forty-two Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 And of course dd4 *loves* it :glare:. I don't restrict media all that much - we let our (little) dds watch stuff that many people here don't even let their older dcs watch - but I think I'm going to have to be the bad guy here <sigh>. We were watching the extras on the Stuart Little dvd, and one of the (allegedly movie-related :confused:) music videos caught dd4's eye, and so we watched it multiple times. Each time through I found something more to hate about it. The first thing that caught my eye was the "Look at me! I'm a sex object" clothes :glare:, which in the context of the video are apparently the clothes of choice for women (they start out having a slumber party, dressed too young, and then morph from kids into "womans", as my dd put it). Plus I swear they look like jailbait, though dh disagrees. I don't always object to skimpy clothes, but I hate media that promotes the idea of women as sex objects - which in my opinion this *definitely* does. Anyway, this bugged me enough to start paying attention to the lyrics - which are *horrific* (if sadly typical). They *explicitly* say that the (girl) singers will do whatever is needed to get the boy they love to love them back :banghead:. The entire thing is one big, "I love you - just tell me what to do to get you to love me back" cr@pfest, including a reference to making life pleasurable that could easily be interpreted as "sure I'll sleep with you, if only you'll be with me" :mad:. And what bugs me even more is that the music and body language are all "go girl power!" while the lyrics are the worst sort of "I'll do anything to get a man". You know, *ordering* a guy to tell you what to do to make him love you isn't much better than begging, kwim? :glare: Just like assuring him upfront that you're totally ready to put out isn't any better then him pressuring you to :banghead:. Is *this* what passes for "empowered" women these days :cursing:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catalinakel Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 blech. We don't even bother with all that stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I don't like that sort of stuff either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 We restricted media pretty severely in our house, but never prevented exposure elsewhere. As a result, I had to deal with these issues a lot. One thing I found very helpful and returned to again and again is something I read before I even had children--that society sends a strong message to girls that they must be beautiful and attractive to men to have worth. The book argued that this message is SO strong that fighting it sets you at odds to an extent that ruins your credibility, so the way the deflect it is to not to fight it head on, but to add to it. "Smart AND beautiful" is my mantra, and I started preaching it at such an early age that DD has internalized it completely. She's 14 now, and she neither discounts nor over-emphasizes beauty, but she puts personal and corporate morality far above it--I consider that a success story for this approach! Also, starting very early, if she would swoon over someone else's Disney princess movie, and how pretty some princess's clothes were, I would say, yes, those are great clothes for a fancy party, aren't they. But it sure would be hard to go up and down stairs in them, or run around and play, or go outside and get dirty. It's a good thing that we have jeans for that! And since I dressed her up quite a bit for church, and encouraged her to wear very comfortable 'go for it' clothes at other times, this made perfect sense to her. Bottom line--I really do hate the over-glamourization of girls, hate it passionately; but I don't ban it. I just try to add other things alongside it. By the way, I used to work with 3 and 4 year olds at a parent participation preschool, and I noticed that if boys fell when they were trying out skating, for instance, they would get up and try again, but if girls fell they tended to leave and go back inside and do something quiet. I attributed that to the clothing, more than anything else. It just plain hurts more when you fall in leggings or a skirt than when you fall in tough clothes like blue jeans. So I started dressing DD in jeans and heavy pants more often, and sure enough she started to be more physical. It's subtle, but it really can make a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I'm actually more OK with my kids watching like alien versus vampire movies than I am movies/TV shows that demean women like what you're describing. At least they know vampires aren't real, but when they see the social dynamics/clothing in some of the shows (like you're describing), I think they can't tell reality from fantasy or think those are expectations. So, I'm pretty careful about that stuff. Another issue I have, we went clothes shopping for my 9 yro yesterday. I had to say "No" to a lot of the stuff she picked out. :glare: It's just a losing battle when you're a mom. Our culture is so bombarded with it (and I think those videos you described are anti-women's-lib, if you ask me). And you can only shelter them for so long and they're going to be out in the world. I think the best thing you can do is boost their identity and self-esteem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 We restricted media pretty severely in our house, but never prevented exposure elsewhere. As a result, I had to deal with these issues a lot. One thing I found very helpful and returned to again and again is something I read before I even had children--that society sends a strong message to girls that they must be beautiful and attractive to men to have worth. The book argued that this message is SO strong that fighting it sets you at odds to an extent that ruins your credibility, so the way the deflect it is to not to fight it head on, but to add to it. I completely agree with that. They also need to develop the street smart skills to deal with it when they get out on their own. "It" just really is *everywhere*. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Another issue I have, we went clothes shopping for my 9 yro yesterday. I had to say "No" to a lot of the stuff she picked out. :glare: I had to make a return at a department store yesterday, and dd11 wanted to go by Claire's to look for some fingerless gloves, which she thinks are just the coolest thing. I bought her some knit ones at Target for Christmas, and she wanted to get some in another color and a lighter fabric. This is a store that is marketed toward girls her age, and I could not believe how trashy and sleazy they could make a pair of gloves! :001_huh: "Stripper" is not really the look I'm going for where my 11 year old girl is concerned. And then I had the joy of explaining *why* I said no on the car ride home. She is so innocent about these things, and I hated having to tell her that what seemed cool to her could end up sending a message that I know she didn't want to send. It's just weird, because I expected to have to talk about these things when she's older and it's bikinis or mini-skirts or something. But shopping for gloves with an 11 year old should be a pretty innocent experience!!! :confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 ...I think I'm going to have to be the bad guy here <sigh>. Awww, you're actually being the *good* guy; the kid just doesn't know it yet. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairytalemama Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Pop music is mostly just trash lyric wise these days. The problem is I still like it, and now I can't listen to it unless I want my 5 year old singing "I'll let you put your hands on me in my skin tight jeans. I'll be your teenage dream tonight." If you don't know, these are some lyrics from Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream". I wasn't even really paying attention to the words until she started singing along. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels! Classical in the car from now on!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolosoli Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Talk about it with them. Talk about WHY you think so many things in that video are inappropriate. Talk to the older kids about how what they watch can influence the younger kids in a negative way. Talk. Talk. Talk. Don't push your opinion on to them ... just make to share it with them, if you already aren't. I found that the more I talked about those things the more my kids decided for themselves that they agreed. Sometimes they don't agree and I like hearing the thoughts they have. My daughter sometimes decides to turn things off because she doesn't agree with the messages (Disney channel...she's almost 15 years old). She also decided to watch certain shows (on the Disney channel) when her younger brothers are in bed. They aren't old enough to fully grasp "relationship" issues and we don't want them to think THAT is how you act, speak, treat girls OR how girls should treat boys. The Suite Life is getting pretty bad for that. Anyways...we aren't Christian so we watch many television shows that many of my friends (and on this website) wouldn't dream of allowing their children to watch. For example, Transformers (we fast forward most parts for our 8 and 6 year old). BUT, I do feel my kids are learning a lot and making wise choices for themselves...that is what matters for me. My dh and I also watch most movies (even PG and PG 13) and then decide (along with the kids sometimes) if it is appropriate in OUR opinion or not. It works for us.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 20, 2011 Share Posted February 20, 2011 Where does a 4 yr old hear this type of thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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