Sometimes it just hurts

[Dobela]

I am usually a very optimistic person who looks forward with hope. I still do. But sometimes the delays my kids have seem to slap me in the face. My dd was born at 26 weeks weighing under 2 pounds. She was not expected to live yet only 7 weeks later she was in our home as our foster child and then later as our own child. Until last summer I had to beg for therapies because she didn't qualify - or her delays were not severe enough. She is a miracle and I know it. Today a friend posted a video of her son riding his tricycle and turning somersaults. He is 18 months younger than my dd. It just brought on tears and I can't quite say why. She can't ride a tricycle. She can't run as fast as her peers. She can't jump well. She can't do a somersault. Her fine motor skills are also well behind peers. Her maturity level is about a year below same aged peers. She looks 'normal' though. And, as an early childhood special ed teacher I know that some of it is just that kids develop differently. She will be 4 in March and it bothers me every time someone asks her age and she can't remember she is 3 instead of 2.

 

Then my ds10. He walked at 8 months. Rode a bike without training wheels at 4. Has a bowling average of over 200. But is only with extreme work and intervention that he has learned to read and write. Every day school is a struggle it seems. He is working 2 years behind same age peers and while he is making much more progress than I expected at this point, I am so very tired of the struggle, of the effort it takes from both of us for him to learn. The effort it takes from me to motivate him and keep him on track. I hate those conversations with other homeschool families of how their children are always working a grade or 2 above same age peers with little to no effort or have their kids studying 16 subjects with ease...

 

Maybe I am just tired. I know we can do this and I know that God brought these children to me for a reason. But I just want to goto my room, shut the door, and cry.

[ClassicMom]

I don't think you are alone at all with your feelings. Sometimes you have to allow them, feel them, regain your strength and then go on from there.

 

We wouldn't be human if we didn't have our weaker moments when the reality of it all didn't slap us in the face. Having children with challenges is exhausting and at times can be just plain overwhelming.

 

Personally, I have found a good cry one of the best remedies there is. I hope that you can find some peace and comfort today.

[RamonaQ]

:grouphug: yes, indeed. Sometimes it really just is plain hard.

[hooahwife]

It's okay to hurt and feel sad over this. The hardest thing is to grieve.

[siloam]

Grief is natural. You realize this is going to be a long road for both of you, and you have to first let go of what could have been.

 

There will be many more days of this, and yet many days of celebration.

 

(((Hugs for you both)))

 

Just keep swimming...

 

Heather

[SunshineMom]

Oh, sweetheart...I do, as well as others here, understand. Some days are break thru days and others feels like we went backward in months. Hang in there, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Never mind what other kids are doing at such an such age for it doesn't profit you any to compare. Rather than compare to others, look at the growth your child(ren) has made over the last year. Celebrate milestones and enjoy the little spurts of growth, as well. Try to keep focused on short term goals (time) rather than worrying about the long term future outcomes. Your family is blessed, so carrying on as such! Best wishes:)

[merry gardens]

:grouphug:

[jenncslp]

Sometimes you just have to let it out and grieve. Then you will be able to savor every accomplishment they make in their time. Press on...:grouphug:

 

Jenn

[littleWMN]

Hey Friend,

 

I know that hurt too. I see FB status' of what other kids are doing at 3, 4, etc. and it's way beyond DD5. Most days I'm fine with it. But I have my days it hurts so much.

 

Got her preK progress report a few weeks ago and out of about 30 things on the two pages, the only "C" (for consistently) she got was "easily separates from parents". I sat in the car and cried.

 

I won't go into her struggles because you already know. But trust that I'm thinking of you tonight.

[ReneeK]

:grouphug::grouphug: We all have are good days and bad days. Some days it just feels unbearable. Understand how you feel!

[PeterPan]

Oh Dobela, I think the hardest thing to remember, when we get on the boards, is that almost NONE of the things being done on these boards are necessary to life. It won't matter a flying fig if our kids learn almost any of the things people around here are slaving and spending such big bucks to cover. But if your ds can bowl 200, he already has a career, mercy. And if he's a pleasant, caring human being, he'll be much in demand. If he has character he'll be hirable. And if he learns to read by 16, he'll be able to drive on time. Really, not much else matters. How can it?

 

I learned that when I went to Alaska this fall. I had been so caught up in the boards that I didn't realize how little these things mattered. Life is what matters, and he's going to have a good life. You have to focus on that and see him as growing into a happy adult, not get caught up in the immediate, transitory things. See him for who he's going to turn into. It will all work out.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[Dobela]

Thanks everyone. I really needed the hugs and encouragement. I typically don't compare my children to anyone else. Honestly. Just something about that short 1 minute video on facebook hit me hard. And probably the fact that my mom has been around in the last few days - since her mild stroke she is very unhappy and critical of the kid's progress, so their position in line, so to speak, has been on my mind more. Maybe that brought the tears as much as anything.

[HeidiD]

I know we can do this and I know that God brought these children to me for a reason.

 

Yes!

 

And this: "You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working, and just so, you learn to love by loving. All those who think to learn in any other way deceive themselves."

- St. Francis de Sales

 

 

Some of our kids just have to do more speaking, studying, running, and working to catch up with other kids, and despite much hard work, some of them will never catch up. They are precious human beings all the same, each uniquely created by God with a special purpose in mind.

 

It's hard to keep plugging along (especially this time of year :tongue_smilie:). Many of us feel burnt out, gloomy, grumpy... It will pass. :)

[RamonaQ]

Yes!

 

 

 

Some of our kids just have to do more speaking, studying, running, and working to catch up with other kids, and despite much hard work, some of them will never catch up. They are precious human beings all the same, each uniquely created by God with a special purpose in mind.

 

 

 

Thanks! Needed to hear this again.

[PeterPan]

Oh strokes are a hard thing. I know someone whose wife totally changed after her stroke, and I mean TOTALLY. They ended up divorcing because the wife became irate, constantly angry, and wanted the husband gone. They had been happily married before. So whatever changes your mother is going through, I'm really sorry. Create some distance and shielding. She could be saying things totally out of character.