cseitter Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) My nephew who is 17 is living with us. His mother and sister were here for a while and his mom is in an abusive relationship. My nephew refused to go back to that so we allowed him to stay here. So needless to say the curfew thing is a first for me. He just got his drivers license a couple of months ago and we have had a few behavior issues that we are ironing out (nothing huge... lying, seeing what he can get away with, lying about spending the night with his grandma and instead spending the night with a friend) All the behavior stuff we have fixed with grounding (from everything that requires power). He is mostly a computer geek and a homebody. But now he wants to know what his curfew is on the weekends. The last couple of times I have said 10 pm and he has had no problems. But I remember when I was 17 I had a curfew of midnight and my brother didnt have one at all.... So what is your 17 year olds curfew on weekends? Edited February 19, 2011 by cseitter Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Mine varies depending on what they are doing. If they are seeing a 9 o'clock movie, I expect them in by midnight. If they are hanging at someone's house, usually 11. Or 12. I guess midnight is usually about my limit. Of course, it also depends on what they are doing the next morning. Okay. I just decided. I like a flexible curfew.;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 For the most part, I think it depends on the trust level you have with the kid- there is no one time that'll work for everyone. Once he's come home consistently at ten and hasn't had any major breeches of trust, try pushing it back to ten-thirty or eleven. When I was that age, my curfew was pretty fluid, depending on how I was behaving at a given time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 My ds's is 1 am. However, rarely is he just out and about - my Dad (with whom he lives) knows where he is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Midnight seems fair. Call or text if something unforseen comes up (car trouble, run over a cat, missed ride, that sort of thing). Any later than that and I begin to worry about sleep deprivation. My oldest fell asleep at the wheel (no alcohol involved) and rolled our van when she was 19. She walked away from it, but she was incredibly fortunate. Young adults think they are invincible. Barb Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snowfall Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I don't have a 17yo, but 10 seems too early to me. I was already in college, living in the dorms, doing whatever I wanted by my 17th birthday, and it was nothing bad, immoral, or illegal. When I was still living at home, at 16, my curfew was 11 on week nights and 12 on weekends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cseitter Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 The reason we (my DH and I) said 10 was (1) because he JUST got his drivers licencse and we question whether he can drive in the daytime much less at night. And tonight I said 10 because he has my 15 year old with him. The question of what time on the weekend has only come up twice. And the other issue is Dustin (my nephew) is pretty immature for his age. I think 10 is to early too that is why I am asking here to get a consensus of what other moms do for a 17 year old junior in high school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 If you are just getting used to each other I would want to know what the plans are? Different times for different plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
keptwoman Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 If you are just getting used to each other I would want to know what the plans are? Different times for different plans.:iagree:We don't have a set curfew. We discuss what time DS should be home as each outing comes up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cseitter Posted February 19, 2011 Author Share Posted February 19, 2011 If you are just getting used to each other I would want to know what the plans are? Different times for different plans. Thats what bugs me... his mom is constantly telling me how manipulative he is. I have seen a little of that or at least of him trying but I am MUCH more of a hands-on mom than his mother is. I don't want to stifle him but I don't want to give him so much rope he hangs himself.... you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rhrice3 Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Our son sticks to the 11p.m. rule unless it is a special occasion like Prom or something. His license only allows him to be out until 11 since we have not paid for another license (he lost one this year so we only pay for one a year) until it is a school event like sports or Prom. I can't imagine anything they can do after 11 that they can't do before 11. It does not seem to bother our son, but he is a swimmer and they all tend to plan things early. ReneeR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hockey Mom Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 We didn't give our DD a curfew. Mostly because she worked, and on weekends she usually didn't get home until 12:30am - ish. Our general rule was to send a text if you were going to be later than normal. It worked for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Well, in our state, the driving curfew is 10pm on weeknights and 11pm on weekends. So that is my son's curfew when he has the car. If he will be driven by an adult, midnight. When my 14yos is with his brother, he has the same curfew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I don't have one yet but when I was 17yo my curfew was midnight on the weekends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 The reason we (my DH and I) said 10 was (1) because he JUST got his drivers licencse and we question whether he can drive in the daytime much less at night. And tonight I said 10 because he has my 15 year old with him. The question of what time on the weekend has only come up twice. And the other issue is Dustin (my nephew) is pretty immature for his age. I think 10 is to early too that is why I am asking here to get a consensus of what other moms do for a 17 year old junior in high school. He is driving at night with your 15-year-old? What is your perception of him as a driver? I was not a very good driver when I got my license, it took me about 6 months after that to feel comfortable behind the wheel. Most accidents involving teens occur when they're driving other teens in the car, due to the distraction factor. Just something to keep in mind if this is the situation. Good luck deciding about the curfew -- glad I'm not there yet! :auto: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 My 16yo's curfew is 10pm but we have made exceptions. I think by the time she is 17 it will be midnight. My issue is not wanting to stay up until they get home- fortunately dh is a night own so he does that for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 My city has an curfew ordinance: 11:00 pm on week nights, 12:00 on weekends. SO that was my teens' curfew after I became aware of it. Before I became aware of it, they didn't have one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LisaKinVA Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 At 17, I didn't have a curfew. In fact, I never had a curfew. But, I was the ONE child in the family who (since babyhood) put herself to bed. I didn't stay up late (not even for New Year's). I went to bed. I just didn't like being out late (as a general rule). I was in Marching Band for two years in high school (before coming home). After Friday night games, the band would go out for pizza... I did too. I was usually home by midnight (I was nearly 16). Saturday, I was never out past 9, because we had to be up EARLY for church on Sunday (left at 7:15, dad preferred the 8am service). If I was working the closing shift at Mickey D's... my parents expected that I'd be home between 11:45 and midnight. My older brother, however, his senior year, had a curfew of 1am on Friday nights. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smithie Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I think different times for different plans makes sense. For one thing, it gets the boys to TELL YOU THE DETAILS OF THEIR PLANS, and gives you the option of doing a trust-but-verify on said plans if something pings your radar. I think it's very important to cure your nephew of lying about his whereabouts, not because it is a heinous sin at this age, but because it's the beginning of what can be a lifelong bad habit that persists with bosses, wives, etc. If he lies, it is to his extreme benefit to be caught and punished. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticamethyst Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Mine varies depending on what they are doing. If they are seeing a 9 o'clock movie, I expect them in by midnight. If they are hanging at someone's house, usually 11. Or 12. I guess midnight is usually about my limit. Of course, it also depends on what they are doing the next morning. Okay. I just decided. I like a flexible curfew.;) This is us. It really just depends on the plan that they have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 (edited) My 17 yr old doesn't have a curfew. I don't want to get into curfews, I just want to know where you are, who you are with, and what you are doing. Above all, I really don't want you driving all over the place. (He should be getting his permit in a couple of months, but currently, we tend to drive him wherever he needs to go.) What usually happens is that his friends come here. Or he goes to the movies, bowling, batting cages, or for a bite eat etc., and comes home (often with friends, sometimes not). School events tend to end later, 11/12, and we pick him up, or he gets a ride home with his girlfriend's parents. We just don't see the point in being out just for the sake of being out. Do something, come home. Our mall is not a good place for teens, as the guards harass them all anytime they stop moving. To your movie thing, be safe, come home, bring your friends, just get the heck off the roads. What do you have when you have 3 or 4 of even the nicest kids in a vechicle? A bunch of teens laughing and talking and not paying attention to their driving. The thought of it makes me crazy. Edited February 19, 2011 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puma Mom Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 My 17yo has to be home by 11 pm if he's driving because that's NJ law. If he's not driving, he doesn't have a curfew as long as we know and are okay with where he's with and who he's with. This is a highly trustworthy kid. I thought the curfew for 17yos in VA was midnight. It may not be a legal issue if his license is from another state, but it sounds reasonable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnitaMcC Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Friday/Saturday curfew for 16-18 still in high school... 10pm. Sunday-Thursday curfew... 9pm. We may delay the curfew depending on certain circumstances if arranged ahead of time (going to a well supervised special activity, work related) and the teen is being driven by a trusted adult. We mainly have a curfew to not allow the teen to drive after curfew nor be in a vehicle driven by another teen after our curfew. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SailorMom Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Mine was midnight on the weekends. I dated my DH in high school, though, and he didn't have a curfew.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Mine was usually 11 & my dad would wait up for me. (If he was gone my mom wouldn't wait up so I would stay out later :o.) That was at 16 though. At 17 I was off at a church university & the dorm doors locked at midnight. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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