HSDCY Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I have an 11-year-old typical introvert who has no friends. He has lots of acquaintances through homeschool group, sports, AWANA, Sunday school, and other classes he takes, but none that he can call friend. He said he doesn't mind being alone which is true because he is perfectly happy, but I worry about his social skills. From my observation, he is just awkward with new people and doesn't know how to talk to kids his age. He said kids his age don't like things he likes (which is news, politics, urban development, and other "strange" topics), and what they like he does not have interest (like sports and pop culture). He asked me last night if there is a book called "Friendship for Dummies" because he needs some help. BTW, he is an only child. Also, he has no trouble playing with younger kids or talking intelligently with friendly adults who initiate conversation with him. So, is there a book that help socially awkward kids learn how to carry themselves in a group, teach them what to say to reach out to others who might not share the same interest, and to develop meaningful friendship? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 He just sounds mature for his age, and tbh, it's going to be difficult to find 11 y.o.'s who will share his interests. I'm sure they are out there, they are just going to be harder to find. I don't think your ds needs a book on "Friendship for Dummies" though, lol. There is a book called Conversations with Character though that encourages kids to think about others when conversing. hth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melinda in VT Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 Have you seen The Unwritten Rules of Friendship? It's written for parents to help their kids. I can't remember if there is any reason you wouldn't be able to give it to him to read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) http://www.amazon.com/Lets-Be-Friends-Workbook-Social/dp/1572246103/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1296941961&sr=8-6 He sounds like he is gifted or advanced. Gifted kids often do have trouble since they do have different interests. This is my son:) I try to help him find common interests that might have such as Star Wars, Avatar, Wii, etc. I also try to give him hope that as he gets older it will be easier to find more people with his interests:) I also teach him the value of doing many activities that he enjoys as a means to fulfill his interests as well as potentially meeting new friends. Lastly, I try to instill perseverance in these activities since sometimes it takes a long time to meet friends as I experienced in my life and that it is ok if it does:) Model Me Kids has some videos on conversation skills that we have:) I tell my son conversation is like an art and that we all have to learn the skills:) http://www.modelmekids.com/ Edited February 5, 2011 by priscilla Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I think this is not something you can learn from a book. The key to developing friendships would be to find kids who have common interests - I don't think you can really develop meaningful friendships if you have nothing in common. (You can still be nice and well mannered - but would just remain acquaintances if there is not deeper connection) Btw, my son, too is an introvert and I have a hard time understanding because I am very extraverted. Can't you find an activity where he might meet more like-minded kids? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Dominion Heather Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 My oldest has a similar personality. We helped him develop some interests in video games, sports, etc... by getting a gaming system, making him play sports for at least a season, etc... so that he could at least carry on a conversation about those topics. It is not fun to be the only one who can't play a pick-up game of a sport, or discuss music groups. Even if you don't want to do it all the time, it is a good social skill to have. I'd maybe work with him to develop at least a little bit of knowledge about those things. Life will be easier for him if he does. He doesn't have to change who he is, but developing a background knowledge would at least mean that he could participate in conversations. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 If he's happy, there isn't a problem, is there? Some kids won't find anyone else of their own age who shares their interests until they are in college. It can be a lonely road, but the biggest part of the problem is having well meaning people tell you you are broken. Most young geeks go on to become well adjusted adult geeks, marry other geeks and raise geeky kids. Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoundAbout Posted February 5, 2011 Share Posted February 5, 2011 I don't have any big suggestions for that age group, but the opening chapters of the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People have stuck with me for more than a decade. One of the key points of the book is to show an interest in other people by talking about *their* interests. Ask them questions. Lots of them. People love to talk about themselves. While some might consider this phony, I think its a great lesson in being less self-centered and learning to take an interest in other people. Not a bad lesson to learn for a kid. The best part is that it works! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HSDCY Posted February 6, 2011 Author Share Posted February 6, 2011 I have been on the lookout for like-minded kids for a long time but haven't found any in my area. But I do think it's possible to develop some friendship even with people very different from ourselves. My main thing is to help him know how to start a conversation in a social situation instead of being anxious the whole time, and also like some pps mentioned, to turn attention away from himself and focus on others. Thank you for the suggestions, I'll look into each one of them carefully to see which ones might be of help. BTW, I am a geek who married a geek, and our family friends are all geeks. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 There is a book called Conversations with Character though that encourages kids to think about others when conversing. hth Hi Sophia-- My dd is interested in understanding why others sometimes say she "acts like she doesn't care." I know her to be an introvert and fairly guarded, and I suspect she doesn't reveal enough of herself to let others see how much she cares about things. I'm wondering if the Advanced Conversations with Character would help her with this. What do you think? Is this the type of thing that the book addresses? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 Hi Sophia-- My dd is interested in understanding why others sometimes say she "acts like she doesn't care." I know her to be an introvert and fairly guarded, and I suspect she doesn't reveal enough of herself to let others see how much she cares about things. I'm wondering if the Advanced Conversations with Character would help her with this. What do you think? Is this the type of thing that the book addresses? The Advanced book is fairly new~I didn't see it when I was doing planning in fall of 2010. It does look like it would be informative for your dd. I have realized that much of the content is intuitive for extroverts~not so much for us introverts. For instance, when I was a teen if someone shared something distressing, I immediately felt concern~but clueless me didn't realize I was also supposed to verbally express it and ask questions and generally act like I cared as well as feel it. The Advanced book looks like it will be addressing this as well as other topics. I'm ordering it~I use the CwC in a communications class I lead for a variety of ages because I think the principles are appropriate for all. hth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beth in OH Posted February 6, 2011 Share Posted February 6, 2011 It does look like it would be informative for your dd. I have realized that much of the content is intuitive for extroverts~not so much for us introverts. For instance, when I was a teen if someone shared something distressing, I immediately felt concern~but clueless me didn't realize I was also supposed to verbally express it and ask questions and generally act like I cared as well as feel it.....hth Thanks, Sophia. I'm going to order it, too. I think you identified her problem, and since she's interested in expressing herself differently, this would be a good start! :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Sherry Posted February 7, 2011 Share Posted February 7, 2011 He just sounds mature for his age, and tbh, it's going to be difficult to find 11 y.o.'s who will share his interests. I'm sure they are out there, they are just going to be harder to find.I don't think your ds needs a book on "Friendship for Dummies" though, lol. There is a book called Conversations with Character though that encourages kids to think about others when conversing. hth Thank you so much for posting this book. I'm going to take a look at it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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