Jean in Newcastle Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I tend to believe that if you look at many character issues, that if you redirect them the right way, they can become virtues instead of vices. At least I think that's what my mom helped me to do with my stubbornness (she called it pigheadedness;)) to turn it into the twin virtues of perseverance and determination. And that's what I'm trying to do with my dd9 who has inherited my pigheadedness.:001_huh: So - my son with the addictive personality - how can I redirect him so that his tendency to obsess becomes a virtue instead of a vice? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Give him free reign to plunge the depths of his passions. Basically, just let him unschool, at least for a few months. See what he comes up with. All that energy obsessing might bring some interesting results. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 I have a dh and a ds with addictive personalities. I guess it comes with a sort of *totality* about everything they do. They cant just do thinks half heartedly- its all extreme. Dh cant have a drink- has to drink to excess (therefore he abstains). I know you have had issues with your son and computer games- that seems very common and has been an issue here. We limited certain types and limited access- nowadays its social networking rather than games. And nowadays, we don't limit it much- we allow it to be self limiting- homework, chores, etc must be done. But when he was younger- lots of boundaries. I guess its an acceptance of that sort of totality and encouraging it wherever I see it directed in a healthy way. My son has come from from his first days at school desperate to do well, and spent 3.5 hours doing homework on his 2nd evening. Thats totality! So I encouraged it and literally sat with him to support him (he asked for and needed it.) Projects, attitudes, obsessions, emotions - things tend to be all or nothing. Not much moderation. When I see dh, I see it may not change much- its kind of a personality trait. So I try to accept the heart of it and direct the surface energy, if that make sense. Its not a negative thing altogether- perhaps it is a sort of high energy attitude to things and I think many leaders have this quality. I guess its just a case of Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Jean, have you ever read Gerald May's Addiction and Grace? It offers some interesting perspectives on addiction and many counselors use it. I see addiction as a substitute for what truly "fills the hole." As a Christian, I guess I'm saying, have him use the all or nothing for Christ. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Give him free reign to plunge the depths of his passions. Basically, just let him unschool, at least for a few months. See what he comes up with. All that energy obsessing might bring some interesting results. Projects, attitudes, obsessions, emotions - things tend to be all or nothing. Not much moderation. When I see dh, I see it may not change much- its kind of a personality trait. So I try to accept the heart of it and direct the surface energy, if that make sense. Its not a negative thing altogether- perhaps it is a sort of high energy attitude to things and I think many leaders have this quality. So it sounds like both of you are saying that if he has a passion for the right things then it's a good thing. I have been trying to direct the passion for computer games into passion for electronics and computer repair. He's building his own laser tag game and has plans for some kind of a laser guitar (I don't quite understand it!) And he's starting to get experience repairing all the computers in our extended family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 Jean, have you ever read Gerald May's Addiction and Grace? It offers some interesting perspectives on addiction and many counselors use it. I see addiction as a substitute for what truly "fills the hole." As a Christian, I guess I'm saying, have him use the all or nothing for Christ. Thank you, Chris. I just went and ordered this book. My dh was saying, "I wish he'd get addicted to the Bible." I guess he had the right idea. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 So it sounds like both of you are saying that if he has a passion for the right things then it's a good thing. I have been trying to direct the passion for computer games into passion for electronics and computer repair. He's building his own laser tag game and has plans for some kind of a laser guitar (I don't quite understand it!) And he's starting to get experience repairing all the computers in our extended family. Jean, that is excellent! This could be a testimony on an unschooling board, lol! I am so happy for you and your ds. I'm sure he'll really be a blessing to you and many others with these skills!:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.