket case last week as in barely functional. I am doing better this week but I don't know about next week and the one after that as he is not coming home next weekend. He just began traveling in Feb so I am hoping that thing will improve as I get in the grove. Is your hubby just gone this one time or is it a regular occurance? If it is just this one time, then just consider this a vacation week. If it is the norm then I hope things improve for you as well.

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And it seems that the longer we are married, the harder it is when he is gone. I was a total basket case last week as in barely functional. I am doing better this week but I don't know about next week and the one after that as he is not coming home next weekend. He just began traveling in Feb so I am hoping that thing will improve as I get in the grove. Is your hubby just gone this one time or is it a regular occurance? If it is just this one time, then just consider this a vacation week. If it is the norm then I hope things improve for you as well.

 

Just occasional. He has an overnight about once every two or three weeks, and then big trips of about 3-5 days a couple of times a year, and then one or two mission trips of 8-10 days each year.

 

So it's not something I have to get used to. When we were dating and for the first 9 years we were married he traveled all the time, but that's all I ever knew so I wasn't bothered. Now that I've had him home for 6 years, I'm very jealous of his time!

 

I hope you are able to find a groove with your new routine. I'm sure it must be a very difficult adjustment!

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. . . is that my son gets all weirded out having his dad gone.

 

As it happens, my husband is away this week. He's in California with his family, because his father is ill. He left early Monday morning, and we're waiting to see how my father-in-law is doing before making plans for my husband to come home. (I'd like him to stay put until his dad is out of the ICU, at least.)

 

I'm doing my level best to maintain normalcy, but the combination of having his dad away and his grandpa sick is making my son quite a handful. Honestly, in terms of our daily routine, not much changes when Dad is not home, except that it's just the two of us for dinner, and I put him to bed every night, instead of trading off with Dad.

 

But my son has just been incredibly needy and clingy, alternated with just plain obnoxious. He's decided he can't sleep in his room and has been camping out every night in the living room, and cannot seem to go two minutes without talking at me. Add in the fact that my husband is calling several times a day with updates from the hospital and that our daughter is calling both to ask for updates on her grandfather's condition and to either rejoice or complain about her current class, and I'm feeling pretty drained and distracted.

 

So, yeah, not much is getting done this week, but I feel guilty complaining about it, given the underlying circumstances.

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My husband has been travelling for work for about 6 months now, but the last 4 have been really hard for our family. He's been gone most weeks M-F since the first of the year. After 14 weeks gone, he spent the last 2 at home, and it was WONDERFUL! But now he's gone again this week, and (I know it sounds silly)--I feel like I've forgotten how to do this on my own. Homeschooling and single parenting aren't a great combo...fortunately my oldest is only in K, so she's not suffering from a massive lack of school structure. My house is another story...we definitely need a good cleaning around here!

 

Well, I'm off to fold another load of laundry before heading (alone :mellow:) to bed...

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If by "less than optimally" you mean "everything goes to hell in a handbasket," then, yes.

 

Why, Stephanie, you've hit the nail on the head. :lol:

 

I feel a little sheepish bringing it up, because I know you and a lot of the others here have dealt with this a lot more than me. But it is what it is.

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If by "less than optimally" you mean "everything goes to hell in a handbasket," then, yes. That would be me.

That would be me too. I get tired and crabby and don't sleep well, which leads to being more tired, and crabbier... If he's in the country it's not too bad because he can call (or skype) and chat, but if he's out of the country and the internet connection isn't great and the time difference is significant, then it's not really the same easy conversation. More like a series of telegrams.

 

I do have friends, I do get to chat with them at least as frequently when he's gone as when he isn't, but I want to chat with HIM. So I emailed him last night with a veritable laundry list of trivia. He got to hear about someone I ran into that I haven't seen since grad school, and who said what at a party, and the link my mom sent, and that we bought two seedling trees and a little rosemary plant, and that the trees are planted but I can't decide where to put the rosemary, and that I'm doing our volunteer hours for the neighborhood pool next week, and that a friend of ours slipped up and said she was celebrating her "40th decade" instead of "4th decade" and so I just had to send a "happy 400th birthday card", and that I cleaned the kitchen, yay me. It was all very trivial stuff, but the sort of trivial stuff that I'm used to being able to unload at random intervals instead of one big long list!

 

Oh well... I shouldn't complain -- he doesn't travel half as much as he did in previous jobs! (But then that was before DS!)

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If by "less than optimally" you mean "everything goes to hell in a handbasket," then, yes. That would be me.

 

Hope he's home for you soon!

 

 

:lol:

 

Me, too.

 

Did I mention dh has been working out-of-town for 4+ months now?:blink:

 

I'm adjusting, and there are aspects that I've learned to appreciate, but, overall....NO.

 

28 more days, 28 more days...

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I'm so glad it's not just me! When my dh travels (about every week to 10 days) it seems like nothing gets done. As someone else said - everything goes to hell in a handbasket!

 

For example ... He's gone now, dishes are in the sink, laundry is behind, we got *some* school done, but not much, and we were late for all the kids activities.

 

Why is it that I cannot function when he's gone? There's less work!

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My DH is leaving for a week on Sunday. I can hardly wait. Every time he goes on a trip, I have a project or two in mind to surprise him with when he gets home. Fun stuff, like cleaning the garage, detailing his car, or painting a room.

 

When all the kids were homeschooled, it was more fun. We'd eat pizza every night if the kids wanted to, have ice-cream for breakfast at least once, and we'd all sleep in my bed. When the kids got too big to cram in my bed, they would take turns sleeping two in the bed, and two on the floor next to it. We'd watch t.v. together, read books, stay up real late, and generally carry on like no adult was present in the house. It was a lot of fun.

 

I always fix one of his favorite dinners to welcome him home and make sure all the laundry is caught up so I can wash his immediately.

 

If DH was gone for months at a time, or more than 4-5 times a year for a week, it would be a different story.

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I always feel so silly....I mean, what about those years I functioned perfectly well as a single? But I usually have a difficult time when he is away. My kids also act very moody, which contributes to the challenges. I find that with trips under 5 days we do pretty well, but once we pass the five day mark everything seems to fall to pieces. Worst of all, I usually get sick, and then DH has to come home to a collapsed wife. What helps me the most is to get as much sleep at night as possible, have good times of prayer, stay in close contact with friends, and don't set my expectations too high. Hope this trip turns out better than you expected!

 

Elaine

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Oh (((Amy)). I'm right there with you. I hate it when dh has to travel for work. He is my best friend and a piece of me is missing when he's gone. When he's here he can work from home a lot. He has always been the type to want to be at home with his family. He doesn't do things with "the guys" and he has always come home for lunch every day. When he isn't here the whole atmosphere of the house and the family dynamic change.

 

My dh has been in Taiwan for a week. Today he is flying to Germany. This leg of the trip is always fraught with airline troubles and he's been stuck overnight in Bangkok before, so I am hoping and praying it goes smoothly this time. Then, he is in Germany for a week and comes home for ten days. Then, he is of fto Germany again for twelve days. Dd is going with him that time.

 

His travel for work can range from 30 to 50 percent. We've been doing this now for three and a half years. It has gotten somewhat easier, but I will never like or look forward to it.

 

Every time he goes away there is something big I need to take responsibility for by myself whereas if he was here we'd share it. Sometimes we have something fail in the house like a plumbing issue. This time I have been preparing ds for the SAT test. He could really use his dad here to help ease his fears about the math section. There's always something he's bound to miss while he's away.

 

We decided early on in the job that if we had had younger kids he would have looked for something else. Our two are teens.

 

What I try to do is focus on the perks instead of grieving what I don't have. We rack up a heck of a lot of frequent flyer miles. We've bought some nice stuff with them (not that I'm a big stuff kind of person. I'm not)and I've accompanied dh on trips as have ds and dd. We had the opportunity to spend a month together in Taiwan, all paid for by the company. Dh works with good people and he has a lot of job security, not to mention a good salary. He has made some good friends in other countries and experienced life from an insider's point of view in those countries. Most importantly for us, he has even had a friend from another country ask him about his faith. There have been ample opportunities to build the kind of relationship where one feels comfortable sharing personally with another.

 

When I keep my eyes on the positive, the whole thing works better. But, there are plenty of times when I am brave in front of the dc, then lock myself in my bathroom and cry my eyes out. A good cry goes a long way toward relieving tension.

 

This travel for work experience has given me new perspective on what others go through. I can't even imagine the strength of character it would take to be married to a military guy who was deployed. It gives me insight into what my grandparents went through during the Depression when the menfolk had to leave the farm in search of work and the family was split up. I am thankful I live in a time of cell phones and computers. At least I am in contact regularly. They may not have had word of loved ones for months at a time.

 

Remember to keep it in perspective, your glass is half full, not half empty. It is hard, so cut yourself some slack. Have a good cry if you need to, then go do some laundry. ;)

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This travel for work experience has given me new perspective on what others go through. I can't even imagine the strength of character it would take to be married to a military guy who was deployed.

 

Amen, to that.

 

Thanks for your kind words, Percytruffle. I'm curious - do mind sharing what type of work your husband does?

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Sure, Amy. He is an engineer who works with the industry that creates the glass screens for computers and LCD TVs, most of which is made in Asia now. He works with optical inspection of the glass. If we all keep buying LCD TVs, he'll have plenty of work :D. They have not seen a slack off in the demand for them even with the economic issues. The market is worldwide.

 

He has "risen in rank" so to speak, over the years, and is less hands-on and more the resident expert in optical inspection even though this job and company are relatively new to him. We say he is an e-mail engineer.;)

 

BTW, we don't own an LCD TV :lol:. We still have an old tube TV. How funny is that?!

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