joannqn Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I have two sets: an older (ages 9 and 11) and a younger (ages 18 months and almost 4). I feel like I can meet wither the olders' needs or the youngers' needs, but not both. I often wish I hadn't had the younger set; I miss the days when I could focus on school and fun with only elementary aged kids. I feel pressured to do school well now that we are entering middle school, which means I don't have the time to do the younger years like I did the first time around with lots of playing and going places. I can't go to the park, pool, children's museums, library, free kids programs several times a week like I did the first time around because we have to be home to get school done. So, do you feel you are meeting everyone's needs? If not, do you feel bad about it? I feel like I'm now failing all four kids in one way or another and am struggling. My daughter is a gifted underachiever, and I don't know how to motivate her and get that spark back. My son is still motivated academically but is struggling socially and emotionally, and is now on antidepressants. My younger son is always in trouble for being too loud and too active. My younger daughter spends her days watching TV. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 :grouphug: I remember wistfully back when I started hsing and I actually believed that thing about "homeschooling only takes, like, 2 hours a day." I do think what you said sometimes. My oldest is going to private high school next year and...it feels like a relief. With my youngest, I think, "I used to have so much fun when the oldest two were his age." Now, I'm just trying to keep all the balls in the air. So, yeah, I do sometimes think I am just spread too thin. But, it's also February and I'm feeling really sick of being cooped up. Today was warm and it felt like a jailbreak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 No. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Heck no! I could have written your post, almost word for word. Some days I just feel like I suck. We'll be okay. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Dulcimeramy Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well, I'm meeting everybody's needs but mine. It is starting to be a problem. I could fix it by getting up at 4:30 a.m. to exercise, craft, meditate, clean house, etc. but then I would have to give less attention to DH at night. Drowning here in my very successful meeting of everybody's needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I would be absolutely surprised to hear that I was meeting anyone's needs at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plain jane Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 NOPE. Add to that that I'm trying hard to meet all their needs and therefore I'm not really meeting anyone's needs in a way that I would like. Sigh. I have to admit this thread really hit a nerve with me. I've been really upset about this for quite some time now and have not figured out a good solution. I'm feeling pretty lousy about myself and my abilities these days. I've looked at possible alternatives- putting olders in school or youngers in pre-school but neither seem that they would bring about the changes that they do "in my mind." I've resolved myself that there's not going to be a perfect solution. I can't be all things to all of them, but that's why we're here together as a family. We're all in this together and perhaps there are ways for others to fill in those gaps that I can't fill. Or maybe not and I'm completely ruining my family. :( :001_huh: I'll admit, it's discouraging, that's for sure. I just need to remind myself why we homeschool and why we think it's still a better option and try to keep my head above the flood waters of despair.- it's too easy for me to go there this time of year. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen500 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 (edited) :grouphug: Edited February 17, 2011 by Jen3boys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 No, I wish I was...but, it's not happening! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QumaCote Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Patty Joanna you make me laugh!! I trust that you are doing well--I miss you and the other wonderful ECH ladies!! Hugs to all of us struggling with this issue!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Well I think the problem is that we have defined "meeting everyone's needs" in such a way that we will NEVER be successful. We've set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. So you can't take your littles to reading time at the library. Big deal. I'm sure it was cute and made you feel like a good mommy the first time around but it is NOT a "need" you are "not meeting". Have your own reading time at home. Read to them all together or have the older ones read to the littles. etc. It makes me shake my head that moms these days feel so much pressure to be the Julie McCoy of parenting!!! If your children are clothed, fed, have a roof over their head, have an education (of any kind), and feel LOVED then not only are their needs being met but they are far better off than a large portion of the world's children. So I recommend taking any copies you have of Parents magazine or any of those oh-so-helpful mothering books that tell you to make all your own clothes, cook everything from scratch, bake cookies with your kids every day and make sure you have some unique craft lined up for them to do... take all of them, put them in a pile and burn them. You'll feel better. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 No, I'm not meeting everyone's needs. I'm too tired to meet my own needs much less someone else's. Today for example, I've spent the entire day trying to stay awake. I had obligations which kept me from sleeping during the day, yet I haven't slept in 2 nights. I'm barely functioning on a good day. Today I'm not functioning at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 It's not my job to meet everyone's needs. I won't take that on. I've never expected that of myself, and I would never expect it of anyone else. I hope that doesn't read snarky, because I don't mean it snarky. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom4him Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I guess I have a different perspective on this. I am not responsible to 'meet every ones needs', that is our Heavenly Fathers job. I am responsible to be obedient to Him. There are a lot of different aspects to this. The first is by keeping my relationship with Him open and fresh. Then I have the ability and energy to do what needs to be done with my two dc. Many times when I find I am failing or feeling like I am failing it is because I have heaped way to much on all of us. I am very proficient with that. I then have to back up and take another look, many times rearranging or getting rid of things.:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 :grouphug: No. I guess that I'm resigned to it, as it doesn't bother me too much. Three years ago I was very ill - bedridden for a month, on steroids for 6 months, then on NSAIDs for 2 years and counting. I had to cut my coat according to my cloth, so to speak, and just do what I could manage. We don't get as much schoolwork done as I'd like, the house isn't as clean or tidy as I'd like, and we don't do as many activities as I'd like, but we seem to manage to do bits in rotation and so far it has worked out okay. I notice your kids are similar ages to mine. Here are some things that make my life easier - and teach my dc useful life skills in the process: My older two girls do at least 60% of their work independently; this is a great time saver for me. I mark it and go over the corrections with them afterwards. I'm not that worried about schoolwork with DS5. We do around half an hour to an hour of Math, Phonics and easy peasy Reading when we get around to it - usually 3 times a week. No stress if it doesn't get done, however. The older three children help me a lot with housework, according to their ages and abilities. They all have their own chores, and are pretty good at doing them, as long as I remind and check occasionally. We don't have TV; therefore each child must be creative about entertaining themselves. They are allowed one DVD (movie or cartoons), or one computer game each, on the weekend. No technology during the week. DD3 is probably the only one I specifically need to think about re keeping occupied. I direct who she plays with (rotation), I read to her sometimes, and she has her special basket that she can delve into while I'm doing schoolwork with DS5. I've created a mini buddy system a la Duggars. The older two girls swap each month looking after the younger two kids. This involves getting them ready for the day, getting them ready if we're going out, and sharing chore duties. They also share a room with their buddy (they swap that each month too). Along the above lines, DD11 and DD9 "teach" their buddy once or twice a week. They do a Bible lesson for them on Mondays when I'm cleaning, and DD11 is now doing a bit of reading with DS5 when they feel like it. My dc learn a huge amount through reading and listening to Audio CDs. DD9 impressed a friend of ours today - a Classics undergraduate at a London university - by knowing many of the Greek legends/stories. That's all come from their reading. I've quit asking DH to participate in the running of our home. He'd rather do what he wants to do. So us 5 do it ourselves - and enjoy each other's company in the process. Maybe one day he will choose to join in, maybe not. But I'm not going to stress over it any more. I can't think of anything else, specifically. I would really recommend that you look at ways to reduce the stress level in your home. I would do much, pay a lot of money even, for peace. Well I think the problem is that we have defined "meeting everyone's needs" in such a way that we will NEVER be successful. We've set ourselves up for failure and disappointment. So you can't take your littles to reading time at the library. Big deal. I'm sure it was cute and made you feel like a good mommy the first time around but it is NOT a "need" you are "not meeting". Have your own reading time at home. Read to them all together or have the older ones read to the littles. etc. It makes me shake my head that moms these days feel so much pressure to be the Julie McCoy of parenting!!! If your children are clothed, fed, have a roof over their head, have an education (of any kind), and feel LOVED then not only are their needs being met but they are far better off than a large portion of the world's children. So I recommend taking any copies you have of Parents magazine or any of those oh-so-helpful mothering books that tell you to make all your own clothes, cook everything from scratch, bake cookies with your kids every day and make sure you have some unique craft lined up for them to do... take all of them, put them in a pile and burn them. You'll feel better. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Amen. Your dc will remember when you read them stories, goofed around and worked together most of all. The house will still be there to be cleaned when they are grown and gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Another brief thought - you'll be amazed, in two years time, how much easier it is! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 Another brief thought - you'll be amazed, in two years time, how much easier it is! :001_smile: I agree, even though my LOs are still all pretty little. But it made a huge difference to have a 2yo and a 5yo, rather than a 1yo and a 4yo. (Of course, it's all going to fall apart when the baby gets here anyway.) The 5yo has the interest and ability to do more than just play; he can do some schoolwork now, can read a bit, gets a lot out of the history and science, etc. The 2yo insists on having HIS schoolwork too, so that helps. (That's not to say that we don't have days where he dumps out a lot of stuff anyway.) But no, I don't do everything for everyone. I find myself really needing to make time to read picture books and board books to my little boys, because I'm more likely to read the chapter books and such when I read out loud. But when DD was a toddler/preschooler, I spent tons of time reading picture books to her. The older kids get the benefit of Mom's less-divided attention; the younger kids get the benefits of siblings and a Mom with some experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 I would be absolutely surprised to hear that I was meeting anyone's needs at all. Same here. There's just not enough me to go around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmkzbcb Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I was at my wits end and a wise woman told me to decrease my expectations. It helped a lot. I stopped trying to be Angelina Jolie to dh, Ruth Beechick to my school age kids, Wonder Woman to our extended family, Ma from Little House on the Praire to all my children, FlyLady to my house, Martha to my church, and ......you get the idea. In addition to decreasing my expectations, I re-prioritized my roles. I decided that it was more important to me to be "mommy" and less important to be "teacher". So, I now use mostly Switched On Schoolhouse. (did I just hear a "gasp") They enjoy it, get their school work done almost completely independently, the administrative part is largely done by the program, and it leaves the rest of the day for us just to be together or have outings. I love it. In addition, I get to "play" with my baby while the others school. She and I are very happy with this arrangement. So, maybe what has worked for me, will work for you too. Decrease your expectations of yourself, decide what role is the most important to you, and figure out how to get the other roles delegated. HUGS and HTH Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphabetika Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 Never have, never will. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mamakven Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 I guess I have a different perspective on this. I am not responsible to 'meet every ones needs', that is our Heavenly Fathers job. I am responsible to be obedient to Him. There are a lot of different aspects to this. The first is by keeping my relationship with Him open and fresh. Then I have the ability and energy to do what needs to be done with my two dc. Many times when I find I am failing or feeling like I am failing it is because I have heaped way to much on all of us. I am very proficient with that. I then have to back up and take another look, many times rearranging or getting rid of things.:001_smile: I like this!!! And as for me, i've already said my piece. I just think that prioritizing is key. something's gotta give, none of us are super human. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TX Bluebonnet Posted February 19, 2011 Share Posted February 19, 2011 At any given moment I feel like I am either ignoring my two year old or rushing my 8yo through school so I can spend time with the 2yo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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