Bed and wake times for little kids.

[lincap]

I have a 5 yr old, almost 3 yr old and 10 month old boys. I really need help with the 5 yr old bed time. Right now the 10 month old is asleep by 7pm and up between 630-730am. The 3 yr old is asleep by 730pm and up around 7am.

 

The 5yr old has always been a struggle with sleep since he was a baby!

DH and I have said he could stay up until 830pm so he can have some alone mom and/or dad time without the 3yr old or baby around. The 5 yr old begs to stay up later and later and usually he and DH are doing something together so he doesn't go to bed until 10pm. So lately he is getting used to this up until 10pm thing. So when DH is working or just wants DS to go to bed at 830pm (his supposedly bedtime), we get a HUGE battle with DS. Begging to let him stay up with us... etc etc. Do you think it is possible to have a one or two night a week when we let him stay up and do something special with dad or do you think we should stick to the 830 bed time no matter what?

[Ravin]

I think it can work if it's consistent. That is, "Okay, from now on you can stay up on Tuesday and Wednesday, but every other day 8:30 is your bedtime." And enforce it. When he starts to fuss, say, "sorry, it's not Tuesday yet." and shut him down.

 

I think you can be consistent across a week, but it does have to be consistent.

[fairfarmhand]

I would tell him "Only on Friday..."or whatever day of the week that is. Make it the same day each week. Otherwise you are going to have a debate every time.

 

You definitely need to get dad on board though.

 

My dh is totally oblivious to the time however. I have to come in, break up the party and say time for bed in 10 minutes. The warning gives them a chance to finish up.

[SBMama]

My 4.5 year old does way better when she goes to bed at the same time each night. She falls asleep faster and if generally in a better mood. We have been doing this for a few months now, and lately she has been telling me when it is time for bed! Good luck!

[FortWorthCookes]

At this point I would be sticking with a 7-night 8:30 bedtime. I would tell him that once he can prove that he's ready to stay up with the adults, he can do so on special occasions, but tantrums and making a scene at bedtime are proving just the opposite right now. Some kids just can't handle a flexible bedtime schedule like that - I'd keep it incredibly rigid and predictable until he's really doing bedtime like a champ.

[lovinmyboys]

We have almost the same scenario at our house. My problem is that DH doesnt get home till 7 on a normal night, so it is sometimes later. The 5yr old really craves time without the littler kids around, so I have let him stay up later. However, I think he does better with the same bedtime every night. I am trying to figure out a way to have more dad time with still a decent bedtime, but it hasn't worked out yet. Pretty much all sleep experts say that everyone does better with the same sleep schedule every day-but I still would like to find a way around that

[3peasinapod]

I think it could work too, just make sure that you're kinda strict on the other days with 8:30. I know how that goes. Somehow an 8:30 bedtime gets pushed back to 9, etc., etc. Unfortunately, 2 of our children will wake up at 7 a.m. no matter when they go to bed, so they're cranky the next day. :001_huh:

[AK_Mom4]

I'll be different and say that I would put him on a regular 10:30pm bed time - whether he is playing with Dad or not that evening. Then, let him sleep later in the morning if that's what it takes to get a cheerful kid.

 

I agree with the other posters that consistent bed times are important, but some kids are night owls. Unless he has to be somewhere early in the morning, I would work around his internal clock and avoid the fights.

 

BTW - DD17 was my night owl. She still is, but she knows she has to get up at 6:30am for class, so she tends to go to bed earlier now that she is older.

[wapiti]

IMO, 8:30 is too late for a 5 y.o. My guess is that he wants to stay up later and later because at that point he is already overtired and wired. I'd put the 5 y.o. in bed at 7:30 with the 3 y.o. (unless the 3 y.o. has stopped napping, in which case I'd put the 3 y.o. in by 7:00).

 

And no, I would not vary the bedtime just so he can have special time with a parent - that's a recipe for overtiredness. Anything like 10:00, or even 9:00, once or twice per week is completely out of the question IMO. Once sleep is missed, it's gone forever.

 

That's my two cents :)

[Tylianna]

Mine are older, so this might not work. I let them stay up later on Friday only. If they ask to stay up later on any other night, they lose their Friday night. I only let them stay up an hour or so later than their bedtime to get rid of any crankiness the next day. I won't stand for grouches, that's MY job lol!

 

But, since yours is younger, then I wouldnt expect him to be able to understand that. I agree that he should be able to stay up a little bit longer than the youngers, but not too much. Mom and dad still need alone time, too ;)

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Though it may not be the greatest thing for the overall picture, I totally understand the need and desire for one on one time. That being said, I think I would give him 15-20 minutes after the other kids have gone to bed to cuddle, read, do something quiet and then to bed at a consistent time. We do this with DD4. She is the last one to be tucked in at night so that she can have a few minutes with us by herself.

[gardening momma]

Stick with the 8:30 bedtime. IMO, he also doesn't need to stay up later than his 3 yr old sibling, just because he's a couple of years older. That's a privilege that comes later in life.

[Mommyof4ks]

We don't have strict bedtimes here, but I think it can work if you are consistent with which days you let your son stay up late. My boys are exhausted if they are up until 10, and they tell us goodnight and put themselves to bed. My dd has always been a night owl, and she stays awake later if we make her lay down early which makes her more tired the next day. Each kid is different.

[lincap]

Interesting to hear the different thoughts. I think I would like to have my 5 yr old go to bed at 8 every night but we decided 830 so DH could play with him more but now that DH plays longer some days it gets confusing for DS. He never knows when is a day when DH will want him up late and when not.. So I think I am going to talk to DH about picking 1 day a week for an extra long special time with DS and keep the other days a consistent bed time.

[Mommee & Baba]

My dd5 has never liked sleep! So I can relate.

 

What we do with her is the same with everyone else in our home. She has to get ready for bed like everyone else. She has to ly down and we tuck her in. Then I turn on an audio cd of a story they have checked out from the library and that is it. If she gets up she's counted 1, 2, 3...if she gets to 3 she gets the audio off. And it's happened a time or two but she knows now that since we've stuck through our words she usually gives up at being counted to 2.

 

We still battle the excuses that she says she wants my cuddles or daddy's snuggles...ect...but to us it's only lan excuse to prolong the dreadful process of going to sleep for her.

 

Hang in there and have dh and yourself form a plan and stick to it. When my children started to be counted they had no idea that dh and I talked about it together so the first night dd5 got out of bed and went to dh he looked at her and put 1 finger up and said that's 1. And she scurried off to bed shocked!

 

Oh and have a routine for getting ready. This has helped my dd5 to begin to slowly prepare herself for bed. Even though she doesn't like it. Sorry I'm jumbling this all up.

 

Our routine is simple.

Get Jammies on

Brush Teeth

Make Ice Water

Clear off bed

Tuck In

Turn on Audio

 

We use to have a story time but dd5 can't cope with that well at all!! It works her up even more..so we get ALOT of story time through-out the day

[Chris in VA]

I'd have one night a week with a later time. I don't go for the suggestion to stay up really late, because I find it important to have time with my hubby.

 

Why not have a consistent time outside of the house with his dad? Can Dad take him out to lunch once in a while? How about doing something right after dinner time? How about working on a special project on the weekend? How about Mom takes the other two for an hour once a week, and Dad does scouts or martial arts or something?

 

Even tho I think it's great to have one-on-one time with a parent, I don't think it's a good idea to do something every night, because the reality is, there are 2 other kids in the family, and getting used to sharing a parent is pretty good prep for life.

[JennyD]

IMO, 8:30 is too late for a 5 y.o. My guess is that he wants to stay up later and later because at that point he is already overtired and wired. I'd put the 5 y.o. in bed at 7:30 with the 3 y.o. (unless the 3 y.o. has stopped napping, in which case I'd put the 3 y.o. in by 7:00).

 

And no, I would not vary the bedtime just so he can have special time with a parent - that's a recipe for overtiredness. Anything like 10:00, or even 9:00, once or twice per week is completely out of the question IMO. Once sleep is missed, it's gone forever.

 

That's my two cents :)

 

:iagree:

 

My 5yo actually goes down before my 3yo because the latter still naps AND tends to pester his older brother if they go in together. 6mo goes down a little before 7, then 5yo at 7:15, and 3yo at 7:45-8. I definitely understand the need to spend some one-on-one time with Dad, but I'd look for another place in the schedule to do it (maybe a weekend morning?)