sunriseiz Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Has anyone read either of these books? They both look really good, but neither one is available in the library here and I don't need to spend the money on both. Any recommendations? TIA! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2smartones Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I have "Living with Intensity". I only read about half. Didn't appeal to me at all. It seemed like it was written with adults in mind. Maybe the latter half talks about kids. I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 I have "Living with Intensity". I only read about half. Didn't appeal to me at all. It seemed like it was written with adults in mind. Maybe the latter half talks about kids. I don't know. Thanks for the input; it helps a lot. We had a serious roller coaster day yesterday, and I am looking for practical help. This doesn't sound like it's the one for me. Thanks again! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gratia271 Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Thanks for the input; it helps a lot. We had a serious roller coaster day yesterday, and I am looking for practical help. This doesn't sound like it's the one for me. Thanks again! If you find any help through books or otherwise, please share! Intensity is the norm around here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 If you find any help through books or otherwise, please share! Intensity is the norm around here. LOL, it's definitely the norm here too. Saturday was just a day of extremes. I'll certainly let you know if I come up with anything helpful! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I have not the read the first, but it is on my list of books to order. Re: Living with Intensity, I wish I had read about 15 or 20 years ago, and do not think I would be exaggerating to say that I think I would have made very different choices in my life if I had been familiar with Dabrowski sooner. So I wouldn't say that it has specifics to help parents deal with emotionally intense gifted kids, but it certainly helped me evaluate my education and experiences growing up and think very carefully about what I want for my children. I have highly recommended it to many friends, both for themselves and b/c I believe it can only help them parent their gifted intense kids more intentionally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 Ohmygoodness. DS(7) spent an hour crying hysterically today b/c his sister got to go to a birthday party. I thought she was the intense one, but when something pushes his buttons... :bigear: I need a good book rec, too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissKNG Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 I have "Living with Intensity". I only read about half. Didn't appeal to me at all. It seemed like it was written with adults in mind. Maybe the latter half talks about kids. I don't know. Bummer...I have a WTB post for this book. Maybe I'll check out the other book. I've recently lost 5 lbs from the stress of dealing with my highly intense girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted February 7, 2011 Author Share Posted February 7, 2011 Ohmygoodness. DS(7) spent an hour crying hysterically today b/c his sister got to go to a birthday party. I thought she was the intense one, but when something pushes his buttons... :bigear: I need a good book rec, too. Yes, this is where we are too. :( Someone on another board (yes I am desperate!) suggested "The Explosive Child" and if it stops snowing I am going to get it at the library tonight, so I'll let you know. I think I'll probably go ahead and order the other one too. Did I mention I am desperate?! :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineMom Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 This thread strikes a cord with me today. Intensity....we were playing a math game with both kids today. My dd9 has some LD's so we needed to slow down in order for her to do the computation part of the game. Well my dd7 was all over the place into everything in the room (very distracting). I decided to just have her do her math workbook assignment in the waiting time in between game turns to keep her occupied. She finished her lesson and the game at the same time! We have to remind my 7dd to stay out of other people's bubbles while she leans over computers or books to read what we are reading or typing. She is a chatterbox about everything, half of which I don't hear:( She's like a rocket trying to take off! She cried, then pouted for about an hour because I told her I wouldn't let her read Harry Potter #4. For the last several days, she has been gathering stories from others (children & adults) who had read HP4 and making a good case for me to change my mind. I think or better yet, hope, maybe I am wrong, as she ages some of this intensity will be more focused on projects rather than me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Oh my word can I relate to this. It doesn't help that I'm too intense and it seems we all feed off of each other's intensity! :confused: I wasn't going to admit to that... ;) My dh's eyebrows go way up to his hairline when he watches dd and I interacting at the end of a long day. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taffnus Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Oh my goodness, I just stumbled across this post today as I was about to ask for advice on handling defiance to authority. My dd7 meets so many of the characteristics listed on the website a previous poster listed. I'm researching the books you've asked about here and have already placed a hold on several books at the library. My dd7 is a wonderful, intelligent girl but her responses to some things are completely off the chart and she can't seem to control herself. It's certainly not every day but, when it strikes, it's powerful and unusual. This could be anything from crying uncontrollably when certain songs are played to screaming and yelling if she's just sent to her room for discipline. She goes through phases where certain things really bother her. This school year it's been her hair in her face and her chair is crooked/uncomfortable. She's even caused major fusses in her coop class because of these two issues. The phase eventually passes. Also, she will always have a pet interest and it's always all-encompassing and intense. Right now she talks incessantly about Mario because of our new Wii. Before this it was tornadoes and hurricanes. I remember her first interest was right around 2 yo when she had to search every home and building for smoke detectors - for months and months. Does any of this sound familiar??? I'm really curious about all of this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted February 8, 2011 Author Share Posted February 8, 2011 This thread strikes a cord with me today. Intensity....we were playing a math game with both kids today. My dd9 has some LD's so we needed to slow down in order for her to do the computation part of the game. Well my dd7 was all over the place into everything in the room (very distracting). I decided to just have her do her math workbook assignment in the waiting time in between game turns to keep her occupied. She finished her lesson and the game at the same time! We have to remind my 7dd to stay out of other people's bubbles while she leans over computers or books to read what we are reading or typing. She is a chatterbox about everything, half of which I don't hear:( She's like a rocket trying to take off! She cried, then pouted for about an hour because I told her I wouldn't let her read Harry Potter #4. For the last several days, she has been gathering stories from others (children & adults) who had read HP4 and making a good case for me to change my mind. I think or better yet, hope, maybe I am wrong, as she ages some of this intensity will be more focused on projects rather than me! Are you sure you weren't at my house? :confused1: I also keep thinking that if my dd could focus some of this energy/intensity, it would be incredible! I did make it to the library and have the Explosive Child book and just ordered the other book. Hopefully, one of them will have some useful ideas. But now, I need to go to bed to restore my own energy for tomorrow! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laundrycrisis Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I have Living With Intensity. To me it almost felt like it was written for an audience of psychologists, or perhaps adults wanting to understand their own intensity. I enjoyed reading it, but did not find much help for parenting intense children in it. I found more help in Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
deacongirl Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Just in case anyone hasn't seen the articles at SENG I found them very helpful in understanding my dd. http://www.sengifted.org/articles_social/index.shtml Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiD Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I have not the read the first, but it is on my list of books to order. Re: Living with Intensity, I wish I had read about 15 or 20 years ago, and do not think I would be exaggerating to say that I think I would have made very different choices in my life if I had been familiar with Dabrowski sooner. So I wouldn't say that it has specifics to help parents deal with emotionally intense gifted kids, but it certainly helped me evaluate my education and experiences growing up and think very carefully about what I want for my children. I have highly recommended it to many friends, both for themselves and b/c I believe it can only help them parent their gifted intense kids more intentionally. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiD Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Oh my goodness, I just stumbled across this post today as I was about to ask for advice on handling defiance to authority. My dd7 meets so many of the characteristics listed on the website a previous poster listed. I'm researching the books you've asked about here and have already placed a hold on several books at the library. My dd7 is a wonderful, intelligent girl but her responses to some things are completely off the chart and she can't seem to control herself. It's certainly not every day but, when it strikes, it's powerful and unusual. This could be anything from crying uncontrollably when certain songs are played to screaming and yelling if she's just sent to her room for discipline. She goes through phases where certain things really bother her. This school year it's been her hair in her face and her chair is crooked/uncomfortable. She's even caused major fusses in her coop class because of these two issues. The phase eventually passes. Also, she will always have a pet interest and it's always all-encompassing and intense. Right now she talks incessantly about Mario because of our new Wii. Before this it was tornadoes and hurricanes. I remember her first interest was right around 2 yo when she had to search every home and building for smoke detectors - for months and months. Does any of this sound familiar??? I'm really curious about all of this. Very familiar. And in retrospect, it was observable from early infancy (if one knows what to look for, which I didn't). One of my kids came home just about hairless from the NICU, having ripped the IV's out of his hands (and then his head) so many times that his head was shaved entirely bald. :tongue_smilie: He then became the relentless baby who NEVER slept, the tantrumming toddler who never gave in, and until recently, his meltdowns have been frequent and overpowering. He has a will of iron. :eek: He's been challenging, but he seems to have turned the corner lately (just turned 8 - could that be the magic age? :001_smile:). Our experiences with him were what led me to start reading this board and the various recommendations regarding the care and handling of gifted kids and the typical personality profiles that often come with the package. Suddenly the scales fell from my eyes. :) Now I can better understand (and forgive) my family life growing up, the differences between myself and my husband make more sense (and IMO he got the better deal, being a "normal smart person" rather than a "gifted" one). Like a previous poster, I wish I had this information years ago. Not sure if I would have raised my older kids much differently had I known then what I know now, but the insights I've gleaned are definitely useful in managing my younger ones. I used to think the "gifted" label was pretentious, and avoided it. But in reality, it's extremely useful as a guidepost for finding relevant and helpful information, in the same way "dyslexic" has been a necessary label for locating essential information and learning materials. And it's helpful to be aware that various behaviors that are extreme and difficult to deal with are not necessarily the result of lack of appropriate discipline, training, etc., and as such, the generally recommended approaches described in many popular child rearing/psychology books may not necessarily be the most appropriate and effective when dealing with your gifted child, who is likely wired very differently from a typical child. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taffnus Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Very familiar. And in retrospect, it was observable from early infancy (if one knows what to look for, which I didn't). :) Thank you so much for your response. I am finding myself on a whirlwind investigation. I've always known dd is bright but I never really connected some of her behaviors to a possible giftedness. I'm reading some of the articles on the SENG website recommended here and I'm finding a lot of similarities. Part of me is "nervous" to have her tested because, if she doesn't test "gifted," where would that leave me in working through some of these unusual behaviors and tendencies? I don't care about labels other than to be able to find some answers to some of my discipline questions and to make wise choices concerning education. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiD Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 Part of me is "nervous" to have her tested because, if she doesn't test "gifted," where would that leave me in working through some of these unusual behaviors and tendencies? I don't care about labels other than to be able to find some answers to some of my discipline questions and to make wise choices concerning education. I think it's safe to trust your own observations and judgements. I'm not sure having young children tested results in particularly reliable scores, and after some testing experiences with my older kids, I've become a bit skeptical. :) For instance, one child was tested at 15 and scored in the gifted range, but there's no way he would have scored very high as a 7 year old - he couldn't even read then, nor did he do much reading until age 10. But after that, he read and read and read... My 8 yo had a sudden surge in the last year and a half, but before that, he didn't exhibit any particular brilliance, nor was he academically precocious. :) In fact he seemed to be exhibiting signs of LD's. I'm sure that in some cases test results must accurately reflect potential, but ultimately I wouldn't place too much emphasis on results that don't mesh with your own observations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taffnus Posted February 8, 2011 Share Posted February 8, 2011 I think it's safe to trust your own observations and judgements. I'm not sure having young children tested results in particularly reliable scores, and after some testing experiences with my older kids, I've become a bit skeptical. :) Thank you! This really seems to be striking a cord. I'm very thankful for this forum and to be able to learn from others. I'm headed to the library to pick up a couple of books on this topic. If anything, this has already reenforced to me that she doesn't have to fit into a mold. I was always a very strong and independent child and that turned into a very positive characteristic. I've seem myself trying to push her to become more "average" in her behaviors just to fit in, thinking that I want to protect her from rejection. I need to work through this because I really want to teach her appropriate social behavior but, at the same time, protect her independent and unique personality. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 If anything, this has already reenforced to me that she doesn't have to fit into a mold. I was always a very strong and independent child and that turned into a very positive characteristic. I've seem myself trying to push her to become more "average" in her behaviors just to fit in, thinking that I want to protect her from rejection. I need to work through this because I really want to teach her appropriate social behavior but, at the same time, protect her independent and unique personality. I do this with my oldest, too. Lately, I have realized that pushing her to be "normal" does not work--she goes right ahead and does whatever she wants to do. It just makes for a contentious relationship and may eventually destroy her self-esteem. I'm trying to back waay off and just let her be herself. Yesterday, my dd went to a birthday party and when I went to pick her up I sat down to talk to one of the other moms. This other woman sees dd every week in church classes. She was telling me some of the goofy things dd said during the party. I was groaning inwardly, but then the other mom said, "I just love seeing her personality. She is so much fun, and I love seeing how her mind works. It's a joy to watch." That totally made my day. And it made me realize that I need to be do a better job appreciating the differences in these kids, rather than trying to squash them into the same mold I tried to squash myself into when I was a kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taffnus Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 She was telling me some of the goofy things dd said during the party. I was groaning inwardly, but then the other mom said, "I just love seeing her personality. She is so much fun, and I love seeing how her mind works. It's a joy to watch." You're right!! I don't know how many times I've gone to my dd's coop teachers to ask about her behavior. They tell me of things that I consider to be problems but they all have followed it with, "she's delightful," "so creative," etc. I guess we're so close to them and feel such a responsibility to "fix" all the problems that we lose sight of the positives. It's so good to be reminded of that. Thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I need this. We have some intensity here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ljconrad Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 I have not read Living with Intensity, but I did review Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students on my blog Gifted Parenting Support. As the mother of 2 gifted children now in their late teens, I consult with parents of gifted kids both locally and online. This book really touched me and I felt like it answered so many questions and explained behaviors that I never understood about my children when they were younger. I have read the book twice and purchased additional copies to give to teachers and guidance counselors in our school district. I think the thing I loved most was that it was easy to understand and the advice was easy to follow. It includes checklists and tips for parents as well as worksheets for teachers. The teacher aspect was important as wel as I often found it difficult to get through to teachers the older my kids got. The author is a school psychologist, but more importantly, she is the mother of two gifted daughters. It seemed to set this book apart because I thought she truly understood what we go through as parents. It wasn't written by a college professor who wanted to advance their career by proposing yet another theory about gifted children. I hope this helps. I feel very strongly about this book. It has made a difference in my life and I refer to it often when working with other parents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FrogMom5 Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Can you link your blog? Or, tell me how to get there? I've never gone to a blog w/out clicking a link first, then saving it. Thanks! Denise Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CherylG Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 (edited) More at IMDbPro » Young Tom Edison (1940) 86 min - Biography | Drama - 15 March 1940 (USA) Inventor Thomas Edison's boyhood is chronicled and shows him as a lad whose early inventions and scientific experiments usually end up causing disastrous results... We have watched this movie over and over as a family and when one of my kids is having a "moment" we call it a Thomas Edison moment...really his mom was the only one that understood him and she, just barely at that! It has been helpful to ease the stress in the child that is "different". I just say something like it's OK, you are amazing, like Thomas Edison amazing. They get what that means. Edited February 24, 2011 by CherylG Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertmum Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 I have Living With Intensity. To me it almost felt like it was written for an audience of psychologists, or perhaps adults wanting to understand their own intensity. I enjoyed reading it, but did not find much help for parenting intense children in it. I found more help in Raising Your Spirited Child Rev Ed: A Guide for Parents Whose Child Is More Intense, Sensitive, Perceptive, Persistent, and Energetic by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. Thank you for this link. My 4yo ds is so intense it makes my head hurt. I can't understand how a little bright boy can know so much astronomy (-and right now he is devouring a book on electricity and magnetism that I found in a second hand bookstore), but can't do his own shoes. I just ordered the Living with Intensity book because I have to start with something. DH wants him to go to school but I don't know if the school is going to be able to handle him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertmum Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Can you link your blog? Or, tell me how to get there? I've never gone to a blog w/out clicking a link first, then saving it. Thanks! Denise Definitely interested in the blog link. Please? :bigear: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
forty-two Posted February 23, 2011 Share Posted February 23, 2011 Can you link your blog? Or, tell me how to get there? I've never gone to a blog w/out clicking a link first, then saving it. Thanks! Denise Definitely interested in the blog link. Please? :bigear: This looks to be it :): http://giftedparentingsupport.blogspot.com/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
desertmum Posted February 24, 2011 Share Posted February 24, 2011 This looks to be it :): http://giftedparentingsupport.blogspot.com/ Many thanks. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted February 24, 2011 Author Share Posted February 24, 2011 Thanks for the input, encouragement and conversation everyone! Almost everything I've read here rings true in some regard or other. I am glad we are not the only ones learning to deal with this! Just as an update to the original post, I recently finished reading "The Explosive Child" and, while not exactly on point, was practical in terms of how to approach some things, so it was worth the time. I also went ahead and got "Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students" and am about halfway through. It's ok so far, though a little slow. I haven't 'peeked', but am anticipating some practical help in the next half of the book. It has lots of examples of children in various situations and how intensities might show themselves. This isn't a bad thing, but I think I had a lot of this info already and am ready for the 'help' part. :) I think I will have to get the other book eventually too, as those who love it, really love it. I have already learned a lot from reading online, etc and am thoroughly convinced that lots of my dh's 'quirks' are because he is hg/pg, lol. I am also picking up things to indicate that my other 2 kiddos are likely to be gifted too, but so different than dd and perhaps not as obvious. So far I think this may be the most important thing that I have learned and I so want to make sure that we find their special gifts too and that we don't let them live in their big sister's shadow. Have a great day everyone! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I also went ahead and got "Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students" and am about halfway through. It's ok so far, though a little slow. I haven't 'peeked', but am anticipating some practical help in the next half of the book. It has lots of examples of children in various situations and how intensities might show themselves. This isn't a bad thing, but I think I had a lot of this info already and am ready for the 'help' part. :) Have a great day everyone! :) lol I imagine anyone seeking this book out has plenty of their own examples! Did you find that it did pick up in practical help? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted April 14, 2011 Author Share Posted April 14, 2011 Scuff, thanks for the reminder that I hadn't followed up on my post! All in all, it was ok, but not as helpful as I was hoping. The examples turned into a teaching tool for various ways to handle situations, but it's been a few weeks and I don't remember any specific suggestions. I would recommend the book, particularly if you can borrow it. I don't know that I would buy it again. I'd say skim the first part and read the 2nd part. I think I will be looking for the Raising Your Spirited Child book that was recommended. I am also open for any other suggestions!!! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 Ran across this article tonight. In a nutshell, these tips are as good as anything else I've seen so far, so I thought I'd share. http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10695.aspx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TKDmom Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 Ran across this article tonight. In a nutshell, these tips are as good as anything else I've seen so far, so I thought I'd share. http://www.davidsongifted.org/db/Articles_id_10695.aspx That article was awesome. Now I just have to figure out how to keep my dc's intensity from triggering my own emotions... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted April 15, 2011 Share Posted April 15, 2011 I bought it just before rereading this thread and seeing your first review. (Hasn't come yet. Why are you so slow this time, Amazon Prime?) Oh well. Sometimes we're desperate. :) Hopefully it'll help a little. DD6's intensity this week is about to drive me insane. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sunriseiz Posted April 15, 2011 Author Share Posted April 15, 2011 I feel your pain; sorry I was slow in posting a full review. The book definitely wasn't a waste of time or anything, so I am sure you'll get some things from it. Really, though, don't spend tons of time on the first part; get to the second. If your library has "The Explosive Child", I'd give that one a look also. Best wishes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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