Which child was the hardest to add to your family?

[Jayne J]

Well, all the answers of 4, 5 or 6 are rather humbling, but I'll add my opinion.:tongue_smilie:

 

Number three broke me. Previous to having her, I felt rather smuggishly on-top of the whole mom thing. Both were out of diapers, sleeping through the night, and fairly easy going. I had started pre-K lessons/activities with my oldest and everything was smooth. Then came three. She is a sweet, mellow, snuggly angel baby--it isn't her. I suddenly couldn't remember things--I needed lists and reminders. I couldn't keep things organized or remember where I'd put things. The house fell apart and my standards dropped considerably. Plus my older two hit difficult phases that really added a lot of stress--maybe in reaction to the new baby. Now, 2.5 years later, the house is finally coming back together, and my memory is a bit better, but it is not what it was before.

 

A number of moms have told me that anything after three is all the same--they still outnumber you. But I am not jumping to find out. :D

 

However, I think I have a much better idea of what good parenting is, I am much more forgiving of myself and of others (I think I used to be that mom who always thought she knew how to raise *your* kids better. Things were so easy for me, I didn't understand.) I think having number three broke my perfectionistic tendencies and made me a much better person.

[dani3boys]

I voted other because we added numbers two and three at the same time.

[jujsky]

We had unexplained infertility, an early miscarriage, and adopted our son from Russia. #1 was a very hard addition! #2 was easy. We unexpectedly became pregnant right before we adopted #1.

[SilverMoon]

I think it has more to do with the particular personality mix than the birth order.

 

I voted for #2. Our first babe was so easy going as a baby, and a pretty compliant toddler. (We were certain it was due to our perfect parenting skills.) The second one was a very high needs baby/toddler/preschooler that rocked our world.

 

The third and fourth were mellow babes again, and both seemed to blend into our family nearly seamlessly. Though after our second, a baby that was happy to be carried in a sling all the time, earning them the term "clingy" by others, was a dream baby. :001_smile:

 

The fifth one caused a ripple. She was an easy babe, but by the time she came everyone else was on their way to being big kids: toilet trained, reading or doing phonics. Then she crawled at 6 months, walked by 9 months and could get on high counters by 12 months. I was so very glad to have four extra pairs of eyeballs in the house! If she weren't #5 she may have done me in. :tongue_smilie:

 

Our sixth is only 5 months old, but he's blended right in. Having a baby with older kids is so. much. easier. He adores his older siblings, and they adore toting him around.

[kristinannie]

I don't know why it won't let me vote in the poll! I vote for number 2 (closely followed by number 1). With the first one, we just didn't know what we were doing and our first is still very high maitenance (I don't know if that is just his personality or if we caused it by being there all the time). The second was the hardest though because they were so close together. They were 17 months apart and DS1 was very mobile, but not old enough to listen when you said "No". The first 6 months were completely exhausting. With number 3, I didn't notice much change (except for the 2 months of bedrest during pregnancy). He is a very easy baby though! Such a sweetie!

[Excelsior! Academy]

I voted other. We had 4 dc that were 11, 8, 6, and 4. Then through an expected turn of events got my dear sister's children overnight, literally. They were 4, 2, 1, and 2 1/2 months. THAT was the hardest transition. Suprisingly though, when we just had our 5th dd which raised our total to 9, it was pretty easy. Probably our easiest transition.

[Jane Elliot]

I put #5, but it was really #5 and #10. When I had #5 my oldest was 4yo, and I'm sure that had a lot to do with it, but with the jump from 4 to 5 I went from doing laundry one day a week to doing it every single day.

 

#10 also nearly did me in. He was an easy enough baby, but we had just moved to a farm, and I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. Still it seemed the farm wasn't the only factor; it seemed that with having 10 I suddenly lost my ability to keep up with all the kids.

 

Incidentally, the "what's one more" comment drives me nuts. One more is one more. It's more laundry, more food, more seats in the van, more attention, more time...and more love, yes, but it *is* one more.

 

ETA: Good heavens, I hope no one made the "what's one more" comment in this thread. It was my stomach flu talking, really. I didn't read all the other comments so this was not a response to anyone.

Edited February 8, 2011 by Luann in ID

[Tap]

Each were difficult in their own way.

 

Ds16 was born when I was 22. He was a very sick baby, allergies and asthma, and had 75 drs appointments by 2.5 years old. It was a lot to handle at 22yo. Dh and I were working full time and had to stagger our shifts so we could minimize daycare. We both spent a lot of time being 'single parents'.

 

We lost a pgy at 22weeks due to a genetic issue, so with dd12 we had almost weekly appointments 1 hour away through my pgy. When born, DD was a very, very temperamental child. She had HUGE temper tantrums starting at 4mths old. I have often said, if she was born first, there would have not been a second child. She was emotionally exhausting until 6yo. (now she is an absolute pleasure)

 

 

Dd4 was foster/adopt. We hadn't planned on adopting and thought we were just fostering for a bit for a family member. DD4 has mental health issues and is very, very hard to parent.

 

 

 

Of the 3, dd4 was the hardest, but they were all very hard for their own reasons. I see my friends have babies healthy babies with normal personalities and I wonder why oh why, just one of mine couldn't have been that way. lol

[Crimson Wife]

#1 was the hardest because she was a surprise and it took a lot of adjustment to becoming parents. In retrospect, I believe that I probably had PPD but at the time I didn't think that it was anything more than normal "baby blues". It took having #2 to realize that

 

Adding #3 seemed like it was quite a bit harder than #2, but that may have been because I made the transition to becoming a full-time homemaker when #2 was born. Being home full-time with two didn't seem like any more work than juggling a toddler and full-time employment. But having three at home seemed like quite a bit more work than having two at home.

[Miss Cornelia Snook]

My second was my hardest, because I had PPD after he was born and my husband was working 18 hour days. I had absolutely no help, and didn't start taking the medication my OB had prescribed until DS was 4 mos. old, after I came perilously close to suicide.

 

It took a lot to convince myself to have a third child after that experience. And as far as I am concerned, we are done with three.

 

My thought is that it all depends on your individual situation: how much help your husband can offer, the ages of your other children, their personalities.

[AmyinMD]

#6 was my hardest even more so than twins. He's always been a high needs child and I had him only 14 months after my 5th who was born at 29 weeks. I also had 4 kids ages 3 and under with 3 of them in diapers.

 

I feel like #7 would be easy to add at this point. I don't have any in diapers any more and I have several older kids that are good helpers and one that is old enough to babysit.

[MamaT]

#6 was the hardest for me. When she came home (at 2 days old - she was adopted), I had a newborn, 9 month old, 28 month old, 6 year old, 11 year old, and 13 year old. Having 3 under 3 almost did me in.

[TheApprentice]

I voted second because it was just a bit of a challenge to organize my time with 2.:001_huh: My oldest ds and second ds are 2 years, nine months apart, and so a newborn and a toddler are both needy stages. But once I figured out a routine, and 2 1/2 years later, our 3rd child was a breeze.;)

[AnitaMcC]

I voted other. We had 4 dc that were 11, 8, 6, and 4. Then through an expected turn of events got my dear sister's children overnight, literally. They were 4, 2, 1, and 2 1/2 months. THAT was the hardest transition. Suprisingly though, when we just had our 5th dd which raised our total to 9, it was pretty easy. Probably our easiest transition.

 

Okay, you got me beat-LOL. I only went from twin 3 yr olds to 4 kids (and pregnant with our #3). My niece and nephew were 11 and 9 yrs old and only two of them.

[Annie Laurie]

:iagree: 5 was so much more difficult. I thought it was because I was older, and it was a challenge to return to baby mode. We'd reached the point where everyone could tie their shoes, no diapers, buckle their seatbelts... heck everyone could even read!

 

This is me right now. Exactly.

 

Kids are 16,10,8,6, and 2 1/2 mos.

[dcurry]

I think it depends too on how old the other kids are. I've heard it said from large families that the most difficult time is when they have 5 children and they are all still young- no real "helpers". It depends, too, on how much you have trained your older ones to help. I have 5 now, but I think to add another one now wouldn't be as difficult since I have 2 teenagers. Adding the 5th one, I still had 2 others in diapers (besides the newborn), one of them with special needs. THAT was a difficult year.

 

Now- I am SO glad they have each other. They are a huge blessing to us, and it was worth all the difficult years.

[caitlinsmom]

My 2nd was the hardest by far. He cried for nearly two years straight and I learned to sleep standing up. The first 2 years of his life were a nightmare and we honestly thought about not having more because he was so difficult. Now he is the sweetest most laid back kid I have ever met. The two girls that came after him have been sunshine and rainbows in comparisson. :)

[swellmomma]

The first, having dd right after him didn't make a huge impact as he was still an infant, the 3rd was a different situtation in that he was planned and I was prepared where the first 2 were surprises. After that, it seemed we were at maximum chaos anyways, so adding the 4th made no difference.

[stansclan89]

By far my 6th. Of course she came at the same time as my 5th ;). When they start coming in 2's it's definitely time for me to stop...

[Guest]

My second was much harder than my first. With my first, we lived near both sets of our parents; I saw my mom almost daily. Also, when he napped, I still had time entirely to myself. When my second came along, we moved out of state, which was challenging. (But good.) Also, they had different nap schedules so I had NO time to myself, and that was probably the biggest challenge of all. I'm sure my answer would change if we had more kids. :)

[KatieH]

4 has been the hardest for me.

[JennyD]

#1 was the hardest. He was a very difficult baby, and we had all kinds of nursing problems, but the transition to parenthood was huge, too.

 

#2 was easy. He just kind of slid right into the routine.

 

#3 has been hard, much harder than I thought it would be. We're finally finding a groove now, at about 6 months, but DH and I have both found 3 to be way harder than 2. And he's a really easy baby, thankfully.