Tips/Wisdom Needed: Closely spaced siblings

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

My oldest is about to officially be in K and his 3 siblings are coming up behind him at approximately 18 mo intervals. Their birthdays fall in February, September, February, September. DS is turning 5 this month, his sister will be 4 in Sept. It seems like it would be wise to eventually combine children at some point but I have no idea how to do that when they're starting separately. DS can do basic reading, he has great fine motor control and can write well and grasps simple spelling (he discovered that naturally out of learning phonics and writing). I could be doing MM1 with him if I wanted, I just don't really want to yet. DD is 3 & 5mo only recently requested to start learning phonics but started blending immediately. She picks up math by osmosis but lags her peers in gross motor development and is not skilled in fine motor the way DS is and she seems to think of "school" as a game we play which I imagine is natural for a 3yo but I share the details just because I'm torn - should I hold off certain things with DS until DD is ready to do them with him (content subjects?) or should I let him go ahead with school by himself and perhaps try to pair DD with her younger brother? Or is this combining thing something you do later, rather than from the beginning?

 

Obviously I have no idea what I'm doing so feel free to talk to me like I'm a dolt. :D

[AngelBee]

For core subjects, like math and language arts, I would have them go at their own paces.

 

I would combine everything else though.

[Amy Jo]

I assess year by year and/or subject by subject. My oldest two are 1.5 years apart. But there are still differences that keep them separate for almost all skill subjects. My eldest struggles with reading, which his brother does not (6yo probably reads better actually). However, I can't even combine that because until recently my 6yo was not ready to write or even pay attention for very long (my 8yo can really work hard & stay focused).

 

So we do all read alouds as a family, I try to make it things both boys enjoy, but I do target my eldest more. All content subjects (history, geography, nature study, literature, poetry) are combined. I just recieved BFSU (science) and I am going to have the older two work through the series together.

 

I tried to have them work together in Webster's, but my 6yo was distracted by my 4yo (probably my mistake here - need to remove distractions and teach my 6yo to pay attention). I might try again later. I am going to combine them in Minimus this summer, and I'm going to try to combine them in Ancient Greek next year (which I'll schedule for a lower distraction time).

[Mom-2-7]

I am by no means an expert, but I'll tell you what I'm doing. I have 9 kids (the eldest 2 are grown). So of the kids still at home, they are 8, 7, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3 years old.

 

All the kids are combined for read alouds. The 3, 4 and 5 yr olds don't have to attend but they usually choose to stay.

 

Our read alouds are: bible, missionary stories, geography and science. After we read, the kids take turns narrating back to me or answering questions about the text.

 

The other subjects, each child does independent of the others. I tried combining some of the kids but found that I was either pushing one too hard or holding one back just to keep them on the same page. I also began noticing that they were comparing themselves to the others too much. That was problematic b/c some of my youngers are more advanced (in some areas) than their older siblings. It was causing some division.

 

Now I just let them go according to their understanding. When they are struggling in an area, I slow them down and give them extra practice and let them go quickly when it clicks. They don't really know or care where their sibs are compared to them.

[prairie rose]

My oldest three kids are within 3 years of each other. The 2nd and 3rd are only 13 months apart. There have been times when it made sense to combine them all even for 3r's subjects and times when it didn't. Some years the two that are 13 months apart do math together, sometimes I have to separate them because one caught on faster than the other.

 

Here's what I would do (and did); go ahead with K for your oldest. Let the younger two participate when and where they can, don't sweat it if they can't keep up on certain things or have no interest in others. As the younger two are more and more ready for formal school over the next few years, you will be able to see more clearly where you can combine and where you need to teach each child individually. Generally, you will often teach 3r's subjects separately and everything else can be taught together. In our home, we've always done history, science, foreign language, music, literature, art and the like as a group. My oldest has almost always been taught language arts subjects and math one on one. Last year I did have my oldest son and oldest daughter work together in spelling because she was quite advanced and he was about the same level as her. My two that are 13 months apart almost always work together in math (this coming year will be the first that all 3 are doing separate maths.) I always reassess each year and see where we can combine and what might need to be done separate.

 

When my younger two children are both school age I will do the same thing, combine content subjects and separate skill subjects.

[My3Monkeys]

My older two are two grades apart. When my second child started Kindergarten, I combined them in history and science. We do math and language arts on their own levels. This year we have started Latin and they are combined for that as well.

[MyFourSons]

I have a 4th grader, 3rd grader, and kindergartner and preschooler. I also have a 6 month old, so we combine as much as possible!

 

We do read alouds together, though my 3 year old rarely attends the entire time. We also do religion together in this way.

 

We also do geography, history, nature study, and some science together. If you are using a four year history cycle, your kids will still cover each cycle twice, so you don't need to fret as much about when they cover what (at least I don't :)).

 

Elemental science is very easily adapted to use with several ages at once, I used Biology with all my children and just simplified things for my Kindergartner and added some harder books and challenges for my 4th grader with minimal effort. We are about to start Earth Science and Astronomy in this way as well. But I am also doing the Intro to Science with my kindergartner (and preschooler when he cares to attend) as one of his individual subjects, as he really loves science and it gives us more one on one time. It is not very time consuming, we do it 2x a week. We also combine everyone together for music and art.

 

We have been doing math, writing, and reading individually and at each child's own ability. We have been doing spelling individually as well, but I am starting Websters all together this week, so we'll see how it goes. :001_smile:

 

HTH!

[silliness7]

In your situation I would school the older one at his/her own pace in all subjects. Then when the 2nd one comes along if there is an area where he/she could jump in with the older one like history or science just add the 2nd one in and keep going.

 

I don't combine as I've found life works so much easier in our house when we work separately. My first 2 are 17 mos. apart but the older one far outpaces the 2nd one. My 3rd and 4th are 2 years apart and the 4th one is far outpacing the 3rd one. It's nuts! My kids bicker and squabble non-stop when they are in the same room together so that is just one more reason to take them one at a time.

 

And my 1st grader, sweet little thing. It is such a delight for both of us to have some time all to ourselves and I read her books that not a single other person in the house would sit and listen to (without rolling their eyes and making snide comments) like Milly Molly Mandy. :001_smile:

[Georgiana Daniels]

My youngest two are 15 months apart, and I keep them separate for Math and LA. We combine everything else we're studying--ToG, Bible, the body book, etc. I think Math and LA are two subject areas that should definitely be kept at the child's own pace because even a few months seems to make a huge difference in terms of progress.

[Marie in Oh]

7th grader, 6th grader, 4th rader, 2nd Grader, 1st Grader, and 4 and 2 yo's. I started with my oldest two combined in phonics and separate in math, and everything else together. It just caused too much competition. If younger sis did better or moved faster, older bro thought he was stupid. It wasn't a healthy dynamic. Soooooo, I finally separted them in everything last year. It was the best thing I did for family dynamics. There is no more competition. They just do their separate subjects, sometimes even separate curricula for the same subject so there in no knowledge where each other is in a given subject. So, it an be done successfully, but tread lightly if core subjects are shared and younger stats excelling above older.

[ChandlerMom]

My older two are two grades apart. When my second child started Kindergarten, I combined them in history and science. We do math and language arts on their own levels. This year we have started Latin and they are combined for that as well.

 

:iagree:

 

Even if they were all the exact same age, they would end up being on different levels. Being able to adapt to their individuality is a benefit of hs.

 

I have 2nd, K, and 2yo. What works for us is we do the subjects at the same time (read aloud, math, LA, history/science, etc). During "math time" the 2 school aged kids do their own math. During LA, the K'r does phonics and handwriting while the 2nd does her free reading and writing. They do history/sci/music/art/latin together, although the older child does more "serious" work in those subjects. The 2yo wanders in/out. :D

 

As to competitiveness -- it's just not tolerated in our home. Sibling rivalry is not inevitable. It is no more acceptable in our home than hitting would be, and kids learn quickly what is important to you. So, the kids learn to cooperate and be each other's best cheerleaders. After all, we're raising (future) adults, not kids, so learning to respect and appreciate others is an important life skill. It makes for a peaceful home and 3 kids who enjoy each other immensely. It really helps with hs-ing, too.

 

ETA: I mention competitiveness because with kids so close, sooner or later you will likely run into the situation where a younger sib passes up an older one in at least one subject. Accept and embrace it. It is not fair to the younger child to "hold them back" and IMO not healthy to teach the older child that they are so delicate that they cannot accept others will be better than them, or that their insecurities are more important that their sibling. If they were in a classroom they would adapt, so might as well for their own sibs. There will always be people better at any given thing than you. The trick is learning (and teaching are kids) to strive to do their best regardless.

Edited February 8, 2011 by ChandlerMom

[BlsdMama]

You'll SEE the combinations as they come up.

 

I was very surprised in that I always thought I knew the logical combinations. Then they got older and they arranged themselves VERY differently.

 

14yo DD - her own level

11yo DS - his own level

9 yo DD - I assumed would be her own level as well.

 

I THOUGHT:

7yoDD & 6yoDS would be together as they are only 11 months apart.

 

What actually happened:

 

9yoDD & 7yo DD are at almost the EXACT same level.

4yoDD & 6yoDS are at the same level with the 4yoDD slightly ahead and the TWO YEAR old only VERY slightly behind. I truly feel that in one more year she will have completely caught up with the other two.

 

All that to say, there is NO telling right now.

 

Teach them where they're at and get to that bridge when it comes. Eventually you will combine where it makes sense, and keep them separate in other places.

 

Next year, Liz will probably pull ahead of Rebecca. But we'll see. They could stay together all through elementary and maybe middle school. Rebecca could pull ahead? Tim could catch up to both. We'll see. :)

[Rosy]

You'll SEE the combinations as they come up.

 

I was very surprised in that I always thought I knew the logical combinations. Then they got older and they arranged themselves VERY differently.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I basically have exactly your arrangement, but 5 years older. Since they are 4th, 3rd, 1st and K, I thought it made the most sense to pair them up.

 

What has actually happened: DD10 is bright, motivated, and very independent. She is working about 3 years above grade level across the board (except grammar...but I'm sort of holding her back until SWB publishes a logic stage grammar curr.). There is no way she could have combined with DS. My middle two are both working at about a 2nd grade level, and youngest DD is usually able to follow along.

 

Practically, how that works: We do content subjects together--read-aloud one or two chapters of a kids story, open in prayer, Bible lesson (with leveled worksheet), and SOTW. The younger two don't absorb SOTW really, but they do the map work and can find Italy, Japan, etc. Then DD10 splits off from us to do her own work while we do WWE1 (I make my middle two do the longer sentences, I also use it as an opportunity to practice cursive). After that, all we have left is math and spelling, which everyone does at their level (and I run from one kid to another to help whoever needs help until everyone's done). So at that point the younger 3 are done, the oldest still has a couple hours worth of work. After I take a break, we do grammar and writing and I'm available to help with anything else.

 

Anyway, you may have 2 (or even 3) who are working at the same level. You may have one who is independent and doesn't need much help from you.

 

I don't worry at all about sibling rivalry or kids passing each other up. I've had to tell DD10 many times that I give her more work because I know she can handle it, and she'll be well-prepared for whatever she wants to do in life because she's worked so hard as a kid. It is hard for her to still have hours of work left when everyone else is done. DD7 is a better reader than her older brother. We don't make a big deal about it (I'm not sure any of them even know). It is my firm belief that God gifts everyone differently and calls us to use our gifts for His purposes according to our abilities. We are always telling DS what a great lego builder he is (he really does have some pretty extraordinary ways of looking at things). I am sure that his academic abilities will take hold when he's older. DD5 (now 6) will likely pass them both up in time. It really doesn't matter to me. I'm not going to hold one kid back to avoid hurting another's feelings. They have their ways of knowing when someone has an ability they don't.

 

Anyway, my advice to you would be to keep them all together while they're little and do lots of read-alouds and activities. Keep it simple on the skill subjects. Eventually you'll figure out who you can combine and how to make it work.

[Homeschooling6]

My dc are pretty close in age as well; 6, 8, 9, 10, 11 & 12. With my 6 & 8 yr. old who are less then two years apart, I was really hoping to combine with most subjects but my 6yr old is very immature and barely learning his alphabet sounds :glare: and learning how to count to 20 :blush:.

My 10 & 11yr. old dc are 12 months and I can't combine. 10yr. old is barely at grade level with LA and the 12yr. is way ahead. So as you can see they are all close in age but with Math & LAs I'm having a hard time combining.

My 9 & 11 yr. I can combine grammar, history, science, writing, etc. The only subject they are not on the same level is math. They are the only two that I can combine almost all subjects :thumbup:

Next year I do plan to combine my four younger ones using Easy Classical History and Science.

 

Things like Bible, history, science, read aloud and such you can combine more easily.

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

Just wanted to say I appreciate all these thoughts.

[Tess in the Burbs]

we do everything but language arts and math together. spelling is together for now, but if they ever got apart in lessons it's ok. We do everything else together with my knowing that the youngest needs more guidance with science/history.....but surprisingly she's better at Latin :tongue_smilie:

[Guest RecumbentHeart]

we do everything but language arts and math together. spelling is together for now, but if they ever got apart in lessons it's ok. We do everything else together with my knowing that the youngest needs more guidance with science/history.....but surprisingly she's better at Latin :tongue_smilie:

 

I had to comment because my (almost - birthday tomorrow!) 2yo runs around trying to roll his Rs and sits and practices Latin with me. At this rate he might be speaking Latin before he can read English. Combining him with me for Latin was never part of my plan.:tongue_smilie: